I love going out for breakfast. It is probably, no, almost definitely my favourite meal to go out for.
Yesterday morning, I met a friend for brunch. Two single girls and endless coffee makes for hours of talk about … boys and dating.
I like to think I’m single, because I choose to be and I haven’t met the ‘right’ guy. I’m not really sure that’s true.
Maybe it’s because I am picky. I believe in chemistry. I think you know within the first 10 minutes if you want to know more about someone. I’m not talking love at first sight, I don’t believe in that, but I believe in the click. I used to be worse, if I didn’t feel the click then no second date. After numerous lectures from friends and skeptics of the power of the click, I resigned to be open to date number two. Just for the record, the click has never appeared on date two, if it wasn’t there on date one.
Maybe I’m protecting myself, it’s safer to be single, you are far less likely to be let down, heartbroken, found curled up in the fetal position, playing the same soppy love song over and over and swigging gin from the bottle.
Maybe my expectations are unrealistic. I blame Julia Roberts society, you see I am stuck somewhere between independent woman having watched way too many romantic comedies who wants perfection, complete with butterflies and fireworks, and the psychotic rational of a desperate horny woman who doesn't want to die alone surrounded by cats.
I’ve been on two dates last week, both with great guys. Great, because they have many of the important qualities on my “potential suitor list”.
Ali's Potential Suitors List
Employed, this used to include acceptable careers but I’m desperate and trying to be PCSmart, but not a cardigan toting academic
Has opinions but is not an arrogant ass
Loves his mother (appropriately) but is not looking for another one
Likes to go out for a beer, but doesn’t get the shakes if it’s been a while
Mature, no longer play wrestles friends or gives wedgies
Has one recipe they can make, I don't care if it's chilli or bbq they don't have to be Jamie Oliver ... however, if they are I will love them more
Young at heart, can still have fun, be spontaneous, talks about getting a tattoo even though they probably never will
Owns something, besides a gameboy, playstation or porn
Sporty, watching from your sofa is not what I mean.
… and it goes on
Tuesday night-date-guy had everything on the list, he even worked at one time for Sportsnet. He made me laugh, which is normally an aphrodisiac, but no click, nothing nada.
Friday-night-date-guy had lots of great on the list qualities, none of which I can remember because I was obsessed with how much facial hair he had, I’m talking long, which made me wonder what was under it. Giant welts? Boils? rules to a secret religious cult he was heading?
Then there is the guy that has nothing on the list. I refuse to date because I don’t think he is the relationship type, yet they make me happy, they click.
So, is it better to hold out for what you think is ‘right’ or be happy with something know is wrong?
I swear my roommate and I have this conversation every day (mainly because she is with the latter at the moment). But Mr. Perfect-on-Paper doesn't get anywhere if there is no click! But again, maybe this mentality is why I should start picking out cat names. I am thinking of going with a famous scientist theme.
sometimes if you find the click you can mold the rest. although, i'd stick tough on the career thing. being able to support yourself is really important unless you want to be living with his parents in 5 years.
I am SERIOUSLY the last person that should be giving advice on this topic. Seriously. But, I will risk it anyway. Hold out. For dear life and everything you want, hold out. :D
Oh, Ali, I am sitting here crying my eyes out over here...why is it so wrong that we want to find a 'normal, nice guy'? I just don't get it...I am working on my blog entry for today for more explaination.
Oh, Ali, I am sitting here crying my eyes out over here...why is it so wrong that we want to find a 'normal, nice guy'? I just don't get it...I am working on my blog entry for today for more explaination.
first off you said "Maybe I’m protecting myself, it’s safer to be single, you are far less likely to be let down, heartbroken, found curled up in the fetal position, playing the same soppy love song over and over and swigging gin from the bottle."
I am 100% with you on this...
But to answer your other question So, is it better to hold out for what you think is ‘right’ or be happy with something you know is wrong?
Obviously I gravitate towards the second part of that question. Its just the way I am. Sad, but true.
I'm a mess.
Could you have fun with one, while looking for the other?
I agree, if they have a good relationship with their mother, they are usually a great guy.
I don't know... I got set up with my husband on a blind date shortly after I decided to "give up" dating. Sooo, I'm the sort of girl who would give you a gooey line like... you'll just *know* he's the one when you meet him. And that's just plain obnoxious.
But really... don't underestimate the "click." Having that click sure helps when the waters get rough.
And really, really... if you settle for something "wrong" and you're in it for the long-haul... you don't want to be wrong for the rest of your life, right? ;)
Susan,
Excellent point, especially if he has an inappropriate relationship with one of his parents!
Mary,
The problem is that when I start having fun, I confuse it with love. Then I'm in love with the wrong one and stop looking for the right one.
June
I'm a mess too!
Go with the click, see what happens.
Hello there,
Seems like we share a love of dead blogs! Came across your comment on 'Chocolate Runners Blog' You might like to check out my dedicated to 'dead blogs' page "BLOGS THAT DIED TOO YOUNG"
http://ontheblogheap.blogspot.com/
Oy, relationships. I was single for three years and before that dated a slew of totally inappropriate guys probably to avoid being single. I agree with you - having everything on paper doesn't matter if you don't click. I strongly believe in chemistry and I would also be turned off by large amounts of facial hair. Ew. So after three years of being single I went out with a guy and knew within the first 10 minutes of the date that I wanted to see him again. Guess the feeling was mutual because we had plans for date #2 before date #1 was over. So far (knock on wood) it has turned into the kind of relationship where he is my best friend but we still have that amazing chemistry. I think it is worth holding out for.
What? I thought for sure "surname McConaughey" would be on the list.... :)
ali, you're just late to the game. all the great catches, like warren and i got snatched up a long time ago.
might as well start hanging out at the local high schools and hope to catch one before they end up with all sorts of bad habits. teehee!
seriously, though, breakfast? that was smsmh's and my first date. breakfast is the BEST date meal.
I swear - you are my sister from another mister. I feel the exact same way - and I agree. You've got to have the "click". And I also can't date just for fun - I also confuse love with having fun, even if I tell myself that I'm not seriously dating the person.
I just have a feeling that I'll know when I've met the right one. I don't want to "settle" and spend the rest of my life with someone mediocore.
I say hold out for the guy that both "clicks" AND has the qualities on your list. The hubby and I were friends for a long time and he always had the list part down, then one day we realized we "clicked" as well. Its the best of both worlds.
You really don't want to settle for just one or the other, no matter how long it takes!
I say hold out for the guy that both "clicks" AND has the qualities on your list. The hubby and I were friends for a long time and he always had the list part down, then one day we realized we "clicked" as well. Its the best of both worlds.
You really don't want to settle for just one or the other, no matter how long it takes!
I say hold out for the guy that both "clicks" AND has the qualities on your list. The hubby and I were friends for a long time and he always had the list part down, then one day we realized we "clicked" as well. Its the best of both worlds.
You really don't want to settle for just one or the other, no matter how long it takes!
One of my friends made a comment the other night that she was tired of being set up with someone based on the sole requirement that they were both single... I think this is what turns people off of dating for awhile..or forever, who knows. But I say kudos to you for creating a list, I'm sure the Universe will listen... at least that's what The Secret says!