The Fat Runner

According to the vast repository of completely trustworthy and accurate information that is Wikipedia, a singlet is defined as: "a singlet usually refers to a one-dimensional representation (e.g. a particle with vanishing spin). It may also refer to two or more particles prepared in a correlated state, such that the total angular momentum of the state is zero." They fail to mention that the singlet is one of the ass-ugliest pieces of sports attire ever conceived by man.

The term "singlet" in non-physics-speak refers to a unitardesque piece of spandex that attempts to keep the wearer's nether regions from falling off by strapping them to their shoulders. I've called it a crotch-bra in the past as it seems to be serving the same purpose. However, the word has also been appropriated by the running community to describe the thin tank-top that some men wear while running. I have learned that the word "singlet" has come to be used for this article of clothing because in British and Australian parlance, "singlet" refers to any loose fitting tank-top.

Here's my big problem....much like women and low-rise jeans, singlets are something that not everyone can pull off. For those of us that hover between "portly" and "Rubenesque," the last thing the other people gathered at the starting line need to see are our moobs drifting out of the side of this flimsy excuse for a shirt. Even for people that DON'T have some form of weight-induced gynaecomastia, the material is so thin that you generally get a nice view of some dude's Vaseline-smeared nips on a cold morning. Not the best mind frame in which to start a race.

There is probably one half of one percent of the population that should be wearing singlets...those people are generally the ones winning races, not those of us choking down a Krispy Kreme at mile 13 while wishing for a leg break so we can have an excuse to stop the insanity. If you are running in LBCM (or any fall marathon (or, for that matter, a race of any distance (or leaving the house for any reason whatsoever))) remember that the singlet is not a viable clothing option and that no matter what you might think, by wearing a singlet you are part of the problem!