Recently in Fat Runner Life and Times Category

Another post in a while. Just a quickie to let people know I'm still alive and running.

It's been quite some time since I last imparted my nuggets of wisdom upon the populace. I do apologize for that. I would go with the standard excuses of children, work, spouse, etc...but in reality I am just lazy. I am currently posting this from Richmond, VA as I am on vacation. Having missed several training runs over the past week or so (including an 18 miler), I am feeling woefully unprepared for Chicago.

I have taken to telling people that I will be competing in one of the World Marathon Majors in October. This sounds a lot better than "I will be dragging my fat ass across the finish line in 5 + hours while the winner is already on his flight back to Kenya."

We had a very bad storm here in the Bay on Sunday night complete with lighting and heavy winds. One crash of thunder woke me up. I didn't mind this so much since I had to pee anyway. The window from our bathroom looks down on the deck and as I looked thourgh said window I noticed our patio furniture umbrella had blown away.

Now, being lazy I thought that I would find it in the morning and went back to bed. But, hearing the wind howl and the thunder roll, I was accosted by visions of a large canvas umbrella with an aluminum pole flying through my neighbor's picture window followed by visions of me writing checks to pay for the broken window with money I don't have.

So, WoFR and I sauntered downstairs and outside, both in our respective underclothes, and scoured the back yard at 2:30 in the morning with a flashlight looking for the umbrella. We found the umbrella in an unrepairable state among some trees. Good thing it was relatively warm outside.

For the duration of one whole day, listen for the following situations in your normal conversations:

• Misuse of the word "actually." This word is generally used to clarify a misconception or to correct a misstatement. For example, if someone were to come up to me and say that they heard I went to college in Ohio, I would reply with, "Actually, I went to college in Virginia." That's fine. What people are doing these days is answering straight-forward questions with a totally inappropriate use of "actually" and it drives me up the freakin' wall. You are bound to hear a Q-and-A similar to the following at least twice in one day:

  "Katie, what is your middle name?"
  "Actually, it's Samantha."

  See what I am saying? It's asinine. If person A had said, "Katie, is your middle name Pamela?" THEN it would make sense to reply as person B did. As it stands, person B is a moron.



• Overuse of the word "basically." Keep an ear open for the number of times you hear a sentence start with this word. I hear it so many times a day I'm beginning to think people are just insulting my intelligence. Seriously, if everything is so basic, I shouldn't need it explained to me. For a number of people, if the sentence doesn't start with "basicially," it sure as hell will contain it.

Major Annoyances - Part II is coming sometime.

They should call an exfoliating bath sponge exactly what it is...skin damager. A new one of these is like washing sensitive parts of your body with sandpaper. I do enjoy the rosy glow, though.

Oh, I ran three miles today. Woo hoo.

Yesterday I began my 30th year on the planet Earth. I am closer to 40 than I am to 18 and more than halfway to 50. I have been able to legally drink for 9 years. I have been able to buy porn and cigarettes and cast votes for 12 years. I have been licensed to drive an automobile for 14 years. My senior year in high school saw freshmen born in the eighties. I have a wife, two kids, and a three-bedroom house with a yard and a dartboard in the basement. I have concerns about and subsequently deal with home equity, credit card debt, lawn care, college funds, finding sensible business casual clothing, graduate school, keeping the kitchen clean, my golf game, and proper automotive maintenance. I am in the process of setting up retirement savings accounts. I don't want to leave my job anytime soon because they offer good medical and a pension plan. I wear the same pair of comfortable shoes almost every day. I am in bed and asleep by nine most nights (including weekends).

It might be cliched, but it seems that you really do wake up one day and you are your father. That's not a bad thing...I wouldn't trade any of the things I have now for anything I had then (well, maybe the credit card debt). Adulthood doesn't just happen. It's incremental. I still don't feel like an adult. But, whether I like it or not, it's here and it's not going anywhere. So, here is a brief synopsis of the first 30 years of the Fat Runner (with special emphasis on anything running related...

Where has the time gone? Seems like just yesterday that I was telling the masses about my impending weekend of smoking, drinking, eating, and general sloth. That weekend has come and gone along with Thanksgiving 2006 and the Noodleini 15K on November 26th. I almost don't know where to begin.

In a stricty chronological sense, Jammie Weekend 06 occured first. Oddly enough, this weekend did not include anyone hanging around in thier jammies (about which I am severely dissapointed), but did include the debauchery expected when a group of co-dependent morons break away from spouses and all notions of personal hygiene and overall concern for bodily health. I won't spend a great deal of time on this subject...suffice to say that I was drunk some of the time, smoking all of the time, eating the majority of the time, and running none of the time. A major highlight of the weekend (aside from taking Father of Fat Runner out for dinner on his birthday) was seeing old friends and collegues at the home of my former boss. So, I would be remiss if I didn't mention that I miss all of them and I hope it's not another year before I am able to be with them again.

Thanksgiving came and went. Father of Fat Runner and Father and Stepmother of Wife of Fat Runner (did you follow all that?) came to the Bay to celebrate the day. There is a whole new dynamic to family gatherings these days. Brother of Fat Runner has three children of his own (4, 2, and 1), and both Children of Fat Runner just passed the the three month mark. Gatherings are now centered around all of the kids that fill our lives. The whole crew filtered over to Brother of Fat Runner's house where he and his lovely wife put on quite a spread. Male Child of Fat Runner decided (rather vocally) that he didn't want to quietly reflect on all of those things for which he is thankful. Wife of Fat Runner was up every few minutes to calm the beast. Female Child of Fat Runner, however, was content to relax and periodically look up to check the score of the various sporting events that were taking place on that day. It was a good time and everyone enjoyed being with one another.