One of the reasons why Saturday's run was challenging was that my left knee was hurting. It began around mile 7 and lasted well into the week. Okay, so it is only Tuesday, but feels like a long time. I don't have time to mess around with injuries.

I made an appointment for a torture session with Kris, my favorite sports massage therapist. She also happens to be one of the TNT coaches. In the past, Kris has worked on my feet and lower legs, as well as my low back following a rear-ender. She has worked many a miracle, but she is also good for telling you to back off if needed. I was hoping that she would not be prescribing a break from running.

The appointment began innocently with the usual poking and prodding, as well as movements designed to test for the various knee ailments. Finally, with my legs extended out straight, she determined that my left leg was higher than my right (even though the actual length of my legs was equal). She rolled me onto my right side and began working on my left lateral thigh.

I writhed in pain, gritted my teeth, and whimpered until she finally gave me a stress ball to squeeze. "I thought that you said that you were using the foam roller," she said with surprise. She added, "I am barely using pressure." Apparently, I needed lessons in foam rolling techniques for the purpose of self-inflicted pain. I was not doing it correctly.

I also learned that I need to train my gluts to join the team, and help my knees and ankles more. This is a polite way of telling me that I have a lazy ass.

Of all of the past visits, Kris has never hurt me so good. I went straight from the table, to the stretching room, and then into the ice bath to numb the effects. I left with a new list of exercises, stretches, and foam rolling moves to add to my daily activities. Let me just say that I hope to have buns of steel in a few weeks.

I was given the option to skip the track workout all together, but I was NOT given permission to sit on the couch and do nothing. So, I arrived at the track just in time to follow the crowd as the team warmed up. Right away, I found it impossible to run without pain. Instead of running for 15 minutes, I walked hoping that warming up slowly might yield some better results. By the time we returned to the track, I was able to jog.

I joined the team for the dynamic stretches, followed by the drills. I walked on my toes, and on my heals. I kicked butt, and did high-knees. I even cheer-leaded and karaoked. I did all that without pain, so I joined the 3-4 group (instead of my usual group) for some Yasso 800's.

I started out tentatively and quickly discovered that I was not hurting. I targeted a 4 minute Yasso 800, and surprised myself with a consistent 3:53-3:55. Running near the front of the pack, I felt good. But the good lasted for only 4 1/2 repeats. On the 5th, I began to feel the start of a new pain. I left the group and walked an additional mile at as brisk a pace as my legs would take me.

Later, I sat on the coach and tried to figure out how to isolate one glut at a time and not allow my thigh or back to tighten along with it. I am finding that this is quite a challenging act for me. I persisted. After the glut ups, I went to the freezer for an ice pack and made a sweet discovery - a nice chunk of ice cold dark chocolate.

Of course I ate it! I am human you know. Now, I wonder how many glut ups I'll need to perform in order to counteract the effects of that chocolate on my soon-to-be buns of steel.

Posted by Juls at 9:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

The time has come for all of the TNT participants to complete and turn in their recommitment forms. The term "recommitment," in the TNT world, means that each of us will pledge to raise the minimum amounts required to participate in our chosen events. For those who have not yet reached the minimum amount, a credit card authorization must be signed to guarantee the amount pledged. Thankfully, I do not fall into this category.

Along with the recommitment form, are other forms to complete. First, and most important, is the registration form for our event. The form captures the usual information along with information on pace, and estimated finish time. There is even an option for a early start (for those walking marathoners traveling at a pace of 15 minutes per mile or slower). This is a TNT participant exclusive that allows those who would not otherwise be able to enjoy this, an opportunity to participate. Although I am sure that the hills will have a negative effect on my time, I entered an estimated finish time of 4 hours. Goals must be set, and this seems like a reasonable goal to strive for.

Then there are the hotel accommodations, which are made for a generous two-nights stay. I can think of only 2 other times where I stayed at the hotel on the night after the race (Napa 2002, and Grandma's 2006). Staying a 2nd night is such a luxury, especially given the proximity to the race from my home. It's not like my race is on the opposite coast. Even after Chicago 2007, I traveled home on race day.

As participants, we are required to share our room with another member of our team (cost fully covered), unless we pay an additional change for our own room, or to have a guest or two join us. Wendy and I are trying to work out an arrangement for two rooms where her husband, family, and Ryan can stay in one room, and Wendy and I can stay together on the night before the race. After the race, we can stay with our own families. My biggest consideration, regarding Ryan, is football and school. There are too many unknowns to try to take into consideration.

Then, there are the the parties and transportation. TNT hosts a pasta party the night before, and a victory party the night of our race. Guests are allowed to join us but, of course, there is a fee. After all of the time spent with these great folks, it would crazy not to join the celebration. I also think that it is important to share this with Ryan (who has sat on the sidelines cheering and patiently waiting through many of the training events).

As I complete my paperwork, checking the various boxes, and noting the additional fees, I see the numbers all adding up. Marathon running, with or without TNT participation, is expensive! If anyone has ever taken the time to add it all up, they will quickly see how it all adds up.

I am reminded of the MasterCard commercials:

TNT registration: $ 50
Running shoes: $180 (2 discounted pairs with 1 insert)
Gas to training runs: $1 MIL (slight exaggeration)
HWTG, etc.: $100 (estimated cost for a select number of the available options)
Hotel (w/1 guest): $246
Parties (+1 guest): $ 45
Transport (1 guest): $ TBD
Crossing the finish line at the SF Nike Woman's Marathon: PRICELESS

*For everything else (GUs, recovery and electrolyte drinks, babysitting fees, etc.) there's MC, or VISA, personal checks, or cash.

I am not complaining, I am just taking it all into consideration. In this economy, it is hard not to take a look at the optional expenses. Who ever said that runners only need a pair of shoes, never ran a marathon.

Of course, this list doesn't even account for all of the generous contributions from my supporters. If one were to contrast the expense of training for a marathon to the expense of fighting cancer, there would no contest. I cannot say thank you enough to all of you.

If you are wondering, is it too late to donate, it is not. Simply click on the Team in Training icon on my left sidebar to go to my donations page.

Posted by Juls at 1:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

according to Coach Tim, goes something like this...

Back in the days of logging in the redwoods near Waddell Creek, there was a tree topper who fell from the top of one of the highest redwoods. He landed on one of two giant tires that were randomly out there in the middle of nowhere. He bounced up into the air after hitting the tire, flipped over twice, and came down to land on his feet. And he lived to tell the story.

We were told this story just before heading out on today's 14 mile training run. The man in the story was unlucky to have fallen, but lucky to have lived. The tires, perhaps, may be lucky to those who come into contact with them. We would have the opportunity to do just that on the run. As Tim put it, "If you kick the tire, you are guaranteed to finish your event."

Pretty much all of the participants had begun their run by the time Wave 6 hit the trail. Of the half dozen of us in the group, only 3 planned to cover the 14 miles. The rest would only run 12 miles. And, since the out and back route was only 12 miles, the 3 of us would run out 1 mile, turn back to the start, and then make the 6 mile trek to the falls. Sadly, we were NOT the same pace.

The run was all on dirt with the exception of the first 1/2 mile. It was well shaded, with lovely views of the redwoods, ferns, and other greenery. At mile 3, we arrived at the aid station which is usually manned by one of the honorees. At mile 5, I hit the lucky tires, and stopped to kick them. At mile 7, my knee began complaining about the hills. At mile 8, I was glad to have finally arrived at the waterfall, and took a picture to prove (mostly to myself) that I made it there. Minutes after arriving, I began my return.

The run back was not pleasant. My knee complained here and there, my energy felt drained, and my legs felt fatigued. As approached the aid station again, I was certain that it would have been packed up and gone. It felt like I was the only TNT participant still on the trial. I was, therefore, relieved when I arrived to find it still there (gatorade and all). I thanked the honorees once more as I ran past a couple members of the team - happy to not be the only TNTer out running still.

I hit the beach where the team was enjoying a potluck feast, and my carpool buddies were patiently awaiting my return. My appetite was lacking so I quickly grabbed a cup of java, a nectarine, and a little helping of salad. I sipped my slowly thawing recovery drink on the way home.

It was not my best run, by any measure. It was also not my worst. Hopefully, next week will be better. I am looking forward to stepping back a bit to allow for some recovery from three weeks of harder long runs. I also complete my post-run routine to help in this recovery process.

Posted by Juls at 1:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

I had an observation that I have noticed on my blog (among others). It would seem that the first commenter sets the stage for all the other comments that follow. This seems to be true even when the first comment is off topic.

So....
I wanted to suggest that you post your comment first and then read the other comments. If you feel compelled, you can add another comment afterwards.

You will also notice that I have been making some changes to my comment field. The TypeKey authentication did not work, however my blog will have to get reacquainted with you before your comments get published automatically. Don't be discouraged; your comment will arrive to the site shortly. IF you have a TypeKey account, please log in to be added to my authenticated commentors listing.

And if any of you lurkers want to come out and say "hello," this is a perfect time to do it. I'd love to hear from you.

Posted by Juls at 10:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (17)

Ronin was already on his leash when my phone rang. It was Wendy, returning my call to say that she had not done her run yet. From the sound of her voice, I could tell that she needed to get out for a bit. I agreed to run with her as long as she was okay with having Ronin along.

It was a win for both all of us. Instead of running in the neighborhood, I picked her up and we drove to a nearby park. The scenery would be better and we even started out with a group of TNTers who just happen to be there for the weekly "buddy run."

We ran along the trail for a total 2 miles. We stopped at each and every drinking faucet along the way to allow Ronin to fuel up. He was tiring out, but managed to make it to the half way point. This was where a local Music in the Park event was going on.

We hung around a bit as Ronin caught his breath. He was one tuckered dog when we arrived. After some water and being ordered to Stay in Down position, he perked up. We enjoyed great music and mingling with a whole lot of people (including Wendy's husband and 3 sons, in the meantime.

By the time we left, Ronin was getting restless. He could smell the excitement in the air. He could also smell people's dinner. We bid farewell and were soon on our way once more. We were back to the trail, revisiting the drinking faucets along the way, and enjoying the cool evening air.

In no time, we were back at the van and heading home to grab a bit to eat. And we ALL felt a whole lot better.

Posted by Juls at 8:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

As you may know, Ronin did well in his level one dog training class. He worked hard to please me and made me proud to be on the other end of his leash. Because of my plans to Buddy Run with him, I invested in the level two training class, which started last night.

Ronin was full of enthusiasm when he arrived at class. Unfortunately, he was not as eager to please me as he was to meet and greet his new classmates. The new instructor introduced himself before we had even made it over to the group.

Taking Ronin’s leash from me, he began asking a serious of questions:
How old is he?
How did he do in Level One?
Does he know not to pull on the leash?
Does he know not to stick his nose in people’s zipper areas?
Does he know not to jump?

With each question came a correction as Ronin was reminded of all the things that he *had* known and had conveniently left in the van with his doggie manners. *sigh*

Back in control of Ronin’s leash, and armed with a stronger technique for correcting Ronin’s rediscovered errant ways, the class began. I’d been warned that he is the strictest of all the instructors. I had no idea that we, the trainers/owners, would be robotted into answering in unison each question that was asked.

The first of many Q & A series went something like this:
Instructor: On a Walk On Okay, are your dogs allowed to walk ahead of you?
Class: Yes.
Instructor: Are they allowed to pull?
Class: No.
Instructor: If the metal clasp is not hanging straight down, are they pulling?
Class: Yes.
Instructor: Do you need to correct for that?
Class: Yes.
Instructor: How quickly?
Class: Immediately.
Instructor: Okay, let’s go.

Class proceeded and both Ronin and I were better behaved by the end of it. I went home and had the last of my merlot.

Posted by Juls at 10:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

On Tuesday, after our hill repeats, the "team" took over Pedro's restaurant for a pep talk on the "long run."

My attendance was more for bonding with my teammates than anything else.

It was round table discussion, lead by one of the coaches. Topics such as laying out your clothing the night before, knowing the climate where you are running, what to (and not to) eat the night before, and the morning of, and what to bring on the run. Also mentioned, was skin protection from chaffing, blisters, elimination issues/planning, and post run measures to aid in recovery.

The experience runners shared what worked for them, as well as what didn't. It was evident that everyone was different. For example, a glass of wine helps one runner relax the night before, but causes dehydration for another. Similarly polarized was the use of coffee or dairy products on the morning of the long run. One person's routine was another person's taboo.

The talk was entertaining, the food was good, and the company was great.

Posted by Juls at 8:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

If you got a glimpse of the comments from my last post, you’ll see a little nudge from my Big Sis. “Quit whining and just run,” she says. *sigh* and then the lecturing begins. “Really, you shouldn't...” *roll eyes* Big Sis’ comments have always been a mixed bag for me. They are the product many years of experience, paired with a whole lot of love for me. Even though her comments aren’t always well taken, I know the fact that they are well meaning to be true. My sister loves me, and I love her.

Still, I can't resist jabbing back a little bit. II began my reply with, “Am I going to have to block your comments from my site?” Of course, I was joking. I went on to affirm, “I meant to point out that if you don't do the preventative measures like ice baths, foam rolling, recovery drink/meals, stretching, cross-training the next day, etc....you will pay for it.” Then, came the jab. I prodded her a bit, “Sound familiar?”

After my punchy explanation, I went on to the real reason for my grumpiness. I wrote, “And what's up with that potty comment.” Indeed, I knew exactly why she had made included “get there early enough to use the potty” in her comment. Only weeks ago I had written about being late to the long run and falling behind the group. Then there was the post where I mentioned needing a bio-break during my solo time trial. *another sigh* Can’t we just forget about that?

Apparently, I am sensitive about the whole pee thing. Especially given a recent experience that comes later in this post. It isn't just Big Sis who has noticed my short comings. Last weekend, Lil Sis casually mentioned that she, AND HER FRIEND, wondered how many times I had to stop during my half-marathon to go potty. Huh? Okay, I did duck into the bushes to pee when Lil Sis and I were out running together. Haven’t we all had to do that at one time or another. I can think of many a running blog where elimination issues have been discussed, but my family only reads *my* blog. I therefore had reservations about writing about my latest experience on this very topic.

[pause to think]

Let me point out that this is a blog about life. It's blog about MY life, that I write for ME. There is a saying that goes “shit happens.” In my case, a lot of shit has happened in the past couple of years. Perhaps you have heard this saying too. Yes?

Well, apparently, pee happens too. My point is that IF, after drinking approximately three glasses (32 oz. each) of water in a 3 hour time span, followed by hill repeats, a little pee leaks out it might be something that I would be embarrassed about. So that IF, after such occurrence someone happened to innocently mention past potty issues in a post that has nothing to do with this issue, I might make it a bigger deal than is healthy. It happened on Tuesday, but it does not happen often. I just happen to reveal these things publically. That fact that it happened should not be something that prevents me from running hills again. It MIGHT however make me consider spreading my hydration efforts more evenly throughout the day. Again, lesson learned (hopefully).

I am in training. This is the time to make mistakes and learn from them. This is the time to skip post-run rituals and be reminded of the reasons why I started doing these things. It’s a time to train my body for the big day, when I will run 26.2 miles (hopefully) WITHOUT stopping to go potty. And IF I do have to go potty on race day, because I have learned what effect downhill running can have on a full bladder, at least I will have learned how to do it as quickly as possible. I training for a marathon, and potty training is a part of that.

Okay. Enough said.

Comments are not being solicited on this topic (and are therefore CLOSED).

Posted by Juls at 5:48 PM | Permalink

Tonight’s track workout should be interesting given the amount of residual soreness that I am experiencing. My quads are fried.

Although I would normally embrace the challenge, the thought of hill repeats is not at all appealing to me right now. In preparation, I am doing my best to move around, inflict pain through self massage (via foam rolling and needing my leg like a mound of pizza dough), do the dynamic stretching taught in our TNT workouts, and Rx (ibuprofen & arnica). I almost forgot hydration. Hang on; I’ll be right back. *head up the stairs for “good” water by the executive offices*

You may find it puzzling why a 12.4 mile trail run at an easy pace was more damaging than a 13.1 mile race. It is true that the trail “run” was seriously hard with ascents and descents that sometimes lead to expletives spewing from my mouth. This type of language is typically reserved for driving only. “Sweetness and light” folks; that is my attempted impression. Let me clue you in to some other possible etiologies for my severe case of DOMS.

The list of “Should haves”:
Stretching post run: Didn’t happen.
Recovery drink: Didn’t happen. I did enjoy the post-run soup, and snacks provided by PCTR.
Ice bath: Didn’t happen. Apparently, ice melts when mixed with warm water.
Ibuprofen: Didn’t happen. The ibuprofen was down stairs and I just wanted to take a nap.
Foam rolling: Didn’t happen. Again, I just wanted a nap.
Nap: Didn’t happen either. I just lay there with my eyes closed.

On Sunday morning, I got out of bed and nearly fell to the ground in shock. OUCH! By this point, I was unable to manage any of the the foam roller self-massage techniques, and stretching was futile. I tried to institute some of the recommended treatments but had very little success in the movement category. It is true; I have developed quite a talent maneuvering the stairs (crawling up the stairs on four extremities, or 3, if coffee is in my hand) during bouts of extreme soreness. I suspect that my limited movement did not aid my recovery. Even the dogs’ walks were cut short.

On Monday, I attempted to use my foam roller again. The pain felt worse than on Sunday, by the way, and I was not very successful in my attempts to “roll” out the muscle soreness. I did start my intake of ibuprofen, but I was not successful in doing any cross training. I blame this on work, even though I could have gone to the gym after my extra long work day.

As of 2 pm today, the soreness is finally starting to resolve. I’ve got 4 more hours until T-time.

Posted by Juls at 1:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

I realize that the title of this post only makes sense to a few select individuals, but in the interest of getting some sleep, I've decided to use it anyway.

I am, after all, a forty-something year old mom (aka "loser" in someone else's eyes). Somehow, I wonder if being the widowed, forty-something, not qualified for Boston yet, mother that I am might not be as bad as it sounds.

I've been living in an empty house for nearly a week now - trying out the single life. It is an interesting phenomenon. Being childless affords me the freedom to run whenever I want, get together with old friends, or lounge around and do nothing.

Interestingly enough, it also allows me to be lazy, not cook well balanced meals, and work late because nobody needs me at home. Nobody. At all.

It really sucks.

The thing is, I can only stay busy for so long. Eventually, I need to slow down. I'm in my forties you know. When I finally do slow down, I notice things like empty bedrooms, and the deafening quiet. No matter how messy I leave things, it just isn't the same.

In all the busy demands of life, where there is never enough time or freedom to do things just for me, the truth is it is nice to be needed. It is even nicer to to realize that I need my children as much, if not more, than they need me.

For a forty-something year old mom, I am truly blessed.

Posted by Juls at 11:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

This past weekend whooshed past at lightning speed leaving my house in a state of disaster. My body and mind are in a similar state.

20K Trail Run
On Saturday morning, I completed a tough 20K trail run in the hills of Oakland. The run was one of many trail runs put on my Pacific Coast Trail Run (PCTR). Saturday’s, Sequoia Trail Run took runners through the beautiful Joaquin Miller Park to Redwood Regional Park. Traveling through the redwoods, there was plenty of scenery to occupy the mind. I found, however, that I needed to stay completely focused on the course as it was full of loose rocks, raised tree roots, and even a fallen tree branch to hop over. And it was tough in a big way. I walked many of the up hill sections and some of the downhill portions as well. Factoring in an unknown helping of steep hills, I had set a time goal beforehand to break 2:30 and finished in 2:29:05!

My legs are still reminding me was an awesome challenge this run was. I ascend the stairs in my home on all fours, and have been making the descents by scooting down on my butt. The dogs have found this most interesting.

Running Blog Family Reunion
My big event for Sunday was a get-together with Brit and Mia. Thanks to the BlogHer Conference in San Francisco, Brit and her husband Scott were in the Bay Area for a visit. Thankfully, Brit felt that her trip would not be complete without a reunion with Mia and me. After many emails, we met at Gordon Biersh for dinner and a whole lot of laughs on so many topics - running being only one of the many.

As usual, I am forever amazed at the relationships that can be built across the blogging community. You would have thought that we’d known each other since childhood. Scott fit right into the mix, and seemed suspiciously informed on the contents of the many blogs out in the blogosphere. It turns out that he once had a blog himself which could possibly be revived in the coming weeks. *hint* I know for a fact that he has at least one story that you will not want to miss (especially if you are a triathlete).

Since our meet ups have amounted to only once a year, it was no surprise that we didn't want to say good-bye. We were out in the patio area for a total of five hours. Even our server went home before us.

By the way, if you are wondering if we may have been talking about YOU, the answer is yes. We talked about EVERYBODY!.

Of course, when I hobbled off to the bathroom, they even talked about me.
Go Figure.

Posted by Juls at 12:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)

The alarm sounded entirely too early.  I rolled out of bed, plodded to the bathroom, and headed for coffee.  I was so glad that I slept in my running clothes; I don't know how I'd have been ready on time if I hadn't. 

I wondered when I stopped being a morning person.  Every day, it's hard (both mentally and physically) to get out of bed.  Normally, I take it slow, sipping my coffee and checking emails until I finally am ready to face the day.

Today was different.  There was no time to adjust to the morning.  A short 20 minutes later, I was off for my weekly Buddy Run.  This week, my Buddy Run consisted of an actual person, and I was late to meet her. 

My buddy, apparently, does not have the same morning issues as me.  She was full of spunk, and greeted me with a contagious cheerfulness.  Together, we ran through the park.  And when she asked the question of how Tom died, I told her.  She listened intently as I retold the unfolding of his cancer, until the point where he died.  I told it the same abruptness that it happened, and my new buddy stopped in her tracks and began to cry. 

I hate the feeling that normally comes when I drop the bomb of Tom's death.  I'm not accustomed to making people feel sad.  Today, however, it felt okay.  I gave my buddy a hug and then we moved on, one step at a time.  I realized that our moving on was just like me each morning when I drag myself out of bed.  It's not always easy but, once you get moving, you know that it will be alright.

Posted by Juls at 10:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

I literally began running right from the van, after arriving late to the track workout. With only a quarter-mile warm up and my post-race legs, I had questions running through my brain regarding how well I’d perform. I took in the workout instructions with great concentration. We were to do a ladder workout: 1600 meters (m) at half-marathon pace, 1200 m at a slightly faster pace, 800 m x 2 at 10K pace, 400 m x 2 at 5K pace, and 200 m at slightly faster than 5K pace.

1…2…3…Go!

The group took off. I found my pace and settled in. The usual suspects were in view. Meghan (my previously identified carrot) was well out of reach, Tracy was a little behind her, and Christy was right there with me. I took note of where I was in the crowd but held tight to my prescribed pace. Regardless of whether I feel behind or moved ahead, I kept pace.

In the end, I was pleased with my results.

Posted by Juls at 11:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Last night, I had wanted to go out to dinner at The Olive Garden for carbo-loading of the tastiest kind. Unfortunately, YaYa's friends arrived at our home filled with so much enthusiasm that I couldn't break it up. An hour and a half later, since I had not planned to prepare dinner, we picked up some pasta at a more casual Italian joint. We sang "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" as we drove homeward with our grub.

After dinner, I wandered aimlessly about the house preparing for my race. l secured the timing chip to my shoe, pinned my race number on my shirt, and laid my clothes out. Downstairs, Ms. Garminia was doing her own version of loading up. With everything race ready, I set my alarm and went to bed to dream of running.

The alarm was sounding before I knew it. I crawled out of bed wondering what had possessed me to sign up for another half marathon. I pulled on my running gear and lay back on the bed hoping that 5 minutes more of rest would provide me with what I needed to hit my goal. And then I woke up.

• Realistic goal: Break 2 hours
• Stretch goal: Finish around 1:50

Ultimately, my true goal for the day was to finish the race uninjured. I planned to run the first half conservatively at my long run pace. After this point, I would evaluate and, if feeling good, I would pick up the pace to finish out with a negative split and possibly hit my time goal. It wasn't a brilliant race strategy but this run was NOT my "A race".

Before long, I was standing in a mass of enthusiastic runners waiting for the race to start. This race is called the Jungle Run, however there is nothing even remotely jungle-like about it. Nothing jungle-like, unless you consider that saying, "It's a jungle out there."

There were a couple of runners in caveman and woman costumes. As for me, I was going with the green theme. Not the sort of green that would act as any sort of camouflage. Any shade of green would not have achieved that task. I would have had to be wearing gray with a broken yellow line to achieve that affect. I was thinking more to the effect of green means go.

The race started, and we were off (sort of). We went slowly at first, then up the hill, and finally...we were running. I found a spot in the pack were I could settle into a comfortable pace. The course took us on the local streets. The cone zone consisted of gutter and cambered road. I hovered along the cone line, nervous of every twinge and ache from my ankle and feet. Then, somewhere along the line, my aches and pains went away leaving me to just run.

The race was now off the street and moving along an all too well-traveled bike path. The morning walkers, runners, and cyclists were sharing the path (albeit reluctantly) with us. I cheerfully bid them "good morning" and received nothing in return. Finally, after many of these interactions, I gave without expectation, and I began receiving responses in return.

At about mile 8, I became aware of the 10K stragglers mixing in with us on the course. Or were we mixing in with them? Anyhow, the walkers seem to enjoy traveling in multiples abreast. It made for a bit more maneuvering to pick up the pace. Just past mile 10, the 10K runners headed off in a new direction while we traveled in the opposite direction of the finish line.

These miles were on dirt, and my legs rejoiced while my mind wondered if we would be running UP the steep hill prior to turning around. The quicker runners were moving past in the other direction. Passing was again a feat of timing and speed. I did my best to move at my own pace.

Up ahead, three cones divided the path. I let out a "yaw hoo" as I made my u-turn and headed back towards the finish. Picking up the pace just a little more as I went, I finally crossed the finish at 2:01:06, uninjured, and happy.

Posted by Juls at 4:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (15)

Not yet, but I'm working on it.

Posted by Juls at 9:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I received notification of your donation to my LLS fundraising. I do not know if your donation was posted as "anonymous" on purpose or in error. Either way, I would like to say Thank You. The following is the starting point for my thank email, which I try to modify slightly for each person. Please, know that I am truely grateful for your support.

Thank you for supporting my TNT journey and, more importantly, for supporing The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS). I cannot tell you my surprise and feeling of encouragement when I opened the notification email of your donation. I am a bit overwhelmed by the number of notification emails that I have received. Big and small, they all add up. Thank you so much!

Your help and encouragement will help me to get back on the road and ultimately to the finish line. More importantly, you are helping to accelerate finding cures for leukemia, lymphoma and myeloma and bring increased hope to the patients and families who are on the front lines of the battle against these blood cancers.

I hope that you will continue to follow my efforts in this journey by visiting my web site.

Some companies have programs where your donation is matched by them. It is a great way to double, or even triple (in some cases), your dollar. Please check the TNT has a list of companies that have programs for donation matching to determine if your company has such a program. If they do, I will be happy to provide you with my mailing address and/or the TNT chapter.

On behalf of The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, thank you very much for your support. I really appreciate your generosity.

Thanks & warm regards,
Juls

Posted by Juls at 8:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

It's been about 6 weeks since I began training with TNT. Since the beginning, I've frequently been hit with the "how do you like it?" question. Each time, I find myself a little uneasy. I am uneasy with my feelings still or rather, I am uneasy with the reaction that I expect to receive in response to the feelings that I have had.

I suppose my uneasiness is because I think that people want to hear that I love TNT, and that I have made loads of new friends. Although I do enjoy it, I do not feel like I have made many "friends". I have met some really nice people – people that I would love to one day call my friends. If only I could remember their names better. I’m great with faces and details about people, but I really suffer in the name department. This is nothing new for me; people tell me their name and by the time they walk away, I have already forgotten it. I discovered last Tuesday that the girl that I’ve been calling Amy is actually Tracy. Eek! If I could just let the names sink in, perhaps the relationships would evolve from the acquaintance stage to something more, but it is hard to get to get to know people when you are out of breath from a hard workout.

So YaYa and I stayed after Tuesday’s workout for another one of the Hang with the gang (HWTG) dinners. We had a great time and it was nice to have YaYa with me for part of the night (instead of on the bench with his DS). They had a drawing and I banked another seemingly meaningless fact about my teammates. Fact: There are 3 participants named Wendy.

Since I still feel alone in a crowd when I arrive to training events, I was hoping that staying for the HWTG dinner would help to change this. What is most troubling about my inability to connect, is that I remember being different; I remember thriving for this exact environment. Now, I watch the people that are most like the girl that I used to be; they are the ones whom I hope to befriend.

At times, I try to be the old Julie, but it feels foreign and fake. I do not want to make new friends based on who I was. The problem is that I don't yet know who I have become. More aptly put, I don't think that she has arrived yet. The emptiness from Tom’s death is still so strong, and it overshadows any moment of joy with a little bit of numbness. A loss, as great as the death of a spouse, leaves a cavernous void behind. Try as I might, I cannot seem to fill this void.

The funny thing is, I don’t think that I appear to others in the same way as I feel on the inside. I mean to say that I must not have a “don’t talk to me” wall up. This is reassuring. Last night, I began talking to a man at the pool as I stood at the wall trying to relieve my eyes from the trauma of too much chlorine and forgotten goggles. Being the HOT day that it was, the pool was filled and the weather was a topic frequently discussed. In the short time that we were talking, I mentioned that I’d been running at a group track workout the day before and, coincidently his wife had done the same. “Team in Training?” he asked. Well, it turns out that his wife is one of the Wendy’s on the team. Who knew? Now, while this conversation was going on, YaYa was chatting it up with his son, and this morning YaYa announced that he hopes to see his new “friend” at the pool again and at the next track workout. Just like that, my son has a new friend. I am happy that he is seemingly okay in this arena.

Just as I am evolving, my running has been changing too. Although I look forward to my runs, in general running does not seem to provide the same outlet that it used to. It's a trade off from letting go of the “need” to run (a change which my life insisted that I make). Being able to enjoy my weekly solo run has helped me to better enjoy the TNT group runs. There is so much meditation that is done during those lonely miles. I believe that this is where I will find the new me...in due time. For now, I will run with my virtual "buddy" until the point in time that I find the buddy in myself which I am searching for.

As for my potential TNT buddies, there is still a lot of time to learn their names and connect. During the coming weeks, YaYa and BoBo will both be away at the same time. This will leave me plenty of time to be alone with myself (and the dogs). Not only will I be able to join the gang for a few of the organized buddy runs, but I might even hook up with Wendy for a local run. Hopefully I will be able to enjoy a few of the post-track HWTG dinners and get to know a few of my teammates a little better.

I am still searching for something more of who I am – my identity if you will. I am not sure just how long it will be until I finally feel that I have arrived. Until then, I will simply be acknowledge how far I have come on this journey and try to be present for the adventure ahead.

Posted by Juls at 5:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

At tonight's track workout, we ran 400 meter repeats.  The 400s were grouped into sets of 3 where the pace progressively gets faster with each successive lap. 

Prior to starting out, I thought back to my target paces and set my plan in my mind.  Then, I went out and ran as planned.

I love it when it all comes together.  Talk about consistent.  I even impressed myself.

Posted by Juls at 9:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

The problem with cooking dinner in the crock-pot is that it frees you up from having to cook at the end of the day - which is only a problem if you are trying to avoid doing something else.

I can hear YaYa screaming with delight from the neighbor's pool. Although he is two doors down, I can hear him as if he was right beside me. If there was ever any fear of him drowning, while out of my sight, those fears have been disappeared. To think that his teacher actually wondered if he had a problem with voice projection.

YaYa's return home promised dinner followed by a trip to the gym for me. It's cross training day, and I am far from enthusiastic about anything that involves getting up from the couch. The SATC episodes are collecting up again, so I begin clearing out the queue hoping for a little motivation (or at least a laugh).

The thing that I find most intriguing about SATC is the word play created by the main character writing her column for the week. I think that it's really clever. So, while the show may offer little motivation in the area of getting off the couch for a cross training session, it may at least motivate me to write.

Hours later, I find myself tired from my cross training session, yet out of bed. Somehow, the time did pass. I'm exhausted, but whenever I go upstairs to bed, the dog begins barking. It gets under my skin so intensely that I am driven to go to him, pour a bowl of water at him, or anything else. He is winning the battle. He wags his tail, happy to have my attention. All I can think of is taking him to the pound. Even better, I can just let him out the front door and he can find his own way.

Oh, I sure hope that the time passes slowly so that I can get some sleep. I've already watched and deleted all of the SATC episodes. Morning, please sleep in tomorrow; I'm not ready to take on another day.

Posted by Juls at 11:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Have you ever been so preoccupied that the normal stuff somehow gets forgotten? 

It's sort of like YaYa with his Pokémon DS game.  He has been so caught up in finding the Pikachu.  I should point out that YaYa's preoccupation does not mean simply that he cannot put his Nintendo DS down.  In fact, he has put it down several times so that he could search the internet for Pokémon game cheats which provide hime with hints on just where he might find Pikachu within his game. 

My preoccupation was as innocent as looking for picture frames.  The outing was grouped with other errands so as not to waste gas consumption of junk miles. 

When I ended up in Aaron Brothers, I discovered the Buy 1 frame, get the 2nd for only 1 cent more sale.  Needless to say, I was in the store far too long trying to pick out the right set of frames.  Meanwhile, YaYa didn't notice a thing.  He had plopped down beside some 8 x 10's to continue his search for Pikachu. 

MUCH LATER, I left with four lovely picture frames.  And as I prepared to drive home, I noticed something odd in my attire.  I had been wearing two very DIFFERENT shoes. 

You may ask, Why? Well, when we were kids, my Step-father instilled into each of us the dangers of driving with flip-flops.  He had been in an accident caused by a sandal mishap which prevented him from being able to stop the vehicle.  To this day, I do not allow myself to operate a car without removing the flip-flop from my right foot and replacing it with a stiffer soled shoed with a strap to secure the shoe to my foot.

As YaYa and I had a good laugh, I began to wonder if anyone else had discovered the sight, or were they also too preoccupied to notice.

Tonight, as YaYa and I were heading up to bed, I discovered YaYa's DS hidden in his pocket.  I'd thought that he had finally put it down, but I guess I was wrong.  He was caught in the act, but it didn't phase him.  He just looked up at me and smiled widely.  "Guess what Mom", he exclaimed, "I caught Pikachu!"  And when I gave him a look, he just said, "What?!"

Posted by Juls at 9:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

YaYa and I spent our holiday with Lil' Sis and her kids.  Everyone was out in force for the 4th of July Parade.  It was the ultimate small-town event.  There was everything from kids on bikes, to dogs dressed up in red, white, and blue.  Even the crowd paradeded around in their patriotic attire, and I was right there with them.  Of course, I wasn't as groomed as my niece, whose fingers and toes were red, white, and blue, but I did pull out my stars and stripes.

More than the various floats and oddity that rolled past, it was a blast to see the community come together for the event.  The kids even put down there Nintendo DS' to waved their hands and flags at the those parading past. 

One thing that I did find a little disappointing, was the lack of support for the 5K runners.  The streets were lined with all of the people who had arrived ahead of time in order to stake out their spots, but no one seemed to be paying attention to the race.  It would be one thing to run a 5K on empty streets, but it just seemed wrong to have all these people there and nobody even acknowledging the runners and walkers going past. 

It was no different for them than it was for Lil' Sis and I, when we ran a 6-mile run along a lonely bike path later in the day (except a little cooler).

I hope everyone had as fun of a 4th as we did.

Posted by Juls at 7:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

On the other side of this bridge is A LOT of dirt.

There is also a lot of great running that I just can't resist. I took one last look at my brand my new WHITE shoes, crossed that bridge and got dirty. 

*smile*

Posted by Juls at 10:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

On Tuesday night, the TNT coaches ran us through a circuit training session. This workout consisted of 10 x 400 meter intervals with a core strength exercise performed during the recovery phase. The first lap was a bit comical. I launched out of there with the gang following behind me. I was soon caught by a gentleman who was completely out of breath. He murmured, "WHAT are you doing?" I was puzzled. "You are going TOO fast," he explained. "You're making us look bad and he is going to kill us." "Oh no," I explained, "I am THE one who finished LAST on Saturday. You ALL are going to pass me soon."

Moments later, I was passed, although only by half a dozen of the folks. I admit, I may have been a bit over zealous. I eased up a bit and I arrived at the recovery spot completely out of breath.

As soon as I arrived, I was rewarded with instructions to hold plank position for some painfully long period of time. Then, even before I was fully upright again, the pack was off and running again.

Wait, I thought, when do we get to recover? *Ah Ha* Maybe that was why the pack was trying to slow me down before.

I decided that it might be better to do the carrot approach, which comes highly recommended by my Big Sis. My "carrot", or target pacer, was a young girl who is always just out of reach of me. She would be the girl that I would chase.

Chase is exactly what I did. In the process, I came to realize that I am NOT a rabbit (not Bugs, or even Presto). I chased, came in completely out of breath to discover the reward for my hard work.

My reward came in many forms including plank, bridge, push-ups, side-planks, these drop down things (that the football team did), more push-ups, more planks, and LOTS of pain. By the time we finished, it felt like a whole lot more than 3 miles (which included warm-up and cool-down). It was a good workout.

I left the track satisfied that I had given it my best, and drove to the nearest store to reward my body for a job well done. I selected a ready-made salad, mini pizza, and a bag of baby carrots.

Image source: http://comingsoon.net/nextraimages/presto3.jpg

Posted by Juls at 9:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

The episodes of Sex and the City have been stacking up in my DVR cache.  It hasn't been easy to carve out time to watch TV, especially without exposing YaYa to all the references to sex. 

Last night, when I gave up on fighting my body's refusal to go to sleep, I poured myself a glass of merlot, and sat for a while.  By 1:30 am, I had finishing the ten or so episodes, and I could feel a sleepy feeling taking over the night.

Although tonight is a whole new night, I still feel that sleepiness taking hold of me.  I will, therefore, have to save my report on the track workout for another time.

Posted by Juls at 9:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)