September 2007 Archives

According to the vast repository of completely trustworthy and accurate information that is Wikipedia, a singlet is defined as: "a singlet usually refers to a one-dimensional representation (e.g. a particle with vanishing spin). It may also refer to two or more particles prepared in a correlated state, such that the total angular momentum of the state is zero." They fail to mention that the singlet is one of the ass-ugliest pieces of sports attire ever conceived by man.

The term "singlet" in non-physics-speak refers to a unitardesque piece of spandex that attempts to keep the wearer's nether regions from falling off by strapping them to their shoulders. I've called it a crotch-bra in the past as it seems to be serving the same purpose. However, the word has also been appropriated by the running community to describe the thin tank-top that some men wear while running. I have learned that the word "singlet" has come to be used for this article of clothing because in British and Australian parlance, "singlet" refers to any loose fitting tank-top.

Here's my big problem....much like women and low-rise jeans, singlets are something that not everyone can pull off. For those of us that hover between "portly" and "Rubenesque," the last thing the other people gathered at the starting line need to see are our moobs drifting out of the side of this flimsy excuse for a shirt. Even for people that DON'T have some form of weight-induced gynaecomastia, the material is so thin that you generally get a nice view of some dude's Vaseline-smeared nips on a cold morning. Not the best mind frame in which to start a race.

There is probably one half of one percent of the population that should be wearing singlets...those people are generally the ones winning races, not those of us choking down a Krispy Kreme at mile 13 while wishing for a leg break so we can have an excuse to stop the insanity. If you are running in LBCM (or any fall marathon (or, for that matter, a race of any distance (or leaving the house for any reason whatsoever))) remember that the singlet is not a viable clothing option and that no matter what you might think, by wearing a singlet you are part of the problem!

(For those of you who have commented that I haven't been updating the blog recently...I have been working a lot and I just started graduate school and have been in the high-mileage weeks of training. Step off. Keep reading, though!)

Here's a fun fact...I have started smoking again. To be quite honest, I started smoking again back in June when I went to Virginia to visit a fried of mine. We all smoke. We love smoking. It's a wonderful thing. Because of the smoking I stink, WoFR won't touch me because I stink, CoFR can smell me coming a mile away and don't want to be around me...but I can run like a mother-effing stallion. Go figure. Life's all about trade-offs.

My average times for training runs have been steadily declining though I haven't been trying to decrease my times or increase my level of effort. My weight has gone down. My teeth have a healthy yellow-ish glow. All in all, smoking is the best thing I could have done for my running. Had I started back in January, I might have BQ'd at Pine Line. Who knows? Either way, I think I have proven that years of painstaking research on the part of the medical community in regards to the effects of smoking are complete horse shit. Suck it, New England Journal of Quackery!

Does this mean that I am not still painfully slow and ridiculously fat. No. The name of this blog is a description of it's author; forever shall it be as such. Should the author change in any appreciable way so too will the name of the blog. The way things are going the next name will be something along the lines of "The Odoriferous Celibate Runner Who Continually Pesters His Wife for Sex But Gets Turned Down Because He Thinks Cigarettes Are More Important Than His Twin Babies. You Do, Don't You, You Selfish Prick!?!" Ummm...did I just say that or think that?

At any rate, taper has begun in earnest for Chicago. All I can say is the following: to all of those who will be joining be in the "Open" corral on October 7th I'll be the guy with a Marlboro Ultra Light, a can of Red Bull, and a dream.