and so it begins.... again.
the anxiety. the worry. the nerves... fear. anticipation. excitement...
the training. it all begins again. December 1st, as i promised myself the day after the M'thon. i'd take all of november off, and i'd be back, and i'd get out there, and i'd to it all over again.
but better.
funny thing is..... oy.
ya know?
all month, i've been missing it. i've been longing to run. i had the itch. the desire. i had it. it was there. and then i kinda cheated a bit. i ran a mile. a little one.... and...
it sucked. i couldn't make it the whole mile... it was a treadmill mile. down in the gym in my building. and i dont know if that has anything to do with it, because as fate would have it... i never once used the tread before that day.... but... it was bad. and so, as always, i now wonder about my abilities.
so much about this, i feel, will be different than the first time.
quite obviously, the knee is now, and probably forever will be, on my mind. but thats the least of my worries...
really, my main worry is... something i can't quite pin-point. can't quite verbalize.
training for San Francisco.. the experience of that.. obviously that can never be replicated. so now, i have this strange mix of emotion.
i have everything i learned from M1.... what i'm capable of. how much i'm willing to dedicate myself to something. push myself. continually do things i never thought possible.... and these are all great things. but... i also learned... training changes me. changes my everyday life. socially, its a nightmare. nobody understands the single mindedness that it takes to do this. or...that it takes ME to do this. maybe it doesnt affect everyone this way but....
i dont know. i dont really know what i'm getting at here, all i know is... i miss it. i miss the focus of having something to train for. i miss seeing all the other runners on saturday mornings, cursing under our breath at the sheer stupidity of running at 6am, yet showing up, every weekend. saturday after saturday...
and i guess thats what it is. when i signed up for M1...i had no idea. it was just this thing. this crazy idea. and i knew there'd be running involved. i mean ok, obviously i knew that.... and that i'd have to drink less coke...more water.
but thats about all i knew. hell... i was still wearing cotton socks on my long runs. i mean COME ON!!
but now, i know. and i'm making a conscious decision to do this. and... i guess thats what kinda surprises me.
so like i said. tomorrow, i get to start this thing all over again. and i guess we'll just see where it goes from there?!
Comments
DATE: 12:09 AM
Little Miss Runner Pants - First let me say hi and that I enjoy your witty blog...it's been one of my favorites since I started reading them all a few weeks back. Now, don't take it from me cause my experience is limited...heck I haven't done a full marathon yet...I want to do the Nike 26.2 next year - it's my neck of the woods...btw, side tracked - but you need to post a pic of your necklace! But I did run a 1/2 at the beginning of November and was going through the same stuff as you mentioned...my first week...maybe 2 of running was miserable...I just feel like I'm getting back in the swing of htings...now, I'm not sure how I managed to run 13 miles when I can barely get a couple out but I am getting better...and muscle has memory - you'll regain your fitness quickly!Anyway...good luck with your re-immersion...happy runnning.
Posted by: Kim | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 5:28 AM
Yay! You're back in the saddle (so to speak). I'm still giving things a break over here (as far as running with my knee) but take this for what it's worth. When you're running, try and remember how good it felt on your great runs (and you had quite a few) and how powerful you felt. Concentrate on that, and then you won't be focused on that little knee of your's. :-)
Posted by: ncmunchkin | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 5:31 AM
I don't know if this applies to you, but when I'm coming back from a break I need to make sure that every run is as fun as possible.It's just to damn easy to get discouraged.Take it easy, it'll all come back to you soon enough.
Posted by: Jeremy | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 7:08 AM
The first couple weeks back are always a struggle. Just take things nice and easy and one day at a time. Like someone said above, have fun and just try and enjoy running again no matter what the distance. It will come back, it always does.
Posted by: walchka | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 6:44 AM
Mi'ja you know WHAT!? You're not at all alone. It's an epic struggle up from the muck of down-time. But you know, that's how we get stronger, right? Vamanos pues...
Posted by: Wil | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 8:52 AM
Don't worry about not being able to run on a treadmill. I haven't run a marathon yet, but I've done a number of half's and I can't run for more then a mile or two on a treadmill. I despise treadmills, and I don't really know why. I've only been reading your BLOG for about a week, but you seem way too stubborn to let a couple of bad runs get in your way. Just don't put any expectations on the first couple of weeks, and just be excited that you can run again.
Posted by: Stewart | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 10:01 AM
Welcome back! Hehe.Sounds to me like you need to choose a race, a goal to train for. Running for the sake of running might not be in the cards for you, and THAT'S OKAY!!!I'm the same way, I need an event off in the future to train for, or I won't get out there and do what I need to do.Okolo (Training for Boston with TNT)
Posted by: Okolo | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 9:37 AM
attempt 2 at my comment:Yay for coming back to running. Yay for being excited about it. yay for the new banner, title and planYay. Yay. Yay.
Posted by: Running from my House | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 2:02 PM
nice re-design! And yay for getting back in the training! I know just how you feel--about the good and bad parts of training. Do you have a goal race in mind yet? Will you do TNT again?
Posted by: Noames | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 12:15 PM
Congratulations! I'm so excited for you and can't wait to follow along through M2 training!
Posted by: justkeep.runnning | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 5:47 PM
Hey, you know what? That's how I felt after my first half-marathon last year...it was such a monumental event, I cried when I crossed the finish line, and starting to train again was a huge letdown because it just wasn't the same.But last month, I ran my second half-marathon, and the experience was so much more amazing than the first, if you can believe that. I wasn't expecting it to be, but it was.I was stronger -- physically and mentally. I knew what to expect. I knew when it was going to hurt, and to stop hurting. And when I crossed the finish line, I felt...like a runner. I mean, anyone can struggle through something once. It's coming back for seconds that makes you a real athlete.
Posted by: toughcookie7 | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 2:46 PM
ok, just came over from your comment on Wil's blog... yah, she did say it better.yes, i AM agreeing with you for once.no need to thank me, i'm here to help.p.s. i didn't read anything about M2?, or Tri1?, did you??
Posted by: Bolder | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 8:34 PM
Oh, what they all said. (How did you manage to post twice without my knowing??)Yeah, once you've been injured there's a LOT of fear, and I think that just messes with your mind. My work colleague/pretend coach said it best when he told me that my mind was messin' with my runs.Anyway, this was your FIRST run!! Yahoo!! and Yeah a goal, but since I cheated and read your last post first, I'm like ... speechless. I'm pretty sure you got yourself a goal, girl.
Posted by: jeanne | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 11:06 AM
I know exactly how you feel: i'm still taking baby steps nad it's been six weeks! It's so frustrating not to be where you were. But it will get better ...
Posted by: Riona | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 11:27 AM
I hear ya girl. I'm looking oh so forward to reading how it all plays out the second time around. And yeh, I wanna see that necklace!
Posted by: Cassie (TIGGS) | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 11:07 AM
I know exactly how you feel: i'm still taking baby steps nad it's been six weeks! It's so frustrating not to be where you were. But it will get better ...
Posted by: Riona | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM