me and Bike.
its a bad situation.
one that, for reasons beyond our control, we can't get out of.
in which case i suppose its less of a blind date, more of an arranged marriage.
what am i talking about?!
see...i've never had a road bike. never had curly handlebars, never leaned over like i'm some sort of speed racer for better aerodynamic wind gushing... never knew a bike seat wasn't actually a seat, its a saddle. that the gear jobbers have names, as do all the other parts of the bike... things like fork and crank and... derailleur. what the hell even is a derailleur and why is it spelled that way?!!! seriously?!
i never knew that the kind of bike you get determines the color you get. which is messed up, why can't they just paint bikes in a variety of colors? would that be difficult? no!
i never knew riding a road bike felt so wobbly, that there's so much more to shifting the gears than just click, oh! now its harder/easier to pedal... !
and i definitely never knew i could have such chemistry with the damn thing!
Bike and i (that i feel as though he, he, deserves a capital letter, is kinda weird....) will have the kind of relationship, i can already tell, that doesn't make any sense.... but works really well. you know what i'm talking about... we'll argue, and butt heads, and spew distaste for one another, but secretly we'll grow to love and care for each other.
yeah.. cuz, see... this is what happened.
we're at the bike store. Bike America, for those in the area, this is my little plug... they're super nice! go there!... ok done. anyway, we're at the bike shop and mister bike guy is telling us all about tri bikes and road bikes and carbon something and gears and shifter things on curly handlebars and, like the good student i am, i'm paying NO attention, what so ever. its a bike, what could possibly be that difficult about it?.. okay lets find me a good color.... and with that, i'm off in my own world.
a little later he gathers us up and starts getting people out to test ride the bikes. he's looking around at all of us and ya know, who wants to go first, and all that...
we have a few volunteers, he picks out appropriate sized bikes, and shuffles them out the door. he then comes back and asks who's next.
well. me.
he looks at me, looks at the bike he's chosen for me to test ride, looks at me again and goes... "uh. i should probably get you a helmet"..........!!!!!!
WHAT!?!???!?!?!? why do i need a helmet? nobody else had a helmet? omg he thinks i'm some sort of gimpy clutzy bound to cause an accident bike rider. omg. OMG! wtf?!
of course my coach and everyone i'm there with finds this to be just utterly hysterical, and i'm mortified. you've got to be kidding me. this dude has barely met me and he can already tell i'll need a helmet. eff.
he comes back with the helmet, i inform him i actually think i got it under control without, gather up whats left of my pride, grab the bike, and head outside.
i may have even tossed my hair a little. HMPH!
so we're outside, and we've all got our bikes, and its my turn to go. and for whatever reason... i'm nervous. oh hell its a bike for crying out loud. and a parking lot. just mount the damn thing and go! so i swing my leg over, push off, and go.
30 seconds later, i know i'm in trouble.
oh flip. this is wobbly. okay shit this is really wobbly. maybe its cuz i'm going too slow, its easier to balance if i go-NOPE! okay dont try and hold the bottom of the curly handlebar that is a bad bad bad idea. ummmmm. okay. so. going faster. thats.. good. thats...
okay shit thats too fast. TOO FAST! i have to TURN! how do i slow down?
omg how do i slow down omg i dont know where the brake is. omg. OMG. how do i brake HOW DO I BRAKE?!??!?
so somehow, without braking, i negotiate the turn-around and decide that since i dont know where the brake is, because i am the most awesome brilliant person ALIVE, i'll just not pedal anymore. i'll come to a rolling stop and just put my feet down and i'll stop.
no big deal.
so i try that and.......... MY FEET CAN'T REACH THE GROUND. what the hell is wrong with me?! i should have taken the helmet.... so i roll along, realize i have to do something, stand up on the pedals, and just.. kinda...
hop off.
whew. okay. THAT was stupid.
i walk over to my little group, everyone is laughing at me, and my coach informs me that THESE THINGS RIGHT HERE (points to the gear shifter things) double as my brakes.
oh. right.
that actually makes perfect sense. WHY did i not think of that? and really? how did i make it this far in life, i am obviously not a bright person.
guh.
but as i stand there, bad-mouthing the bike and its stupid handlebars, and gear shifter things and how its wobbly and ackward and I DONT LIKE IT...
in the back of my head i'm thinking dude. that was so fun!
but the bike i had just ridden was a boy bike. it was boy colors and boy looking and i felt like it was laughing at me behind my back and oh yeah? well the orange/yellow one is prettier anyway.. so screw you!
and that right there was the beginning of me and Bike.
no matter what bike i rode, what the color was, how the handlebars were adjusted, the pedals, the seat...
none of them fit. i felt ackward, felt like i was leaning too far one way or the other, the gear shifter things were annoying, the handlebars felt funny... they didn't fit.
not the way Ugly Boy Bike fit.
and after testing out the pretty orange/yellow one once more, just incase.....i knew. my coach knew. Bike knew.
Ugly Boy Bike was meant for me. it was mine before i even walked in the store. his attitude, his sarcasm.. the way he laughs at me for being stupid.
oh yeah. i was going home with him. he's not the color i wanted, he's got curly handlebars and weird shifter things, he's outta my pricerange and makes a fool of me in public to boot.
yup. he's perfect for me.
this is gunna be fun!
Comments
DATE: 2:33 PM
YESSSSSS My hermanita bought a TREK, baby!!!!!!! THAT'S my girl. Apollo and I are so proud... welcome to la familia cunado, y ahora... como te llamas??????
Posted by: Wil | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 2:59 PM
Love it! And he's so handsome!
Posted by: Habeela | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 2:35 PM
OMG.. duh, I thought you were kidding, but I just read the post again, are you calling it "Ugly Boy Bike???" LOL! "U-B-B" "...yoob" LOL!!!!
Posted by: Wil | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 8:56 PM
Hahaha that's the funniest thing I think I've ever read from you. I know exactly how you feel, me and bikes don't really get along either.(but much better then me and water...) Enjoy!
Posted by: SJT | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 7:21 PM
Road bikes, at least the racing versions are made to go fast...like a Ferrari, they are brutes when going slow, but fast, they become little charms. When you learn to ride it right (and it will take a while), you'll know what I mean.BTW - My road bike is now 20 yr old (don't ride much anymore), but it's lavender and pink! - think I've been teased/called names? You bet! (And it's NEVER the real bikies!)
Posted by: Scooter | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 6:59 PM
That bike sounds awesome. The uber high end bike I borrowed Saturday had tnose brake/shifter dealies and they are just the best. I figured out how to get the most out of them instantly whereas my clunky grip shifters just make me feel like I'm working.congratualtions on your new relationship!
Posted by: 21st Century Mom | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 4:48 PM
I laughed so hard at this I was crying. That's exactly how I felt about my bike...wobbly, scary fast, confusing shifters, etc....but wicked fun! I do love that you call it Ugly Boy Bike! :)
Posted by: Keryn | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 4:07 PM
so... did you get a helmet or what..?congrats again. you sound like you're off to a heck of a start!
Posted by: J | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 3:47 PM
by ITS cover!!! Not IT'S!!! I really know the difference, I promise!! ACKKKKK i need to go to sleep now.
Posted by: jeanne | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 3:46 PM
You can't judge a book by it's cover...he might not be the most handsome one, but I bet he's dependable! Now you get to do all that bike P0rn talk, like the big kids!
Posted by: jeanne | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 10:53 PM
That was hilarious- I'm glad you didn't crash! Here's to a long and wonderful relationship for you and "UBB"- cycling rocks!
Posted by: Mike | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 9:37 AM
A.Maria, you are sooooo in trouble, now. I'm three months into swim training, actually using an overhand stroke, and still haven't CONSIDERED a new bike. For me, it's the Giant mountain bike for the first triathlon. I can bike anything less than 50 miles on any bike you give me, so long as the size is proper.You have now spent big $$$ on a piece of triathlon equipment. That locks you into actually doing a triathlon. Boy, I thought my buying tri-shorts, goggles, and a swimming book (under $100 total) was committment.Incidentally, since you're now so serious, I strongly recommend Total Immersion Swimming as your next purchase. It's a book that will help you figure out swimming all over, again. (Unless you're already an uber-strong swimmer, and the running and biking are your weakpoints)
Posted by: Tom | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 7:57 AM
Funny stuff!!!! but congrats on your new love may you have a long and glorious relationship.
Posted by: Anonymous | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 7:01 AM
BEEEE-yoooo-teeee-ful! I think he's perfect for you. Congratulations and welcome to Wil and I's little "trek" family!!!No more running for you!
Posted by: Flatman | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 6:33 AM
I'm warning you now...you may never want to run again, I can see it gradually happening to me the last few weeks since I got my bike....I use to think the run would be the best part of the Tri for me...that's until I got "Flash"....him and I were made for each other, and not in a Brokeback kind of way...
Posted by: Djgoldnboy | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 5:35 AM
Ditto.. to all of the previous comments. Sounded like a Seinfeld episode.....
Posted by: tntcoach Ken | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 2:53 AM
I was in the same situation as you last year at this time with my first-ever road bike, a Trek 2100. Not only that, but it came with clipless pedals, so I had to learn how to ride this bike with my feet attached to it! Luckily, it will only take a few rides before you learn how the thing works. Congratulations!
Posted by: toughcookie7 | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 12:24 AM
Great looking Bike, and like you said "this is gunna be fun" to hear all about your new adventures! So when can we start calling you little miss tri pants? The writing is on the wall!
Posted by: Jack | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 10:48 AM
...it is just so much fun getting a new bike. We will be getting our new ones this weekend.....can't wait.
Posted by: Doug Claxton | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 11:59 PM
Derailleur is french isn't it? Work it into conversation and I bet people will think you are cultured.
Posted by: craig | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 6:21 PM
That is so coool. Love the post. Unlike me and my "baby", you and "UBB" seem like a good fit. Yeah, like jack said, can we start calling you miss tri pants?
Posted by: qcmier | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 2:50 PM
I now regret my decision not to buy the bike. I'm having 'non-buyer's' remorse.
Posted by: Josh | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 2:00 PM
lol. why 19.8 mph? thats really REALLY random. i love it.
Posted by: a.maria | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 1:54 PM
Practice makes perfect...it's a good thing you wrote this first experience down. It will be fun to read when you are blazing along at 19.8 mph in your first century ride!
Posted by: Fe-lady | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 11:51 AM
Such a good post. I love the way you write. I just moved back to Kansas and I am looking for some races this summer. Any suggestions or resorces?thebigcheeseblog at gmail.comThanks.
Posted by: The Big Cheese | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 9:49 AM
This was really funny, especially since it was nice to know I wasn't the only one who felt all wobbly and wheresmybrakes on a road bike : ) And I totally wanted to pick my bike by color too! I was sad when I got stuck with boy colors (on a WSD no less!) but I love her (mine's a tomboy) anyway.
Posted by: Siren | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 9:23 PM
dude, that is one sweet ride.but, this factory pic is insufficient.i want major real life bike porn of you and this bitch like stat!muuuuuahhahhha... the runner to TRI transformation is almost complete.it's all about the bike.
Posted by: Bolder | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 3:06 PM
So, I've been checking out your blog for a few months now, since I stumbled upon it while scouring the internet for running info for a work project last year. You're hilarious, insightful and honest, all of which makes for a great read.I was psyched to see you bought a bike, 'cause I work for a bike company (not Trek) and am a quasi- bike nut... well, more than quasi... But I live in Jackson, WY, where there's still four feet of snow on the ground! Anyway, I got out on my first road ride of the season on Saturday, on plowed roads in Grand Teton National Park, and it was absolutely awesome.Congratulations on your new bike. Soon, shifting gears will become second nature, and then I predict you're going to fall in love with your shiny new Trek.
Posted by: Anonymous | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM