i'm home
i wasn't training. i wasn't going out for distance or speed.. it wasn't on the schedule and i wasn't making up for a lost run.
it was just a feeling.
it wasn't the weekend that went so wrong... the disappointment for the friends i didn't see, the saddness for the man i care so much for, or the pain i felt for the woman who lost so much.
i just felt it.
this afternoon, as we drove home.. as the storm clouds rolled out and the rain came to an end.. i felt it. and i wanted to run.
needed to run.
and as i laced up my shoes, threw on my hat and got out the door... i felt calm. i felt right... i felt home.
as much a part of my life running has become, i don't think i've ever experienced the bond with it so many others seem to have had.
but after a weekend of so much loss... a friend's husband deployed, sent back to war... a sister's child's death before life... a man with his dog, and no more room in his life for someone else to care for..
running reached out to me and reminded me its still there.
i had no one to turn to, no where to go - so i ran. and i knew it'd be alright.
running is so much of life..
its the struggle of just keep going the next street sign-no mailbox-no....sh*t....tree!!...OMG THIS SUCKS-but doing it anyway.
its wondering why you ever started and knowing you'll never quit.
its losing your thoughts to the day and wondering where the last 5 miles went.
its hearing a song on the radio and smiling. not for the way it makes you feel... but the way it makes you run.
its challenge and accomplishment, fear and determination... saddness and triumph.
it's a part of me. its who i'm becoming... who i am.
today running reminded me not to forget, and always remember...
running is home.
and it feels so good to be home!
Comments
DATE: 10:50 PM
Dude, what's the emoticon for hugs? I forget....Still wondering what the emoticon for hugs is...
Posted by: Nic | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 8:39 AM
I'm with you on this one. Sometimes running is all I have and most non-runners will never understand.
Posted by: stronger | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 9:41 AM
yup, you understand it now. Welcome to the club.
Posted by: Djgoldnboy | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 1:34 PM
great post.
Posted by: Josh | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 5:42 PM
nic - someone used to give me hugs like so:*HUGZ*but..screw her =|i don't need hugs from her. i have a dog.hope you're feeling better, a. it's a pretty good indication that you've reached endurance athlete status when you can disregard all of the physical "pain" and occupy yourself with other thoughts.i was in that same zone today.
Posted by: J | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 5:58 PM
I sometimes find that sort of thing in life. So much has changed for me over the last few years that when I go home ( just up the road really) but I feel like I don;t fit in with my own family.Abd it makes em sad, but then I remember what I have now, I guess I do find runnign to be an outlet, but not so much as you,... It's good to have something positive to give you focus and direction..Glad you're back, I like reading your bog. :)
Posted by: Amiel | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 5:45 AM
i couldnt have said it better myself.sorry for the losses, but just keep running.it DOES make things seem so much better.
Posted by: JustJunebug | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 6:19 AM
hopefully next time we can hang out when you come here-let me know ahead of time!
Posted by: Jessica, a Houston Runner | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 11:25 PM
Sorry to hear about all the loss....this was a great post though. Thanks for sharing
Posted by: Mike | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 5:43 PM
I'm so sorry your weekend went so poorly and ended up being so sad. You were so excited. That seems so unfair.Good for you for finding comfort and solace in running. Here's to better days soon.
Posted by: 21st Century Mom | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 5:57 PM
I'm really sorry about your weekend...
Posted by: susie | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 6:04 PM
kudos for doing something positive -- when all you probably felt like doing was taking a bubblebath and drinking yourself silly...you are being true to yourself -- you are lil miss runner pants.
Posted by: Bolder | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 6:41 PM
What a wonderful post. I found you blog while looking around!! I could feel anymore the same about running. My sis is moving back to St. Louis. Have you heard much about the full marathon in Columbia in September??
Posted by: marathena | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 8:07 PM
Well said.
Posted by: Stephanie | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 8:39 PM
sorry you had such a crap weekend. I know you don't want to hear it, but things will get better. Eventually. You started off on the right foot.
Posted by: jeanne | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 9:00 PM
what an insightful post - life happens and you have to keep living it. you did an amazing job of expressing what lies at the heart of running for so many people.
Posted by: Ginger Breadman | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 9:01 PM
I couldn't have said it better myself. Keep on running, sweetie...
Posted by: Running Jayhawk | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 9:31 PM
And this is just the beginning!
Posted by: Habeela | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM
DATE: 5:29 PM
Welcome home! It sounds like your weekend wasn't so great. :(The kind of run that you describe here is what I so often seek, but so rarely find.For me, it only happens on summer nights. When something is troubling me, and I can't sleep. So, I step outside. Breathe deeply and hear the road calling. Begging me to lace up my shoes and head out into the night, where the darkness embraces me like the hug of a long lost friend. There is nothing like it.
Posted by: runnergirl | July 4, 2006 08:02 PM