Little Miss Runner Pants

ohhhh, my goodness goodness. umm.. where to start.

i love kids. i do. i love them.

.... in theory, i love kids.( i do! i love them! say it again and i'll have you convinced, eh?!) the idea of having children, yes. i've always known i'd want to have kids. a boy and a girl. and maybe another boy. definitely not more than that i dont think i could handle it, but point is...

i not only love (theory) kids, i want kids.

but i want kids off in am-married-and-successful-and-have-a-house-land. i. do not want kids. now.

i dont even want kids soon (because really? i can't hold down a man for more than a few months at a time! i mean first things first, ya know??!?!?)

but i didn't grow up with kids.... i was an only child, my dad's an only child, and my mom's family all lives south of the border. i've never had an opportunity to be around kids.... when i am around kids, unless we're talking my (not by blood) nephew (best friend's son) whom i adore i'm more like one of those....yeah... uh.. ha-ha-ha. look at that small (running around causing havoc) child. isn't he.... cute....!!!?!?!

i freeze up a bit, i'm not entirely sure what i'm supposed to have in common with said child, so therefore i never know what to say to them, i never played barbies or dolls growing up so when i'm asked to have tea or some such thing.. i, like i said... i'm. well.

out of my element.

why am i telling you this?! because i need for you to understand who i am. i'm more of a Carrie Bradshaw when it comes to kids. or... a Samantha Jones. hell, a Miranda, for that matter.

i like my life, i like my freedom, i like not having to change diapers, wipe noses, buy mashed peas. i don't coddle children, i'm not one of those girls that goes all mushy at a 5 year old, and i certainly have no desire to have a child of my own in the next... lets say... 5 years.

not that there's anything wrong with having a child at my age, obvioulsy, its just a desire for a different type of lifestyle.. a choice. a choice that i've made, and.. thats that.

so.

today was a scheduled 16 mile run... two 8-mile out-and-backs, at 6 am. fine. whatever. training. blah.

so we start out, and i decide, after various conversations with myself in the past few days, that part of my problem has been consistency. i've been running with Liver Guy, he runs faster than i do, i therefore lose steam early on, and the entire run kinda goes to hell.

so i gave myself a goal... not a time goal, a pace goal. i wanted my average pace to be right at 11:40 for the run... basically at marathon pace. just to see.

i'd keep an eye on my watch, and i'd do my best to run a consistent 16 miles.

starting at 6 am, there were, of course, no people out and about in the parks. but in the 3+ hours we were out on the trails, the fields were slowly being taken over by kids. kids playing soccer, kids playing baseball, kids... playing. and their parents and their coaches, dogs, family, you name it.

no big deal, i see this all the time, never thought twice about it.. kids.. whatever... running.

today though... today was different.

as i rounded the corner out of the trees into the open fields i saw, up ahead, a soccer game. kids playing in their little jerseys, running around infront of their parents, who are huddled together on the side-lines in their folding chairs and blankets... coaches running, willy-nilly, around the field, attempting to instruct the kids as they kicked and ran up and down, up and down..

and as i neared, closer and closer, to the game, i slowed... without even thinking, i slowed to a walk. i watched the kids, i watched the parents... the brothers and sisters of the soccer players in the adjacent field playing tag or some such game, laughing, screaming, running, jumping...

and out of nowhere, i heard myself think...

awwwwwwwwww. omg how cute!! i want little kids!! look how, awww, look how omg adorable they are... kid goes SCREAMING across my path on the trail oh!! oh my!! hee hee.. look... awww. omg i totally want my kids to play soccer look how cute they are, and i can go out on saturday mornings, and watch them play, and me and... phantom-husband-man... will cheer them on, and bring orange slices for the team and......

OHHHH. MYYYY. GAWWWWD.

what??!?! WHAT??!?! i suddenly catch myself having almost come to a stop to watch the kids play, and i flip. wtf? wtf am i doing? omg. omg get the eff outta here, wtf? i dont want KIDS. WHAT???!?! no. no. no. bad kids. bad. omg get me the eff outta here, get outta here. RUN dammit... RUNNNNN!! and with that i took off, finishing out my last mile as quickly as possible in hopes of getting the crap away from those children.

afterwards, of course, i drove home and there were kids everywhere. riding bikes. dads playing baseball with sons. moms out for a run with their little jogging strollers.

everywhere i turned... children. cute children.

its sick i tell you. sick.

somehow in that 16 mile run i turned into Charlotte. the wanter of all things family. and i will be having none of it!!

so tonight, i'll be channeling my Carrie, my Samantha AND my Miranda. in skinny jeans and strappy sandals, in hopes of talking some sense into my Charlotte.

cuz there will be no BABIES coming from ME any time soon!

you got that Charlotte!!!??!? none!