21st Century Mom

What is it with men and their ridiculous sense of immortality? I was cruising an on-line dating site and found man after man after man who, at the age of 50+ happily pronounces that he's looking for a mate because he's finally ready to start a family.

I'm sure plenty of people can pipe up and say that his or her DoD is that old or that her spouse was 54 when the first kid was born and it is wonderful and I'm sure it is - for the parents. I'm sure parents that old are great for kids - as long as they are healthy and alive. But here's an irrefutable fact for you. If you are 60 when your kid is 10 then you will not likely be around for long if at all as a grandparent,. If you are 60 when your kid is born and your kid waits until he or she is 30 to procreate then you are, at the very least going to be very, very old when that grandchild is born.

I have a hard time with that. I really do. I have a really, really hard time with men in their 50s and 60s and 70s fathering children. I just do. I'm a little chagrined to say that because I know there are lots and lots of women who for one reason or another can't start a family until they are in their early 40s and I have no problem with that at all. In fact, I have no problem with a woman of 42 who has a spouse of 52 starting a family. What I have a problem with is a guy who just screws around being totally selfish until he is in his mid-fifties finally deciding he wants to get married and have a family. I would venture to say that 9.5 times out of 10 he is not looking for a woman who is at the cusp of her childbearing years - he is looking for a woman in her 20s or 30s. Or there is the other model that just frosts my chaps - they guy who has a mid-life crises, dumps his life long faithful wife who stood by his side and raised his children, and then marries some young hottie and starts a second family. I say that even though I have a friend in that category. I still think it is just plain wrong.

Of course there is that element of 'if all of the men my age are looking for young women to procreate with where does that leave me' only that isn't it because men who think like that are not my type (good thing, eh?!)

Anyhow, what do you think?

Posted by 21st Century Mom at 08:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

It's just that everyone else is writing such interesting things and then they get 420 comments and I have to read them all and then I get ass fatigue and need to get a way from the computer.

I have several posts in draft form. One of these days I'll post them - promise.

Posted by 21st Century Mom at 09:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

There are certain things I neglected to do while my kids were growing up that I now wish I had done. I don't necessarily regret not having done them because by and large I think regret is a really useless activity. It is not the same as learning from your mistakes - it is the act of taking your mistakes, twisting them into a knoted rope and using them to flagellate yourself until you bleed and feel sick to your stomach. It doesn't change a thing - it just makes you feel like crap.

Getting back to the point - I was thinking about how when my kids were little I never made a big deal of having them pick out birthday or Christmas presents for each other. I never engaged in the time honored practice of handing one off to somebody else while I took the other 2 shopping to buy something for the soon to be celebrated sibling. Now that I think of it, that might be because I was a single Mom but none the less - I don't think I did it. In fact, I'm not sure it even occured to me to do that.

My son's birthday is coming up in a week and I was feeling like I needed to make sure his sisters were aware of that and were planning to do something to honor him like get him a present. I really didn't know for sure if my kids think about each other's birthday and get a little excited about coming up with a great gift and I want that - I want that oh so badly because I don't recall ever feeling that way about my siblings. The thing is, I come from a family that didn't even bother putting the 'fun' back in dysfunctional. The 'dys' maybe, and maybe with a capital "D", but not the fun - never the fun. We barely remember to call each other or send an email for our birthdays . We have spent exactly 1 Christmas all togther in the last 28 years. I think it is just so pathetic and I don't want my kids to grow up and just forget about each other that way.

I am always wishing I were the mother of the Huggy Bear family. I like to imagine my kids thinking about each other's birthdays and grinning like half wits, filled to bursting with blind adoration for each other. And just when I was feeling really glum about my own upbringing and thinking I had passed that particularly self centered and unfriendly tradition on, both of my girls asked me what I thought their brother might like for his birthday. My older daughter is planning her visit home to coincide with the big date.

Oh happy day! Sometimes this parenting thing works itself out in spite of it all. They may not be the Huggy Bear siblings but they do love each other and for that I am thankful. I'm not sure what I did but I'm willing to guess I did something right.

Posted by 21st Century Mom at 09:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

My daughter is on her high school's improv team. The way improv works in the high schools around here is that there is a league and the teams on the league have games where one school competes against the other - sort of like a sport. There are known games with known rules. For example, there is a game called 'Buy Me A Coke' where the improv team has to build a scene and sometime during that scene one of the players must order a Coke. The way they pick a scene is to ask the audience for a place and for some roles. Only student members of the audience participate in yelling out possible scenes and roles (the adults understand that they are only there to clap and cheer for their school's team). So, for example, the MC will ask the audience to 'give me a place and make it non-geographical'. A good response might be 'DisneyWorld'. Then the MC asks for a role.

On Friday night every single time the MC asked for a role several members of the audience would yell "Lesbian! Lesbian!". I know my daughter really enjoys doing a good lesbian themed scene with her friends although I don't know why since she is definitely straight. Perhaps it is just another way of being edgy. Anyhow, When I went to high school in the 70s no one would have yelled 'Lesbian'! Lesbians were not seen, not heard, not considered. If they had a name that name was 'butch dyke' and it was not entertaining. Lesbian is okay now - lesbian is hot. Lesbian is Melissa Ethridge, Ellen DeGeneres, Cynthia Nixon.

On the other hand I have never heard a kid yell "Gay guy!" when asked for a role at an improv game. Adolescent boys are still largely homophobic and my guess is that they will stay that way until a really great football player comes out of the closet. Not sure what that would mean for the age old butt patting routine so popular on the gridiron but it might make being gay go from 'not' to 'hot'. Time will tell.

Posted by 21st Century Mom at 01:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)