Little Miss Runner Pants

seriously.....

SERIOUSLY?!?!?

*sigh*

so last night was packing night. being the professional procrastinator that i am, i still had some laundry to do before i could gather everything together for the weekend. however, because i'm a genius, i forgot to get quarters for the laundry and had only enough for one load.

one. load.

okay fine. naw.. this is fine. i'll just..... i'll just wash everything i want to take together and forget about the rest. i'll mix loads. no big deal....

obviously mistake number one.

i go thru my (several) piles of laundry to sort thru what all i want to take on my trip..

fave linen pants?! check and check... wait. do i need both?! ah what the hell.. sure.

skirt? t-shirts? other random articles of clothing?!...........check check and check.

right. so my favorites of everything, my eight quarters... i'm all set.

an hour+ later i'm pulling everything out of the dryer and...

no.... no, no, no. what is that?! what is... pink? what's pink? what is..... omg no. please tell me no. NOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo. no. no. omg no.

little pink grease spots from my now melted chapstick, on..... everything. oh and i do mean everything. RUINED! my entire load of laundry.. of all my favorite lounging weekend items....... ruined.

you've got to be kidding me. no. no, please tell me no. NO. omg. omg. OMG OMG OMG what am i going to do OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG.

dammit! why does this crap always happen to me?!

i freak. a small coniption, nothing major... but definitely a few minutes of standing in my apartment, my eyes darting here and there, wondering, what... just WHAT in the hell i'm supposed to do now. out of quarters, nothing to wear.

@#$%*!

in my panicked state i start to search, frantically, for my SHOUT stick. no. nope. not happening. this is fine. its FINE! i can do this. i'll just..........

shit. quarters. i have to find more quarters.

a good hour passes, i've turned my apartment upside down to find 8 more quarters, but i've done it. i've got my quarters, i've got my shout stick.... i can do this. i. can do. this.

finally, many hours later, by bag is packed. the pink stains are nowhere to be found, i have my linen pants back, my skirts... we're good. it's all good.

i lay out one of the pair of pants, my slightly older, slightly more loved (read:: worn out) pair for the next day's outfit, and i finally, finally catch some sleep.

this morning's alarm sounds off, i snooze for probably 10 mintues too many, get up, shower, breakfast... and i'm out the door.

well. i'm almost out the door. i grab my purse. my carry-on. my suitcase. my bag of fruit (don't ask) and i'm heading to the door. all i need are my keys.

where are my keys?

oh. of course. on the floor next to the door... i turn off the lights, cut the a/c... walk to the door, reach down to grab my keys, and...

riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip.

........................................?!

ha-haha....HAHAHAHAHA-hahhaaha....haa

laughing, uncontrollably...

you've got to be kidding me. YOUHAVEGOTTOBEKIDDINGME!!!!!!! tell me this is not happening....

i set my bags down, bend over to get a better look....

sure enough. my worn, torn, very much loved linen pants?!?! BIG ole hole running through the uh.. the crotchal area.

yeah... yup. thats about right. of course. OF. COURSE. because... i have no clean clothes. everything i want to wear is packed... no, yeah. yup.

definitely.

*sigh*

i set everything down, peruse the closet for a good 10 minutes attempting to find something... anything to wear, and settle on an old skirt.

fine, whatever...

and make my way to the elevator.....

to find that it's not working.

MUTHER @#$^!-ER!!!

with complete and utter disbelief at my situation, laughing, like a mad woman, and babbling to myself about how just absolutely ridiculous the morning has turned out to be.... i walk to the other side of the building, down the four flights of stairs, and very, very carefully, drive myself to work.

*sigh*

eight more hours until lift-off.

Lord help.

Posted by a.maria at 06:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (34) | TrackBacks (0)

last october, with only a handful of days left before San Francisco... i felt so much. the entire experience was just so saturated with emotion, and thought and feeling… it was overwhelming. but in such a completely, entirely different way than what i feel now.

i learned, last year, with my first marathon…. i learned that i can do. not just that I can do a marathon. run a marathon…i learned that I can do---anything. The Journey showed me so much of who i am and what i have in me... it was life changing. completely and wholly, life changing.

so when i signed up for number two... i expected more of the same. i expected a repeat of emotion and drama. i expected to learn even more about myself and come out the other side an even deeper, more whole person.

but it didn’t quite work out that way. nothing about training for this marathon worked out the way I thought it would...

i didn’t get much faster... i got faster, yes. but i didn’t get much faster.

i didn’t get much thinner.... i'd like to say i got a little thinner... but in all honesty, i’m not even sure i got at all thinner.

i didn’t move up from the back of the pack to the middle of the pack. i moved over to the always show up even if its snowing/raining/damn hot outside pack… but it was more of a lateral move. i’m still bringing up the rear.

i didn’t have any revelations about who i am, or what i want in life. i didn’t break down at the end of every long run because holy shit i never thought i’d ever be running 8, 10, 12….20 whole miles!!.

i didn’t do any of those things… and this whole time. this whole time i’ve been training… i’ve wanted those things. i’ve thought maybe i was doing something wrong, maybe i was... maybe i wasn’t working hard enough. training hard enough. maybe I needed to add a 5th day to the schedule. maybe i needed to cut out this or that from my diet. maybe one more glass of water a day.. maybe that would have done the trick?!?!

something... anything…

but then i was talking to a friend last night. i don’t even remember exactly who i was talking to at the time, i’ve been so just completely out of it lately...

but i mentioned this feeling. this non-life-altering feeling... and how confused i was by it...

and they said something, something that struck me, they said..

"ya know.. maybe that’s the point?!"

and i think... i think they might be right.

my journey, this time.. my journey isn’t that of a first time marathoner... because i’m not a first time marathoner. my journey isn’t to find out who i am, who i want to be, what i’m all about... because i’m already living that life.

i don’t need to search it out, because it’s here. it’s me.

and it just feels so strange not to be afraid of that anymore.

but that is the point, is it not?! to finally feel good in your own skin?! to finally be able to look at something you want to do, some event, some new skill, some new distance... to be able to look at it and know that you can. you can do. and not be afraid?! not wonder, constantly what it means for your life, what it means for who you are, what it means, what it means, what it means.

that is the point. that is the lesson, and my God what an amazing lesson.

i’m not scared anymore. i’m not scared of me.

my life doesn’t hinge on me finishing this race in 5 hours. my life won’t suddenly mean less or mean more if i beat the clock, and i’m not more or less of an athlete depending on how hard i am on myself before, during, or after the race...

i leave for san diego tomorrow, and i don't know. i don't know what will happen..

i don't know the course, i don't know the weather. i don't know how my knee, my shins, my calves... i don't know how my body will hold up.

but i do know that no matter what, i'll be back. no matter what the time on the clock, no matter the pain, no matter the rush of emotion as i cross the finish line...

i'll pick myself up, dust myself off, and i'll be back.

because this is who i am. and i'm no longer afraid.

Posted by a.maria at 11:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (32) | TrackBacks (0)

okay... i don't know if y'all already know about this and maybe i'm the dumbass for only finding it now, but...

if you go to to the RNR site, on the bottom left corner there is a virtual tour of the race!!!!!! it's pretty cool, and will give you an idea of what we're running... it's got the this little elevation thing and it's just cool.

so check it out!!!

and incase you don't see it right away, below is a pic of the site, with the video course tour thing in the highlighted oval!

ok, go. view. be happy.

(and oh by the way, i'm officially freaking out. 4 days. 21 hours 50 minutes. 13 seconds. 12. 11.

HOLY MOSES IT'S ALMOST HERE!!! and breathe... whew. it's going to be a long day.)

Posted by a.maria at 07:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

and this sunday's group ride was no different.

in fact this sunday's group ride was a prime example of just such a situation.

KK called on friday to ask if i would like to join the group heading out to the middle of BFE missouri for a group ride?! well.. yeah! definitely!! i want in on that action for sure!

because when he said a group ride, i imagined... fun. a joyous occasion. a biking adventure of splendid proportion.

why did i imagine this?! because quite clearly i live a very misinformed life.

the BFE lake area is not only out in the middle of no where, it is out in the middle of nowhere with hills and gale force winds coming at you in all directions. BFE lake is...

BFE lake is hell. it is a gateway to hell, of this i'm quite certain... and me and my misinformed, oh yay, this will be so fun! self got our ass handed to us in a not so delightful way.

the ride started out as all things do.... easy. splendid. with various wow. i pretty much rule this whole biking thing! thoughts rolling thru my head. i imagined myself in the various upcoming rides KK has told us about... in the front of the pack. hot bronzed men in spandex struggling to keep up with me as i ride along barely breaking a sweat...

oh yes. the ride started out so well. so full of misinformed gaiety and splendor. and then?! oh.... and then.

the wind. the wind started to blow and the hills started to roll, and what had begun as a breezy sunday afternoon ride quickly became a miserable day of lactic acid, lost breath, and suffering legs.

i weren't pleased.

the first few miles... maybe the first 3... i stayed with the group. i worked... hard... but i did it. eventually, however, my legs just couldn't keep up. i needed to shift down, down, down, until there was no more down to go...

so what happened?

in the back of the pack, riding uphill, my chain drops.

$#%@^!

left to my own devises, it was up to me to reattach said chain...which, surprisingly... i did. with relative ease. a few smears of grease later, and i was back on the bike.

but my spirit was broken.

in the short 10 mile ride (of death) my thoughts went from conquering the bike hells yeah b*tches!!! just call me LANCETTE boiiiiii... to oh eff this. eff it. eff it all over the place. stupid bikes with their stupid wheels and stupid pedals and legs and arms and lakes and trees and hills and bunny rabbits and monkeys and giraffes--OMG I WISH I WERE RUNNING!!!!.....

yeah. it weren't purty.

we got back to the start point and i was spent. i did not have another 10 mile loop in me. out of the question. completely.

after making it perfectly clear i was done for the day (in probably not the nicest of ways. i actually think, when Nazi Biker Lady told me to get back on the bike... i actually think i quoted every five year old i know by responding with "oh yeah?! make me."... and may have even crossed my arms and stomped my foot a little. i'm a gem.) the group took off without me, and i headed to the lake to wait for their return.

but not 10 minutes later, i was itching to ride.

by the end of the day, i'd covered 22 miles. 22 miles of pure torture. of constant shifting up up up, down down down. of having to stop at the top of hills to reacquaint myself with oxygen... of dropped chains, of burning like never before quads, sore hands, shoulders, neck.... but never the less... 22 miles.

whatever i thought biking was going to be.... it's not. i found that out the hard way.

but at least next time.. i'll know. and knowing?! is half the battle!

(and i am so going to win that battle!)

Posted by a.maria at 09:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

the firemen came, one actually fell on top of me in the stairwell (i kid you not. and he was so beautiful, this man... but we passed each other in the stairwell, me heading to the street, him heading to the top floor of the building... he lost balance when taking one of the stairs and toppled right on top of me. if i'd have had my wits about me i'd have tried to turn it into a how you doin'?! situation, but alas, my wits were not with me, and the beautiful, tanned, toned bodied man with the great smile and i... we were not to be. but i digress)

the firemen came. and went. they declared the building fire-less... and sent me back inside.

yet the fire alarm continues.

finally after about 20 minutes of this, i pulled out my Loft information and found the one and only number for after-hour maintenance. the firemen mentioned something of having to call them to reset the alarm, but i'd figured someone else had surely done that by now.

surely?!

apparently not. @ $ ^ * # !

so i call the number. the conversation went something like this...

"hello"
"uhhh, yeah. hi. has anyone called you about the fire at the >insert name of my apartment building here< yet?!?!
"umm.. no. i don't believe so"

"okay. well... yeah. the fire alarm here has been going off for over half an hour. the firemen came and went, but said they can't reset the thing... so..........
"mm-hmm. and what's your name?!"
"a.maria..blah blah"

"and your phone number"

okay this is weird, why does she need all of this information?!
"uh... ###.###.####"

"and would you consider this an emergency?"

"WHAT?!!? i.. what? i don't know. i mean...."

"are you or is the building under direct threat?"

wft?

"um..........no. but.......the fire alarm? i just want the fire alarm turned off."

"so this is not an emergency?"
"???????"

"is this something that could wait until normal business hours?"

what is wrong with her? what is wrong with people. there is something wrong with people. they are WRONG. what is WRONG with them omg i'm losing my ever-loving mind.

"no. no, it can't wait, don't you... do you... here. listen to this"

i open my door to the hallway and stick my phone out the door.

"don't you hear that?

"well yes, ma'am..."

"okay. well....!?!?!?!?!?!??!?! i just want someone to turn it OFF. its been almost an hour."

at this point she keeps asking if i would call this an emergency. she's asking me in such a way that has me uber-paranoid, and i don't know what to say... why did she want my name? my number? does she think i set the alarm? what if something happens? i just said there was no fire.. what if there is and they turn it off and there's an explosion? what if i have to testify in court? all because i said it was an emergency....

"i... well. i mean its not like life or death.. but its the alarm?! so... i mean...

finally the woman cuts thru the red-tape and tells me "see the thing is, ma'am, i can't page this out unless you SAY it's an emergency. i myself can't do that... so.

is this an emergency?"

oh for pete's sake this is absolutely ridiculous..
"yeah. yeah its a super emergency. its a big one. emer-gency. yeah. sure."

"ok ma'am. i'll page this out for you."

"great. thanks"

that was entirely too complicated. especially because?!?!?!

its now 10:25. and the damn thing is STILL going off.

someone shoot me.

Posted by a.maria at 07:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (10) | TrackBacks (0)

it was the TNT kick-off meeting for the Nike Women's Marathon, and i... well...

i had no idea what i was doing.

less than two weeks prior to this, i'd been sitting in Hallmark Girl's apartment. i don't remember how it came up exactly, or why... i'd been watching a lot of Gatorade commercials or something, i dunno....but at some point i blurted out i want to be a runner... and she laughed.

"umm.. okay?"

"no. really. i want to like... run. and stuff. ya know?..."

"okay. so run."

"no, no... i'm not going to just run. thats lame. i'll never do that. i need to run for a reason. i think i'm going to do a marathon--"

"WHAT?!?! nuh-uh"

"no, yeah, seriously. i'll like have a schedule and stuff....?? i think. i dunno. there's this coach? and.. this team? Married Girl did it, she was telling me about it--"

"yeah... um.... Married Girl is a runner. she ran in college. what are you TALKING about?!"

"well whatever. i can.... run?! whatever. its so not even a big deal. i'll just do it. it'll be fine."

ha! famous last words.

Hallmark Girl gave me this look and laughed, hell i laughed, and rightfully so... but she just went with it. she knew me pretty well, knows me pretty well, and knew once i had my mind on something, it was pretty much a done deal.

so that was it. and two weeks later... the kick-off meeting.

i walked in there just barely realizing a marathon meant 26.2 miles. definitely not realizing running a marathon meant actually running 26.2 miles, and having no clue, not the slightest indication, that it would be hard.

no, really. i had no idea.

obviously, obviously i knew it'd be hard. but i didn't know it'd be... you know. HARD. like.. H-A-R-D.

no i definitely didn't know. honestly, i didn't know enough about any part of the situation to really truly appreciate what i was getting myself into until much much later... i'm not entirely sure i'd have done it had i known...

but there i was. at the kick-off meeting. surrounded by runners.

no. surrounded by.... runners. and i sat in awe.

there's something about running... i can't really describe my secret love affair with the idea of running.... the concept of the runner.

it was something i'd always dreamed of, but never, ever had the courage to attempt. so sitting there, with all these runners... i had only one wish.

i want to be one of them.

and that stuck with me.

today was, once again, the TNT kick-off meeting for the Nike Women's Marathon. but this time, i attended as alumni... i sat at the back door, welcoming new members, woman after woman, all the same.... with this look of excitement. dread. fear. anxious smiles and nervous laughs...

a year ago that was me. it feels like such a lifetime ago, but that was me.

i'm not sure what i was thinking that first day i stepped into the TNT room. i know i was nervous, and a little withdrawn (believe it or not i can be a quiet person!! it just not the norm...). i can remember quietly laughing at myself thinking what the hell am i doing?!

but i dont think i ever thought, when i looked at those others... i dont think i ever thought i'd be standing on the other side. on the alumni side. on the runner side.

i dont think i ever thought i'd be one of them.

but last night i realized.... i am. and ya know what? i love it.

Posted by a.maria at 07:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (25) | TrackBacks (0)

OMG I'M FREAKING OUT EXCITED!!!! WANT TO JUMP UP AND DOWN!!! AM NOT JUMPING UP AND DOWN FOR FEAR OF STRANGE LOOKS FROM CO-WORKERS!!!! THINK I MIGHT PEE MY PANTS FROM GLEE!!!!

ok yeah actually no i think i just really need to take a leak, but still...

OH MY GOD I'M GETTING SO EXCITED!!!

ok yeah that's all i wanted to say. have a nice monday!

Posted by a.maria at 09:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (15) | TrackBacks (0)

oooooh, and it was good. and i'm still recovering.

so here it is, in pictures... !!!

Posted by a.maria at 07:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Photo III = video.

and i so wanted to learn video.

for my first project assignment i busted out the video camera any time my friends and i were around alcohol. which, being our senior year, was all the time.

at work we're starting to play around a little with video, so to have something to play with, i figured it was about time to bust out the old footage and try my hand at editing once again...

keeping in mind this was my first ever attempt at video editing from back in the day (and... its bad), and that this was me in college about four years ago...

enjoy! (for it will be taken down in a day or two!)

guy with sword = Carpool Guy
girl in red, air-humping the table = friend in San Diego (that some of you will meet...!)
michael jackson dancer = Dancer Girl
pippi longstocking = Hallmark Girl

Posted by a.maria at 11:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (20) | TrackBacks (0)

today for the first time i...

... wore my very own bike helmet, that mostly fits my very tall head, that looks moronic and stupid on me, and i'm not at all clear as to how other people can pull this look off and look sporty while i look like i fell off the short bus, but regardless... i wore my very own bike helmet today. and there were no fiascos. i call this a success.

... rode my bike while listening to my i-pod and learned that when you have no where else to put your i-shuffle, sticking it down your bra may seem like a good idea... but it in fact makes said i-shuffle grossly dirty-slimey-sweaty and makes for weird looks while fast-forwarding to the next tune. note to self... come up with fancy-shmancy i-shuffle attatcher-to-bike-holder... thing.

... didn't puss out and skip the biking altogether just because i had nobody to bike with. yeah no.. this is a first. up until today, i have managed to either make biking plans with a friend or befriend a fellow biker in the parking lot before actually riding. for some reason until today i just completely pussed out altogether for one reason or another. but today, i finally conquered the yep i'm riding alone. yep i don't know what i'm doing. yep i have on running shoes. yep i'm this wobbly, this slow, this ridiculous looking on a bike feelings of fear and found out riding my bike by myself?! not really all that scary!!

... found out that riding your bike when your arms are still sore from the previous day's chin-up lifting routine and swimming session really really bothers the elbows. i'm not sure if i'm doing something wrong here, but the whole supporting my weight on my hands while bent over in a funny position thing?

not. comfortable.

i'm hoping this is just one of those you'll get used to it things because right now i feel like icing my arms. which after riding a bike just seems completely ridiculous.

... realized that when i pedal my left foot doesn't move the same way my right foot does, and my outter three toes go numb after about 5 miles. this is a strange, strange sensation, but i think i figured out the problem and will be testing out my pedaling theory on my next ride.

... decided that there are no two ways about it. riding my bike makes my baby-maker sore, and there is just no other way for me to say that. how, how people ride for hours and hours at a time is beyond me. maybe one of you biker chicks out there has a solution to this problem? cuz today...15 miles.. a little less than an hour? and my hmm-hmm was saying nuh-uh. yowch.

... actually passed a few guys on the back side of the loop... a few of the spandex guys, and decided that uh.. well.... yeah those guys are hawt. and if riding on my own gets me a few head nods from the hotties?! i'm all over it!

and i think that about covers it. if any of you biker folk feel the urge to lend advice... please do so.

my elbows, my i-shuffle, my toes and my uh... baby-maker... would really appreciate it!

Posted by a.maria at 07:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (27) | TrackBacks (0)

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MAMA!!!

and to all you other mothers out there, Happy Mother's Day! i hope you're all having a grand time...

cooking yummy food for/with your kids... and eating yummy lunches...

and then conveniently having to head out because its a long drive and i'd help with the dishes, but...

hrrm...

well played mom. well played.

I LOVE YOU!

Posted by a.maria at 12:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBacks (0)

i then wake up around 4, maybe 5 in the morning, and can't feel my leg.

my left leg.

the one with the muscle aches.

like its not there. its dead. asleep, whatever.. numb.

i then spend the next half hour or so massaging my leg, poking my leg, slapping my leg.... digging in the heel of my right foot into various areas of my leg... anything i can think of to wake it up.

so that i can get back to sleep.

last night i was rewarded for completing this ritual by waking up an hour later with the same situation in my right arm.

i wasn't pleased.

so the thing is... what is going on?!?!

my complete neurosis has pretty much diagnosed me with some sort of marathon-training-fatal disease. that requires amputation. it obviously means my 20 miler saturday is doomed... and.. that it has somehow morphed into some weird swimming disease as well, hence the needed amputation of my right arm.

(never mind that i feel fine at the moment)

seriously? not cool. definitely not enjoyable.. and the amputation thing?

that is so gunna ruin my day.

Posted by a.maria at 06:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (16) | TrackBacks (0)

the burn out. the wanting to be done already. wondering why you've pushed yourself this far... yet at the same time hating yourself for not pushing harder. knowing, on some level, you'll be excited for the race, but feeling... dread. anxiety. fear... doubt.

fear and doubt.

yeah those two especially.

knowing you have to run, not wanting to run.... but then also wanting to run... more?

does that happen to anyone else? is that... i mean, that's normal, right?! i'm not the only one?

because right now i feel like i'm the only one. i keep reading these great stories of 16, 18, 20 mile runs, the ease and joy with which they were run and...

i hate to say it. but i become overwhelmed with a feeling of screw you!

i'm horrible. i know. but i'm honest, so that's something right?!?!! and i say that with much love!!?!!

hmm.

regardless. thats where i'm at.

the normal burn out...

happens to everyone. and right now... its happening to me.

Posted by a.maria at 06:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (24) | TrackBacks (0)

this is too good to miss. y'all have got to get yourself over to mark's site.

he is one beautiful man!

too damn funny. enjoy!

Posted by a.maria at 11:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

up 5 pounds on the scale.

have lake trip in 5 weeks.

need to lose 10 pounds.

am very annoyed right now.

Posted by a.maria at 10:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (19) | TrackBacks (0)

i mean i know i'm not the only one, but, come on already ya know?

so... like i said. i never check my mail.

except..... those nights when i do.

tonight was one of those nights.

it was actually more of a damn. i haven't checked my mail in forever and seriously? where is my tax return? maybe its here! lets go check kind of delusional few minutes... but regardless, i checked my mail.

and?

damn IRS sucks. no check yet.

HOWEVER!!!! today. this fourth day of the fifth month... exactly one month before the day i conquer my second marathon...

i got something even better.

i got my Rock'n'Roll Marathon Confirmation Card.

i got my Race Number.

i got chills. and i can't wait.

Rock'n'Roll San Diego...

ready or not..... HERE. I. COME.

(and lookie there... they even know me by name out there!
huh. how 'bout that?!)

Posted by a.maria at 07:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (17) | TrackBacks (0)

friends
sex
music
drugs
love
anything

so, here goes...

RUNNERGIRL asked..
1.) how long have you known your closest friend?
hmm.. i guess the title of "closest friend" would have to go to Nebraska Girl. we met the summer of my junior year in mexico while doing study abroad, so I guess it would be about 5 years.

2.) have you ever choosen not to have sex with someone and regreted it later?
i thought really long and hard about this one, trying to come up with a good answer, but....

no. i've never regretted not having sex with someone.

3.) who is your favorite artist to run to?
overall the artist with the most tunes on my I-pod is JEM.. and no. not Jem of

JEM!!! Jem is excitement..ooo-ooh JEM! (raise your hand if you have any idea what i'm talking about?!?!!)

but JEM, of Finally Woken.

4.) do you think that marijuana should be legalized?
absolutely. not because I personally want to legally use drugs.. but because its just not worth it. legalize it already. tax it. be done with it. move on.

5.) how do you know when you are in love?
i... don't know. i'd say i "just know" but.. thats crap. truth is, i don't know. have i ever been in love? i thought so.. but.. maybe not? i don't know.

6.) what one book or movie has touched you?
While I was Gone by Sue Miller.

KIM of STOP YOUR B*TCHING... asked
1.) have you had any major falling outs/why did they happen/resolution?
yeah. chicago boy and i had a pretty bad falling out a few months back -- why would pretty much come down to he's wrong and i'm right and thats just all there is to it.

!! totally kidding. um, no... basically, it came down to communication and over-reaction and stubborn-bull-headedness.. on both our parts. luckily we both value our friendship enough that we were able to eventually sit down and calmly talk it out and realize what idiots we both are, and... that was kinda that.

2.) best time/what made it so good?
italy. the ex had just broken up with me.... well, we had agreed it was for the best, but... yeah he basically broke up with me.. and i think it was just a huge release of a lot of pent up emotion and... i dunno. we were in italy!

3.) first concert?
HA! Paula Abdul!!!! with my DAD! in seventh grade. man... wow.

4.) favorite cold medicine!
SUDAFED!!!

5.) how many times have you been in love?
i've thought i was in love 3 times. i look back now and wonder.

6.) who do you have a crush on these days?
OMG this guy at the bike store today. holy moly. there was actually going to be an entire post dedicated to this man's just complete and utter hotness, but i got side-tracked by this game.

you do not understand. he was...... amazing. his teeth... so white. so perfect. scruffy hair, total BMXer type.. but just... i went into total giggle mode. i was looking.. not my worst, but damn near.. had on my glasses.. just.. i was in bad shape. i just wanted to stare. i walked out of the store with $150 worth of bike stuff...

not that i wouldn't if he hadn't been there... but... omg. by the time i got to my car i was already coming up with ideas for other reasons i could come back to the store like the next week... obviously in full-on A.Maria dress.. so that i could properly woo (read:drool)...

but yeah him. i have a crush on him. i have no idea what his name is... but...

OOH! he gave me a 10% discount. i'm still unclear as to why.. probably because i was walking around like an idiot and he felt sorry for me.. but i don't care. he is BMX Boy, and i will definitely find a reason to see him again!

whew okay this is getting long. up next..

JON IN MICHIGAN asked..
1.) Does your best friend know you blog?
yup. she doesn't read very regularly, but i think my addiction has prompted her to start her own blog.. so thats fun!

2.) If you had to marry someone and had to choose between love and sex (can't have both) which would you choose?
um... love!!?!?!!!!

er. LOVE!!! without the question marks. i mean obviously, right? i would choose... love. LOVE. yes.

love.

3.) Favorite song from a commercial?
i super have no idea. like just... no. no idea. umm... ?! yeah no. i got nuthin man. i'm sorry. nada.

4.) Have you tried any drugs that required a needle?
good gawd no. never had an interest, never plan to. no and no.

5.) Would you share needles with someone if you loved them?..
why I would need to share a needle with a loved one is beyond me… but if we’re talking life or death. Yeah. If not… then dude. Get your own needle. I love you but get your own needle, ya know? and p.s... what's the needle for?!

6.) What would make you give up blogging?
Hmm. I don’t know. I could see needing to take time off, dealing with life, as fellow RBF’ers have done… and I totally get that and could see needing that… but blogging for me has become so much more than just running. It’s truly become an outlet for me, a way to clear out my head or just say things that I can’t maybe say to certain people in my life, etc. the RBF has given me some great friendships and strangely, there are some that I’ve never met that know more about me, or at least about certain aspects of my life, than my friends do... and I’d hate to walk away from that.

and from the game starter herself, NIC asked
1.) Have you ever fallen for a friend?
yeah. my best friend in high school.. i fell for him pretty hard. we started dating my... junior or senior year in high school (really sad that i can't remember) and stayed together thru part of college.. little over 5 years.

2.) Have you ever slept with a friend?
yup. once. it was uh... yeah no. don't need to do that again!

3.) What song is at the top of the Playlist you play when you're getting ready to go out?
oooh... lets see. currently Esthero.. If Tha Mood. damn i love that song.

4.) How old were you when you first experimented? (If you've experimented, of course.)
being the goody goody girl that i am... i was 22. study abroad in europe... germany, to be exact. me and the american kids and a kid from Denmark. maybe another kid from sweden. i don't exactly remember!

5.) Have you ever broken someone's heart?
that old high school sweetheart.... i was the one that ended it. that was hard.

that sucked. so.. yeah.

6.) What's your favorite Sunday afternoon activity?
oooh. kicking back on someone's (mine. that i dont have anymore because of my loft situation) back deck or porch.. whatever.. with a good book. a drink. maybe some music in the background. just chillin.

oooh i love summer for those kind of lazy afternoons.

right. and so there ya have it. more useless information about a.maria. i'm sure you're all so thrilled!!

(and yes, i realize i'm totally cheating and taking the easy way out of having to actually post something by doing this.. but my house is a wreck. i apologize and will be back to update you on my upcoming 20 miler tomorrow!)

Posted by a.maria at 06:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBacks (0)

i wasn't training. i wasn't going out for distance or speed.. it wasn't on the schedule and i wasn't making up for a lost run.

it was just a feeling.

it wasn't the weekend that went so wrong... the disappointment for the friends i didn't see, the saddness for the man i care so much for, or the pain i felt for the woman who lost so much.

i just felt it.

this afternoon, as we drove home.. as the storm clouds rolled out and the rain came to an end.. i felt it. and i wanted to run.

needed to run.

and as i laced up my shoes, threw on my hat and got out the door... i felt calm. i felt right... i felt home.

as much a part of my life running has become, i don't think i've ever experienced the bond with it so many others seem to have had.

but after a weekend of so much loss... a friend's husband deployed, sent back to war... a sister's child's death before life... a man with his dog, and no more room in his life for someone else to care for..

running reached out to me and reminded me its still there.

i had no one to turn to, no where to go - so i ran. and i knew it'd be alright.

running is so much of life..

its the struggle of just keep going the next street sign-no mailbox-no....sh*t....tree!!...OMG THIS SUCKS-but doing it anyway.

its wondering why you ever started and knowing you'll never quit.

its losing your thoughts to the day and wondering where the last 5 miles went.

its hearing a song on the radio and smiling. not for the way it makes you feel... but the way it makes you run.

its challenge and accomplishment, fear and determination... saddness and triumph.

it's a part of me. its who i'm becoming... who i am.

today running reminded me not to forget, and always remember...

running is home.

and it feels so good to be home!

Posted by a.maria at 04:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (19) | TrackBacks (0)