one of them.
it was the TNT kick-off meeting for the Nike Women's Marathon, and i... well...
i had no idea what i was doing.
less than two weeks prior to this, i'd been sitting in Hallmark Girl's apartment. i don't remember how it came up exactly, or why... i'd been watching a lot of Gatorade commercials or something, i dunno....but at some point i blurted out i want to be a runner... and she laughed.
"umm.. okay?"
"no. really. i want to like... run. and stuff. ya know?..."
"okay. so run."
"no, no... i'm not going to just run. thats lame. i'll never do that. i need to run for a reason. i think i'm going to do a marathon--"
"WHAT?!?! nuh-uh"
"no, yeah, seriously. i'll like have a schedule and stuff....?? i think. i dunno. there's this coach? and.. this team? Married Girl did it, she was telling me about it--"
"yeah... um.... Married Girl is a runner. she ran in college. what are you TALKING about?!"
"well whatever. i can.... run?! whatever. its so not even a big deal. i'll just do it. it'll be fine."
ha! famous last words.
Hallmark Girl gave me this look and laughed, hell i laughed, and rightfully so... but she just went with it. she knew me pretty well, knows me pretty well, and knew once i had my mind on something, it was pretty much a done deal.
so that was it. and two weeks later... the kick-off meeting.
i walked in there just barely realizing a marathon meant 26.2 miles. definitely not realizing running a marathon meant actually running 26.2 miles, and having no clue, not the slightest indication, that it would be hard.
no, really. i had no idea.
obviously, obviously i knew it'd be hard. but i didn't know it'd be... you know. HARD. like.. H-A-R-D.
no i definitely didn't know. honestly, i didn't know enough about any part of the situation to really truly appreciate what i was getting myself into until much much later... i'm not entirely sure i'd have done it had i known...
but there i was. at the kick-off meeting. surrounded by runners.
no. surrounded by.... runners. and i sat in awe.
there's something about running... i can't really describe my secret love affair with the idea of running.... the concept of the runner.
it was something i'd always dreamed of, but never, ever had the courage to attempt. so sitting there, with all these runners... i had only one wish.
i want to be one of them.
and that stuck with me.
today was, once again, the TNT kick-off meeting for the Nike Women's Marathon. but this time, i attended as alumni... i sat at the back door, welcoming new members, woman after woman, all the same.... with this look of excitement. dread. fear. anxious smiles and nervous laughs...
a year ago that was me. it feels like such a lifetime ago, but that was me.
i'm not sure what i was thinking that first day i stepped into the TNT room. i know i was nervous, and a little withdrawn (believe it or not i can be a quiet person!! it just not the norm...). i can remember quietly laughing at myself thinking what the hell am i doing?!
but i dont think i ever thought, when i looked at those others... i dont think i ever thought i'd be standing on the other side. on the alumni side. on the runner side.
i dont think i ever thought i'd be one of them.
but last night i realized.... i am. and ya know what? i love it.
Comments
DATE: 6:22 AM
congrats on actually doing instead of just saying. lots of people aren't even capable of that. took me years of saying "i think i want to..." before i ever actually got off the ground.it's also great that you enjoy it(running) so much. i know a couple of folks who have absolutely no passion for anything whatsoever, and it's a little sad.can wait to see that enthusiasm in person!
Posted by: J | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 6:15 AM
Great post! You certainly are a runner and it so much fun coming back to TNT as an alum. It's great to watch others go through similar experiences as you did your first time...
Posted by: walchka | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 6:13 AM
Great "I'm a runner" post you should submit that to Runners World and get published. :)
Posted by: Bob | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 7:14 AM
you're a runner, a comedic and inspiring writer, a boozer, amongst many other things...be so proud of yourself, bc i am proud of you, my blogger buddy. i was planning on running nike too, but just found out it is now CLOSED. i would have loved to meet you!
Posted by: Kim | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 6:29 AM
being one of them isn't so bad . . . look forward to meeting you in San Diego.
Posted by: Susan | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 8:43 AM
Running is one of those things that sneaks up on you. There was never a point at which I said, "Gee, I'm a runner." Even after several half and full marathons, I hate running. I am, nonetheless, a runner, as are you. Just ask those around you. They'll let you know how crazy you are.And look, we're working on becoming triathletes, the next step towards complete insanity. Soon, we'll be SBR people, with funny license plates like SBR4FUN, or FE-MAN, or TRYATRI.
Posted by: Iron Pol | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 9:00 AM
a.maria, you are the shit. And I mean that in the most positive way.
Posted by: Viper | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 8:48 AM
powerful post! well said! Motivating as well! Keep it up! I love reading your posts!
Posted by: teacherwoman | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 9:47 AM
You really are a runner! I did my first marathon with TNT and then I pretty much stopped running - for years. Now I feel like a runner but I didn't for a long time. You, however, are a real runner. A runner who finds that running can be her best friend when the chips are down. Congratulations on realizing your goal!So - are you coming to SF again for this year's Nike? Because this year, I'll be there, too.
Posted by: 21st Century Mom | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 9:32 AM
You always were...it just took awhile to find!Have fun at SanDiego! Great course!
Posted by: Fe-lady | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 12:14 PM
You are absolutely right, I just looked up RUNNER in the dictionary and it said A.MARIA!
Posted by: The Running Red Sox Fan | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 1:34 PM
what a great post--and I so relate to the feeling. I wanted to be one of them for a long time:)
Posted by: susie | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 1:18 PM
aaaahhhhhhhh, that's my problem.why didn't you tell me oh-wise-one it takes a year...
Posted by: Bolder | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 3:21 PM
that's awesome! definitely you should send this one to runner's world! (and secretly, i am so glad to hear that iron pol hates running too.) 10 days to go!
Posted by: jeanne | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 2:47 PM
groovy ghoulies, a. yup, you've put in your time. you should be receiving your card in the mail any time now...
Posted by: jeff | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 5:06 PM
It's a nice feeling, isn't it? So, will you be joining us for lunch at Sammy's next Saturday (6/3)? Hope you got the invite.
Posted by: Anne | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 6:29 PM
just so you know, when i meet you in person next week (NEXT. WEEK.)...i am so totally giving you a giant hug because...i heart you. i am so busting with warm fuzzies from this post.damn girl, of course you are a runner. and with that attitude, you always will be.
Posted by: Running Chick | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 6:41 AM
great GREAT post...love it.sometimes i hate running, but without it i am nothing.
Posted by: JustJunebug | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 9:53 PM
You're going to run Nike AGAIN? No way! Can't wit to party in SF!!!
Posted by: Nic | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 6:42 AM
Sounds like your mere smidgens away from a Lifetime movie. Congrats. I shed a single tear.
Posted by: Jess | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 8:52 AM
I loved this... I always had a secret dream of being Runner too. I'm constantly in awe of all y'all Real Runners and it makes me feel so much better, and so much more like I can get there someday, to hear that it's hard for you too.
Posted by: Siren | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 9:31 AM
That is AWESOME. Countless hoards of us have had the same type of experience. We feel like we're taking a blind leap of faith to begin an endurance sport with no prospect of success, and yet if we do so with a little openess, we find there is a whole community of people ready to cheer and lend a hand. Then, at some point, we reach back to pull up the next guy/gal and realize, "I am what I set out to be."The couch sitters have no idea what they're missing.
Posted by: greyhound | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 10:23 AM
This is too real, I have to pass it along to my team. I’m sure a few of them will relate. See you in San Diego.
Posted by: DTRW | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 4:10 PM
Love the post- I have moments like that where I will compare my current running life with my old sedentary, cable TV watching, post-baby body life and it's a TRIP!
Posted by: Jennifer | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM
DATE: 10:34 AM
You run with TNT ... no way???!?!?!!
Posted by: Josh | July 4, 2006 8:02 PM