Little Miss Runner Pants

DATE: 7:30 PM
I totally understand the feeling but I am somewhat in the opposite boat from you in two ways. The first is that I am super lucky to have parents, friends and families at races. It's fun to look for them on the course and know where they are going to be so I can have something to look forward to. My husband and I are best friends (friends for a year and a half before we started dating) and running partners so I don't ever have to run alone. Which is also really nice. However. It's hubby and me and that's about it. We are also grad students together and so we see each other...people around our office or around our apartment. But then at thursday's dollar beer nights it's us sitting and looking at each other and laughing because really, where did all the people go? I realize that I made a choice to be this busy, to balance work, commuting and marathon training and so things have to get exed out. But also the realization sets in that it's not super healthy to be so secluded...and not so much fun either. I am now trying to find other runners in my area because they can understand the craziness that is marathon training in ways that my coworkers and old friends cannot. Those people that still like to go out for beers and burgers but realize they have to run at 6am the next morning so aren't having the 7 beers they might have a few years ago. And it was super fun! It was fun to have other runner folks to talk to laugh with. It's so different than going out with old friends that are like, "oh so you have to like run tomorrow?" Yes. I have to run tomorrow. I always have to run tomorrow :-) But these people got it and so it was a good night. Good Luck with finding your way through this. It can be done! :-)

DATE: 7:09 PM
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DATE: 6:54 PM
okay. yeah, i understand. 100%. i've never had people there FOR ME at a race either. yeah, there are people i know at races. lots of 'em, actually. but there for me? not yet. and finding that balance between having a life and being an athlete (because that's what you are!) is definitely hard. but you'll find it. because you want to...and you do everything you set out to do. you ran a freaking marathon, remember? 2 of 'em.

DATE: 6:54 PM
i totally agree, the balancing act is a real struggle. i don't have any solutions because i struggle with it too. its so tricky!

DATE: 9:07 PM
Training is brutal and so constricting. It takes a huge commitment and then, when you don't get what you want out of it, it is so disappointing. So here's the good news - No one needs to run a marathon every x months. Once every couple of years or even just once is fine and you've already run 2.So how about calling your friends up and saying "I'm baaaack! Let's go out for drinks!" and just fire up your old life. You could run 3 miles, 2 days a week if you feel like it. You have a new bike. You have a pool to go to. You can go to the gym. You don't have to be a runner. That doesn't mean we won't expect your fun filled posts telling us about what you have been up to - we will. Just get your old life back and then worry about the running.As for not making your goal - that sucks but you are so very, very young. You can do it again some time if you feel like it. Or maybe you'll do something else. Time will tell.

DATE: 8:11 PM
First off great post, thanks for sharing, many have been where you are now. You will sort it out.I say, learn how to run hungover. :)

DATE: 7:44 PM
i think i can relate in a few ways. even in the sense that i'm one of the SD people who DIDN'T come to see you run(clarification - as part of the RBF group). that might have actually been a good thing since...well..i hate seeing people cry.y'know..i'd do anything to see my parents at one of my races. and certain other people, for that matter... after my first part of the season, i decided i needed to take a month off for a couple of reasons. one was because i wanted to re-connect with some of my friends who i felt i had neglected for a few months while training and racing. another was because i felt like i was starting to burn out a little. it hadn't happened yet, but i know myself well enough to know it was coming. holding yourself accountable for anything can be rough. i didn't stop riding, but i definitely eased off the intensity a little, cleared my race calendar, and ate this months race fees. just yesterday, though, i decided to go ahead and start registering for the rest of the season starting in july, because i already miss it. that, and i feel plain guilty for stopping when i had just started getting the whole thing down and improving my results. it always seems to come back to me once i've figured things out. the bike just waits for me.here's what i know..and i've said it before on my blog. if it means anything to you at all, you'll keep going back to it, and it'll keep coming back to you. same thing with friends. the people who were meant to stick just...stick. they're there for a reason and even if they don't always call or come over to hang out, the sticky ones will still be there to pick you up for whatever reason. just like(name your sport).it can't be a bad thing that you've decided to recover from so many months of training(and oh yeah, a marathon).

DATE: 11:30 PM
When I first started running I was just doing it to get in shape, it was easy to balance out the other things (and people) in life. Then I started running races, marathons and worst. Running has become the spark in my life. I rarely have anyone waiting at the finish line for me, and when, then usually it's my wife. But this is not a priority for me because I am doing what I really love to do - run. I've left several friends behind, we (mostly me) just don't have the same interests anymore, but I am making new friends. You don't have to let running totally change your life, but on the other side you can let it if that is what you really want. You are young (my daughter's age) and have different priorities than e.g. I do. I would humbly suggest that you take a break from racing (or marathoning) until you figure out what YOU really want. There is always time to run, but marathoning requires more time commitment - you need to want to do it.

DATE: 9:42 PM
I feel ya a. But ya know what, if these peeps were true friends, and not just party-buddies, they wouldn't stop calling, and they would be at your races. I've felt what you're feeling, but then I make time to go out on the town and I'm like... this is so lame. Why am I here? Well, I'm a tad older than you, so maybe that's some of it. Anyway, just my random opins. You gotta do what is right for you... people will gravitate to that, and you will not be alone. Hugs! T.

DATE: 9:20 PM
Running, running, running... seems like allyou got. You can go out and party just not to the extreme you used to. I used to alot (even into my forties) and have just started running again. A lot of the drinking has stop.. almost non-existent. But I am lucky. My girlfriend is the most supportive person I know. 6/10 was a cold rainy day and yet she was at the finish line for me. Freezing her arse off. but there. You are younger and you will find someone. And if you want to slow down on the running to reconnect ith old friends - don't feel bad. It has to be about you. Everyone else will understand or they truly aren't great friends - life friends.

DATE: 6:15 AM
A. Maria,Running well takes work. Here are a few points to ponder:1) You can go short with much less training. If balance in life is what you want, then you can limit yourself to distances up to 1/2 marathon and likely be able to do at least some going out, etc.2) I don't think I remember you ever mentioning a real running club...TnT, but no club. You may want to consider joining one, as they can provide you with a support network of other area runners. That says nothing about the social aspect, after all there are bound to be some available guys, some of whom might even be cute. Also, remember that runners won't see anything wrong with not drinking on Friday because of a long-run on Sat...they'll actually regard it as normal.3) A post-marathon blues period isn't that unusual. It's no big deal, but you also can't let it put you into a perpetual funk.The result is that you can put yourself where you choose to be now in the continuum of the big family that is the running community.

DATE: 6:05 AM
I think we are in the same boat right now. Listen to your heart and you'll find the right direction. Maybe we'll meet up again at Austin.

DATE: 5:11 AM
A-totally understand where you are coming from...I have been the social director for as many years as I can remember...then when I started training for marathons, I find myself being a bit lost, actually missing those 3am drunk phone calls from my friends who I thought had seemingly forgotten about me. I was lucky that I made a group of 6 best friends through TNT for the Boston Marathon who were going through the same emotional and physical trauma and we helped get each other through the long months of sober Fridays and exhausted Saturdays. Now I'm training alone for Marathon #2 and I find myself VERY lonely. "I can't go out for a drink on this ridiculously nice summer day because I have to run tomorrow" is my least favorite sentence. "Sorry ____, I have to miss your birthday party on Friday night because I have to run on Saturday" sucks too. I hope in the end my friends understand. It's not about them, it's not about me, it's about the running...I think all of us out here in Bloggerville have had the same isolated, lonely and sad experiences at some time during training. We are here to listen and to support each other. You will get through this!

DATE: 2:55 AM
Training is a huge time commitment and giving up the social life is part of it. But I have met the best friends through running, friends who are now part of my social life! Friday nights are for water and sleep and Saturday nights are for going out! (I can say that since I don't have to run Sundays....no marathon training for me.) Listen to your heart and do what it tells you. You'll find the balance you need.

DATE: 6:25 AM
Ale - balance is the key. If you look way back at some of the Iron or Running Pol posts, you'll find a Bible verse. It's Luke 2:52, but I'll save you the lookup. "And Jesus increased in strength and in wisdom, and in favor with God and man." Simply put, Jesus balanced four areas of life. Physical, mental, religious, and social.When you get out of balance, things go haywire. In the past, you may have had too much social and mental without enough physical and/or wisdom. You have recently swung way towards the physical, at the expense of social. Find balance and you'll find comfort.Scooter put it right. If marathons (training all the time) doesn't "fit," focus on 10K races and put some of the social life back together. I personally went the other way and built the social around the training. My old friendships are still there, but new ones have developed in the triathlon club and with a few training partners at the YMCA.And taking some time will help. Just try to make small changes, rather than another life altering shift in balance.

DATE: 8:16 AM
As a runner for close to 30 years now I have found that running goes in cycles and I would encourage you not to make any hard decisions right after a marathon. Finding the balance is tricky and a lot of us struggle with it.Your friends who are truly your friends will support you. If you enjoy hanging out and drinking then by all means do that but does that bring you satisfaction versus what running is doing? Only you can answer that question and whatever balance you come up with I am sure will be right for you.Good luck, you did good and will continue to do so.

DATE: 8:12 AM
WOW...I thought I was reading my beginning running experiences for a sec. I went thru the same scenarios last summer. My first time training for a marathon and...whoops...there went summer and the social life.Of course life is a matter of balance and constant sacrifice. It's just a matter of what fits for you. Scooter's point is true. What helped tremendously was/is being in a running club. If I was to do it on my own, there was no way I would have been able to follow through with the training. Lora and I fed off the others that we ran with and I think they did the same. And it became a social outlet as well. I'm sure KC has a few running clubs to check out if that's the route you wish to investigate.There might not be another marathon in my future, but knowing that I will continue to try as best as I can to lead a healthy lifestyle will keep me active and around people that have those similar interests.Plus, I don't think your personality will allow you to stay 'down' for long. You're definitely a glass half full (of beer) kinda gal. :)

DATE: 7:50 AM
This is a fantastic post...as it expresses a lot of what many runners and athletes in general go through.Scooter brings up an excellent point regarding a running club. I've decided to make running a big part of my life right now and so I surrounded myself with other people that do the same. It makes it easy...because on nights where there is a race the next day...so do they. So perhaps we go out for dinner or just sit around and chat.I think you've ended the "honeymoon" phase of running and the time to figure out just where you want this to be in life. It's tough but I think you'll start to figure out just what you want out of all of this. No one can make this decision but you...however, hopefully all of us can help you down the path.Don't feel silly about this...if it was easy, everyone would do it.

DATE: 9:49 AM
Wow, look at all these people who care about you. Enough good advice there that you need no more from me, but know this. Post-marathon depression is normal. Lonely training is normal. If you enjoy your training, find some friends to do it with you, a running club or a tri club. Making those kinds of friendships (after my second marathon too) really opened the curtains and let the sun shine in for me.

DATE: 9:39 AM
i totally hear you, i've been uninvited from some nights out with girlfriends too. i eventually had to organize some non-alcohol related get togethers during the week so they wouldn't forget about me. and if you ever need someone to just chill with on a lonely friday night, let me know!

DATE: 9:04 AM
I am too struggling with balancing social life and training. It is hard. But life is one big balancing act, isn't it? I don't know what else to say. I am only training for my first half marathon, and sometimes I struggle with trianing, grad school, and hanging out with new acquaintances from classes. All I have to say is, thank god I am single (right now). before the ex and I broke up a couple months ago, it would have been impossible to train for anything. Relationships like that demand a lot of time, whether we like to admit it or not. Once you figure out how to balance it all, let me know! If it is possible!

DATE: 8:21 AM
this was a great post, for a few reasons. 1. its a great place to air your grievences, concerns and life issues. 2. people have this stuff in common, but can't bring them selves to either admit it, or verbalize it. 3. it makes people understand where you're coming from, and maybe let's them think about where they're coming from.like me- i haven't been running this month. i didn't plan to take the time off, and I feel guilty about it, but my life required more attention, and more sleep, and more no thought time. but I didn't realize that until i read your post, and thought about why I wasn't running even though i really enjoy it. so thanks!

DATE: 1:42 PM
The Running or Training lifestyle is a big commitment, and lots of sacrifices are made. You taking a step back or "break" to analyze where your life is going is very normal. Friends are important, but also remember that friends that are supportive are the most important. If you are only able to make to the "friends" weekly event every other week or even once a month then the supportive ones should understand. Or at least the true friends will. I have lost friends, and even girlfriends that had potential also in the past few years. But the true friends have stuck by and are supportive. Sort of a weeding out process I guess. Even when I see the old friends that I never see anymore they all comment on how they wish they had the dedication to training that I do. Maybe one day they will want to train with me and wander back into my life. But take your time and weight your options carefully. Be a little selfish, and do what is right for you. Hopefully you do not end dropping the training lifestyle totally. I know we would all miss your good stories. Sorry for the long comment... you got me going with that one.

DATE: 11:34 AM
I found myself in the same place about six months ago. I made a huge lifestyle change and many of my friends either didn't understand or were unwilling to put up with my new schedule. Transitional times like that are when you find out who your friends really are.As for me, I joined a club (and later a team) full of people who had similar passions. We understand each other and support each other at events. I can honestly say that I've never been happier in my life and I feel lucky to have some of the best freinds imaginable. The sound of ten or twenty people cheering for you along a race course goes a loooong way!Like other people said, take a break but also realize that your life is changing and your friends are changing with it. Find a club or group or like-minded people and enjoy the ride!

DATE: 11:34 AM
I found myself in the same place about six months ago. I made a huge lifestyle change and many of my friends either didn't understand or were unwilling to put up with my new schedule. Transitional times like that are when you find out who your friends really are.As for me, I joined a club (and later a team) full of people who had similar passions. We understand each other and support each other at events. I can honestly say that I've never been happier in my life and I feel lucky to have some of the best freinds imaginable. The sound of ten or twenty people cheering for you along a race course goes a loooong way!Like other people said, take a break but also realize that your life is changing and your friends are changing with it. Find a club or group or like-minded people and enjoy the ride!

DATE: 9:57 AM
Take a break, rest up. Marathon training can really take it out of you. Go out and party with your friends. Relax. You'll eventually want to start exercising again. Rest can be a good thing.

DATE: 2:27 PM
first off AJ, i'm glad to see you've already received so much comment love...next, i don't have any insightful, appreciative, or thoughful comment to add...finally, i only wish i was exactly where you are right now, when i was 26... i think you are in a really good place, are thinking and asking really good questions, and things are gonna work out really really well for you.keep the faith.

DATE: 2:20 PM
Ave...Maria....First, those of us who embrace running, have been there and done that. Better yet, those of us who have embraced major change in our lives, have been there and done that. You aren't alone. It's just that most of us are dispersed all over the world. And some of us find ways to find each other.I am going to send you an email.Maybe I'll just send you an open letter on my blog. Hang in there.That's all I can muster up right now.

DATE: 2:18 PM
Oh my dear, we are both on the exact same page. I wrote a very similar post after my very first triathlon a few weeks ago. You know you're doing something good for yourself but you'd really like to have somebody who cared with you.I don't know what the answer is either but when I find one I'll let you know. :)

DATE: 6:35 AM
i've got a brilliant idea...you could move to chicago and you can be bff's with out of shape guy and me!! we understand!!!But seriously...big hugs to you. I think a majority of the people who train and train hard will understand you on this front...

DATE: 6:13 AM
My thought would be is why does running have to equate to a marathon? If you have a good, solid running base, training for a marathon is not quite a life altering event. Yes, I have to adjust my social calendar a bit, but my world doesn't revolve around training. The biggest thing that suffers in my life is housecleaning, but I don't like to clean the house anyway. ;-)Why not try training for some kick-ass 5k's or if distance is a must, a half marathon? Build up your aerobic base and the marathon training will not take nearly as much out of you.

DATE: 6:39 PM
AHHH TUCKERMAN!!! i just went to leave you a message but your link doesnt work...anyway. check out PHASE FIVE (nic) in my links.. she lives in SF and y'all should totally have an RBF meet-up!(nic if you read this later, i'm pimping you out!)

DATE: 2:00 PM
That was such an appropriate post for me to read right now! My wife and I recently relocated from the Northeast to the SF Bay area and jumped into triathlon as a way to meet other young, active friends. A year and a half later the social contact is minimal because of all the training, and we feel like aliens among co-workers and our non triathete friends, of which we have few. It's so interesting to hear from others in the same situation!

DATE: 6:41 PM
I totaly relate. Sometimes I don't know why I keep at this. It is hard at times. Balancing work, social and training sucks more than I am willing to admit. But take that time off. Ride that bike. Go to your bar and listen to your bands. Spend time with your friends. You might eventually start running again, not because you have to run, but because you want to run. And enjoy the summer!

DATE: 2:53 PM
Feel the love.

DATE: 3:14 PM
The balance is tough...as part of my whole transformation most everything in my life has changed. I think you just need to map your grand destination, and everything else will fall perfectly into place.

DATE: 12:12 PM
i am just catching up on blogs and man this one made me cry. you could be me writing all of this.my friendships have gone by the wayside. not for any reason in that i am no longer fun i guess in their eyes. they say they respect what i am doing, but well, sometimes i dont believe them. actually for the most part i dont.if you figure it all out i cant wait to hear how...