Little Miss Runner Pants

so i just had drinks with "the ex"... yeah. ex. as in used to be my boyfriend but is no more. as in havent seen him since we broke up about 10 months ago.... ok well, saw him once over x-mas in a very ackward "uhhh..hey. whats up. lets be friends. okay"... and shared a cigarette (no i dont smoke anymore) and then went our seperate ways kind of way...

but so yeah... he's moving to chicago to be with his new girlfriend (the one that he started dating a few weeks after we broke up... yeahhhhhh) and thought we should get together for some drinks before he left. and i said yes. because thats just how i am.

so. drinks. how'd it go? really, really well. turns out i don't hate him and he's not the devil. who knew?!!how do i feel about it now that its over? not quite sure... but mostly i'm fine.

yes, i realize this has nothing to do with running... but at the same time, this has everything to do with running.

we were talking, just shootin the sh*t, and he said "so... are you happy? you seem happy? you sound happy in your emails"...and ya know what?! i am. i am happy. and i do seem happy. i'm a very open-book kinda person. if i'm happy, you know it. sad, you know it. pissed, you most DEFINITELY know it.

so yeah. i'm happy. the rest of our convo went well, i was reminded of all the reasons why i used to be in love with this guy, and all the reasons why its so much better that we're no longer together and i'm not in love with this guy, and we said goodbye and that was it.

and i'm ok. i'm ok. i am okay and more than anything, that kinda freaks me out.

i dont know what the hell i'm doing with my life. i dont know what i want to do, who i want to be, or who i want to be with. live my life with. i dont know where i want to live... and i'm not just talking what city, i'm talking country. continents. .....jobs. love. life. its all up in the air and most the time that freaks me out. but i'm getting there. i'm not getting there in that i know what i want, but i'm getting there in that i believe i WILL get there.

so much about this marathon, training, was about what i might or might not be capable of doing. like my title says... i am not a runner. like, NOT. and most the time, i give myself zero credit. but i'm here. i'm doing it. i run, and i skip runs. i enjoy running and i hate running, but in the end?! i'm out there. and i'm doing it. and it means so much more than i think i ever really realized till this very moment because i never would have thought it before. ever.

i am that person i want to become. even if i dont know it, i am. and i'm happy and i'm confused and i'm naive and i'm jaded and... i'm okay. i am okay. i'm 25, and i have a really good feeling, i'm exactly where i'm supposed to be.

****** post-edit ********

what is this, my dating blog?! first the Texas Boy fiasco....which... i know. i know... you're all right. but i just liked him, ya know?! like, liked.... ::sigh::.... but you're right, and yeah... yeah... blah blah blah.... but he's Texas Boy and... and he has such a great little Texas Boy drawl, and is just so... so swoony...

ugh. but y'all are right. so ok.

but ANYway. this is not my dating blog (lack of dating blog), this is my running blog. so.. in that vein... i plan on running tomorrow. simple 4 miles. but a much needed 4 miles.... so check back tomorrow, for an actual running update.

maybe i'll even "run into" some cute single soldiers, eh?! eh?!
(yeahhhh... maybe not......)

Posted by a.maria at 05:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBacks (0)

so i'm back! hoorah!
quick recap of the weekend..... one word. HOT. (yeah, no..i'm not talking hot. i'm talking H-O-T. texas hot. hot texas heat in the 108 degree range hot). Hurricane Rita was a no-show in Austin, but Sunlight and Dust showed up in her absence and made for a very VERY dirty weekend. the bands??? amazing. all of them. i now have a list as long as my arm of all the cd's i must "buy" (read... burn in a very illegal manner! ha. love technology. i mean...wait... what?! i never said that....)... the boys? texas gorgeous at every turn. (as if i'd surround myself with anything less!!) the Texas Boy himself?! yeahhhh... not so much. not so much in a he-never-showed kinda way. the kind of not so much that makes you want to pull your hair out in frustration because i mean really, is calling your friend (me) to let them (me again) know that you aren't coming for the weekend, so that they (yeah, still me) don't sit there wondering if maybe there's just something wrong with their (yup. hiya) phone and maybe THATS why it hasn't rung yet?! UGH. Texas Boy is now in the Texas Doghouse.

stupid boys.

anyway. i know how much you all want to hear about my love-life... er uh. lack there of. %^&$! oy. moving on.

i went running!! and it was glorious!! for four whole miles!! and then the whole in texas part of running in texas kicked in (yeah hi it was hot) so i said ummm... 4 miles is almost 8. stopping is almost not stopping. walking back is almost running the other 4 miles. and so i turned toward home and never looked back. yeah.... i love that about vacation. i dont even really feel that terribly horrible about it. (although out of guilt i did try to run again later in the weekend, got 2 miles in, and decided my four was now kinda like 6, which is really close to 8... and i walk a lot at ACL.... i bet i at least walk 2 miles... i totally got my 8 miler in this weekend! rock on! and then i went back to the apartment and basked in my "8 mile" run having been accomplished!!!) heh... see. sometimes being completely ridiculous is really helpful!

anyway. got back to a very cluttered messy apartment yesterday, in which i'm currently sitting in the middle of and y'all serious. i mean serious. i gotta clean. i have laundry (clean, dont worry) in piles all over. and i'm just staring at it... praying for some sort of "spoon full of sugar" mary poppins magic so i wont have to actually get off my lazy anti-laundry arse and fold/hang/put in drawers all my clothes. i mean i have SO MANY CLOTHES.
(yet strangely...nothing to wear.)

in other non-running news (since that seems to be the theme today) today marks my one year anniversary at my job!!! my very first "for real" outta college 8-5 job! i had a Healthy Choice dinner to celebrate....
(omg i need a boyfriend. thats just pathetic).....
::smacking hand on head... IM RIDICULOUS::
anyway. it had desert in it and was only like 280-something calories (which.. i don't count calories, so i dont really even know why i care.. but there it is. thats what i get to say about my celebratory 1 year anniversary dinner. it had 280-something calories and was made in a microwave....WOOO the big-time, here i come!) oy.

luckily for me i find this all very humorous... (at least i've got my health... er something... right?!)

so. like i said. i'm back. i'm back and i'm eating tv dinners in front of my television while i avoid housework... oh yeah.. i'm definitely back!
(and damn if it ain't good to be back!)

Posted by a.maria at 04:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBacks (0)

alright. first of all, i'd like to thank you all for the well wishes for my hammy. She is still not back to 100% but i think all this time off is doing her well.... i'm gunna give a go on the ole stationary bike today and see how she holds up.

hopefully i'll be running my 8 miler this weekend.

and speaking of this weekend, guess where i get to go?!.....Austin Texas (yes... again)

for what?? ........ Austin City Limits (3 day outdoor music festival!)

guess who else will be there?!............ Hurricane Rita

guess what that means?!.........................#$&*%!

um so yeah... i have a feeling i will be wet wet wet this weekend. big time bummer. i'll be sure to pack lots of thin white t-shirts though, dont worry!!!
(heh. just kidding!!)

anyway, i, once again, will not be posting for a while so i just wanted to, above all else, wish Stephanie good luck and much fun on her MARATHON THIS WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the M is taking place here in exotic Kansas City this saturday!!!! (holy crap time flies!) and she's gone through so much to get to this point so i just wanted to point you all in her direction for her big day!!!

my flight is tomorrow at 0'dark hundred so, i hope everyone has a great running week/weekend and lets all keep our fingers crossed Hurricane Rita doesn't do too much damage!!

and...

GO STEPHANIE!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by a.maria at 06:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBacks (0)

look, i ran!!!!!!!! and it wasn't horrible!!!!!! and it made me remember that i like to run!!!!!! hoorah!!!!!!

the run was super-fab, and i trotted along, basking in the runnery-ness of the morning (early morning. cool almost cold out, fog/mist, dewy grass...ya know...runnery!!), and then as soon as i started thinking about doing a 3rd lap (4 mile loop) right around mile seven i somehow pinched a nerve in my left hamstring!!!!!!!!

except minus the !!!!!! cuz thats not a good thing!

yeah i am so being punished by the Marathon Training Gods... and even after repenting, cleansing my running-soul, and vowing to return to the days of oomph and crazy weekday running glory... the gods had other things in mind.

i dunno what happened... but i have been relegated to hobbling about like an old woman, gingerly stretching/bending my leg to see how long the pain is gunna last. its all very comical really. of course as soon as i'm back to hoorah running!! i have some sort of stupidness with the 'ole hammy, because now i want to run.... but can't.

ok Running Gods. joke's on me. no more slacking off. you can make it stop now!!!

guh. why must i always learn the hard-way, hmm?!

Posted by a.maria at 08:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (14) | TrackBacks (0)

i've been a bad bad little runner girl.

::insert puppy dog eyes here::

i sorta..... kinda...... well.... I SUCK!!!! i've been fooling you all, and i'm so ashamed... ASHAMED!!!

(shock. horror. i know!!)

for the past two weeks... okay, OKAY, twist my arm... three weeks....i've been the worlds worst slacker EVER. (or best slacker?! i'm not really sure how that works out...)

per TNT training schedule i am to run three days a week... 6 miler, 3 miler, long run saturday. thats what i'm SUPPOSED to run. what i've ACTUALLY been running works out more like 3 miler, 3 miler, long run... or.... 4 miler, 3 miler, long run... or, or even, 3 miler, 0 miler, long run....

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!eeeeeeeeekkk!!!!!!!

i so bewwy bewwy bad.
see here's "the thing".... well ok i dont really know what "the thing" is... i have lots of excuses, most of which revolve around "but i was on vacation, and even though i ran while on vacation, it screwed up my schedule and i havent been able to bounce back"... that and "but work has just gotten to be so busy and i've been having such a hard time waking up.."..... but it basically boils down to.... i have no oomph. i lost my oomph.

at first, i rationalized it. i'm over-training. i'm under-eating (heh. yeah right. this chick has never under-eaten in her ENTIRE LIFE) so i'm minus energy..i should take a few days easy, no big deal..... then i started feeling guilty. i'm such a slacker this is ridiculous. i need to get back out there. i'm a terrible person....... but then i ran 20 miles and i started thinking.... maybe those weekday runs arent as important as i thought they were?! maybe i can get by with a few 3-mile runs here and there..... but then, last night, i was struck by...

YOURE A COMPLETE MORON THIS IS A MARATHON YOU'RE TRAINING FOR WHAT THE @#$%&* ARE YOU SLACKING OFF FOR?!!!!!!!

so. now i'm kind of at the oh sh*t stage. and i've been sitting here, "working", and i realized, i'm in a stand-still. i need to go run, however the thought of running makes me groan... but, at the same time, i really wanna go run. (i'm a very odd character. its surprising i've made it this far in life without making any pit-stops in the mental ward. truely)
so... i'm coming clean. i confess i've been a slacker..ch-HMMbadjobmeMM... and hope that the cleansing of my guilt will... ya know... give me wings.

er something.

so. thats my confession. i'm layin' it all out there for ya... i'm the red-headed step-child of the training group, i know... i know!!! but... i'm wiping the slate clean. st. louis' 8 mile run will be the run to end all runs, i will return with my oomph, and i will be your trusty weekday runner once more!!!!

(please dont hate me!!!)

***ok. mike (who are you mike?!) had a grand idea... to schedule a run with someone ELSE so that i wont easily talk myself outta the run. GRAND idea Mike!! (again..who are you?!)... i'm going to be in st. louis this weekend, so i figured i'd just come right out and ask if there were any St. Louis folk out there that might want to have a mini-RBF meet up?! cuz i'm totally game. i feel as though i'm whoring myself out, but... i'm not. not really.....(?!?) hmmmm....

Posted by a.maria at 08:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (21) | TrackBacks (0)

ok. i've been a bad blogger, but i am SWAMPED!!!! work just became overwhelming in a very cool i-have-a-new-project way, but it's totally taken away from my post-run blogging time! sheesh. the nerve...

anyway, i'm heading home for the weekend to see my parents one last time before The Marathon (have i mentioned that they're flying out to san fran to be there with me as i cross the finish line?! and that that makes them awesome?! and that i'm so excited for them to be there?! yeahhh.... dey da coolest!) but before all that hooplah i just wanted to say....

i have been running. i will continue to be running. i have severe blogging guilt about not having posted since saturday but i have been reading all your posts lots and... and i'll do better next week!!! promise!

ok. but for now, i gotta jet... it's O.C. Party time!!!!

Posted by a.maria at 04:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (9) | TrackBacks (0)

*since this seems to have been a recurring theme, i had to change the title!!!

newly added.... splits and garmin graph

mile 1. 11:13
mile 2. 11:15
mile 3. 11:43 (water)
mile 4. 10:43 (here begins the WTF?! how am i running so fast?!)
mile 5. 11:00
mile 6. 11:55 (gu)
mile 7. 11:04
mile 8. 11:09
mile 9. 12:45 (gatorade)
mile 10. 10:56
mile 11. 13:45 (gu)
mile 12. 10:55
mile 13. 11:12
mile 14 . 13:38 (started to question my all-star powers/water)
mile 15. 11:45 (this is my normal pace)
mile 16. 14:07 (gu/here begins the walking)
mile 17. 14:32
mile 18. 14:59 (water)
mile 19. 12:48 (tried to make a comeback)
mile 20. 14:36 (comeback did not last long)
.898mi (?? whatever. watch is weird) 17:20

-------------------

ok. as promised, a full re-cap of my 20 miles.

i arrived at Heritage Park a little before 6 am, not really nervous, not really excited... not really anything. for some reason, the whole 20 mile part of running 20 miles was a concept, i dunno... i guess i just couldnt wrap my head around it. all week i'd been waiting for my "holy sh*t i have to run twenty miles" freak-out, but it never came. so there i was, standing around with my fellow TNT'ers, in the very dark, just waiting to run... same as if i'd have been out there about to build sand castles... just kinda like yeah. ok. cool.

it was very strange.

so coach tells us we have a 3 mile out and back and a 2 mile loop around the "lake" (read: pond). we can run any combination of the two, so much as we run enough to equal 20 miles.... awesome. lets run around this lake ten times!! wont that be FUN!!?!!?! whoopie. bring on the party parade!

so, away we go. we're runnin'.... runnin'... and i'm cheesin along, like "aint no thang.. just 20 miles. piece of cake" (WTF?!) and as we're running Stripe Shirt mentions she's going to be running the KC Half Marathon in two-weeks (which i will be out of town for...) as is Blonde Girl. so, in preperation for that, they want to run the first 13 miles as fast as possible/without taking a walk break, "just to see" what their time would be for the Half.... and, since i'm a galactic moron, i decide yeah. that sounds like a BRILLIANT plan.

3 miles later, we're back at the parking lot and a.maria needs a potty break.... (*note: this would be the first time EVER during a long run that i've had to use the facilities... i've had the pleasure of divine intervention up until this point and have never had to deal with an upset stomach or Flow, my running nemesis, until now. and it weren't purty) so Stripe and Blonde take off w/o me, i conduct my bid'niss, grab some water and i'm back out there on my way...

at this point, i'm feeling good. strong. much like Jack in his "I'm the king of the wooooooorld" Titanic moment... ain't nuthin stoppin me on this run. i glance down at my forever beeping watch to find out i just ran the last mile at a 10:47 pace.

??? weird. it said about the same for the last few miles too. huh. something must be wrong with my watch.

but, never the one to THINK CLEARLY i just continue running like i have been, thinking surely i'm not running that fast. for the LOVE, i'm not Running Chick.... i'm me... i'm slow...

so, for the next few miles i'm running alone. which is cool, i kinda like it that way, just me and my music, and my watch keeps telling me, at every mile, that my pace for the previous mile was 10:this and 11:that (all much faster than my normal run) and i'm utterly confused. i'm not tired. i'm not sore. i'm not even out of breath. WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!?!? so i get to thinking...

hmm. i've been running for almost 10 miles. i havent taken a walk break yet.... maybe i should do that?! but... nah... i feel good! hell i feel great! omg. what if i just run this whole thing without stopping? what if i've broken thru some sort of tiredness threshold and all of a sudden i'm really fast and can just run forever. whoa. totally i bet thats what it is. i'm some sort of all-american running champion all-star captain of the track team type of running goddess. cool!!

obviously i should never be left alone with myself. i get completely outta hand.

so. to make matters worse, at 10 miles i look down and realized i just ran 10 miles the fastest i've ever run 10 miles... EVER.

yup. i'm definitley the new running hero in this town. they should make a movie about me, it'd be a total blockbuster

and with that, i keep on truckin.

4 miles later i start to thinking maybe. just... just maybe i spoke a little too soon.

aw maaaaann. what is this?! i'm tired? now!! i'm over half way done!! come on A, suck it up. you've got 6 miles left... 6 miles is your favorite distance. its not a big deal. you can DO IT!......

whoa. WHO-AH. is that dizziness i feel?! am i dizzy?
why does it feel like i'm not even hitting the pavement when i run. wtf?! did i just learn to float? serious. and whats with the water... its getting closer while the pavement's getting farther away.

am i high?!
no WAY. is this "runners high"... coooooolll... i AM the champion...

but wait. isnt runners high supposed to be a good thing? this doesnt feel so good...why aren't i enjoying this?!

at about this time... 14.33 miles into my run, i had my first thoughts of walking. cuz i was just not right. but then... THEN, for the first time EVER... you'll never believe it but...

DUMdumdumdum DUMdumdumdum BWAHHHH-BWHAAAAAHH dee-dee-dee-dee-deeeeee-deeeeee....

the CHARIOTS OF FIRE theme song!!!!!!!! i-pod shuffle rules the day!!!! all thoughts of walking shot from my head, i actually laughed out loud and ran like i'd never run before. it was fantastical.

and then the song was over. and i stopped for water. and my whole world came to a crashing hault.

i was done. i had just, for all intents and puroses, run 15 miles without walking. and i ran them fast. and i. was. tired.

i tried telling myelf i only had 5 more miles... but i only had about 2 miles left in me. so i run/walked the rest of the way, willing myself to jog for mere seconds at a time.... trying to ignore the heaviness in my legs, calves, ankles, i mean you NAME it, it hurt.... and i was just done. at 18 miles, i felt like crying, so i flat-out walked the 2 last miles around the lake, said "screw it" to my goal time of 4:00 hours and finished my 20 miles in just over 4 hours 11 minutes.

had i run smarter, from the beginning, i dont doubt for a second i would have finished with-in my goal time. but, as i said before, i'm stubborn, and i pushed myself too hard, too early, and it came back to bite me in the ass.

so, what did i learn?!
1. walking early = finishing strong
2. thank god for toilets (i didnt want to get into it much, but there were multiple stops. and just... yeah.)
3. i am a galactic moron
4. i am probably not a running hero. and should probably not be left to my own devises when running. and probably dont rule the running world. and more than likely should not host a "how to be the coolest runner ever" clinic. and probably will never win the boston marathon. (yes. all these thoughts did cross my mind. i was running for over 4 hours. thats a lot of time to convince yourself you're probably worthy of some sort of statue made in your honor for conquering.. ya know... the WORLD. as i said before. i should not be left alone with myself. i'm completely ridiculous.)
5. i am a galactic moron

Posted by a.maria at 08:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (23) | TrackBacks (0)

im so very very tired at the moment. in very camera-happy style i took photos of my 20 mile experience. the blog post will come later.. after sleep. lots and lots of sleep.

hope everyone's runs went well!!!

Posted by a.maria at 09:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBacks (0)

Twenty miles ---- a long, long way But when I'm finished, I'll have to say

There's no one out there that I can't pass

'Cause I was training while they sat on their ASS



sound off..... ONE TWO, sound off... THREE FOUR....

sound off ONE TWO...THREE FOUR!!!!!!

(thanks to Army Runner guy for the 20 mile mantra!!!)

Posted by a.maria at 01:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

::sigh::

back to reality, back to kansas city.... back to.... WORK
//dum-dum-dummmm//.......

so. austin texas. lets see here....

where to begin? first of all... great city. the capitol, UT campus, the lake(s), the food, the um... ch-hmm... very attractive male population... (yeah. wow.)....

the great friend that let me crash at his place while he was outta town... his little red sports car with the alarm that i accidentally set off at 8:30am saturday morning and couldnt figure out how to turn off for 15 minutes. (seriously people. WTF?! warn me you have a car alarm if you're letting me borrow your car. i was mortified!!!).... the little red sports car that um... once i did get the alarm off and get in i um.... sorta... couldnt quite reach the um... pedals. even after pushing the seat all the way forward, to the point where i um.... had to.....

oh god....

SIT ON A VERY LARGE PILLOW FOLDED UP SO THAT I COULD DRIVE THE DAMN THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

awwwwww. being short sucks!!!

::sigh::

what else? lets see.... meeting RBF'er Jennifer at Town Lake and getting to pretend to be a regular Austin runner.... and feeling supremely runner-dorky while taking pictures all along the trail (hehehe).... ummmm. OH!! going to dinner (UCHI for those in the know) with yummy Texas Boy and his precious Realtor Friend and almost puking 3 times because i dont DO sushi and what about that is hard to understand?! (apparently a lot. they ordered raw bleh upon more raw blech and laughed as i gagged my way thru it. real gentlemen, eh?! ahhhh... but i had a ton of fun. theres nothing like gagging on dinner in front of your "ohmygod he's gorgeous" crush of a dinner date, eh?! i'm such a classy chick!)....

oh, and the running. have i touched on the running?!

PEOPLE!!! running on vacation is.... i LOVE IT!!!! even after twisting my ankle friday evening, i just couldnt stop running. it was weird. i was on vacation. i was RUNNING! its so.... weiiiiiiird!!! i would be sitting in the apartment, and i'd look outside and i'd say hmm.... maybe i could go running?!.... and then i'd put on my shoes and BOOM... i'd be running.

WEIRD!!!!!! very strange occurance for this chick. but damn if it didnt feel great.

and that was my weekend. it was (obviously) not long enough, but it was relaxing, fun, i got to see Texas Boy (did i mention that? yeah ok... i think i did....) i got to check out the city (that i WILL be moving to... um. one day) and see ex-co-worker (who by the way took me to the capitol where we listened to a speech given by a survivor of the USS Indianapolis... HELLO!!!! how cool is that? she wins the prize for best city tour guide... EVER!... and if you're unfamililar with the USS Indianapolis, go look it up. or watch Jaws)

the whole thing was just good yumminess and fun and i did NOT want to come home!

but i did, and i'm back, and..... i have to run 20 miles on saturday.

but i'll freak out about that in a few days!!

for now, i just get to count down the days till Austin visit #2... Austin City Limits. Music Festival. 16 days and counting!
wha-hoooooo!!!!!!

(pics from the Town Lake trail... man KC needs some of this!!! especially bridges. i love running on bridges!!!)

Posted by a.maria at 08:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (18) | TrackBacks (0)