These are cruel times for vaginas. Lately, as if I don't have enough to worry about, with the deadline on various unkept 2005 resolutions fast upon me, I have begun obsessing about various aspects of my genital appearance.

She goes on to expose and lampoon (poon- get it?) all the various cooter taming procedures that are becoming so popular - Brazilian wax (oh no - there's hair down there! remove! remove!), labial sculpting, vaginal tightening and the truly incomprehensible hymen reattachment (because that brand of searing pain just once is not enough - we need more!).

Okay, I confess that I do shave my bikini line and I might even do a little trimming but come at my yoni with a bowl of hot wax and I'll gouge your eyes out.

All I can say is the very day that someone decides saggy, hairy testicles are a problem in need of hot wax and a knife is the day esthetology will be outlawed across the board. Fight back ladies - set your cooters free!