First of all I need a hall pass for inconsistency. I missed Monday, Monday AND Hump Day Miscellany. I blame the election! Or maybe just a lack of inspiration.
Here's another hall pass question. If you only had 1 hall pass to hand out and you had the following 2 cases who would get it?
1). A man who cheats on his wife and then repents and works it out so that he can honor his wedding vows ever thereafter and keep his family whole.
2). A man who dumps his wife of 14 years who has waited for 6 years for him to come home, all the while raising their children, who then dumps aforementioned wife for a rich trophy wife.
I'm particularly interested in you fidelity purists. Does being a POW and the passage of time really get you off the hook? If so, how do you maintain your stance that any act of infidelity robs a man of all integrity and credibility? And if your position is "they just stayed married for the political advantage" be very careful - how much do you enjoy having people tell you why you do anything when they don't live inside your head and your heart? How often is anyone correct when they say "you just did that because...." as they tear into you?
I occasionally have the pleasure of providing a book review for Mother Talk and the release of Mama, PhD edited by Elrena Evans and Caroline Grant has been one such occasion. Most of the books on the Mother Talk tour are about parenting little kids and alas, with no more little kids in my life I never volunteer to review those. What I do have are 2 grown daughters, both of whom have aspirations to attend graduate school and to become mothers and so it was from that perspective that I read and processed this book.
The book is a collection of essays written by academic women who had children either while in graduate school or while in tenure track jobs after graduate school. The first couple of essays alarmed and dismayed me. The authors paint a picture of an academic landscape hostile to anything but deep devotion to the academy with a particular emphasis on discounting pregnant women as having any value at all. In fact, it seems that once sperm has found egg in the womb of woman with a PhD she is considered a risk and utterly incapable of meeting her academic obligations.
I groaned while reading these essays, flashing back to my own experience as a PhD candidate in Anatomy & Physiology at UC Berkeley in the late 70s (you didn't know that about me, did you??). Reflecting back to that time I had no trouble connecting with the despair these young mothers felt as they found themselves denied teaching positions and financial aid. They all desperately needed the money and the health coverage and were more than prepared to hold up their end of the bargain to keep both but as students and teachers they lost all credibility with pregnancy. The Institutional attitude was one of "sorry, dearie - but we don't want your kind around". I left the institution long before I became a mother and without a degree but the thought of either of my girls having to fight such battles in pursuit of their dreams made me want to cry.
I was so disheartened I had to skip to essays later in the book hoping for some relief from the grim picture painted at the beginning. Sweet release came when I read an essay titled "One Mamá's Dispensable Myths", by Angelica Duran, a single, Hispanic mother and the first in her family to attend college, who found support and strength in raising her children while working on a PhD in English at Stanford. She writes of being able to write when she had time to write, be fully dedicated to her children when she could and of finding ways to meld her worlds such that each became richer and deeper for the effort. She writes of honoring her cultural heritage in spite of living a life none of her fore bearers even dreamed of. Ultimately she tells her kids, "we earned this PhD" and "we got this job" because her children, through her parenting skills, learned to do their part of the work to get there (go to bed on time without complaint) and because they were her best cheerleaders. Reading about this woman's attitude and approach to life is worth the cost of the book, alone.
After that I sort of skipped around in the book both reveling in and mourning the experiences of the almost 40 well educated, articulate, very intelligent women who contributed essays. To a woman they do what we all do - they prioritize their lives, splitting their time between work, family and self and finding the best possible ways to leverage the places where they intersect. In "Coming to Terms at Full Term" Natalie Kertes Weaver writes:
"The key, I believe, is establishing the primacy of one's priorities, organizing life around what one cannot live without, and granting oneself the time to attend to life's goals accordingly. In the time that remains, do everything else you have to do or learn to let it go."
That struck me as a particularly apt message for those of us in the athletic community. We want it all - family, work, friends and time to train and figuring out how to do that is one of life's greatest tricks. The essays in Mama, PhD. are specific to being a mother in academia and address issues of sexism, negative perception and the tyranny of history but the solutions for how to "have it all" can be universally applied.
As a mother I want my daughters to "have it all" whatever that means to them. I want them to be able to define "it all" and to live a life that supports them in their efforts. I want their partners and their children, my future grandchildren, to "have it all" - a stable family, love, education, intellectual and cultural stimulation and financial stability. This book has, for me, been an antidote to the constant media messages telling us that trying to "have it all" is wrong, and selfish and impossible. Many of these women faced down the stereotypes, the negative attitudes, the professional denial and powered on, confident in their choices and their abilities.
I'll be sending this book to my oldest daughter soon with instructions to send it to her little sister when she's done. I hope they draw the same message from the book as did I. The world really can be your oyster as long as you can manage your time and your detractors and focus on your goals.
1). I really wish Phelps and Cavic had tied. Phelps would have gotten his 8 gold medals and Cavic would have gotten one, too.
2). I really wish Torres and Stefan had tied. See above. As it is we got to see yet another stellar example of great sportsmanship from Dara. At 41 she was happy to be barely touched out by a 24 year old and to beat a 16 year old.
[enter Mr. Subliminal]
3). To anyone who thinks that Torres was doping Donald you have to remember that she specifically limited herself to a single, short distance sprint. All she had to do was be able to pull out the stops for a short distance ,Donald which seems quite doable if you focus and train. I say she's clean ,Donald .
[exit Mr. Subliminal]
4). I was working at a sprint distance triathlon last weekend and was heartened by how many Dads I saw managing small children while the race was going on. 3 Cheers for 21st Century Dads who support their wives in their athletic endeavors!
5). To any woman who likes to say "I'm not a feminist but.." please reference above note. Were it not for the alleged bra burners of my day (there was no bra burning, by the way) the very idea that a woman should be given relief time by her husband to train for and compete in an athletic event would be laughed out of town. Word.
6). What's up with men's volley ball and the baggy shorts and shirts? We get women with perfect bodies in bikinis and men with perfect bodies in baggy clothes? I protest! I also spend a lot more time watching the women than the men because, die hard hetero that I am, I enjoy the visual. I'm ashamed to say that I had negative thoughts about the Belgium team. I applaud thier athleticism and I would never use the 3 letter "F" word but I had feelings about them that were not 100% positive and that was not due to patriotism. I hang my head in shame.
7). The hairy ladies with the unladylike anatomical parts referred to in my last post are men. The have adopted the ladies ride because we're more fun than men - duh! Judging from the way they ride in the back there may be another reason - I don't know. My race club is called Forward Motion, often referred to as FoMo and the Sunday ride is the FoMo Foxes ride. The men are referred to as dingoes. Any man who can handle that gets to ride with us. We love our Dingoes.
If you've been watching Olympic track and field you've seen the victory laps. The flag held streaming behind like a Superhero cape, the big smile, the glow of victory.
I had a victory of my own this past week. This was a cycling victory, not running victory since I seem to have become slightly allergic to running again but that in no way diminishes my triumph.
On Thursday I decided to ride alone. The Good Doctor is gallivanting in Hawaii and I didn't want to ride later in the day in the heat so off I went. I covered the same route the doctor and I take almost every Tuesday and Thursday only there was a difference. I decided to push the pace since I had no one to chat with. You may or may not recall that I had the ambition of riding Vineman at 16 mph avg. and I failed to do that, only managing 15.5. Thursday when I got home and consulted my Garmin I was ecstatic to see that the result was .,,,, drum roll please - 16.4 mph avg. Yeah Baby! Color me happy.
On Sunday I went on the usual Ladies ride (that included 2 hairy ladies with very unladylike anatomical parts) and we went up Mt. Diablo. I had fantasized declaring victory over the dreaded driveway (a.k.a the cherry on top) but alas, my legs were trashed from my tempo ride of Friday and I baled and walked the bike to the top. Be that as it may, I did ride this:
not bad.
There are other Big Girl things I can do on my bike now:
1). clip out on only 1 side at stops
2). bring the other pedal up so that when I start I can push down on one crank while clipping into the other instead of pushing my bike one legged to gain momentum.
3). Use my clip on aero bars and not fall over. In fact, I get aero and relaxed and push it - just like a real cyclist.
4). Take bottles out of either cage without falling over.
I may be slow in gaining skills but we all know that slow and steady wins the race. Speaking of which I just registered for 2 today. Folsom International and my "A" race - the Tri for Real. Since it's all about bike I can hardly wait to PR.
It's Hump Day Miscellany time and of course I have my own Olympic tidbits to share. I've mostly focused on the swimming for obvious reasons.
1). If you are having stroke issues try watching this all underwater version of the spectacular Mens 4 x 100M come from behind relay. Watch how these guys grab water and pull themselves through the pool while rotating their bodies. Beautiful
2). That particular relay was especially exciting for me as my son was the Jason Lezak of his relay team at the All City Meet the summer after his junior year in high school. This meet is second only to the end of summer conference and features about 20 swim teams. He swam anchor and when he went off the block he was close to a body length behind the leader. He had only 50 yards to work with. After his streamline following the 25 yard flip turn he was at the guy's ankles. After that he pulled himself forward, centimeter by centimeter to take the lead in the last 10 feet. Everyone at the meet was on their feet screaming and the boys set a new meet records with that race. It was a glorious day in my son's life and an incredibly proud Mama moment. I have some idea of how Debbie Phelps must feel.
3). There's a guy on the Olympic team named Ben WildmanTobriner. My son raced him for 2 years at the high school regional championships. Although Travis couldn't beat him in an individual event, his relay team took first at least one of those years, possibly both.
4). Am I the only one who gets a little sad every time they play the VISA ads with Morgan Freeman's voice in the background? The poor man fell asleep at the wheel recently and had a bad car accident. He's going to be okay but I'm sure it was terrifying.
6). Most idiotic commentary goes to the guy who when describing an incident in which Kerry Walsh lost her wedding ring in the sand prompting an all out hunt with metal detectors and an army of volunteers remarked, "I'm not sure what's so special about this ring". Hmmm... maybe it's because it's her wedding ring that her beloved husband gave her and that is inscribed with a special saying. That might make it special, don't you think?
7). I am 100% hetero but I have to admit to loving watching the women's volleyball. Oh those incredible bodies in those teeny little suits! What's not to love? Oh- and the winning. We LOVE the winning!
So to wrap up HDM on a positive note I give you this:
I had a very fine weekend in which I had a great run on Saturday (6 miles at 9:43/mile avg) and a lovely ride with my FMRC friends up Mt. Diablo. I did well. I'd like to thank my mojo for finding its way home to my legs. I missed you.
I did another thing Saturday, too. I worked an aid station at the Headlands 100 race so that I could cheer Donald on a bit and because being outside in the Marin Headlands beat the hell out of working around the house.
First I visited my friend Cynthia of No Regrets so that I could see her fabulous new house up in the hills of Marin. People, you don't know twisty, turny, tight roads until you go up there but I made it and I must say the place is really, really lovely. Cynthia is much relieved to have escaped the hinterboonies as she came to know her last place of residence. Most people call it 'The Gold Country' but the gold is long gone, replaced by a poor economy and people who are just not Cynthia's type.
I got to my aid station an hour late (poor form!) but not before Donald came through the first time at mile 46. When he did get there he looked better than me as is his habit
I worked that aid station long enough to see everything from the guy leading the 100 miler in record time to the people just barely making the cutoff for the 50 mile race. I hate to say it but a 50 mile race may be on my schedule some day. Certainly a 50K. Not possibly this course, though, which was really, really tough. I can't wait to see Donald's race report.
I saw him again, 14 miles further into the run and he still looked better than me. It's uncanny.
I sort of wished I'd stayed some more to see him at 80 miles but it was windy and freezing cold and getting dark so I headed home.
Today I had the pleasure of hosting Coach Tammy for lunch as she makes her way to her new life in Austin. It was so great to finally meet the woman who wrote Science Geek Tuesdays and a lot of other really great stuff. She is just as much fun in person as she is on the interwebs. Here is proof that she was here:
Notice the 21stCentury Motherly hug I gave her. Lunch was all too short but she had miles and miles to go and needed to keep moving.
I had another experience out at the aid station that I'll write about another time but it has to do with really knowing what you want and being comfortable doing it. I was very impressed with one of the runners who made a decision that no one could talk her out of and that she was totally at peace with. We should all be so centered.
For now I'll just say this - friends are great be they real time friends I've known for years and years (Cynthia), new real time friends (my riding partners from FMRC) or creepy internet friends (Donald, Tammy, et al). I'm really glad I have so many.
Mother Nature can be such a beeyotch and a prankster.
Again - HUGE congratulations to Pirate, Baboo, Jen, Andy and to Misty who gutted out that run just because she could and she wanted to get her money's worth out of the race and burn off a little ramen.
Boy was it hot out there. I am feeling so incredibly lucky that we had such perfect weather for the 70.3 because this Full Vineman/Barb's Race was a bear - a bear with hot, stinky breath. Okay, not stinky - it's still very pretty up there and the air smells often of Eucalyptus but it was hot - hot, hot, hot!
Congratulations to DPR, Baboo and Andy from Arizona Tri Club, and Jen from (Swimming, Biking and Running) Stories who went a stellar 6:12 in Barb's Race, her first Half IM. Condolences to Geek Girl who had a blown out tubular that could not be fixed. To her credit she ran the 1/2 marathon, anyhow and did fine so congratulations on that.
I had 3 jobs at this race. I directed people to turn left at one of the many turns on the bike, I was DPR's Own Personal Sherpa™ and I cheered for people as best I could. I had a great day and a great time. I hung out with DPR's Moms and her adorable babies who I ♥ so much, I got in a little riding since I took my bike and spent some time on the run course and I gave back to the Vineman since the Vineman gave so much to me.
The Vineman tooketh away some on this incredibly hot August 2nd. I feel bad for saying the course was so easy and that Chalk Hill was just nothing because it turns out that in 98 degree heat with a headwind at the end of a 2nd loop of an Iron distance race it is something - something awful. A guy from my race club blew up on the bike and quit on the run. The chopped up roads were not such a big issue for me but they took Misty out of the race completely. And there was the heat.
To those who finished the Vineman gaveth a tremendous amount of pride. The mental game on the Full Vineman is not trivial. The run has 3 loops and all of them make you pass the finish line - ouch. I did say there were some hills and so there are but I only had to run them once - not 3 times. Totally different experience. So between the difficult bike and the hot, hard run this was a very tough race and my hat is off to everyone who made it and to those who didn't but who gutted it out as long as they possibly could. Well done!
I have pictures - lots of pictures. I will post them soon.
I'm 53 and among my many accomplishments I have raised 3 lovely young adults who like me and think I'm pretty hip. This blog chronicals my efforts to spend the second half of my life getting better instead of just getting older. Like Sister Madonna Buder, I am using triathlon as one of means to that end.
