Little Miss Runner Pants

uuhhmm.. whoops! bank account definitely felt that one. however, it made waking up today and getting ready to run very exciting. i was feeling uber-dedicated and runnery and there was pretty much non-stop-excitement as i left my apartment and headed out for my first ever run around the 'hood.

until about the time that i got to my bottom staircase where i realized, in HORROR....
someone stole my bike last night....
#$!@%#!
uuuuugghh. DAMMIT!
i hate living in the ghetto!!!!

however, i'm really used to living in the ghetto, and i dont know if this is a good thing or not, but instead of getting pissed and angry, i just kinda rolled my eyes, said to myself "yeah. that about figures" and went out for my run like nothing happened.

huh. wonder if that means its about time to move?! oh well. ANYway...

so i ran my 3 miles and thought nothing of it until i was at work with very unusually achy legs. it was 3 miles, i mean for the LOVE this should not hurt anymore!!! so i get out my watch and pull up my run to find..... **bum-bah-dee-buuuuum** i ran at a 10:49 pace!!!!!!!!! without even trying... with BIG time out trying (nice sentence structure there self!) because i was really just trotting along enjoying the new scenery!!! i say again... **bum-bah-dee-buuuuum** fanTAStic! new apparel totally did the trick! rock on Gary Gribbles Running Store... you 'da man!!!!

Posted by a.maria at 11:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (12) | TrackBacks (0)

well a few things..

first of all, i'm starting to get on my nerves. i'm in this weird "yay i love running!!!---boo running is my nemesis!!!" mental thing and GAH i just am so sick of it!!!!

here's the thing..

i like running. i do. i enjoy the challenge, physically and mentally (though mentally its a lot tougher than i thought it'd be) and i enjoy the dedication that it requires. i love the feeling of having completed a run, and more often than not, lately, i enjoy the feeling of running WHILE running, which is a big step for me. the mental challenge of marathon training has begun to have its affect on other parts of my life (in a good way) and i, in ways, am thriving on the "personal growth" (although i cant even type that without rolling my eyes at it... its so Dr. Phil of me...) of the training as a whole and how its affecting me.. "mind body and soul" (again with the eye rolling.. but i mean... you know what i mean)...

so ok. good right?

but uuuuuuuuggghhh. sometimes i'm just SO SICK OF RUNNING. running all the time. thinking about running. thinking about if i had enough water today. enough carbs. enough protein? too much? did i get enough sleep. did i eat enough this morning pre-run. do i have gatorade still or do i need to pick up SOME MORE. (and its always more...) ...

and its just this whole running-is-taking-over-my-life thing that i'm just kind of getting overwhelmed by.....but i kinda love it.

so ok. you see my problem? love it. hate it. love that i hate it. hate that i hate it but love that i'm still doing it anyway. hate that i cant JUST love it. love that its so challenging. hate that its so hard. love that its almost here, hate that it means this will be over.... that this will be over...

ok wait a sec. "it means this will be over"... i'm thinking that might be part of it... ok yeah. because i just got that tight chested eyes filling up with tears feeling... thats it.

ugh. ok..... to be really honest about the whole thing, i just think it comes down to me being really scared. this is for real. i'm going to run a marathon. and i've put so much pressure, on MYSELF, and what if i dont come thru? what if i DO?! what will i do afterwards? i've become so fixated on training, i dont think i'll know what to do with myself when its over... i mean. yes. i realize there were 25 whole years there before i started this whole thing, but somehow, i just cant imagine my day-to-day routine, my LIFE, without this. i want to do more. i want to go further. i want to continue challenging myself and my body and my mind and i WANT IT.

but what if this is just a fluke? what if i'm doing all this and i just happen to be getting by and what if i CANT do more? if this is all i have?

UGH. but no, dammit, its not. its NOT. i can DO this. i AM training for this marathon, i WILL BE a marathoner, and i CAN DO MORE. i want to do a duathlon. dammit. ok there i said it. its out there. i want to. and i've been so afraid of saying that because what if people laugh? a DUathlon? you've not even done a MARAthon yet, what the hell are you thinking? yeah...sure, why not just do a TRIathlon...

ok. yeah... why not? why not work my way up to that? i could do that? i mean... right? yeah.. i mean... i dunno. maybe this whole thing is stupid. i am NOT a triathlete.

ok... so... do you get the idea? wishy-washy. and i dont know what to do to make it go away.

i know, from reading about others struggles/triumphs, that this is normal. this is me finding out what i'm made of, who i am, who i want to be, how much i'm willing to give up to get there, how much i'm willing to risk... to get honest with myself. to stop letting all my "demons" rule my $#@^% life all the time. to take charge and stand my ground and just do it for me because there is nothing WRONG with that and dammit if i want something why am i so afraid to just SAY it and DO it and get OVER it already.

::sigh::
these are the conversations i've been having with myself lately.

im hoping that its just me starting to get real with myself... closing in on that "ah-ha" moment, finally allowing myself to... to do or be whatever it is i want to do or be. i'm just still fighting it.... still fearing it.

and thats where i'm at.

every weekend i look forward to the next week's runs. every night i have a feeling the next day's run is going to be phenomenal.... but somewhere between putting on my shoes and heading out the door something in my head happens.. i dont know what, it just happens, and the running becomes a struggle.

its those few minutes that have me all screwed up. all wishy-washy. but its those few minutes that keep me going, make me push harder, want it more...

::double sigh::

in the words of Lance Armstrong...
"Anything is possible, but you have to believe and you have to fight"....

(sheesh. LIKE i'm quoting lance...
there is something seriously wrong with me folks!!!!! )

Posted by a.maria at 07:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (21) | TrackBacks (0)

where am i going?! AUSTIN TEXAS BABY!!!!! hollah!!!! ;)

thats right folks, i am taking two days off work (because my boss is the coolest ever and said it was number one a-okay!) and i'm going, solo style... no plans, no itinerary to follow, no schedule to keep... i got nuthin to do except whatever it is i feel like doin!!!!!

MAN i love that!

as of yet, i have no idea what it is i'll feel like doing. (?!)

HOWEVER, i know running will be a part of it. and i'm the biggest dork EVER cuz i'm excited about it. yeah thats right, excited about the prospect of running while ON VACATION. now THAT is something this chick never thought she'd say!!!

anyway. im putt-puttin around online looking at all the beee-utiful places to go running in Austin and i just got this surge of OHMYGOSH i'm so excited, so i had to share.

ok thats it. thats all i got for today.

that and.... tomorrow = Jack Johnson concert!!! saturday = thank god i only have to run 8 miles!!!! (again. the whole "only 8 miles" concept throws me a bit. its still 8 miles... few months ago i'd have cringed at the thought, and now, i say it like its cake. and it IS cake. its very delicious thank god its only 8 miles CAKE!!! thats so nuts!!!) sunday = sand volleyball league!!

ok. i'm starting to hop around a little... i think i need to go find an outlet for all this excited energy!....

WOOHOO VACATION ROCKS I'M SO EXCITEDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!...............

Posted by a.maria at 04:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBacks (0)

so, ok...today's run.
today was supposed to be an easy 6 miles around the air field. no big whoop, did it last week and loved it. woke up, ready to go, got to work, left the gym and..... yeah. no. not gunna happen.
my legs just didnt want to run. i'd run for a bit, they'd scream for a while, i'd walk, and we'd start over. for TWO. MILES. there was a lot of "omg this is ridiculous. suck it up legs, just RUN dammit!" followed by legs saying, in response "oh yeah? watch THIS" and then i'd say "@$%&*. fine. you win." and walk some more...
yeah. my body and i get along really well like that.

but as i "ran" along the air field, i think maybe for the first time i started letting my emotions take over, just a little bit. and it made for a very interesting run.

i think it stemmed from some non-running issues i've been doing my best to ignore the past few days.... week... hell i dont know. month. year. LIFE. (ok obvioulsy not. did i mention i tend to over-dramatize?) because i was running, and everything around me was just getting to me..... there were too many nats. too many pot-holes. too many crickets. the gravel was too gravel-y. not gravel-y enough. it was all getting under my skin in that tell-tale sign of somethings up.

so. music/headphones---off.
running---suck it up and go.
whatever's bothering me and wants out---lets do this.
and i took off.

i mean i took OFF. all the aching and the burning and the whining were done. it was me, just me and.... holy MOTHER i had no idea how freeing running can really be!!!!

i was on fire. i was a mad-woman, caught up in this possesed moment of "ARGH" and it was nuts. i dont know where it came from. hell i didnt know i had it IN me... but i looked at my watch at one point and saw i was running a 9:58 pace and i wasnt dying. YEAH! i know!!!! i freaked out too! and the thing is... i didnt want to stop. i couldnt stop. i couldn't even slow down!!

and then... right about the time i started to forget about the thing that had me so riled up, and started thinking i was gunna finish out my 6 miles at a 10 minute pace(hi whats up delusional!)... my legs decided to chime in and let me know i was out of my mind if i thought i could do this for more than a mile, and i very quickly slowed to a hobbled walk.

soon after, my garmin chirped at me, letting me know i had just run the last mile at a 10:22 minute pace ('bout a minute faster than my norm), and i just kinda had to laugh. i was done. i knew it. i'd run 4.5 miles, i was a half mile from the gym, and i felt too good to keep going. i pretty much chuckled at my ridiculousness as i jogged back to the gym, realized maybe that thing that i've been ignoring, well...that it doesnt want to be ignored anymore.... and i kinda bonded with "running" in a way i hadn't before.

heh. seems like every week me and running get to know each other in "new and interesting" ways...

Posted by a.maria at 09:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (9) | TrackBacks (0)

i've been told that i am in the market for new shoes. yes, been told. phrased in this manner because i dont actually know that i'm in the market, because i've never been one to replace what seem to me to be perfectly good shoes just because i've been wearing them a lot. thats the point of buying them?! however, what do i know about shoes and running? nothing.

so, like i said... apparently, i'm in the market for new shoes. i will just accept it as yet another thing i dont understand but will abide by on good faith.

so, here's the dilemma...

i love my shoes. they are my first offical pair of running shoes...ever. (and yes, i get rather attached to inanimate objects. i'm an only child. what can i say?!) they have been very very good to me in a i've-never-experienced-anything-else-they-are-all-i-know kind of naive way. however, that being said, i'm kind of wanting to try something new!! (i know. i'm such a dare-devil)

so... what are your thoughts on this. do i buy the same shoe, and just keep on truckin OR do i try a new shoe and cross my fingers/say a prayer they're either as good or better than current shoes?

ALSO... what are your thoughts on buying said shoe a half size larger? i've heard mumblings that some runners (not that i'm saying i am one... ya know, cuz i'm not... but just go with me on this....) that some runners buy their shoes a half-to-whole size larger so that when thier feet swell there's not as much friction going on down there, hence less blisters.

currently i only sometimes have a problem with blisters. so i dont know if this even necessarily applies to me... but i thought now would be a good time to ask.

OOOH. aaaaaand.... i read somewhere, on one of y'alls blogs i can only assume.. that if you wear nylons under your socks, you wont get blisters. is this true? because in my mind i cant see this as being comfortable but again... i must reiterate, what do i know of running and/or shoes?! nothing.

so RBFamily... i come to you, like a little kid to her big brother/sister (or how i would assume a little kid would go to her big brother/sister... like i said. only child. what do i know?!) and i ask... what should i do?!

Posted by a.maria at 01:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (15) | TrackBacks (0)

why is it every saturday after a run, whenever i talk about how far i just ran, i want to laugh? i dunno what thats about... but anyway. 18 miles.

so here's the thing about this run...

last week, we did hill training at Shawnee Mission Park. now, if you were from the area (KC) you would know right away that SMP sucks. its known, in the running community, for its hills, and its severe suckage. that being said its immensly popular...for the exact same reasons.

so last week was 8 miles of hill training at SMP. and if you remember correctly, it almost put an end to me and this whole marathon thing (not really...but it did suck)... the one thing that got me through that run though, was this thought...

"these hills suck. omg this sucks. i hate this, this sucks"... ok wait, not that. THIS... "i only have to do 8 miles. only 8. next week i have 18 but theres no way we're running here, so its fine. get through 8 and you'll have a flatter run next week. 8, 8, 8, only 8. i can do this...."

well, imagine my surprise, when i got the TNT email saying that this weekend we would be running our 18 at..... Shawnee Mission Park!!!!! (and in this scenario, surprise = very colorful language!!)

wanna know what made it even better (and by better i mean.... not better)... this is the email i received from my training mentor (who has run roughly 50 marathons) in regards to our run...

"....4 loops around SMP...this may very well be tougher than our 20 and 22."

awesome, right?!

however... it was ok. i had phenomenal runs all week, and so i wasn't too terrible outta control worried about it (i wont go so far as to say i looked forward to it, because i'm not, ya know, completely insane, but i wasnt dreading it as much as i have various other runs...)

so, i went to bed early, woke up, body-glided/vaselined/deodorized myself in all the appropriate areas (some of which...quite surprising!!) and off i went.

the run itself can pretty much be broken up into 4(5) phases.

phase 1 = shawnee mission mountain (very steep, but not too long of a hill. but its steep. its like STEEP.... did i mention its steep? no? ok. well. it is.)

phase 2 = leaving the park to run around town, under a highway, over a highway, then back into the park. this wasnt bad. this was actually pretty great and i was loving life at this point. got a little ahead of myself by thinking i was gunna knock out 18 miles no problem, but regardless, i actually enjoyed these 7.5 miles

phase 3 = two loops around SMP. (same thing i did last weekend) needless to say.... this was pretty terrible. like pretty much horrible. however, Stripe Shirt Girl was back, as was Headphones Girl and The Blonde...and we all run roughly the same pace, and lets face it, misery loves company... so as bad as it sucked...it wasnt SO bad.

phase 4 = me taking off in my own direction like the total putz that i am and finishing out the run solo-style. this was kinda stupid on my part, and i shouldnt have done it and i know that now, but what can i say... i just do dumb things sometimes?!!! anyway, it meant me going a little out of the way, tacking on at an extra quarter mile and just basically it was stupid and it made for a very NOT enjoyable last 3 miles.

phase 5 = total and complete loss of mental capacity. at one point, i was passing one of my teammates, going in opposite directions, and i yelled out to her (in hopes of encouraging her, because at this point she was about 3.5 miles behind me.... i'm a horrible person and probably going to hell because of this...but she used to be one of the ones i couldnt keep up with, so i might've enjoyed knowing that i was almost a half hour ahead of her. like i said. going to hell.) anyway, regardless, i yelled out "gah cawwie awmss deh" (translation: "go carrie you're almost there!!!")

yeah. she gave me a look of "WTF" but smiled and waved (she's nice. she's probably NOT going to hell) and i decided yelling at people while in the physical/mental state i was in, was probably not such a good idea.

so, i finished up my last half mile (in silence) and.... ta-daaaa. done!!

i was soaking wet (in a rather disgusting way) and smelled amazingly foul (in a wow. i didnt know girls sweat/stank like that kind of a way. yeah, thats hot, right?!) and after chugging unhealthy amounts of water and gatorade, came home, took an ice bath and now....now i am just looking forward to being horizontal for the next few hours!!!

Posted by a.maria at 10:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (12) | TrackBacks (0)

its friday night. i just ate lasagna and garlic bread
(carb loading? check)
got up to pee about every 15 minutes
(hydration? check)
and then began contemplating my friday night
(no social life because of training? check)
along with tomorrow's long run
(anxious about run? check)

and then it hit me...totally, thats such a good idea!!! so, off to Hollywood Video i went, and....

guess what movie i got?

no, no, just GUESS..

yup.... i did it. i know, i know what you're thinking, she didn't, but i did!

Chariots of Fire!!!!!!!

mm-hmm. laugh it up people, laugh it up.

wanna know whats even BETTER??!!! i just downloaded...yup, you already know dont you...i just downloaded the theme song and put it in my i-pod.

mm-hmm thats right. tomorrow i will be running to Chariots of Fire.

i swear come mile 13 (or whenever it plays...i'm a fan of the shuffle) it will be all i can do not to laugh.

remember just-plain-ridiculous? yeah... its date night! but damn if we aren't having fun ;)

have a great weekend run everyone. i've got 18 tomorrow... how 'bout you?!

Posted by a.maria at 05:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

started off normal. waking up blew chunks, dragged my ass around my apartment until the very last moment possible, and then lazily made my way towards Post.

somewhere though, between home and work, things changed...
i dont know if it was the totally random but really great new cd mix i was listening to, or the glorious looks-like-its-about-to-rain clouds/weather, or what, but at some point, i just got very calm.

calm and me...we dont really know each other very well. we are every-now-and-then acquaintances, but i'm more cozy with freaked out... have weekly sessions with worried, and have a very intimate relationship with neurotic (with whom i often cheat on with just-plain-ridiculous). calm though? we're still getting to know each other.

that being said... it was kinda nice! i like calm....i think i may even have a bit of a crush on calm.

the run itself was fantastic.. fantastic in a i-never-wanted-to-stop kind of a way. yes, yes, i wanted to stop and take a little breather (which i did. once. and thats okay!) but while i was running, i just was happy to be running. its been a long time since i've felt like that.

somewhere in all the freaking out i did a few weeks ago, i realized a few things.

this marathon is about me. its not about my marathoning co-worker who i want to prove myself to, its not about The Cute Boy i want to impress/prove myself to, its not about my parents and friends that i want to make proud/prove myself to (we seeing a pattern here?!), its about ME. its about me and my own perception of me. its about it being OKAY to have times when things arent okay. its about learning, and trying, and seeing what works and what doesnt...for ME. not for my impossibly in-shape co-workers, or my way too gorgeous to be fair friends (of whom will remain nameless!) or my has-been-running-for-years friend/ex-co-worker who i want to....all together now, prove myself to.

i've been being RIDICULOUS (surprised? nope!)... as a certain someone has pointed out to me, time, and time, AND TIME AGAIN... i'm racing against myself...nobody else matters. thats the beauty of running.

so, with this new calm stress-free outlook on running... what happened?!

new 6 mile PR.
6.06 miles/ 1:08:35/ 11:18 avg. pace (roughly 2 minutes faster than my fastest 6 miles to date)

so i guess last week's rendezvous with freak-out, neurotic AND just-plain-ridiculous was kind of a good thing.... hopefully i'll remember that the next time we meet!!!

Posted by a.maria at 02:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBacks (0)

this morning was a bit of a struggle. i might've stayed up just a tad later than normal yesterday (heh. whoops)... might've cursed a few times when the alarm went off this morning, and might've seriously contemplated not running at all.

MIGHT've. but i did, eventually, make it out the door and on my way.

anyway. so i get to work and since i'm a teensy bit late (mmm, 20 minutes?!) i decide i dont have time for the 6 miles that i'm scheduled for, i'll swap with the 3 mile and vow to get up earlier tomorrow... (yeah right.) so, just a nice easy 3 miles (which of course worked out well because i was pretty damn exhausted and just kinda really didnt feel much like running... ) so, i strap on my Garmin (i missed you buddy... i promise not to forget you again!!!) and my i-pod (hello new pirated music! you are my friend!!!) and went out for some stretching in front of the gym...

about this time i notice wow. Post is way busier than usual... oh YEAH, classes started back up yesterday. ok. makes sense... so i'm stretching, and all the soldiers are walking to class, passing me as i stretch and i'm like wow. this new class is kinda hot...

like ok kinda REALLY hot. what's up with THIS? so now i'm like sheeeet. buncha hotties walkin to class and i gotta run. which means i gotta RUN, not dilly dally. alright self, pull it together. you dont want all these hotties laughing at you. go be a runner!!!!

and with that, i'm off.

::: hmm. feeling pretty good. (running, running)... ooh, hotties ahead. 12 o'clock..(run, run) "morning!!" .... "g'morning ma'am".... ma'am?! what? i'm not ma'am? stupid soldiers. whatever. they were cute, i'll let it slide... ooh, bus-stop ahead. cute, all the moms and soldiers are out with their kids... "morning guys!!".."g'morning!".... aww. cute..... (running, running)... damn, i'm feeling good. maybe i will do 6... (look at watch) ok. no time. maybe not.... but this is kinda fun.... (bus full of soldiers drives by)...ooooh. i should run towards the single soldier barracks some time. just to see!!... ok, remind self to do that next week... (running, running)...:::

about this time, i get a little cocky. i'm feeling good, and cute boys abound. so yeah....

:::(look at watch) man, i'm flyin, whats this about? meh. whatever, feels good. oooh, here's the road i always wanna go down... hmm. i feel good. lets go explore!!...(running, running)... oh, cuties at bus stop, keep moving. dont slow down... yeah, i'm awesome, i'm... YOWCH !#$%^&* :::

in attempt to be all "runner like" i trip, roll my ankle and almost face plant in the road.

:::(i hear snickering)... ohmygod. OMG OMG OMG you ass. YOU ASS. you rolled your damn ankle. why, WHY? oh jesus. oh no. i can never run past here again. dammit, why...why for all the love of the land??? (i hear someone kinda ask if i'm ok) you dont hear them. you DO NOT HEAR them...keep going. do not stop. you're such an ass... just keep going. you can walk when you get to that corner:::

so i get around the bend in the road, away from anyone that could possibly see me and i walk for a second

:::ok. ok i think you're fine. its not so bad, you can keep running. you're tough. you're making amazing time. do not stop. shake it off, just keep going and we'll find some alternate route so we dont have to pass that damn bus-stop (continue running...road ends). SH*T. now what? no no no no no. why? why did you choose this route? oh for the love....you have to run past them again... sheeeeeet. ok. suck it up you have nowhere else to go. just... make it fast. BUT DONT FALL AGAIN!:::

i turn around and see little path to another road

:::yes! you are awesome. take the path, never turn back, we are never coming this way again, EVER:::

so i make my way back to my original route, bypassing the bus stop full of people that just saw me make an ass of myself, and i'm all good.

:::(running past stables, truck full of hotties waits at intersection for me to pass) oooh. are they cute? ok lets see (running closer to truck) yup. cute. er ok. wait? are they? hmm... ok yeah. no. ok the driver is, the rest not so much. ok just dont fall again. you're good. (running, running).... (at this point its a bit past 8:00, so theres not much traffic) alright. you're home free. one more mile and we're done. kudos:::

from here on out, it was pretty much cake. i hadnt been looking much at my watch, so i had no idea what kinda of time i was making, outside of having seen at one point that i was at an 11:25 pace, so i was happy, feeling good and just kinda enjoying the run. sans making an ass of myself.

my distance alarm goes off at 3 miles, i stop my watch and i'm dumbfounded.

3.00 miles. 33:07 minutes

holy crap. no WAY. thats weird, maybe i lost signal for a bit... (run the rest of way back to gym, then do my customary walk one lap around gym to cool down)...

:::oouugghhh. ok. definitely ran faster than normal..... i think i might puke. heh. cool. :::

(cool only because thats such a "runner" thing to do. train so hard you puke. yeah. i aspire to strange things....)

so i stretch, shower, blah-dee-blah, come back to office and check out my Garmin graph. sure enough, the time is correct. no loss of signal.

3 miles/33:07 minutes/11:01 avg. pace

thats 2 minutes faster than my fastest 3 mile ever. thats a new PR folks!
(....apparently running past cute boys is a bit of a motivator, rolled ankle and all!!!)

:::sweet!:::

so. here's the garmin, in all its new PR glory! hoorah!!!
(check out that big peak in the pace graph around mile one...yeah. that'd be the ankle!)

Posted by a.maria at 10:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (15) | TrackBacks (0)

after this morning's post (see below) i had a few more hours of glorious sleep, woke up a second time, and draaaaaaged my sorry ass outta bed. my house-guest, ChiTown, was getting ready to head to the airport, so i waited for him to leave and then somehow talked myself into making my way from couch to car. (believe me, thoughts of a skipped run did cross my mind... but the guilt got the better part of me. the guilt and the relentless smack i would have received from folks like Viper and Texas Boy, etc... damn you. and thanks.)

once out there, i actually felt pretty good. the hills were, as always, a challenge... and, as always, they pretty much kicked my butt, but, i got up 'em, and down 'em, and up and down and up up up and down and OMG there were so many! but.. it wasnt so bad. it was my first time experiencing this particular park, and i rather enjoyed it.

at my 3 mile water/gu stop i met this totally precious older couple riding tandem and we chatted for a bit about the hills and the training and the weather and... the little family 4-pack of deer on the side of the road!!! bambi and everything, how cute is that?!

anyway, i continued on with my run, up down up down, passed these two chicks a few times that were, coincidentally, also with TNT, and had also skipped this morning's run due to the weather. after some runner-type bonding, pats on the back for coming out to run on our own and some shared b*tching about the hills, i bid them adieu, finished up my run and ta-daaaahhh!!! i was done.

not too shabby. granted there were moments of "blehhhh, this blows" but they were nicely balanced with moments of "hoorah, i am queen of the run"... so, all in all, a success!

on tap for the rest of the weekend? mass consumption of alcohol (kidding.. mostly...)... Susan G. Komen 5K (yes. i plan to arrive very, VERY early) and sunday's sand volleyball league! not too bad, eh?!

Posted by a.maria at 02:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

la-de-dah, i get dressed, KA-BOOM. lighting. thunder. more very heavy raining.

hmmm. this shows no signs of letting up. i stared out my window for a bit, contemplating the run. no way... no way they'd have us run in this... lightening... thunder... i dont enjoy driving in this weather, much less running... what to do.....what to do.....

i did one of those little back and forth dances... take a few steps toward the door, few steps towards the bed... .door... bed... door... hmm. havent had breakfast yet. getting pretty close to being the time that i shouldve left already

KA-PLOWY-BOOM lighting. thunder.

ok. it'd take me at least 40 minutes to get there. absolutely no way i'm running in this. do i drive to find out there's no run or do i skip it and run later? chance it? skip it? chance it? skip it?

CRACKITY-BOOM-KA-PLOWY-BANG.

heh. skip it.

so now, laying in bed, i cant turn off my brain. now what'll i do? 8 miles, thats no big deal to run alone. should i drive out to the same spot to do the hills? wait till tomorrow. i have the 5K tomorrow. maybe ill just keep running after the 5K is over. but what if there are no hills. what are my teammates doing. surely they didnt go to the run. ooooh, what if it rains on marathon day. nah..it wont rain. etc. etc. etc.

hopefully having posted (at 5:30 am, i'm nuts) will allow my brain to turn back off so i can get some SLEEP!!!

to all those out running right now, or who are about to start running, i'm thinking of you!!! i'm with you in spirit!! but know what?!

i'm going back to bed!

Posted by a.maria at 03:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

this would mark the second day of a skipped run since i began the training and i am feeling kinda guilty about it, but more so, kinda great about it. im stinkin exhausted!!!!!!!

plus... as i mentioned yesterday... i had a deep-tissue massage last night and ummm, well. i'm kinda wondering why everyone raves about them so much!!??! they HURT!!!! not so much with the super-relaxing-feeling-good-ness. i mean... at one point she was just RAMMING her elbow into my butt cheek and folks... that don't feel so good! i woke up this morning feeling like wrestled a polar bear last night. yowie.

however, i'm in much better spirits, and, dare i say it, am looking forward to getting back out there on saturday and conquering some hills!!!?!!? (and BTW, i didnt really know long runs were supposed to be that much slower... that makes me feel a lot better. thanks!!)

so, muchas gracias para el consejo (whoaaaa, dunno where that come from).... i just love our little RBF. dunno what i'd do withou'cha!!

Posted by a.maria at 07:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (13) | TrackBacks (0)

then yesterday marked my first day of 6 mile tuesdays, per the schedule (all hail the schedule) and i was actually looking forward to it. until now i've been running only 4 miles during the week and have felt like i could easily keep going. until, of course, the day that i was SUPPOSED to run 6... well, then, i hit 4, and wanted to stop. life's fun like that. so i ended up doing just over 5 miles (partially due to the fact that the route i took wasnt as far as i thought it was... i doubled back, got to the gym a second time, realized i still had about .7 miles to go but decided enough was enough. oy.)

so i spent most of the evening trying to figure out what's going on. i looked at my training log and noticed that i've almost gotten SLOWER in the past week/two weeks and am basically at my wits end to figure out what, exactly, is going on. mentally, physically, i'm just all over the place, and i'm not sure what the cause is.

so, my current plan, is um... to get a plan!! i dont know if its what i'm eating or i'm not getting enough water or sleep (sleeping has been very irregular lately, although i think it's partially due to the fact that i can't figure out what my running problem is, so its a bit of an endless cycle there...) or what. i'm at a loss.

so thats me for today. this afternoon i have my first deep tissue massage, which i was looking forward to, but i just found out they can be really painful so now i'm a bit sketchy about it.

we'll see. maybe tomorrows run things will magically be better?!

Posted by a.maria at 06:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (13) | TrackBacks (0)

blue shirt = soccer boy
hat = radio boy
other chick (red hair/blue shirt) = co-worker (also known as ballerina girl. she looks hot! go her!)
gray shirt = ME!!! not looking like a total freak when i run! its miraculous!

Posted by a.maria at 10:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

so at 3:30 today i just randomly decided to check the website for the 5K. hmm. says here race starts at 7:30. thats weird. when i signed up for it, registration said it started at 8:00.... i call co-worker, who's also running it, she checks the website (different one then mine, apparently) hmm.. her website says 8:00. registration says 8:00. the 7:30 thing i found must be a typo.

so i call the two fellas running with me and we all decide to meet up at 7:15. fair enough. co-worker and i drive in, caravan style (i'm following) and we get to the speedway at 7:00. perfect. we take a right, heading to the gate.... closed. hmm. okay. keep driving. next gate. closed.... keep driving, next gate. closed. uhhhhh??? co-worker calls and we decide if we just keep following the road around, it must, eventually, loop back around to the front. right?? so ok. we're fine. at this point, its 7:20.

ring-ring. Radio Boy calls, is at the speedway... hey... this race starts in 10 minutes.
WHAT????
yeah. i dunno. they said it starts at 7:30, where are you?
I DONT KNOW!!!!! i cant find the damn entrance to this place where the #@^&* is it?
oh uh.. yeah, i had to drive around too, you'll get to it. but uh.. what should i do? should i just wait for you or should i go run?
OH HELL I DONT KNOW... i dont know i dont know. i dont even know where i am. just... i dont know. just go, or just wait. i think we almost found it..ok, yeah, yeah, i think its right here. ok bye.

ring-ring. Soccer Boy calls and tells me.... hey. i'm at the starting line. where are you?
SHIT. i'm coming. is it seriously starting right now?
yeah. umm..
::both of us laughing not knowing what to do::
ok.. listen, i dont know if i'll make it. you run, i'll be at the end taking your picture...just, just go, i dont think i'll make it
you sure?
yeah...just. ::hysterical laughter:: yeah. just run. have fun
ok, bye!

(parking/getting out of car) HEY!! co-worker... hurry up the race is about to start
WHAT??!! where do we go..
SHIT! i dont know!!!! security guard...where to??
over there!!
okay. shit, go go go!!!

(people at the front table with race numbers)... is this race seriously about to start? yeah, we're so sorry, we dont know what happened with that 8:00 thing... did you pre-register? yeah.. name? Alejandra! ok. here's your number. (i hold it up, look around)... uh. how do i put this on my shirt? with pins. SHIT! was i supposed to bring my own PINS!? shit shit shit, i dont have pins (i start freaking out...they start laughing at me) no, no... pins are over there... where? there? (boy at table)...oh, sorry, we're out of pins. WHAT?? what do i do? uhhh...... (they find pins.) here ya go. (6 left i take 2)... okay.. GO GO GO. co-worker, where're you going? I GOTTA PEE!!!! ok, we're going. OKAY!!! radio boy... where are we going? I DONT KNOW! shit!! ::much much laughter:: this is the most unorganzied piece of crap i've ever been a part of what IS this? i dont know!! ::more laughter:: there, over there, there are people!! ok...go!!! (we run to track)

shit. where's the line? (we glance around...) SHIT! down the track about a quarter of a mile... hey. SHIT. i think they're over there. SHIT! ok. RUN RUN RUN... (we're sprinting. i dont sprint. i'm about die. i cant breathe. my legs are tightening up) ::much laughter:: what are we DOING? i dont know

(on loud-speakers)RUNNERS OUT THERE, YOU HAVE 2 MINUTES, GET TO THE LINE!!!!!

yeah no shit, WE ARE, dont you see us running? JEEEEEsus. ::more laughter, i think i'm going to cry out of pure confusion:: holy shit, radio boy, i'm already tired. yeah me too. HEY! (i look over) co-worker, there you are!! where are we going?! HELL IF I KNOW!!!! ::laughter::

(get to table. velcro-y thing thrown at me.)

what is this? chip timer! ok? what do i do? i dont know... soccer boy..hey!! glad you made it!! yeah, me too, what do i do with this?? put it on your ankle! oh... (i strap it on) well great. thats not going to be weird...

lunge...lunge...(attempting to catch breath and stretch) WOOOP WOOOP WOOOP race starts.
holy shit... AND WE'RE OFF!!!!!!

(inner dialogue) what the hell just happened? i cant believe i'm actually doing this. i thought this was going to start at 8:00, i didnt even get to stretch. i'm still trying to catch my breath from sprinting for a quarter mile down here. this is so ridiculous, why doesnt this happen to anyone else? what is going on. (i look around) holy shit this is a huge track. i have to go around this twice? shit... well, i'm definitely going to fast for this, i gotta slow down

hey!! soccer boy and radio boy... dont run with me!!! what?? why? BECAUSE!!! i'm going too fast. i dont like to run with people it screws up my pacing. just leave me. go! are you sure?? yeah!! i'll see you at the end (i get a weird look from soccer boy) ok!! bye!!

(inner dialogue again) ok now that thats taken care of maybe i can manage to BREATHE. for crying out loud this is ridiculous. i run further than this all the time. its 3 miles. its 3 miles. an easy 3 mile run. no big deal (cant breathe) SLOW YOURSELF DOWN you aren't racing... (i glance behind me) holy SHIT i'm super close to the end. SHIT! what if i'm last. i dont want to be last. thats so embarrassing. i have to run 16 miles tomorrow. why am i even HERE. this was so dumb. i'm a huge idiot.

beep beep beep beep beep (watch tells me i've gone 1 mile)

sweet. one mile. (runner comes up next to me---Asthma Girl, she's also struggling) hey!!! we just went a mile!! oh really? yup. cool!! yeah!! wait... just one mile?! yeah... shit!! oh. sorry... (we continue running same pace, start talking...)

so we run and talk and run and talk and its going pretty well. i can feel my body finally realizing that i'm USED TO THIS, so the running is becoming easier and i start to sort of feel warmed up. okay. i can do this....

VROOM VROOM. holy SHIT thats the pace car.... what the? WOOOOSH. i get lapped by super fast runner boy. awesome. WOO-WOOSH...WOOSH.. lapped by 3 more dudes...

Asthma girl and i continue to run/talk/laugh at how slow we are. i accept the fact that i'm towards the end, but decide screw it. this was supposed to be fun.

hey... its 2.34 miles!! cool. yeah!! listen...i'm going to pick it up for the last half mile, okay? (that was me talking) ok, yeah..me too. cool! (run..run..) ok. half mile, lets GO!!! (run...run) we run for a minute, Asthma Girl informs me...oh god. its getting hard to breathe... dont worry, you can do this. we have less than half a mile. we got this (i pep-talk her as best i can)...(we run some more, we have .3 to go. i can feel my body wanting to sprint...i start going) i think i'm going to have an asthma attack..

(inner dialogue) WHAT???? shit!!!!!! i dont even know this chick. shit. what do i do?

are you okay? yeah.. i'm good

(inner dialogue) shit shit shit. i could really go faster right now.. what do i do? i cant leave her, what if she dies? i'll be the girl who left her. but i'm so close. I'M JUST SO CLOSE

hey..i'm fine. go ahead. you sure?! yeah... ok! you're doing awesome!!! bye!!

(inner dialogue) GO! GO! GO! GO!

(i see clock at finish line...my goal time was 35 minutes) 34:42....34:46..:47...:49....35:00 NOOOOOO!! i'm not there yet!!!! RUN FASTEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! 35:06 WHOOSH, i'm done!

I DID IT I DID IT I FINISHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hoorah for me!

::hysterical laughter::

(inner dialogue) now that was some messed up shit!

-----------
and that, my running-blog-family, was my first race experience.

and YOU said it'd be "no big deal"... (!!!)

Posted by a.maria at 07:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (22) | TrackBacks (0)

i just got news from my mom, that my parents decided, that despite the cost of the trip, they are coming to san francisco to be there when i cross the finish line of my first ever marathon.

OMG this means the world to me i have THE BEST PARENTS EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

throughout the training, in the past two months, the only thing i've been able to think about, when i think about marathon day, was how i was going to be alone. i have no friends or family in san francisco, i havent really connected with anyone from TNT and so i will be running alone... crossing the finish line alone... taking pictures of myself while running, before and after, getting my necklace... alone. (which lately i've really wondered how that was going to even work. i'm a crazy-take-lots-of-pictures-to-document-all-parts-of-your-life kinda person, so this had been becoming a real dilemma!) and i've been getting really sad about it. i know my friends love me and wish me well, and that san fran is a long way from KC (even longer from St. Louis, again proving my parents ARE AMAZING) and that if they (friends) could be there they would... but still. it's been the one thing i havent been looking forward to.

OMG you just have no idea how absolutely much this means to me---- i could do cartwheels right now if the whole crying thing weren't taking up so much of my energy.
i am so absolutely crazy outta control excited and so thankful i have parents that care so much that they want to be there for this absolutely so important event in my life.

i'm so ridiculous.... but i love my parents so much and OMG this means the world to me.

this is... i just..... i'm.... OHMYGODIMSOEXCITEDTHISISAWESOME!!!!!!!!!!

tonight's 5K race? puh.... tomorrow's 16 mile run? double puh....

my parents are going to be at my marathon, dammit...ain't nuthin stoppin me now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by a.maria at 07:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBacks (0)

ok. flatman introduced a fun little birthday site, so here's mine...

that stubborness thing? spot on!!! (as any of my friends/family would be happy to tell you!)

Posted by a.maria at 08:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBacks (0)

one. the blah mood the past two days, i've decided, was just pre-nervous blah-ness. and apparently, what i needed to do to get rid of it, was go running. heh. who knew!?!!

two. i signed up for my first 5K yesterday. i'd been meaning to sign up for it for i dunno, a week, and finally realized ok... i gotta actually do this, the race is FRIDAY!!! as in... 3 days, friday.

i spent pretty much all day yesterday kinda freakin' out about it. its a 5k. which is 3.1 miles. which... i run farther than that EVERY day that i run... so what's the big deal? i dunno. i was just... nervous. freakie-outtie nervous, not wanting to run nervous, suck on my thumb curl up in the fetal position nervous.

i've got 3 friends running the thing with me, which to a normal person would be a good thing, but to me, even though i INVITED them.. well. doesnt make me feel better. it's at night. which... that actually has nothing to do with anything and i'm actually looking forward to that aspect of it, but its something new, so i figured it warrented nervousness. it's the Race the Pace Car 5K, which means i'll be running on the kansas speedway... which again, i actually think is super cool, but, again, seemed like, at the time, something to be nervous about. plus chip-timers (which i dont even know how those work, i'm a race virgin) and bib numbers and lots of other people everywhere and.... even though its not even POSSIBLE because we're running ON the race track...what if i get lost?
(have i mentioned i'm somewhat neurotic and slightly crazy? no? well, nows a good time to let you in on that then i guess huh?!)

so i did that whole mental dance yesterday and it was a bit exhausting. a much needed talk with Texas Boy made me realize i'm being ridiculous (as if this were to come as some sort of surprise) and the only one that will care about my time is me and i'm only running against myself and THERE IS NOTHING TO BE WORRIED ABOUT.

so, that pretty much took care of that.

you know what else took care of that? today's glorious run!!!!!!!!! i ran the ridgeline for the first time this morning and, although i will say it pretty much chewed me up and spit me out (ouch) it was a great run.

for some reason, outta nowhere, i just had all this speed (well... for the first mile and a half anyway... until i got to the hill) which i was loving, because i wasnt even TRYING to go fast, i just... was! and it was awesome. the hill part..... well, that was a lot like climbing a stairmaster. not enjoyable and rather long. but the rest.... well, the rest was fantastic... somewhere around mile 3 it started raining on me, these big fat slow raindrops, and i was in heaven.... i was loving it, i didnt want to stop, and then it hit me...

.... huh. i think i actually might be turning into a runner.

whoa......that's nuts!

Posted by a.maria at 07:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (9) | TrackBacks (0)