January 2007 Archives

They should call an exfoliating bath sponge exactly what it is...skin damager. A new one of these is like washing sensitive parts of your body with sandpaper. I do enjoy the rosy glow, though.

Oh, I ran three miles today. Woo hoo.

NOTE: This post originally ran in Dec 2005 on my old Blogger site. Seeing as I have been doing the majority of my training runs on the treadmill these days, I thought it would be nice to bring it back. Enjoy!

For those of you familiar with logic, you will know that proving a negative is considered to be impossible. This very issue has been debated by scientists, philosophers, mathematicians, and alcoholics for centuries. But, the Fat Runner has never been one to shy away from a challenge. I have taken it upon myself to do just that in the form of proving negative running enjoyment.

It's cold in the Bay this time of year. Damn cold. Really cold. Groin-grabbingly cold. For that reason, outdoor runs are generally prohibitive if you want to remain alive. So, that means that most every run needs to take place indoors on the dreadmill or enclosed track. There are both of those things at the YMCA where I work out. This morning, I accomplished my normal Tuesday fat run of five miles by doing two miles on the 'mill, one mile on the track, and the remaining two miles back on the 'mill. This was a nice way to break up the workout (and I was treated to a partial episode of "The Nanny" during the last two miles), but it still wasn't the best of all worlds. While running, I decided that it was time to quantify running enjoyment (E) depending on external variables. In the process of mulling this over in my superior mind, I came up with a way to prove a negative, i.e. -E! The very foundations of our society are about to crumble and I will no doubt receive a Nobel Prize.

Let's begin by assigning a value to E for a perfect run. This will be the control. The higher the value, the more enjoyable the run will be. It's useful to assign a value to E for each mile run, then finding the average of all the mileage values. We are also assuming (for the purposes of this control) that the air temperature is a balmy 70 degrees and there is little to no wind. If wind remains constant (as in a perfect day), we can assign that a value of 0 to cancel it out. If wind is a factor, it would be included in the calculation. So, where are we then? We arrive at the following formula:

n
∑ (j(air temp - wind speed))(v)
j=1
----------------------------------------
n

Knowing that velocity is speed over distance, for this control value, we can set Velocity (v) to a leisurely 5.5 mph for each mile run. n = number of miles run. For the control, we can set this to a normal training run of 5 miles. Plugging in our control values, we arrive at the following:

5
∑ (j(70 - 0))(5.5)
j=1
-----------------------------------
5

Solving for the indexed value of j, we can arrive at:

385 + 770 + 1155 + 1540 + 1925
--------------------------------------
5

This breaks down to an average enjoyment factor of 1155. That's a pretty high value, wouldn't you think? I mean, seriously, anything over a thousand has got to be good because 1000 is a lot. Here we are dealing with a perfect run rated at 1155. Remember that value. It's going to be important later.

Now that we have quantified a perfect run, lets take a look at defining negative enjoyment, or in other words, an indoor winter run. In this case, we can also assume a few things. One is the assumption that the great majority of runners will automatically view a run indoors on a treadmill as distasteful. Because of this, we will not use the sigma notation for this formula. We will rather use the factorial notation to demonstrate that the lack of enjoyment is exponentially greater that the enjoyment of an outdoor run. We also have to take into account those things that are unique to the gym experience. The basic formula breaks down as follows:

E = n! ((number of people in the gym + dreadmill wait time))(air temp)

For the purposes of this demonstration, air temperature is zeroed at freezing (32 degrees), meaning that the last expression will always be negative (if it was above freezing, we would run outside). The number of people in the gym is a function of the number of treadmills versus how many are in use. If there are more 'mills than people, the wait time will be set to zero. If there are more people than 'mills, the wait time will be set as appropriate. Let's plug in the values according to my experience this morning. A normal Tuesday 5 miler. Bear in mind that the temperature this morning was 9 degrees when I left to go to the gym:

E = 5! ((15 + 0)(-23))

We can go through the following to solve for E:

E = 120((15)(-23))
E = 120(-345)
E = -41400

MY GOD! We have just proven that running inside with the above conditions will lead to negative enjoyment! Not just negative enjoyment, but a ridiculously low level of enjoyment! I can see the accolades that are going to be coming to my doorstep! I have succeeded where everyone in the entire pantheon of human history has failed. It's astounding.

Now all of you will understand that when a runner is forced to run inside, the amount of enjoyment to be derived from that run is like having your fingernails torn out. I am a genius. At any rate, there will be more on my ever-so-creative theories soon.

Regular readers know that this is not just a journal about running and fitness, but also about one man's journey through the wonders of Northeast Wisconsin. I am taking quite a large step in that journey this evening. More on this in the next few days.

Training for 3 for 30 (henceforth to be known as 3/30) has begun. For those of you who don't know, I am almost one month into my 30th year. To celebrate the magnificent feat of not dying for three decades, I am going to run three marathons in this, my 30th year. 3 for 30 or 3/30. Get it?

I am not going to bore you with details of each of my training runs thus far, but I will give you and overview of my training in general. I will be following Hal Higdon's Intermediate I plan which can be found here. The program officially began on December 25th, so anyone keeping score can surmise that I completed the workout prescribed for Wednesday of Week 2 this morning on the treadmill. Everything was fine. Felt good. Finished strong. All that crap.

The first step required in marathon training if you actually want to succeed is to man-up and register for the races. I have officially registered for two of the three races: Cellcom Green Bay on May 21st and Lasalle Bank Chicago on October 7th. The third race (and alos the first th be run) is the Pine Line Trail in Medford, WI. I will register for this one as soon as online registration is availible.

So, that's it. I am embarking on almost a full year of marathon training. Add that to two infants at home and starting graduate school in the fall and the Fat Runner has quite a full plate in 2007.