I *wanted* to be in one of the faster waves. I *wanted* to be challenged, pushed, and motivated. Months from now, those may be the words that I will use to describe my experience but, for now, I think words such as humbled, left behind, and discouraged are more on my mind.

TNT sends out the runners in waves as a way to minimize the impact on the running routes and, at the same time, attempt to have the majority of the runners finish around the same time. The slower runners therefore begin running first and the faster runners start later. My wave started last, and was made up of the faster runners. The majority of the group was planning to run the farthest distance of the run routes, but there were a few who would turn back sooner.

I could blame my inability to keep pace with the group on my potty stop, however I honestly felt the pace was quick (for a long run) right from the start. I went into the bathroom knowing that I hadn't a prayer of ever seeing my group again...

except...when they passed me on their return. "Go Team," I mumbled. I meant it, but my usual cheeriness was lacking in a major way.

By the time I crossed the finish line, the crowd was busily eating. A few looked up to hoot and holler at the few of us finishing. I tried my best at being appreciative rather than humiliated. After all, someone has to be last.

The thing was, I wasn't really finished at that point because I was determined to run the "10 miles" that was on the training calendar. The coaches opted not to push the participants too far on this run since last week's run was short on mileage. I did a pre-check in with the coach, and then slipped past the crowd to add on another 1.5 miles.

On top of appeasing my type-A personality, the additional distance will help me mentally prepare for a half-marathon that I will be running on July 13th. I was encouraged to do a longer race to gauge my fitness level at this point in the training. Of course am nervous about getting my butt kicked, when I seriously want to be the one to do the butt kicking. It's not likely, but I will do what I can to convince myself otherwise. You all know that this sort of mental preparation (running 10 miles instead of 8.8) can go a long way to fueling a strong race.

Coming in at the back of the pack is a new experience for me but, it may be just what I need to challenge, push, and motivate me to excel. On race day, however, I seriously hope to move up in the pack a little....just a little.

Posted by Juls at 2:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

I got a butt kickin' today...

and, technically, yesterday too.

I bailed on joining the Team yesterday at track.  I just wasn't up for the social atmosphere, so I emailed the head coach to get the specifics on the workout.  It was to be a 10 -15 minute warm-up, followed by a 5K time trial. 

YaYa and I made our way to the track to get the job done.  I ran 1.3 miles at a nice brisk pace.  It felt good and I wanted to be sure that I was adequately warmed up to the task at hand.  Then, I began my time trial.

I probably felt too much was at stake for as I rounded the corner of my first lap I was seriously out of breath.  I was going too fast.  I tried to slow down a bit and continued on.  Lap 2 was about 3 seconds slower, and still I was feeling like I would die before I finished the workout.  I tried once again to slow it down.  And so it continued this way, each lap getting slower but never feeling like I'd found my pace...until I completed my 5 laps.  Then, I stopped.

There were other factors at play, such as needing a bio-break and burping up my dinner, but primarily it was my mind that stopped me.  It did not believe that I had the "special ingredient" needed to get the job done. 

Today, I hit the track with a different set of hurdles.  I was low on energy due to not eating lunch.  To top it off, the air was filled with smoke from the wildfires in the area.  Different from yesterday, my mind was behind me.  It knew that I would finish the time trial and get that number (time) for the coaches.  I just wasn't so sure that I could supply the number that I wanted to report.

I completed a mile warm-up, did the dynamic stretches that I would have done had I gone to the TNT track workout.  Then, after the football team exited the area, I began again.

It didn't feel good but I knew that my pace was more in the ball park.  Ms. Garminia stayed with me every step of the way and tried to encourage me by displaying my lap pace at all times.  The first mile was right around 8 minutes/mile (unlike the 7 min/mile pace of yesterday).  The 2nd mile averaged around 8:38 and the final mile 8:35.  The problem was that when all of the times were added up, my total time was 26:03. 

Although the pace which Ms. Garminia was reporting was off a bit, I honestly didn't have anything more to give this workout.  I feel so far away from the level of fitness that I had this time last year. 

I have a feeling that I am due plenty more butt kickin' on the road to Nike and beyond.  It's a little humiliating but I'm done quitting.  If I stick with it, eventually it will be *me* that does the butt kicking! 

Posted by Juls at 8:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."
~ Oogway, Kung Fu Panda

Posted by Juls at 8:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

People seemed to indicate that the first year of my grieving would be the hardest. Along with this indication was an undertone of reassurance that getting through the “firsts” [1st Father’s Day, 1st Wedding Anniversary, Birthday(s), Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter…] would be hard, but that the seconds, thirds, and so on would be easier. Now that I am having my second helping of these events, I will tell you that they were WRONG. It’s NOT easier. It’s HARDER. Having seconds only further drives the point home that he is gone and he isn’t coming back.

The pain is too intense today. It is his would be 51st Birthday. During the weekend, I was needed for the purpose of helping someone else get through a different flavor of life’s pain. I helped her by allowing her to help me give my living room a face lift in honor of Tom’s birthday. He hated the room almost as much as the bathroom that she help me redo last year. She's got talant. We shopped, went out for meals, and together we laughed & cried. It was just enough to soften the pain.

Today, however, I find myself at work with too much brokenness to perform much of my tasks. My day began with anger. I muttered negative thoughts at the drivers on the road with me. As the day progressed, my anger evolved into an overwhelming sadness which no amount of responsibility could distract me from.

My head is now throbbing in pain from the pressure of tears that cannot come. I want to go home to curl up on my redesigned room, and sleep away the rest of the day.

Posted by Juls at 12:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

One by one the busses arrived.  I stood there in the summer heat waiting for a glimpse of my son.  It has been a full week since I last saw him. 

It was my friend who saw him first.  I turned to see my YaYa's smile, which is so sunny it would bright up the gloomiest of days.  It was great to see him again.  I felt the tears surfacing as we hugged, and I held him just long enough to push them back.

Less than an hour later, I was at the airport bidding my dear friend goodbye.  We hugged and, this time, it was not me who was holding back the tears.  I hoped that her arrival at home would be greeted with a much needed long embrace, and that her tears would begin to wash some of the pain away.

Posted by Juls at 9:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The morning was heating up quickly as the first group headed out onto the trails.  About 2 miles into the run came a hill that seemed pointless to run.  The group was beginning to whither.  The water bottles were emptying quickly and the aid station was a mile away. 

From behind me, I hear someone say that she wasn't feeling well.  I looked back, seeing a young girl walking behind me.  She said that it was so hot that she thought that she might faint.  She did not have any water. 

I offered her sips from my CamelBak and stayed with her for a bit.  At the top of the hill we stopped to take in the view.  By then she felt a little better. 

"Amber", as I called her mistakenly (having forgotten her name), said that I was her new mentor.  I jokingly told her that I changed her name to protect her identity.  Truthfully, I couldn't shake the thought of someone getting into a serious emergency situation requiring some sort of alert to be sent out (like the Amber Alerts that get posted on the freeways after a child abduction). 

I told Amber that she would likely be the best prepared participant in the coming weeks.  She had just joined and had apparently missed the many talks and emails on being self-sufficient.  I couldn't figure out why she went with the advanced group though, but she did finish the run in the end.  Along the way, we discussed fuel-belts, sunscreen, hats and that sort of stuff.  She kept me within her sights for the majority of the run, occasionally sipping more water. 

On top of the difficulty, the weather did not help in the least.  I am sure they got an earful of complaints about it.  I heard a bit of it spewing forth in the aid station. 

I assure you, it sure wasn't me complaining.  Aid stations, on a run, are a luxury.  Even races run out of water.  Moreover, there were cancer surviving honorees manning the station.  I wanted no part of that.  I just grabbed my water and was out of there. 

As it turns out, the location for the days run was not as originally planned.  Regardless, I hope that everyone learned a lesson from it.   When the coaches say be self-sufficient and bring water - do it! 

Posted by Juls at 6:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

TNT has quite a social thing going on.  At times it might even seem almost cult-like.  I mean this in the kindest way.  They design their program to be sure that the newbie never has to go it on their own if they don't want to.  After many of the workouts are finished, there frequently is an opportunity to linger with the Team, eat, and/or learn about the cause. 

Tuesday's track workout is followed by Hang with the Gang.  Where the participants' can sign up to bring dinner to the track for those who wish to pay $10 for an immediate meal.  Kool-Aid is NOT on the menu.  The money raised goes towards the hosting participant's fundraising.   

On Thursday, "Buddy Runs" are scheduled.  For these,  the mentors and team captains organize several opportunities around in the area to run with a smaller group of team members.

Finally, on Saturday are the long runs.  These are organized runs (aide station included) that are scheduled in a new place each week.  It's a great way to discover new places to run.  The course is marked, so you don't have to worry about getting lost.  

All in all, it's a nice set up, but a huge change from me to have so many social activities on my calendar.  Since the activities are not "required," I am able to pick the ones that I feel are essential to my involvement. 

Right away, I identified Thursday's Buddy Run as an activity that I can easily miss.  Besides, the fact that there is just no way to fit any of the organized runs into my schedule without abandoning YaYa, I like the solitude of running solo. 

This Thursday, I broke out the headphones and hit the trails.  TNT forbids the use of headphones on all of their runs.  It's both a safety concern as well as the fact that it clearly sends the message that socialization is unwanted.  On this particular run, I did not mind sending that message.  This was to be a buddy-less run. 

I didn't even want to run with my virtual partner.  Although I let Ms. Garminia tag along, I made it clear that I wanted to be alone with my thoughts.  She honored my wishes for the most part, but every mile or so, she let out a little peep just to remind me that she was there.  That was okay with me; I wasn't totally anti-social.  I still waves at the other runners, occasionally removing one earpiece to hear their response better.  I even stopped to attempt to capture a picture of a deer. 

By the time I was finished with my run, I felt like I could handle interacting with the world once again.  These June days are tough.  Father's Day is behind me, but Tom's Birthday is rapidly approaching.  Anyhow, the run was perfect.

Posted by Juls at 9:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Well, I am eating humble pie today because of my BIG mouth.

It happens….
• Open mouth
• Insert foot

And so…
My post on the 2nd TNT track workout (which I did not get a chance to write before one of the TNT couches stumbled across my blog and then emailed me his comments, copying all of the other coaches AND the team manager). It looks like a remedial course in Blogging 101 is in order.
*sigh*

My rant last week, and the subsequent discussion that followed, I arrived at track, optimistic that the night would deliver a more satisfying workout than last week. You will remember that, less than 24 hours later, I was feeling hypocritical about my complaints and overwhelmed with the task at hand. So, here I was, dressed for whatever workout was to be delivered and desperately hoping to connect with someone during the evening fun.

I was over eager as the warm up began. As if it was a race, I went as soon as the word “go” was out of the coach’s mouth. Within seconds, I looked back to see where everyone else was. If felt like a false-start in a swim meet. I waited to be called back to the line, slowing to let the crowd catch up. They did. Not only did they catch up, but they passed me. I fell in line and enjoyed the quick pace that was set (although my heavy breathing would not indicate any enjoyment). After 10 minutes, we were warmed up. I was hot from the heat, but by no means adequately warmed up. Remembering last week’s workout, I wasn’t too worried.

We did some more stretching and then were given our workout for the evening.

Three groups:
1. Newbies: 300 x 9
2. Runners: 400 x 9
3. Experienced Runners: 500 x 9

Group 1 started it off. When the first in their group arrived at Group 2, the next group began. And then it was our turn. Group 3 took off like race horses. I immediately was humbled. I was NOT warmed up enough for this pace. We finished up our leg and then, given the option to either jog the remaining (300) of the track or walk back the 100 to the next starting point, I opted to job. I needed to warm up. I did this for the first 4 repeats, and then decided that it was time to get a longer rest. I did not want to bring up the rear, and many of the girls that had finished behind me has switched to Group 2. As it turned out, the added recovery time did me good. I found some strength in the 2nd half of the workout and quicked my finish times by 5-10 seconds. The workout ended and I was satisfied.

As in the week before, there was not cool down run, but there was some core strength. I was happy that I’d been doing my homework during the week. It felt a bit easier. After core came stretching. This was where I really felt like I was being put through mill.

One of the honorees stood up to tell his story as we stretched. As we all listened to him speaking about his stage-4 cancer, I just cried. While pretending to be stretching and put my head down and cried as he went on. He was honest about the tough roller coaster ride, the suffering and sacrifice, and the end result of being alive but permanently disabled. While I was truly happy for him, as he announced his news of being cancer free, I was sad for myself and my children. Although I am pretty sure that my husband would not have wanted to forego the same suffering, he never got the chance to decide. It is what it is, and our life goes on.

If I could have curled up (unnoticed) in the fetal position, I would have. I was sure that my tears were looked upon as having been touched by the speaker’s words. I was. I wiped away the tears, got up, and went to “hang with gang” for some post-track pizza.

Posted by Juls at 12:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Price of Gas
Originally uploaded by U-Go-Juls

Posted by Juls at 11:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

The timing of Father's Day weekend was good, or bad, depending upon your view. The ending of soccer left a lot of free time for thinking.

I did not want to be thinking.

I found myself in the van moving towards a place where Tom and I spend time during the courting phase of our relationship. Ryan asked where we were going, but I couldn't tell him exactly. I didn't feel as if I was really doing the driving; I was being driven.

We walked around the quaint little town, past all of the rich folks, and in and out of stores where I had no intentions of purchasing anything. Finally, we came to Pizza My Heart. YaYa's face lit up. "This is where we used to eat with Dad," he announced. Moments later, we were sitting in Dad's spot and enjoying a slice of life.

Afterwards, we walked around a bit more. When we were near the van again, YaYa realized that we were at the very spot where the bike path ends. Remembering his rides with his Dad, he asked if we could walk a bit more. We continued walking towards the bike path. YaYa called it replacing his past. I think he meant retracing, but perhaps not.

We ended the day at home eating popcorn and watching a movie. For me, Saturday was enough. I left the dishes on the counter and went up to bed, bracing myself for the real Father's Day.

On Sunday morning, I awakened to the same exhaustion that has plagued my mornings for what now seems like eternity. I let YaYa sleep, and tried to find enjoyment in the peaceful morning quiet. After the first of two cups of coffee, I finally found enough energy to tackle the dishes left from an evening of laziness. Then it was time to wake YaYa and make our way to church. YaYa asked if people still went to church on Father’s Day. Forcing a smile, I said that this was where we would say our special “hello” to his father as well as God.

The readings from the mass talked about compassion noting that "We receive compassion without cost, and urging that we should give it in the same manner." Like many other weeks, my cheeks were moist for the majority of the time. There is just something about the environment that sets those tears flowing. Little YaYa hugged me, trying to make it all better.

I couldn't help but think about the message and wondering if I take more compassion than I give. YaYa continually fixing me is a perfect example. I hugged him back and told him that I was really okay. My tears were a part of my remembering Tom, my stepfather, and all of the other people that have shown us so much love and compassion. I explained this to YaYa and explained that I was just sad that I wasn't able to give some of it back. He nodded with understanding.

The opportunity for giving, as it turns out, was standing by the parking lot exit with her two children. I watched as everyone drove past her and her “needy family” sign. For me, it was a perfect chance to give a little compassion. I don’t know what led this woman to the point of holding a sign, but at that moment, I didn’t need to know. I reached for a couple of dollars and gave it to the woman. It wasn't much, but it was something. She thanked me as I drove away.

The rest of the day was sort of empty and meaningless. YaYa and I decided against riding the Dad ride, and watched another movie at home. And soon, the weekend was over. We survived - Father's Day # 2.

Posted by Juls at 10:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

I have gotten quite a few queries asking me how I like my GPS device. For those who have asked the question, or wanted to, this post is for you.

Forerunner 201 [my 1st GPS]:

It all started with the 201. This was the first of my GPS devices. Right off, I loved the technoloty but I hated the cumbersome size of the long device. The 201 rubbed on my wrist bone for the entire run. When my wrist was nice and bruised from the device, I was forced to address the issue. I ended up cutting the top off of a pair of ankle socks to use as a wrist band underneath my GPS. I made it fun by using the tops of defeat socks (which I found to tight for running). I coined names for each of the designs. “Lady Luck” (with lady bugs) was reserved for races, and “Flower Power” was more for long runs. It worked out.

When I began exploring the tri scene, I got the quick release kit which is available for the 201. Included in the kit is a bike mount which makes viewing your speed easier than if it were on your wrist. When you transition from the bike to the run, you simply unsnap it from the bike mount and swivel it onto a wrist strap that you already have on. Also, I did swim with the 201 (in a baggie) inside my swim cap. You just have to be careful not to drop it during the swim to bike transition.

I was happy with the 201, but wished it wasn't so big. I also wondered if I should have gotten the 205 which had the ability to track my heart rate.

Forerunner 305 [aka “Garminia”]:

When the 305 came out, I upgraded and Tom happily inherited my hand-me-down 201. He pretty much used it for his cycling and kept it mounted on his bike 100% of the time. He was happy, and I was happy too.

I liked the new design of the 305 as it didn't bug my wrist bone as much. I dropped the wrist bands as they were too hot with this GPS device. I just pushed the watch up my wrist a bit farther to avoid the bone. I began examining the trends of my heart rate (HR), and also programed my interval workouts using the advanced workouts feature. It was pretty nice to be free to do interval workouts no matter where I was.

Then last spring, when my 305 was out for run in the rain (the first one due to limited runs during the winter of Tom’s decline) the face leaked in a bad way. I was annoyed in a HUGE way and promptly took it back to REI to exchange. The device is way too expensive to be a fair-weather friend. Shortly after the exchange, I heard about the 405’s release. I returned to REI and gave my 305 back to them since it was essentially fresh out of the box (even though I’d paid for the original long before). In my head (and probably only in mine), I justified this move as the latest 305 device was giving me different readings from the old 305. I was already questioning the accuracy; I just didn’t know which 305 was the unreliable one. The coming of the 405 was enough to push the return the 2nd 305.

I went without a GPS for more than half a year, which was tough. I came to realize just how much I rely on my GPS for motivation. It seemed like forever waiting for the 405s to arrive.

After a very long wait, my new an improved running partner arrived. Ms. Garminia and I had a rough start but, in a short period of time, we have become best buddies. Like any relationship, there was a period of evaluation. Here is my progress report for her.

Forerunner 405 [aka “Ms. Garminia”]:

Garmin advertises the Forerunner 405 as a “high performance watch is easy to use and comfortable to wear when not training.” I am not so sure that I would have used the word “comfortable” to describe it, but it is better than my experience with the 201. I would say the fit is similar to the 305 in the comfort department. As for the size, it doesn't seem much smaller. The hard (inflexible) portion extends to the portions on either side of the bezel making it feel bigger than it should. This is probably the “unique design that gives the GPS antenna a better view of the sky” that Garmin refers to in their blurb about the product. Take it from me, it does not wrap nicely on a small wrists. I close the strap on the 5th slot (which is slightly loose), but the 4th is too tight. No matter where I fasten it, the gap created by the extended stiff portion is there. As Ms. Garminia and I have gotten acquainted, she has seemed to find her spot on my wrist better. I keep thinking that I could use the gap to hold a Kleenex on those high pollen days.

The bezel, once you figure out, is really cool. Different from what you might think, the bezel doesn't actually move. Of course I tried to figure it out BEFORE reading the directions and could not get the thing to move. Basically, there are three ways that you access commands using the bezel. In the menus, you actually drag your finger across the side of it to scroll through the items. Then you can either tap the top rim of the bezel to access the item or push the top side button. To go back, you either tap again or hit the bottom side button. During runs, you can scroll through the screens by tapping the bezel. This is nice when you want to see your HR. When wearing the device as a watch, which although it is big, is nice when you plan to be running later in the day, it is really important to lock the bezel. If you don’t lock the bezel the device will beep at you, and change screens, whenever you accidentally tap it. It’s sort of distracting when this happens in meetings.

The screens are easy to see, even when moving. With the 305, I often found it difficult to see the summary screens at the end of the run because of the smaller fonts. I have not found this to be an issue with any of the 405 screens. For those of you who have the 305, I am sure that you have been asked what time it is at some point. No longer do you need to be embarrassed by having such a large contraption on your arm that doesn’t easily show the time of day. During a run, it is easy to access the clock just by holding your finger to the bezel where it says “time.” It’s like magic; there are four words on the bezel that are used in this manner. The best part about accessing the clock is that you don’t have to use up a spot on your custom screen to do it (like the 305 requires). As for the color, I LOVE it. Green is my favorite color, you know.

Then there is the ANT+Sport™ wireless technology. I thought that I would just LOVE this, but truthfully I find that it isn’t all that big of a deal. This is probably because I synch with my laptop. If I were to keep the USB ANT Stick hooked to my laptop all the time, I would be afraid that it would break. I only take it out to upload to the Garmin Training Center, as well as online community (Garmin Connect). Otherwise, it is stored “some place safe.” Unfortunately, I can’t seem to remember exactly where that “safe” place is. Thank goodness I can still upload with the cable and charging clip (which is far easier to find in a workout bag). There is also a feature where you can wirelessly share workouts and courses with other 405 users, but I have yet to use this feature. I haven’t seen anyone else with one yet.

If you are one to throw your watch in your workout bag, and leave it there until you are ready to use it, you will want to be sure to lock the device. If you don’t, you may pull it out to use it and find it completely drained of energy. On the way home from Los Angeles, I had my device in my workout bag. The bag must have gotten moved around and a “run” accidentally started. My 405 tracked the drive until it died from exhaustion. It is a long way from Southern California to Northern California. I only figured it out when I uploaded my runs and found a really long run with crazy fast mile splits.

I am still building the relationship but, all in all, I love my new and improved “Ms. Garmia.”

If you are still getting acquainted with your Forerunner 405, Garmin now has some cool tutorial videos on their website. Check it out.

Posted by Juls at 12:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

There are numerous opportunities to get together with other TNT participants for the Thursday Buddy Runs. Since my schedule does not allow for joining up with the gang, I summoned my favorite running partner for my Buddy Run.

One of the great things about Ms. Garminia, is that when I am game for a little friendly competition, she is game. It is great to know that I can count on her “virtually” all the time. Garminia can be very in-your-face on these competitive runs. She likes to remind you just how far, and how much distance ahead of you she is. Because of this, I have not invited her to play for quite some time now.

Today was different. Like a caged animal that is finally let loose, I had much energy to burn. I was anxious to accelerate right from the start. Garminia did well to always keep me within her reach. She actually held onto my wrist for the entire run. This may have bothered others, but Garminia and I have that sort of a partnership. It’s me and her all the way to the finish.

So when I stopped to drink water, Garminia also stopped even though she didn’t ever need a drink. This made it easy for me to keep the lead, although I had visions of her leaving me in the dust in final mile.

When we came to the hill, towards the end of the run, she *did* catch up to me. I really had to turn on the burners in the final stretch. I couldn’t shake her, but I did manage to squeak in just ahead of her.

She is already talking about our next run. She says that if she had another mile, she would have passed me for sure. She’s probably right. The heat was starting to get to me, but I didn’t let her know that. I just smiled, enjoying the moment of victory, and said, “We’ll see about that.”

I sure do love running with my Ms. Garminia. She can join me for all my Buddy Runs.

image source: http://www8.garmin.com/learningcenter/training/forerunner405/

Posted by Juls at 1:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

My mind is swimming in a wide range of thoughts. I propelled my body through the water for the purpose of touching the wall and turning back again. As the pool floor moves past, the thoughts move in and out. I lose track of my lap count. So much of it is a blur, and yet the feeling isn't anything new.

I suppose that it is more self protection than anything - this numbness that I so often feel. There is so much going on behind the scenes. Sometimes, I wonder if it would be easier to just leave the curtain up and let it all be exposed. But I swore that I wouldn't do that.

Instead of letting it all ooze out onto my blog, I have been sharing my secret life with my shrink. She enters it into her notes and, when I am least expecting it, one of my other doctors brings it up. "You have gone through so much", they say, and they are impressed at how well I have endured.

I really don't have any other choice. Do I?

I have really tried not to let myself get overwhelmed by the helpings of responsibility that I have loaded up on. It was all my doing, after all. Well the recent helpings were. There is a fine line between keeping busy and too busy. Tonight, I try to wash it all down with a little wine. Perhaps the wine will help me to digest it all.

Tonight, I swim for 30 minutes. I know that I should do 40 minutes, but I let myself stop short anyways. It seems a little ironic that I spent the majority of the past 24 hours with my undies in a knot about a stupid track workout. It's just a little hypocritical. Complain about an easy track workout, and then dry off before reaching the 40 minute cross-training goal the following night.

On one hand, I am overwhelmed with managing the household, the bills, the job, the kids, and who knows what else. On the other hand, I am complaining about the workout being too short and not hard enough. It was me who needed a break from training to focus on my life's pressures. But now, I am asking for a distraction from it all (but selective in my commitment).

And then what?

I spend my evening bouncing from activity to activity. Pick up YaYa, cook dinner, go to dog training, head to the gym to swim laps, to the store, home again, cook for tomorrow's gathering...

Do you see what I mean? And what about little YaYa? He is passed out on this bed upstairs, dead tired from too much to do and not enough sleep.

I ask myself, what am I doing? My head is still swimming, in spite of the wine. There is no escaping the constant barrage of thoughts. Instead of downing the wine, I will pour it down the drain and head off to bed.

*sigh*

Tomorrow will likely bring on a whole new perspective.

Posted by Juls at 9:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Big Sis' running friends wanted to know the inside scoop on the whole TNT thing, so I promised to post after tonight's track workout.

I will start by saying that it has to be hard to create a track workout for such a large group of runners with such varied levels of fitness.  Tonight's workout definitely stepped up to the challenge.  Not only that, but the workout that was fun, and really delivered the "team" feel.

We started our workout with a 10 minute, easy jog around the track in the outside lanes.  Our group went around in the clock-wise direction.  For those that want to complain about this, hold your comments please - we were not bugging a single person.  In fact, for the entire workout our group was instructed to stay out of lanes 1 and 2.  That's right; we ran in lanes 3 and 4, while the kids' speed-walking group occupied lane 1.  Oh, and there was also the guy who ran a few laps.  He then proceeded to cough up one of his lungs, and spit it all over the track.  Eew!  This of course was as one of our honorees was talking about bone marrow transplants.

After the talk, we did some dynamic stretches, and then divided up into groups of three.  The planned track workout was a relay where the group would run 12 x 200s, tagging the teammates in order. At this point, I should have had two more names of people whom I've met, but instead I can only tell you what they were wearing because that is how I picked them out of the crowd.  Our group identified runners 1, 2, and 3.  I was #3, which meant that I ran after the girl in "blue" San Francisco Marathon shirt tagged me, and ran to the other side of the track looking for the girl in "gray" with the bleached hair.

The workout was fun, but I don't feel like I actually got much of a "workout."  If you do the math, you will note that we only ran 2 1/2 miles, the first of which was done at a pace that I was far slower than my warm up pace.  But there is more to my complaint.

At one point in the workout, someone actually hollered my way, "why are you going so fast?"  *duh*  It IS a track workout.  I happen to equate track with "speed."  But that's just me I guess.  The coaches, however, seemed fine with it and offered plenty of encouragement. 

Later, the same girl yelled, "no sprinting" as two gals sprinted in to tag their partners.  She then told the crowd that sprinting is how people get hurt.  Apparently, she got hurt in her first season.  *sigh*  Varied abilities here - look around girl.  The two sprinter's reaction was similar to mine.  We just blew it off and kept up our thing.  I joked around with them a bit - healing their ill feelings some.  She ain't seen nothing yet - I'll show her sprinting.

It is nights like tonight, that I hear a little voice growing louder and louder.  It is telling me that I DO still want to qualify for Boston, and that I should head down the BQ path.  While, I keep trying to convince this voice that my BQ is not my priority right now, the path not taken is looking pretty attractive.  Just because I don't plan to attempt it at Nike (October), does not mean that I don't want to set up for an attempt at CIM (December), or Napa (March '09).  It couldn't hurt to pick up a roadmap for the BQ path - you know - just in case.

I know that it is only the first track workout, but if this is what they are going to consist of, I can think of a better way to use the 2 hours.  I'd like to give it a little more time.  The reality is, the "just in case" will not ever come to be if I don't put a little more effort into the game.  It is probably a good time to speak to one of the coaches about what TNT has to offer to someone like me.  I bet this is not the first time that this has come up.

Posted by Juls at 9:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

It was too late to join the Masters, thus too early to go to the gym. We headed home instead to walk the dogs, and complete various other tasks that need to be done. It's true, my training isn't all that rests on my shoulders these days. YaYa was thrilled to be able to play with his friends AND go swimming with me. He rushed off to his friend’s house as soon as we arrived at home.

YaYa came back a few minutes later asking for his swimsuit. I fought back the urge to forbid him to swim at the neighbor’s house, fearing that I would never get him back for our “planned” swim at the gym. Think about it: splash around with your friends vs. swim at the gym while your Mom swims laps (thus ignoring you). We agreed that he would swim at his friends for 1 hour and then we would go together to the gym.

When we arrived at the gym, the pool was packed with kids everywhere – even in the lap swim lanes. *groan* I guess I wasn't the only one who was waiting for the Masters' to finish up. YaYa hopped in while I went to change.

Minutes later, we slipped into a lane where only two kids were milling about at the other end. I began my first lap, and swam past the kids with hopes that they would get the idea to move their play to the rec. swim area. By my third time past, I came upon them just as they slipped under the lane line. I continued back and forth, passing YaYa as he swam laps at his own speed. I paused at the wall for a minute to check on him when he stopped. By this point, he was done. He, too, slipped out of my lane and played around for a while in the rec. area beside me. I could smile at him (under water) as I passed him.

The instructions on the TNT calendar to cross-train called for 20-40 minutes of activity. I think that I was supposed to do some strength exercise too, but really wasn’t sure. Besides the fact that I read that we are doing some strength at today’s track workout, who wants to dry off, change into workout apparel, and go pump iron? Not me. So, I figured that I would “just” swim laps for 40 minutes. Although I was swimming at an easy pace, it was not all that easy to “just” swim for 40 minutes straight. It was BORING. Every few laps, I would glance up at the clock, groan, and return to my swimming. But, as the time wore on, I too was getting worn too (mentally but not physically). I began adjusting the goal, as I dreamed about cycling for my other cross-train day. It is hard to go from running only to 40 minutes of any other activity. I finally settled on a revised goal of 30 minutes of swimming. I even counted my finishing with 33 minutes as a 3-minute “bonus,” instead of a failure to reach the 40-minute goal.

At the end of the day, both YaYa and I were pretty tired. We were still tired when morning rolled around. It’s a sign that training has indeed begun.

Posted by Juls at 1:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

With less than a quarter mile to go, our TNT coaches caught a photo of me coming off the bridge and making the final stretch. By the looks of it, you would think that I had many more miles in me. I probably did. The smile on my face make running look like A LOT of fun. Don't you agree?

Looking for a new hobby? Take up running and you too could be this happy.

Tee Hee.

Posted by Juls at 11:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)

YaYa does not usually make special meal requests.  He made an exception this past Friday when he asked for "pasta" for dinner. He had been told by his coach that a meal with pasta would be a good pre-tournament dinner, and he was all over it.

I made homemade macaroni and cheese, and then called him home for dinner.  He arrived, took one look at his bowl and asked where his "pasta" was.  "This is pasta,"  I told him.  "The noodles are the pasta, not the sauce."  "Does it have carbohydrates?" he asked.  "We need to have lots of those."  I assured him that it did.  He ate it all up.

That night he came into my room with worry written all over his face.  "I think that I need electrolytes," he informed me, "my pee is yellow.  The girl at your talk said that yellow pee isn't good." 

*sigh* 

It seems that YaYa was absorbing more than the pizza at Tuesday night's TNT gear talk.  The problem is that I don't want him to be worried about carbohydrates and electrolytes.  I would rather him worry about sunscreen and thirst. 

I tried to explain that simply looking at the color of your pee was too simple.  It does not take into account the other factors that could change the color.  "YaYa, there are many reasons for yellow pee.  In your case, there is a vitamin in the B-Berrier drink that you had earlier that makes your pee yellow.  You are just fine.  Right now, what you need is sleep." 

So, with his gear all laid out, he went to bed and tossed and turned as he worried (just a little) about his up-coming tournament.  I guess this is probably just like my pre-race jitters.

On Saturday morning, his concern started again.  "Does this drink have electrolytes?  I think that I need them."  I went along with him, examining the label.  "It has carbs AND lytes.  You are all set."  Together, we fueled up for our day's activities and got the day under way.  His team finished the day with a win and tie.  His coach told the boys to rest up for Sunday's final game.

This morning, with the final game ahead of us, YaYa and I attended the morning mass.  YaYa was all dressed for his game - shin guards and all.    When they announced that donuts would be served following the service, YaYa looked at me eagerly.  "Do we have time?" he asked.  I half expected him to ask if donuts had electrolytes, but he obviously didn't care.  I just smiled, said that we did, and then told him that donuts were filled with carbohydrates - not the best ones, but carbs nonetheless.

Posted by Juls at 8:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

My first official training run was this morning.  The crowd gathering at the local track was impressive in  size.  It is no wonder that TNT raises so much for LLS.

After a pep talk from the head coach, we divided into three groups.  The first group was to run 5-6 miles.  It was to be comprised of experienced runners with a good base, and would be the first to hit the trail.  The second group would go second, running 3-4 miles.  The final group was the newbies, who run:walk 1-2 miles.

The trail is actually a public paved path which is popular in the area.  Our group was warned that there would be cyclist, kids on scooters, and many other walkers and runners.  The coach followed this with a statement indicating that our group was, of course, the most important group out there.  He was joking of course, and he did make that clear.  I immediately laughed and quietly commented that I had suspected that the groups were being told this.   

We were given the ground rules to stay only two wide, and be respectful of others.  This was nice to hear.  I know that I have often hated sharing the trail with such a large group especially when the ground rules seem to have been long forgotten.  I think that it will be interesting being on this side of the TNT crowd for once.

It is clear that TNT will likely test my patience for getting going.  I am so used to running within minutes of getting out of the car.  All of the waiting around was wearing on me.  It didn't help that YaYa had a soccer tournament which limited me.  As time ticked past the 8 am scheduled run time, I grew more and more worried that I would not get to run the desired 6 miles.  I chose to go with the first group anyhow and just keep an eye on the time.

The group started out at a nice pace.  I found myself moving up towards the front right away as we came up on the walkers from another local training group almost immediately.  This is where it becomes evident who has run in this type of environment, and who has not.  You could almost see the wheels turning in the heads as they tried to figure out how to pass.  I forged ahead cheerfully bidding them good morning and giving the "on your left" warning.  Some followed behind me, and others still hesitated.

In no time, we were at the water station (mile 1 1/2).  What a luxury to not have to carry water.  I grabbed a cup of whatever electrolyte drink de jour was being served, along with a sampling of gummybears, and ran off after dropping them down my throat.  It was apparent that everyone else wanted to linger. 

I soon found myself behind only one person.  He was quickly widening the gap.  I wondered what message that would send to everyone.  I don't mean to be snooty or showy, I just have limited time.  When the assistant coach caught up to me, I explained this.  This young woman's running history (what little was shared in the couple of minutes that we ran side by side) is quite impressive.  I believe that she told me that she had run four marathons.  The impressive part is that one of them was at the Olympic time trials.  Before long, she ran past me to catch up with Mr. Speedy Gonzales.  Her ease in acceleration was a lovely site.

A few minutes later, Sheila caught me (and then passed me to chat with another runner that she knew).  We ran together throughout the second half of the run.  Like me, she also has 12 marathons under her belt, but her last one was over 20 years ago.  She continually told me that she wasn't sure if she could even finish a marathon now.  This amazed and puzzled me.  My reply came as we passed the runners from the two other groups.  I told her that  EVERYONE was capable of finishing the marathon, but how well each of us did in the race was a totally different matter.

Shiela and I ran well together.  She is my first new running friend.  We arrived back at the track in perfect timing, and YaYa made it to soccer right on time.  

Posted by Juls at 12:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

It's been a long time since BoBo was hooked on computer programs by The Learning Company.  I remember him spending endless hours with Reader Rabbit and Carmen San Diego.  He loved these learning programs and thrived on the constant encouragement the program dished out.  Somehow, we seemed to have sped through the stage with YaYa, or perhaps I have just blocked it all out.

Today, however, we loaded in a new computer program that I bought to help YaYa develop his typing skills.  The program seems to be easy to use and has successfully grabbed YaYa's attention and held it to the point that I may have to wrestle him off of the computer soon. 

The only down side for me is that every few seconds, there is an encouraging comment being made by one of the characters from the show SpongeBob SquarePants.  If you have seen the show, you know that there is only so much SpongeBob SquarePants that a mother can tolerate. 

Hopefully, he will improve his typing skills before I throw the CD out the window.

Posted by Juls at 8:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

I was past impatient, and growing worried, by the time I grabbed my keys yesturday morning. YaYa had left with Lucky in tow (or visa versa) for a morning walk. In the meantime, I’d walked Ronin through a set of dog-training drills, made my morning latte for my commute, and looked outside for signs of the boy and dog at least four times.

Although YaYa is supposed to stay within eye sight, I drove around the block first. The fact was, he was NOT within eyesight. With the amount of time that had passed, I figured that he had to have taken the long route. I was pretty sure that he wasn't in one of the courts on the block. I just doesn't take that long to cover the length of the block even if Lucky was allowed to sniff each and ever bush along the way. Unfortunately, there was no sign of him or the dog.

As my mind began playing out the worst of possible scenarios, I finally saw him. He was nearly home now, on the other side of the street, just on the outer edge of the court. He was standing almost completely still, barely creeping along. Lucky was at the end of the leash, looking back at the boy, with the grass and bushes just out of reach.

From the initial assessment, I could not imagine what could have taken the boy so long to return home, nor could I figure out why he was just standing in one spot. Then...I saw the reason: In YaYa’s hand was his GameBoy! Isn't it odd how something that has been in a drawer for a long time, then rediscovered (such as this GameBoy), can hold a boy’s attention so completely. My relief, at knowing that YaYa was safe, was quickly replaced with anger…which I unleashed on the poor lad with full force.

We have since hugged and made up. We have also talked about my worries about his safety – even if unwarranted (in this case). I also pointed out that the point of Lucky’s morning walk is that he gets exercise – which cannot happen if they are moving at a snail’s pace. He is old, but not that old.

As for YaYa’s GameBoy, it is still out of sight (even if it isn’t out of mind). It will likely be sighted again this weekend, but will come with a full set of rules which will include, for safety reasons, no game operation while walking.

Posted by Juls at 6:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Patti tagged me today. This meme, unlike all of the others (which I have willingly participated in) is all about running. Very FUN and Exciting! Right?

Here are the rules, followed by my reply.

If YOU have been tagged, you will find your name at the end of this post. You should then, copy the rules (or your version of them), and the set of questions onto your blog post, provide your own answers, and then tag 5 new people.

In this case, all 5 questions are all about RUNNING. How easy is that?

Just to be sure that everyone tagged knows they have been invited to play, go to their blogs and leave them a special comment letting them know, and refer them to your blog for details.

One more thing, once they've answered the questions on their own blog, they should come back to yours to tell you.

Got that?

Here goes...

1. How would you describe your running 10 years ago?
In a word: non-existent. 10 years ago, I was pregnant with YaYa. Just prior to my pregnancy, I had built a good running base (by my standards back then), and was confident that I’d be able to run through at least part of my pregnancy. To be sure that the baby was safe, I got a heart rate (HR) monitor and asked my OB for parameters/limits to follow. She gave me the go ahead with the stipulation that I keep my HR below 150 beats per minute (bpm). I found this impossible as my HR would climb with only the slightest movement (although that never stopped me from talking). Instead of running, I swam throughout my pregnancy, and took up running after my little guy was born.

2. What is your best and worst run/race experience?
My best race experience would have to be when I finished my first marathon. I’ll never forget that feeling of accomplishment in realizing that I did something that I wasn’t sure that I could do. It felt great. Then I set my sights on a new goal of qualifying for Boston. I am still chasing that goal (these days, more remotely than I'd like to admit).

My worst race experience would have to have been when I was running the San Jose Rock In Roll Half-Marathon and suffered an overuse injury at mile 3. Obviously, the race was not where the “over use” occurred, it was just where the cambered road pushed my over used tendon right over the edge. I felt SO close to my Boston Qualification (BQ) at that point. I was running very well, and was full of confidence. A lot has happened since then.

3. Why do you run?
This is a good question. I am not sure that I have a good answer for this question anymore however. I used to think that I ran because I needed to. My running helped me to manage the stress in my life. Now a day, I would say that I run because I can rather than out of need. Running is just a good chunk of who I am. It is something that I take pride in because it takes a lot of dedication to get out and keep doing it even when it isn't easy. It is a metaphor for life.

4. What is the best or worst piece of advice you've been given about running?
Best: Don’t do anything new on race day.
Worst: Cutting 17 minutes from a marathon finish is a piece of cake.

5. Tell us something surprising about yourself that not many people would know.
I still cannot keep my HR below 150 bpm.

Now, here are my 5 Tagees:
• Jeff
• 21st Century Mom
• Runner Susan
• Cindy
• Anne

Posted by Juls at 4:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

By now, all of my colleagues are wishing that I had not returned from vacation. I have been in a constant state of coughing and nose blowing since I walked into the building today.

Although I am certain that everyone wanted me to go home, nobody actually told me to go – so here I am

...still complaining.

Posted by Juls at 4:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

I was fading fast by the end of my nephew's birthday party.  It's not that it is difficult to sit and eat fabulous food for 3 hours, even while many loud little boys run around like crazy doing Tae Kwon Do games.  I think my cold is winning the battle.  My return to the bed was seeming like the only option for me by the time the party ended.

The problem with my plan was that there were three young children begging for me to go to Auntie's house for a little more time together.  When Lil' Sis half-heartedly suggested a run, I quickly changed my mind.  I refused to let my cold take away a running opportunity.

My run with Lil' Sis took us to uncharted territory for a run which she had only heard about.  We called her friend for directions, and then went out to tackle the hilly route - full of determination.

There was not a whole lot of life out in these parts.  With the exception of a few horseback riders and one hiker, these cows and pigs were the only life forms around.

The trail was unfriendly in many ways.  It was steep (by our standards), with lose rocks that made it difficult to find your footing, and unfamiliar.  It was, however, pretty. 

We were determined to go all the way to the dam wall, which we did with minimal cussing (although Lil' Sis threatened often).  We took a picture to prove our success and then turned back.

I am still feeling worn out, but at least now I have a good reason for it.  I just wish that the feeling that my head is going to explode would go away. 

I think Lil' Sis is happy to have conquered the hills.  I told her that it would be easier next time because we now know what to expect.  Right now, she isn't willing to commit to a "next time" but I am hoping that when the soreness wears off, we will head out there again.

And speaking of Lil' Sis...

Lil' Sis will be celebrating her 38th Birthday on Tuesday, June 3rd!  Please join me in wishing a grand day to an awesome sister.

Posted by Juls at 7:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)