i am redonkulous.
omg. omg. omg.
OHMYGOD.
okay. so. JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEsus this is bad. okay.
so. remember, from wayyyyyy back before new years, there was Hottie Guy that lived in my building? and things fizzled out at a suprisingly rapid speed the night i saw him going home with some chick that wasn't me and... i haven't really talked about him since?
well. there have been..... developments.
Hottie Guy has now become Building Guy (cuz after spending some time with him... he's.... really good looking. but only occasionally oozes hotness.... no longer earning title as Hottie Guy.)...
anyway. so. Building Guy. as i said, there have been developments. but these developments have been..... mmm. rather sudden? shall we say? and.. homie don't play that y'all.
so, warning sirens have gone off, and flags have been thrown.
Building Guy is now considered.....fishy.
after this past weekend's developments i decided i needed to conduct some reconnaissance...
however. being that we have few friends in common, this did not come easily. so today, at the office, i talked with m'boys and since i'm leaving for the weekend we all agreed i needed to see him tonight.
so. we devised a sneaky little plan.
actually they devised a total crap plan (ask him out for a drink? please... as if i'd do something so ridiculous) and i came up with my OWN sneaky little plan.
mmmm. what's this plan you ask?!
welllll........
ya know how i had a leaky toilet... and....because i moonlight as a plumber was able to fix it with a SCREWDRIVER?!?!?!? well...
what if it was magically leaky again, and.... i... didn't have a screwdriver??!!!
do we see where this is going?!
so. fast-forward to him lending me the screwdriver....oh, i dont know what kind of screwdriver i need, there are just some screws..... and there's that floaty ball thing?!... so..... i was just going to see if i could fix it by tightening and loosening the screws....!!! batting my eyes, batting my eyes, girl in distress, batting my eyes....
blah blah blah, we talk, i giggle... the whole charade. he gives me the screwdrivers, i go up to my apartment, tighten tighten, yawn, check my email, read my mail..... ok. how long should this take me? its been like 3 minutes. is that long enough? i just had to "tighten" one screw..... hmmmm...
ok. so.
at this point, as i'm sitting on the floor of my bathroom staring at my toilet trying to kill time, i start realizing what i'm doing... i'm FAKE fixing my FAKE broken toilet. for a boy i'm not even sure i LIKE. i have been watching entirely too many Sex and the City DVD's... this is ridiculous.
so. i pick up the screwdriver and head back down to his apartment. recon over. this is lame.
i leave my floor, walk down the stairwell to his floor and........... i didnt grab my keys. shit. shit shit shit. i didnt grab my keys. you need a key to get onto the floor from the stairwell.. from ALL the stairwells in the BUILDING, you need a key to actually get ONTO the floor.
omgomgomgomgomg. omg. no. NONONONONONONOOOOOOOOOOO!! shit. shit. i'm completley locked out. shit. omg. no. you've got to be kidding me. omg. you've got to be kidding me...... omg this is like karma payback for being the most insane girl i even KNOW. omg. now what do i do? NOW. WHAT???!?!?!
as you can imagine... i'm laughing, now, to the point where i'm almost crying, because this, really? REALLY? would only EVER happen to me.... . so i walk up back up to my stairs, and kind of stare at the doorknob...
uummmmmm....... okay? so... okay. we can fix this. we... i have... what... i have. OMG!! i have a screwdriver with like 90 different screw heads! what if i... omg i'm totally macGyver we learned that yesterday. i'll just... break in! YEAH!
tried it. didnt work. not even close.
@%$&*#%@^!!!!!!!!!
so i compose myself... walk downstairs, out my side door, around the block to the front of my building, and come to the entryway, where there's a call box.
goodie. i'm going to have to call Building Guy to let me in, and then i'm going to have to explain how it is, exactly, that i went from tightening a few screws on my toilet, to getting myself locked out OF THE BUILDING!.... and i thought HE was fishy? i'm down right friggin batty out of my mind insane no wonder i'm FREAKING SINGLE omg i can't believe this is actually happening to me please GOD let him think this is funny.....
so. i call...
hello?controlling my laugher.. uh, yeah? building guy?! omg. a.maria? ummmm laugh laugh... did you get locked out?!!! ummmmmmm
click. he lets me in.
i go up to his apartment, he answers the door laughing at me (WHEW for a dude with a sense of humor, eh?!) he lets me in, i try to cute-ify the situation oh...heehee.. aren't i cute, i locked myself out..... we chat for a bit, i'm mortified, he walks me up to my floor to let me in, i come home and... bascially....
stood in the corner and just banged my head against the wall... because seriously? really?..... REALLY?!?
there are no words. i just....
wow.... ya know? i amaze even myself sometimes!
Comments
DATE: 5:41 AM
On the contrary, from a guy's perpective, an event like this doesn't make you look bad so much as it's an opportunity for Prince Charming to aid the damsel in distress. Guys really get a charge out of rescuing a woman in need (especially a cute one). Don't feel bad. You probably scored more points by letting him help you than by borrowing a screwdriver so you could help yourself.
Posted by: Anonymous | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 5:39 AM
Aww...sounds like you might need a new plan. At least he let you back into the building.
Posted by: ncmunchkin | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 5:46 AM
I'm confused...what's fishy about him? He seems nice. Remember...most guys don't quite get subtle when it comes to girls they like. So if he has been suddenly more interested, it's probably because he just realized he likes you. Just a thought...
Posted by: Keryn | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 5:42 AM
that totally happened to me during the sex and the city DVD marathon. I made all these plans for recon, and using my girlyness... it never worked.at least he let you in!
Posted by: Running from my House | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 6:17 AM
this could only happen to you... it's like an i love lucy episode! but anon is right; if he thinks your cute, he'll be feelin' all manly and macho-y for rescuing you. score!
Posted by: jeanne | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 6:00 AM
Um...you aren't crazy..you are funny. Making us laugh is very important!Keep up the good work. :)
Posted by: Flatman | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 3:23 PM
*sigh*did the problem have to be with your toilet? was there no more interesting plumbing fixture or appliance to choose?*heavy sigh*how about pulling a cable off of the back of your TV or somethin', and invitin' him down because it's a SuperBowl emergency if you don't have cable for Sunday... thanks for findin' that loose cable, here's a beer for your trouble, let's sit on the couch watch the TV you just fixed for me Mr. Everything and drink it, by the way -- wanna watch the game together Sunday?that's a move. can i borrow a screwdriver so i can fix my working toilet, and lock myself out of the apartment -- not so much.no need to thank me, i'm here to help.
Posted by: Bolder | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 2:11 PM
OH MY GOD!!!!That was hilarious... Too funny!Hey, he really might think you're cute now... Okay, but NOW you totally have an IN, girl! Bake that man some cookies to thank him!!!! And, then maybe you get to chatting again... blah blah blah, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah... battabing battaboom...Okay, you get the picture :)
Posted by: Jen | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 1:01 PM
How many "I Love Lucy"'s did you watch as a kid?
Posted by: Neil | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 11:35 AM
You are too hilarious!
Posted by: Amy | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 8:39 AM
Funny stuff. My two cents:Ya know what I think is fishy about Building Guy....why didn't he offer to fix the toilet??? He hands you a screwdriver and sends you on your way..... So Not Cool!
Posted by: The Running Red Sox Fan | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 8:10 AM
I don't think I can read your blog at work anymore. You make me laugh WAYYYY too loud and I'm starting to get funny looks from my boss.Hopefully all works out with "Building Guy!"Oh man...WHAT IF, Building Guy is secretly an RBFer...and has been following your stories all along...!?
Posted by: Running Jayhawk | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 7:59 AM
you need to write a sitcom pilot. your life is a riot, a.
Posted by: jeff | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 7:49 AM
Next time ask him out for a drink :) You are too cute.
Posted by: stronger | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 6:52 AM
Hi-larious!V. sitcom like.Hope hes not sketchy!!!-EJM
Posted by: Anonymous | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 6:22 AM
I love this story, it was just what I needed this morning.It is funny how he starts out a hottie, then very good looking then fishy ...
Posted by: ali | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 11:42 AM
Hey I really enjoyed reading your blog. You have a great sense of style in your writing!
Posted by: Kurt | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 3:21 AM
Besides him not not offering to help (which would be a perfect and easy way to get in your apartment) I missed why he's now fishy.What was the orignal need for the recon?Funny stuff.
Posted by: Okolo | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 9:16 AM
Ahem. As stated before, you need a television show! Dang, girl. Funny stuff.
Posted by: boiledpnut | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 4:58 AM
I soooo agree with Red Sox Fan. BIG RED FLAG there. Remember....men get 3 red flags..then they're OUT!
Posted by: Lora | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 8:19 PM
I'm with Red Sox girl... this guy is a "L"oser. But at least he let you back in off the street. :)Great read. I think you should submit this to the writers of Sex in the City. Oh wait, that's off the air. Hey!!! It could be a.maria in the city! OMG!! You could be FAMOUS![loose the word verif, pleeeeaase].
Posted by: T-Metz | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 6:42 PM
i am speechless. i have no speech.
Posted by: Josh | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 4:44 PM
I can't wait to see where this one goes. Toilet problems have never been good for me and the opposite sex, though...
Posted by: Nic | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM
DATE: 3:35 PM
on the other hand, i'm seein' the red sox fan point of view... maybe it was brilliant -- what kinda guy doesn't offer to help you?maybe, you learned more your way.
Posted by: Bolder | July 4, 2006 8:03 PM