Little Miss Runner Pants

oh god.

**update....

just to update you all... i didnt die. i didnt puke. i didnt even CRY.

i also only did 3 miles worth of speed intervals (mostly because i think he saw how tired i was, and bargained, that if i could make the last one w/o stopping, i'd be done.

music to my ears)

but, that being said, it was the fastest 3 miles i've EVER. RUN.

ever. in the history of 3 miles. so... basically..

i rule.

i'm now back at my desk, regaining strength while i drink my Myoplex Protein Meal Replacement Shake...

heh. i'm such an athlete.

*snicker snicker*

Posted by a.maria at 08:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (13) | TrackBacks (0)

the answer was no... no... and nuh-uh.

i run. sometimes i go up hills. sometimes i go faster than normal. all of this is training for my legs... why would i need to do speed drills...hill repeats... or weight training?!

i mean... right?!

well. wrong.

he informed me (with pleasure. evil man.) that for me to get better... i.e. faster... i need to not only do one of the three mentioned... i need to do them all, in addition to upping my runs per week from three to four.

that way i get used to running on fatigued legs, and come marathon time and The Taper.. i'll nix the speed/hill/weight training, my legs will be uber-fresh, and i'll run like a kenyan!

sounds like a good, solid plan, right?! yeah well....thats what i thought too...

until.... today.

today, after my first very serious week of training, i found out exactly what he meant when he said "running on fatigued legs"

oh. my goodness.

today was to be...is a fantastic day. by 1:00 it was going to be in the mid-30's, so i skipped the group 7am run, (rented a movie last night with building guy... Broken Flowers...yeah not so much with the good movie factor) and slept. in.

it was glorious. 11:00ish-noon rolled around, i ate some lunch, got on my gear, and by 1:00 i was at the park, ready to run six miles.

six. at this point, six miles, reeeeally shouldnt be much of a hassle. i kinda like six. six is good. we're friends. occassionaly six and i go out for some drinks, flirt a little. we've got a great relationship, me and six.

well. we had a great relationship. apparently, things are a little rocky between us, and here's why...

i get to the park, and i'm ready to run. this particular park is just one big loop, along the side of the plaza in kansas city and is a pretty popular little trail for folks with their kids, dogs, running buddies, etc.

one big loop. roughly one mile long. 6 miles = 6 loops. easy enough right?!

so i take off. i'm in my cutest of cute running ensemblechs and i can tell, about mid-way thru loop #1... i'm wearing too many layers. but i'm bound and determined to run 2 loops before i stop for water, so, i just deal with it...

as i pass my car for loop #1 i look down and my watch says 9:18...

eeerrrrr?!?!!!!!? i....dont run that fast. ookay. so. thats weird. i mean, yeah, i feel energized, and its nice out.. there are some rolling hills and some flats, and i'm chugging at a nice pace... but... no way did i just run a 9ish minute mile. def'ly less than a mile loop. crap

so but i'm feeling good. la la la... running. up the few hills... slowing down a bit... down the few hills.. picking up speed. things are good. i get back to my car and.... 18:42

errr?! um. yeah okay no. this is def'ly not a mile long loop. dang-it. i shoulda brought my garmin... which would have been much easier if i even knew where my garmin IS. i have got to stop losing things....

so i walk to my car, take my GU, cuz i was feeling the need for a bump in energy, take a few swigs of water, shed my jacket, and i'm back on the trail.

half way thru loop 3, things start to get wobbly. i've told myself i have to do 2.5 loops (figuring the .5 will bump me up to the mileage i need, since quite obviously i dont run 9 minute miles) before stopping for water, but things are getting tough.

and this is when i realized... fatigued legs.

my breathing was good, i had energy, i was enjoying the run... but my legs.... just. so. tired.

after my 4.5th loop i went for another water break, and just wanted to curl up in my car and nap.

i've been tired before. i get tired running all the time... but normally, its an all over tired. my breathing is heavy, i feel like i can't lift my legs, my arms dont want to swing anymore... its like a full body thing.

THIS however...was not that. this was my legs turning into jello. i'd be running up a hill (and i use the term "running", here, very loosely) and i felt as though they had no oomph. no push. instead of not being able to lift my leg to take another step, i couldnt take the step.

i, quite literally, wanted to get on all fours and crawl up the hill.

somehow, which...i've no idea... but i actually finished my 6 loops. my 6.5+ loops. in about 1:06...which, all considering, isn't too bad.

but my legs were definitely done. DONE done. and i'm kinda wondering, how it is, exactly, that i'm going to run 10 miles next week.

because if six and i are already on the outs... i really dont see how i'm going to manage 10!!?!?!!!!?!

Posted by a.maria at 01:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (15) | TrackBacks (0)

i have changed shirts about 30 times. i started out with curly hair... put it up... changed shirts, decided it'd look better down... took it down... decided as opposed to the sexy-messy look i was going for, i had achieved somewhat more of a rats-ness-messy, so brushed it out and dried it straight.

which now actually its pretty hot. if i do say so myself.

its the ONLY THING about me thats got it goin' on.. cuz i'm a wreck... but it def'ly does. so. high five hair! woo!

ok but what the HELL am i going to wear? seriously? i have GOT to go shopping this is just a disaster. i own two types of clothes... dressy and scrubby.

i need something right inbetween... shit shit shit. why dont i ever buy shirts. why am i so obessesed with pants. and skirts. and anything below the waist SHIT!

i'm going to have a coniption. thank god we're getting me some alcohol.. i'm gunna need it...

ok. off to stare at my closet for a bit longer. i have like 10 minutes... its time for some serious divine intervention over here.....

Posted by a.maria at 05:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (15) | TrackBacks (0)

seriously? SERIOUSLY??!!! my outter butt is just NOT happy with me today. NOT. HAPPY.

and my coach is some kind of masochist...i really think this falls under the category of premeditated murder.. my coach is trying to slowly, painfully, kill me.

im convinced of it.

he had LUNGES on the schedule today.

LUNGES. people PLEASE!!

forget the rest of my legs and how tired they are......... my butt. is. sore.

Posted by a.maria at 11:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (9) | TrackBacks (0)

oh my god. my legs. my LEGS. they wont stop shaking. like jello. much like jello my legs are and my arms. why are my ARMS sore? its as though all energy has been drained from my body, and its a struggle to move my fingers enough just to type.

let me just breakdown my run for ya...

0-0.5 mi .... so. doin' hill repeats today. up and down, up and down.. thats kinda cool? very runnery of me... i'm so runnery. just... running. hills. it'll be fun! yeah! right... okay. so. here we are...

uphill #1... buh buh buh... jesus rocks!!.. nice. lil Kanye. i can dig it. cuz i'm running. i'm STRONG. i am woman! ROAR! up the hill. up the.. hill. wow this is a long hill. okay. up.

haHAAAAAA!! i did it! i conquer all! i. whew. okay. and so back down......

uphill #2... cha-cha-cha... ricky MARTIN!!! lets run this HILL!!! ooh-ooh...i am RUNNING! up a HILL!! i am.. oh god. okay. up UP. this is... this is a little harder than last time. but.. okay..

WHEW! i'm UP! i'm... UP! oh gawd i'm no where near done i hate you ricky martin.

ooookay. down....

uphill #3... i'm... running.. up a hill. this is.. huhhhhhhhh. this is hard. this is not turning out to be as easy as i'd hoped.. i am still. running. up this HILL. i'm never getting to the top..

okay. ooookay. few walked steps up. we're okay. still counts. i'm UP! HOOrahOHmygod can't breathe. whew... just. turn around and walk down the hill. just.. slow. walk slow....

uphill #4.. i can't breathe. officially.. the breathing? not so much with the in... lots of out.. not so much with in. i am only half way up. i am... barely running up this hill. i. can. doooooo. it. chugga chugga... chuhhh... is it supposed to be this hard to breathe? this can't be right? am i allowed to rest between runs? maybe i can rest. resting.. its not cheating and if i can... get to the top...

god i'm almost to the top... oh i hate this.

back down....

uphill #5... i hate this. i hate this. i hate this. i hate this. i hate this. i hate this. i hate this...

I CANNOT BREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEATHE!!!!..... *sigh*.

back down.

between hill number 2 and number 6, the music was just a back-drop to my inner dialog. it was still going, and thats great and all, but i wasn't paying attention to it... until.....

CRAZY in LOVE... beyonce....downhill #5 and uphill #6....i love this song. i love this song. i will run up the next hill because i love this song. it will motivate me to make it all the way up without those few extra walking steps. i. can DO this.

god this hill sucks.

back down...

uphill #7, 8, 9... i'm doing this. i dont care how hard it is. i am DOING. THIS.

hah...yeah i am sooooo walking a bit at the top cuz that just aint gunna happen.

up. down. up. down. up. down.

uphill #10....last one. i do this and i've done it. i'm doing it... i'm running< running... running... i get closer to the top and i start running a little faster... faster...ooooh stop going fast can't breathe. can't breathe so close.. do i stop to breathe or sprint to finish?

oh hell, lets get this over with............

and just like that, in very Rocky style... i did it. and i raised my arms.. for a second...

and collapsed. cuz that shit was HARD!!!

Posted by a.maria at 01:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (13) | TrackBacks (0)

and it wasn't some boy, it wasnt some relationship. it wasn't a family member or a friend... it was me.

it was every sad, lonely, empty, frustrated feeling i've had in the past few months summed up into one release of emotion. one confrontation where words were exchanged, tears were shed, and i was hurt.

i felt crumpled.

and as i sat on the phone, listening to the words coming out of my mouth, i was shocked. i didnt even know. i had no idea. and i dont know if i cried more over the feelings that i felt, or the realization that i didnt even know i felt them to begin with.

but after sitting there, staring off at that place you stare at when you're at a complete loss for what to do... after allowing my mind to just go where it wanted, to not force a certain thought or emotion, i asked myself one simple question.

whats important? to me, right now, what is important?

and without hesitation, the first thought in my mind, was to run.

it wasn't that hot guy from downstairs, or to complete my project at work. it wasn't deciding between chopping off my hair or letting it grow, or what am i going to do on my day off...

it was to run. to train. to pursue the goals i set out for myself for 2006. it was the agony and pleasure of 10, 15, 22 miles. it was the focus and determination and feeling of the end of a hard day's workout. it was the look on my coach's face when i beat my time and go farther than expected, and the pat on my back after setting a PR.

it was to run.

and it was so simple. everything else, all the crap in my daily life thats been getting me down, the people that have been pulling me back into the person i worked so hard to get away from.... everthing else evaporated. i had forgotten, in the past few months, how important all of this is to me. i was trying to live a non-training life while attempting to train, and everything was slowly falling apart.

it took a pretty serious slap in the face for me to get it... but.. i got it. and, surprisingly, i even think i know what to do about it.

so. im starting over again. i can't change the first few weeks of training. i can't go back and run those miles harder, or faster. i can't go back and lift more weight, or stretch just a little longer.

i can just start right here, and right now. i can decide this is what i'm doing, this is what i want, and i can begin anew.

and thats what i did. today, not because it was on the schedule, but because i just wanted to... i ran. and it was everything you could ever want it to be. it was medicinal.

and it was just the kind of welcome back i was looking for.

Posted by a.maria at 08:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (19) | TrackBacks (0)

in san diego?

lil race called the ROCK n ROLL MARATHON.

mm-hmm. yeah. i am. no big deal. just... running a marathon.

my SECOND. to be exact. yup. yeahhh.. no big deal. just runnin.

(sometimes i just gotta throw that out there, ya know?)

anyway, here's what i was thinkin... in all the blogs i read and all the comments i've got, i've come to learn that there's just going to be a retarded number of RBF'ers at this marathon, and, being the kinda dorky excited giddy that i am.. i was just wanting to know who all would be out there and for how long and OHMYGOSH AREN'T YOU SO EXCITED CUZ I AM!!!?!!

why this excitement has hit me today, of all hung-over-staying late at work-cut my run short from 3 miles to 2 miles-days, i have no idea. but it has. i am. and there ya have it.

so. this is just simply a request to all RBF'ers, and.. whomever.. to give a shout out in the comments and lemme (and the rest of us all) know who will be making a san diego appearance!

m'kay? easy enough right?! cool.

alright. back to work .

Posted by a.maria at 05:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (15) | TrackBacks (0)

who happens to be New Years Guy's best friend.

who happens to not, exactly, know whats going on with me and New Years Guy for some very good reasons.

but who now? oh he knows. ooooooooooh he knows. because... like i said... brilliant. i'm brilliant)

but that now i can't really go into full detail about because i'm just too busy. TOO BUSY.

so. catching things up-to-date, here's whats going on.

ONE....i got a personal trainer. same guy i trained with for TNT, but now i'm paying him to torture me.

and he's really good at it. my new schedule includes speed drills (which... may i just say, i did for the first time yesterday, and loathe, looooooathe with all my heart and soul? and the term speed, really, shouldn't even be put into the equation. and neither should lungs or breathing or life in general because really? i almost died.)..........

as well as hill-training (which i get to do for the first time next week), swimming (i.... yeah.), lunges (ouch), and a new and exciting regimen with the lifting of the weights.

he hates me. i'm convinced he hates me. he's also upped my mileage and the days that i run.. in that i now run 4, instead of 3 days a week.

i'm the proper amount of excited combined with the probably more than necessary amount of scared. we'll see how it goes. my first swim is friday.

HA!

TWO.... my job has me pulling out my hair stressed. the project i'm working on is a.) important b.) loooo-oooong c.) due very soon. i'm pulling some late hours and some weekend office-visits and can almost taste the feeling of BEING DONE.

but i'm not quite there. hence the TOO BUSY from earlier.

THREE.... i got re-measured. just before my ski-trip, i got re-measured, so i can properly track my progress with my trainer.

here are the new numbers

body fat = 24.5% (down from 32.4% back in november, hoorah, cuz that was horrible. and even though i said, at the time, that "i'd like to just get my body fat down to 24.. that'd be ideal"... obviously, 24.5% has now become not good enough and the new goal is 20%...)

weight = 134-136ish depending on the day/time of day (down from 138. how i lost so much body fat and so little weight is beyond me. goal here would be about 125)

FOUR.... things with building guy and new years guy are progressing nicely. i think.

i'm really not sure. things are just kinda nuts and to be perfectly honest, guys are just entirely too hard to read, but so far, besides yesterday's email debacle, i've been able to maintain my facade of the mature-yet-flirty, silly-yet-put-together, open-yet-mysterious girl.

obviously this has required an absurd amount of effort and its only a matter of time before the real me, the neurotic-chaotic-can't find her glasses, oh they're on her head-forgetful-mess of a girl me, shines through.

but until then, we're just goin' with it... i'm sure disaster is just biding his time in the corner, but, its nothin but fun till then!

FIVE.... i have to run 10 miles on saturday. not only does this frighten me, like any good 10 mile run would, but the high for the day is going to be about 24 degrees.

the HIGH is 24. meaning it will be less than 24* at 7am. this does not bode well, because i did not handle this past week's 7-mile actual 24* run very well.

my ass went numb. is that... is that normal? it like, went numb... i was at about 6.4ish when i got to my car and decided ass numbness was a really good reason NOT to finish out the last half mile... so....

saturday's 10??? i... just... well. we'll see....

and SIX... there's no real six. nothing outside of i am teetering on losing it, between my job, and my life and my running.. i've just been go! go! go! and something's gotta give, ya know? cuz... this is nuts.

but thats all i got. you're all caught up on me. hopefully i'll get back to posting on a regular basis, but until then, happy running and happy hump day!

Posted by a.maria at 08:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (23) | TrackBacks (0)

happy valentines day to the bloggiest of bloggy families ever!

Posted by a.maria at 09:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

i literally have goosebumps right now as i sit and watch the opening ceremonies.

ever since i can remember i've been drawn to the olympic games, both winter and summer... and as always, i sit here, like a small child, watching in awe as the dancers and athletes and musicians perform.

nothing compares to the majesty of the olympics for me, and for the first time this "season".. i'm inspired, and i can't wait for tomorrows run!

Posted by a.maria at 06:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (10) | TrackBacks (0)

and so i did. and it was fun.

3+ something miles in i have no idea what amount of time. mostly for two reasons...

one... its just not what this run was about. time wasn't what was important... but more than that...

two... God decided to have one of His "teehee i'm so funny" episodes that He loves pulling on me, and right at about 2.57 miles, when i was deep in the middle of a oooh, i'm feeling good, lets speed it up little jaunt... the treadmill, just...

stops.

just.... nuthin. no go.

so, after composing myself (i may or may not have slammed into the front of the treadmill...which may or may not have caused me to shout forth from my mouth a very colorful word.... to two....) i, being the detective/macGyver that i am, stared at the machine (attempting to intimidate it into submission, i suppose) for a good minute or two before the chick running next to me suggested i hit reset..

brilliant. treadmill is now running again... though its completely erased my mileage and time... so.. i ran another half-mile and figured it was 3+ something, and.... hey! that wasn't so bad!! i kinda liked it!! so i de-mounted, and called the run a success.

little miss runner pants is back! i know you were all so worried !!

Posted by a.maria at 04:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (19) | TrackBacks (0)

this is ridiculous.

its been nine days.. n-i-n-e...

between "recovering" from my 10K (which, you know, apparently, takes 3 days) to 4 days of vacation/snowboarding to screw that i'm friggin exhausted there's no way i'm even attemting to pretend that i even WANT to run to today... to..

....i had a nose bleed for almost an hour today. a NOSE BLEED.... at WORK!! that has got to be some sort of free pass to not run....

things ain't looking good for the "first official week of training".

i'm not totally sure whats up. i am excited to train for another marathon.... in theory i am excited to train for another marathon. the idea of getting out there and running 4 days a week, besides terrifying... is exciting. it is... i just...

i... can't quite bring myself to do it. theres this part of me that doesn't think i have it in me. a part of me looks at my 10K with pure humiliation, and takes that as a cue that... honey, you ain't no runner....!!

what am i doing, you know? who am i trying to be? what am i trying to prove? what if something goes horribly wrong again? what if i burn out mid-season and fail? what if i never get any faster... if the running never gets easier?

what if what if what if.

i hate what ifs. they're so pointless.... i know. i know i can do it. i know i will do it.. i've already signed up, i just...

i feel like theres something missing. theres a part of this whole equation that doesnt feel right.

theres something i need to do. something that needs to happen. something that someone needs to say to me. or i to them.. i'm not sure.

but my motivation, something i normally am pretty good at creating for myself... well. i guess thats whats missing.

and i know i'm not the only one that is going/has gone thru this. i know its a struggle for everyone at one point or another... but right now, i feel like i'm alone in this.

i feel like i'm alone. and i'm just not entirely sure what to do about it.

Posted by a.maria at 03:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (19) | TrackBacks (0)

today, though, is one of my favorite blogger- turned- friend's birthday, so head on over to not born to run and wish her a happy Feb. 7th!!

Posted by a.maria at 06:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

um. so thats pretty much what i looked like snowboarding all weekend......!!

Posted by a.maria at 04:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (10) | TrackBacks (0)

omg. omg. omg.

OHMYGOD.

okay. so. JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEsus this is bad. okay.

so. remember, from wayyyyyy back before new years, there was Hottie Guy that lived in my building? and things fizzled out at a suprisingly rapid speed the night i saw him going home with some chick that wasn't me and... i haven't really talked about him since?

well. there have been..... developments.

Hottie Guy has now become Building Guy (cuz after spending some time with him... he's.... really good looking. but only occasionally oozes hotness.... no longer earning title as Hottie Guy.)...

anyway. so. Building Guy. as i said, there have been developments. but these developments have been..... mmm. rather sudden? shall we say? and.. homie don't play that y'all.

so, warning sirens have gone off, and flags have been thrown.

Building Guy is now considered.....fishy.

after this past weekend's developments i decided i needed to conduct some reconnaissance...

however. being that we have few friends in common, this did not come easily. so today, at the office, i talked with m'boys and since i'm leaving for the weekend we all agreed i needed to see him tonight.

so. we devised a sneaky little plan.

actually they devised a total crap plan (ask him out for a drink? please... as if i'd do something so ridiculous) and i came up with my OWN sneaky little plan.

mmmm. what's this plan you ask?!

welllll........

ya know how i had a leaky toilet... and....because i moonlight as a plumber was able to fix it with a SCREWDRIVER?!?!?!? well...

what if it was magically leaky again, and.... i... didn't have a screwdriver??!!!

do we see where this is going?!

so. fast-forward to him lending me the screwdriver....oh, i dont know what kind of screwdriver i need, there are just some screws..... and there's that floaty ball thing?!... so..... i was just going to see if i could fix it by tightening and loosening the screws....!!! batting my eyes, batting my eyes, girl in distress, batting my eyes....

blah blah blah, we talk, i giggle... the whole charade. he gives me the screwdrivers, i go up to my apartment, tighten tighten, yawn, check my email, read my mail..... ok. how long should this take me? its been like 3 minutes. is that long enough? i just had to "tighten" one screw..... hmmmm...

ok. so.

at this point, as i'm sitting on the floor of my bathroom staring at my toilet trying to kill time, i start realizing what i'm doing... i'm FAKE fixing my FAKE broken toilet. for a boy i'm not even sure i LIKE. i have been watching entirely too many Sex and the City DVD's... this is ridiculous.

so. i pick up the screwdriver and head back down to his apartment. recon over. this is lame.

i leave my floor, walk down the stairwell to his floor and........... i didnt grab my keys. shit. shit shit shit. i didnt grab my keys. you need a key to get onto the floor from the stairwell.. from ALL the stairwells in the BUILDING, you need a key to actually get ONTO the floor.

omgomgomgomgomg. omg. no. NONONONONONONOOOOOOOOOOO!! shit. shit. i'm completley locked out. shit. omg. no. you've got to be kidding me. omg. you've got to be kidding me...... omg this is like karma payback for being the most insane girl i even KNOW. omg. now what do i do? NOW. WHAT???!?!?!

as you can imagine... i'm laughing, now, to the point where i'm almost crying, because this, really? REALLY? would only EVER happen to me.... . so i walk up back up to my stairs, and kind of stare at the doorknob...

uummmmmm....... okay? so... okay. we can fix this. we... i have... what... i have. OMG!! i have a screwdriver with like 90 different screw heads! what if i... omg i'm totally macGyver we learned that yesterday. i'll just... break in! YEAH!

tried it. didnt work. not even close.

@%$&*#%@^!!!!!!!!!

so i compose myself... walk downstairs, out my side door, around the block to the front of my building, and come to the entryway, where there's a call box.

goodie. i'm going to have to call Building Guy to let me in, and then i'm going to have to explain how it is, exactly, that i went from tightening a few screws on my toilet, to getting myself locked out OF THE BUILDING!.... and i thought HE was fishy? i'm down right friggin batty out of my mind insane no wonder i'm FREAKING SINGLE omg i can't believe this is actually happening to me please GOD let him think this is funny.....

so. i call...

hello?controlling my laugher.. uh, yeah? building guy?! omg. a.maria? ummmm laugh laugh... did you get locked out?!!! ummmmmmm

click. he lets me in.

i go up to his apartment, he answers the door laughing at me (WHEW for a dude with a sense of humor, eh?!) he lets me in, i try to cute-ify the situation oh...heehee.. aren't i cute, i locked myself out..... we chat for a bit, i'm mortified, he walks me up to my floor to let me in, i come home and... bascially....

stood in the corner and just banged my head against the wall... because seriously? really?..... REALLY?!?

there are no words. i just....

wow.... ya know? i amaze even myself sometimes!

Posted by a.maria at 08:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (24) | TrackBacks (0)