just say no ...

So in response to ...

Will you teach me how to say no to the person I need to say no to? Or teach me to distance myself because no matter how far or how fast I run, I'm like a rubberband...

I really wish I could bottle it and put a cap on it, then sell it to all those in need of uttering that little word.

Truth be told, it was one of the hardest things I have had to do. It is still early days, so I am aware that my want for everything and everyone to be happy could piss all over that NO and turn it into a big YES with extra cream, sprinkles and chocolate sauce.

It is something I should of said ages ago, but didn't. For many reasons, I really like the person, they have many good qualities, but unfortunately they also have some not so good qualities. I have tried numerous times in the past to distance myself, not get involved. But they have a secret weapon, charm and helplessness. Seriously I am a women, how can I fight off powers such as these!

The turning point came a few weeks ago, when they asked me to do something I wasn't okay with. I did. With a L firmly implanted on my forehead I knew it was a mistake, but hoped desperately they would prove me wrong. They didn't. The worse part wasn't what I had done, or what they didn't do. It was they showed no remorse for it. That hurt.

These type of relationships are self fueling. I know it's going to go wrong, so when it does I'm right. Everyone like to be right. Then when, by some miracle, it doesn't go wrong, I'm rewarded again. I'm right or things are good, seems positive. Yet, you never really get anything good out of it.

Now just because there was a turning point doesn't mean I was able to say NO. It took another 5 situations to push me to the breaking point. Finally, I did it. It was over something small that both of us would normally take for granted, but I said it. So far it has worked. I haven't needed to use it again. They haven't asked for anything since. Which of course makes me feel guilty. That guilt makes me want overcompensate with niceness. That f&@$ing niceness is what got me in this situation in the first place.

As for right now I'm sticking to my NO, I know the guilt will fade. Already I feel better, I only have my problems to worry about.