Calm.
started off normal. waking up blew chunks, dragged my ass around my apartment until the very last moment possible, and then lazily made my way towards Post.
somewhere though, between home and work, things changed...
i dont know if it was the totally random but really great new cd mix i was listening to, or the glorious looks-like-its-about-to-rain clouds/weather, or what, but at some point, i just got very calm.
calm and me...we dont really know each other very well. we are every-now-and-then acquaintances, but i'm more cozy with freaked out... have weekly sessions with worried, and have a very intimate relationship with neurotic (with whom i often cheat on with just-plain-ridiculous). calm though? we're still getting to know each other.
that being said... it was kinda nice! i like calm....i think i may even have a bit of a crush on calm.
the run itself was fantastic.. fantastic in a i-never-wanted-to-stop kind of a way. yes, yes, i wanted to stop and take a little breather (which i did. once. and thats okay!) but while i was running, i just was happy to be running. its been a long time since i've felt like that.
somewhere in all the freaking out i did a few weeks ago, i realized a few things.
this marathon is about me. its not about my marathoning co-worker who i want to prove myself to, its not about The Cute Boy i want to impress/prove myself to, its not about my parents and friends that i want to make proud/prove myself to (we seeing a pattern here?!), its about ME. its about me and my own perception of me. its about it being OKAY to have times when things arent okay. its about learning, and trying, and seeing what works and what doesnt...for ME. not for my impossibly in-shape co-workers, or my way too gorgeous to be fair friends (of whom will remain nameless!) or my has-been-running-for-years friend/ex-co-worker who i want to....all together now, prove myself to.
i've been being RIDICULOUS (surprised? nope!)... as a certain someone has pointed out to me, time, and time, AND TIME AGAIN... i'm racing against myself...nobody else matters. thats the beauty of running.
so, with this new calm stress-free outlook on running... what happened?!
new 6 mile PR.
6.06 miles/ 1:08:35/ 11:18 avg. pace (roughly 2 minutes faster than my fastest 6 miles to date)
so i guess last week's rendezvous with freak-out, neurotic AND just-plain-ridiculous was kind of a good thing.... hopefully i'll remember that the next time we meet!!!
Comments
DATE: 6:00 PM
looking you and all your prs this week! You're kicking butt.I love it you said all the crazy things that go through my head.
Posted by: ali | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 4:27 PM
Ale...I'm so proud of you!!! You are doing a wonderful job with this whole running thing. :-) Keep up the good work babe!!~Brandi
Posted by: Anonymous | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 4:27 PM
I love the calm concept. Workouts often energize me, rather than calm me down. That calm feeling is precious and wonderful. I love your descriptions.And I also empathize with the motivation thing. I just signed up for a half marathon and realized I was doing all this to prove to my husband, my coworkers, etc that I could when in reality, I only need to prove it to myself. Your words hit home in a big way. Thank you!
Posted by: Keryn | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 11:55 AM
seriously...that whole third paragraph on calm, can i just copy and paste that somewhere to explain how i operate to other people? that was perfect. dude. i totally get you (well not totally...that be a pretty ridiculous thing to say). i'm there. peas in pods and stuff.great 6-miler. you are rockin' that training schedule!
Posted by: Running Chick | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 7:23 AM
Everybody (and especially those of us who know we won't win a race, ever) should be running for themselves. It's more fun, and more healthy.As you get more miles behind you, those PRs will come more easily, too. But if you think about it, you set different types of PRs all the time. The first weekday 10 miler, the first 20 miler, first marathon, etc. Then it's first sub 5 hr marathon, first Boston (Tom wishes).I'm impressed any time anybody crosses a finish line, because they did it. Great job and keep up the good training and attitude.
Posted by: Tom | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 6:56 AM
Woohoo...I love that attitude!
Posted by: Flatman | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 3:23 AM
You. You. You. Because ONLY You can cross the finish line for yourself. :)
Posted by: Stephanie | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 10:08 PM
That was perfect. Just perfect.And I'm not going to say it, because it will jinx things. and anyway, you said it so much better than I did. (say that we're travelling unbelievably similar paths, so many miles and years from each other...)I love the whole freaking, neurotic, anxiety, etc., train of thought. oh you know i can relate... But you have really crossed over to the other side. Through the wall as someone might say!You have really really got it. Huzzah!
Posted by: jeanne | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM