me, the gorgeous man, and the pool
right.
so.
swimming. yes. lets do it.
at about 5:30 this evening i decide it'd be a good time for me to make my way to the pool. check out this swimming thing.. give'er the old college try. i call Chicago Guy, who conveniently has a lap pool in his building, to inform him of my plan.
sounds good. i head over.
Chicago Guy lets me in, i make my way to the pool, and all the while, i'm thinking hells yeah man. i'm going to swim. i will be fish like in the pool, swimming goddess extraordinaire.... dolphin like. and i will. not. drown. because ha-HA! i. am awesome!
(i know, right? where do i get this stuff??)
so i enter the gym and head to the pool area. i walk in, drop my stuff off in the corner, turn around to look in the water and..
oh holy jesus.
one of, and feel me when i say this, one of the most amazingly attractive HOT HOT men i have seen in a very... very long time, is standing in the pool.
eff.
i turn back around to the corner, attmepting to hide the gynormous smile that is now planted square on my face and gather myself. oh no. no,no,no.. i'm supposed to be man free right now. i'm here to swim.. this isn't.. i can't.... i grab my phone and turn back around, catching another glimpse of The Body ooooooooh wow. i...
wow.
immediately, i have to get out of the pool area. IMMEDIATELY. i leave my stuff, and haul ass to the door, phone in hand.
eff, eff, eff, eff. i can't.. i can't swim for the first time EVER in a LAP POOL the size of a ONE LANE HIGHWAY with this.. this just amazingly fantastic gorgeous man in the pool with me. SHIT!
so i call Chicago Guy. obviously. what else is there to do? he doesn't answer, so i book it to the bathroom.. buying myself more time.
finally, Chicago Guy answers his phone.. i tell him of my dilemma and his response is a rather un-empathetic "so.. you can't swim because there's a boy in the pool? just get in there. jeez"
chmm. right. just get in and swim. thats.. i can.. right. thanks for all your help.
hmm.
so i make my way back to the pool, nervous as hell. right. pool. an amazingly hot man. me. i can't see at ALL how this might not turn out in my favor.
bloody hell.
The Body is now in the hot tub so i make a break for it and get in the pool. i take a moment, gather myself, fidget with my goggles, affix them to my eyeballs, and... i'm off.
swimming.
huh. not so bad. i can totally do this
i make my way down and back, down and back, down and back. on my third way back, as i'm turning my head in the water about to breathe, suddenly i see....
legs. BOY legs.
*cough*hack*spew* shit.
i get to the end of the lane, and there he is. Body and all.
"hey!"... "hi"...
we're both standing at the end of the pool. there's silence oh for the love...
i turn to him, mustering every ounce of courage i have to actually speak... "so. you a swimmer?!"
he turns to me.. "no. nah... not really".... "ah..."
silence
"i was a lifeguard for seven years though...."
we get to talking and he asks about my swimming "NOO, no. i'm not a swimmer. i'm just trying to get a feel for the water. i'm thinking about doing a triathlon... so..."
he nods his head, surprised/impressed i can't tell, but then he turns to me..
"well, why don't you swim a little... i'll see if i can give you any pointers"
"....i...uh. HA! umm.. no. NOPE. no, thats okay. i.. no. really.
no."
"oh come on.. you're getting free advice here. people usually pay me for this"
"what?!"
"yeah, i taught swimming lessons for a while. kids and adults.. go for it. just swim.."
"riiiight. right. no i'm good... i... "
@$^$#&!
so i swim. down to the other side of the pool, i stop, catch my breath, and swim back.
i raise my head outta the water, looking at him, waiting for the inevitable "you're terrible" that i feel coming...
"so. that looked good. what's the problem?"
"i..... umm. i dunno. ??"
"well, what do you feel like you're having trouble with?"
"....breathing??"
so he gives me some pointers about lifting my head to the side AND back a little.. er something.. and not kicking too hard..
"how hard are you kicking?"
"umm. i dunno. normal hard?"
"well, if you kick too much, you'll lose too much energy and wear yourself out. you dont need to kick a lot"
"umm. am i kicking too much?"
"nah"...
so at this point, we're conversing. i formally introduce myself, hey hi nice to meet you, all that...
wow. he's really nice. he's like one of those really attractive nice guys that you only hear about in fairytales and romance novels. sweet!
we get to talking and i find out he just got a new job... he's in the process of becoming a personal trainer -no wonder he's in such amazing shape DEAR GOD STOP STARING -... etc. etc.
he's new to the area....SCORE!! maybe he doesn't have any friends and he wants to be my new buddy.
and by buddy i mean personal eye-candy...
and is still just getting to know KC.
"oh really? how long have you been here?"
"seven months. it took a while for me to adjust.. i'm not used to living in the city"
"ooh. so... where are you from then?!"... getting more and more hopeful by the moment...
"idaho"
"IDAho. whuuut? really?! wow, so... wow. what brings you to kansas city from IDAho?!"
"well.... my wife is in @#$^%!#@CRASH.BURN.@$^%$@# medical school so..."
"you're WIFE??!?! wow.. well, wow..
wow.
good for her. that's... good for her"
HA!
riiiight. right. goooood. good. he's.. right. so he's MARRIED. good, no.. thats.
yeah, no.. absolutely. i was actually hoping he was married.. cuz... ya know. focus. training. its uh.. yeah. no. i am not an ass. me? ME? nooo. nope. i dont feel like an ass. not all all.. i..
yeah. i'm uh.. going home. swimming is uh.. right, so swimming is done.
with that i finish out my last few laps, grab my stuff and shuffle home.
i swear people, if its not one thing... its another. i just can't win for trying.
but hey!! on the bright side??.... at least i didn't drown!!!?!?!
Comments
DATE: 9:57 AM
hehe...your life is SOOO sitcom. great post, a. and you're right, on the bright side, you didn't drown!
Posted by: jeff | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 8:39 AM
This totally cracked me up. I have a friend that meets this description, he's an occasional training partner/old friend from high school... I can barely get my face in the water 'cause then I can't stare at his hawntess : ) (Sadly, we're both married)
Posted by: Siren | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 2:53 PM
OH.MUH.GAH.You are too funny!!!!!!!!! I'm sitting here at work in tears!Just remember, boys--like the ones in the movies--don't come in real life. If it's too good to be true, it probably is. I'd place money on you meeting Mr. Right during the middle of a marathon. :) ...when you least expect it.
Posted by: Running Jayhawk | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 5:07 PM
Too funny!
Posted by: RunningErin | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 10:17 AM
yeah, i have to step up and say that maybe he was just a nice guy. i have met lots of people at my pool, who are married (as am i), who are friendly and helpful. not that you aren't cute or worth pursuing, alej. but really, why must everyone think the worst of this guy?still, funny story. i know, not to you. you know what, not that you are looking to settle down, but i know you don't want to be alone forever. when i stopped feeling like i needed a man, my husband literally fell from the sky into my life. in fact, i was at a point where he had to chase me down because i wasn't ready to settle in. it's nice to be chased for a change. just work on being happy with yourself and one of these days, the gorgeous man in the pool (or in the spin class, or on the trail) won't be married. trust me. ;)great job on the swim girlfriend. after a year of not listening to anyone (la la la la la la...fingers in my ears... la la la la la) i have found it truly is the absolute best cross training for running. my run pace improves when i swim at least 3x a week, even more if i swim 5x. just saying.... ;)
Posted by: mipper | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 4:58 PM
Man that's awesome! On the tri thing. You should definitely give it a tri. It's a blast and it'll get you in great shape. It's also great cross training for running which is just so hard on you physically!
Posted by: IMmike | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 6:12 PM
I'm thinking it's time you come down to Illinois and meet my son.
Posted by: Lora | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 9:11 AM
I agree with kt, this is sitcom material.......
Posted by: tntcoach Ken | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 1:26 PM
NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!NO! The fabulous guys are always married! The ones with conversational skills and niceness and..well...haaawwtnessUgh! I feel your pain...ok maybe I even shrieked out loud a little when I read it!But hey! You didn't drown!So there's this Tri in Phoenix in October...feel like a roadtrip? Wanna be my tri buddy? ;-)
Posted by: Amanda | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 6:33 AM
I didn't see the "married" part coming. I thought it was going to turn out to be like that commercial for Lipitor ( I think that's it) where the hot older guy comes out to the pool and all the girls are checking him out while he struts his stuff....And then....Total belly flop off the starting blocks and into the water!!!Love that commercial for some reason!
Posted by: Anne | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 6:33 AM
Oh my gosh. Laughing here at work. Excellent. Love "The Body" as the description. It's awesome that you are going to do a triathelon by the way....I don't think I could do the swimming part, otherwise I would totally consider it.
Posted by: LeahC | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 6:34 AM
You have to love it when you get all messed up and nervous about someone of the opposite sex and then after all the grief you learn they are married or attached. Been there - done that. That Crash and Burn feeling is weird how it is disappointing and a relief all at the same time.
Posted by: Al Durham | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 8:08 AM
hee. hee-larious.
Posted by: Flatman | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 8:13 AM
Very funny but oh so typical story. I have to disagree that he was flirting or totally into you. Swimmers are nice people - very helpful. You had already established that you haven't been doing a lot of swimming so he just wanted to help you out becauses that's what he does - he helps people with their fitness programs.Have you considered joining a Masters Team? I swim with a US Masters team although I am the slowest person in the pool under the age of 80 most of the time. But that's okay because I enjoy the workouts and I need the coaching so I go at least 2 times a week. Here are the teams/pools in your area.I highly recommend checking the situation out - you can get some coaching and meet a lot of really great people - some of whom might just be hunky single guys. Oh wait! Never mind.... focus... training....triathlons.....focus!
Posted by: 21st Century Mom | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 6:06 AM
well at least it made the swim more interesting, no? this post definitely made me chuckle...probably since i've been in this situation before...doh.
Posted by: Uptown Girl | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 6:25 AM
Loved it, well not the part where you found out he was married, but the rest of the story was great. So, you want to know the best part? You can update your YTD stats because you SWAM! And not that I want to know exactly where Chicago Boy lives, but what kind of place has a lap pool?! It sounds fancy!!
Posted by: Stephanie | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 12:42 AM
Great story. Sorry it didn't work out for you. Wish there were some hot bodies in my pool.
Posted by: qcmier | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 5:29 AM
Um...I swear I felt like I was reading my own story..it's so one thing or another with boys! Love the post hate the scenario!
Posted by: Habeela | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 9:20 PM
See, this is why I can't do a triathalon. Bad things happen when you try to get in the water :)Oh by the way, I picked up the nice blue BIKE today....oooo baby!! There's a 26-miler later this month.... :)
Posted by: tim | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 11:58 PM
Great writing! I enjoyed reading it. Really.
Posted by: Remco | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 9:15 PM
i realized at the end that i had been smiling all through this post.'course, i told you so.
Posted by: Bolder | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 6:56 PM
This post so tickled me. It's like a sitcom moment. At least you got a good swim out of it...
Posted by: KT | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 7:01 PM
Damn, that had me laughing pretty hard ;-)I always get freaked out when there are hot girls in the pool and we're all standing down at one end between sets and... Silence.My mind is always like: "Just shut up Joe, eyes straight, focus on your sets, and don't even *try* to be suave." But inevitably, some stupid, tongue-tied comment makes it out of my mouth like: "Uhh, so is that, like, your kickboard or, like, the pools kickboard... or something?"
Posted by: Joseph Vinciquerra | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 7:05 PM
joe: thats hysterical and about what i was left with after the wife comment..audrey:.. i always, ALWAYS look for a ring. but something about how young he was (my age..but still) and the fact that we were in the pool, and i don't KNOW... i didn't even look. but its not like he was holding his arms up outta the water, ya know?ughh. i know though, you're riiight, you're riiight. always check the finger.lesson learned.
Posted by: a.maria | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 7:17 PM
how come i'm the only one who saw that coming from like halfway up the post??it sounds like he was flirting with you, and that he'd be interested in flirting more. careful...
Posted by: Danny | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 8:02 PM
Not me! I didn't see it coming--you totally got me! i was getting jealous, thinking: why can't this ever happen to me? (of course, i'd have to go to the pool first.) Now, on second thought, oh, I think I'll pass on having this happen to me! thanks for the laugh! (and if was wearing a ring you WOULD have seen it. I bet his was flirting with you!)
Posted by: jeanne | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 8:51 PM
"bloody hell"haha... hey, at least you can hang out at a pool and talk to hot...folks of the opposite sex and such. i wouldn't be caught near those types of people at a pool for i..cannot...swim(well). and i live five blocks from the beach.BOLLOCKS!yeah. i know...(bfatsqxf - wth?)
Posted by: J | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 6:48 PM
Ugggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I totally took a gut punch for you reading this. OMG!!! But, look on the bright side, married or not, this hottness of a guy was totally into you. If not, he wouldn't have been giving you pointers. Guys just don't DO that, let alone insist on doing it upon initial protest. SO... what have we learned... hot guy was thinking, holy shit, if I weren't married... but since I am, I'm going to flirt but not touch. You had him chica, and would have had him if you really wanted him (good on ya for NOT though!!), get your swim on, he's not the only sharkie you'll meet there, babe...just give it some time :)
Posted by: Wil | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 6:53 PM
how did it get that far?? was he not wearing a ring?? i always glance at the hand-i doubt i'm inconspicuous enough in my glancing but it has to be done-but i'm discovering lots of (married) guys don't wear one...
Posted by: Audrey | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM