i don't know what to say.
i've tried writing this post a bunch of different ways, trying to explain where i'm coming from, trying to explain the situation... but i can't.
i just don't know what to say about it.
a friend of mine... less than that. a guy i went on a few dates with, up in NY, on my business trip (he was a soldier, we went out for lunch.. then dinner... etc.)...
he was deployed to afghanistan back in february. and we haven't talked since december, and we're not friends, we barely know each other...
but i wrote him. about a month ago, i was thinking of him, so i wrote him, to see how he's doing...
so since then i've been waiting to hear back, and... today i have.
and i don't know what to do with it.
a friend of his was killed a few days before he wrote it, which prompted him to finally write me back (his words, not mine.) and he's sorry he didn't get back to me sooner.
and thats it.
and i don't know what to do with that. and i'm frustrated. i don't even know why i'm frustrated, but i am. and i feel horribly. i'm sad that i don't know him any better, to write him and cheer him up. i'm sad that he lost his friend, and i'm sad that the situation was what it was that has made writing him such a hard thing to do in the first place.
what the hell do you say to a guy you met/knew for three days who's off at war who you'll never see again but who you wish you'd had a chance to get to know?
i didn't know, lord knows i wrote and trashed more than my fair share of letters before actually getting around to sending one out, but why am i so frustrated?
i'm annoyed that i'm frustrated, and i don't know what to do about it and i'm hungry, and i'm tired, and i just go home from the gym so i'm sweaty and gross and there's no food in my fridge and i'm definitely PMSing right now because i don't normally lose my cool like this, for the LOVE this is ridiculous.
UGH.
awesome. happy monday. i don't even know what else to say. there ya have it. thats my monday post.
BOLLOCKS!
(seriously i need to get a grip. good lord.)
Comments
I'm guessing that you are frustrated because you want to help and you don't know how and you don't think you can so you feel impotent. That's really normal and is a by product of your warm heart. I think you already wrote your letter. You just need to do a little rearranging. Here is a suggestion.
Dear (his name)
"I'm really sorry you lost your friend. I'm feeling sad and frustrated that I don't know you any better than I do because I'd like to write something that might cheer you up but I don't really know how. I really am sad that you lost your friend and because I feel sad for you I'm sad that the situation has made writing you such a hard thing to do in the first place *. In other words, I feel sad for you but sort of like I can't really do much about it because I don't know you that well. I hope knowing that I care helps a little"
*that part needs some work and I'm not sure what you mean. Are you sad that he had to leave before you got to know him? Just say that. He'll appreciate it.
So that was just a quick shot at doing a minor re-arranging of your own words. He may not know you but knowing that you care at all will probably give him some comfort. That's about all you can do. Who knows, maybe you will become pen pals and that will also be of comfort to him. Sometimes the littlest gestures make a real difference.
Posted by: 21stCenturyMom | July 10, 2006 10:47 PM
i agree with 21stCenturyMum. The gesture of the note will say more than what you actually say. there is nothing wrong with saying you're not sure what to write, he probably thinks/feels the same!
Posted by: gecko | July 11, 2006 05:52 AM
AM, perhaps some feedback from a vet will help. Send a note. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. Like 21st Century Mom said, express your sorrow for his loss, concern for his safety, and whatever else you feel is appropriate.
When service members are deployed for long periods of time, letters are a lifeline. If he isn't getting other mail, it may be a very powerful gesture just that you sent a note.
If you can, include cookies. Cookies make anyone who sent them an instant hero.
Posted by: Iron Pol | July 11, 2006 06:25 AM
I agree with all of the above. Don't over think it, just send a note and cookies. There is nothing better than knowing someone is thinking of you and a little taste of home.
Posted by: ali | July 11, 2006 07:52 AM
That certainly is a tough situation. Have some wine and chocolate before you make any decisions.
Posted by: Susan | July 11, 2006 08:22 AM
Yes, wine and chocolate. Definitely. War sucks.
Posted by: Tammy | July 11, 2006 08:27 AM
what they said. just remember, you can't cheer him up. not possible. this f'n endless war...
Posted by: jeanne | July 11, 2006 08:30 AM
I lost a friend in Iraq not that long ago and have a few others still over there. I agree with what everyone else has said above...
Send him a note and be honest about things. Tell him how sorry you are for his loss and how you aren't sure that there's anything you can say (because generally there isn't). But remember to thank him for what he's doing over there.
When I heard about Monta's death the first words out of my mouth were "thank you". Whether we agree or disagree with the war, we can't forget that our freedom is protected by our friend's that are currently serving.
Hang in there A. You'll know the right words.
Posted by: Karen | July 11, 2006 08:43 AM
AM,
Being a former soldier who would be deployed for long lengths of time I can say that the number one morale booster is getting mail. A letter doesn't have to be epic or profound. Simple words will do just fine. Heck, even a postcard or greeting card can brighten a soldier's day.
Tell him you're sorry to hear about his friend and you hope he returns home safely. Then, write about the weather, your favorite sports team, the last movie you saw, your training... anything will do.
You're a good person to care. Don't get wrapped around the reasons why you care just that you do.
Stay tuned...
Posted by: TriBoomer | July 11, 2006 08:43 AM
I guess I would agree with most of the comments and say that you first need to be supportive, but also be more of a freind in the letters back. I have been out of town for work for exntended periods of time, and even short 5 minute calls from people back home brightend my day. I am deffiently not comparing my IT work to being a solider, those men and women are the hardest workers in the world. Plus all that they risk every day is something that we are in debit to them forever. Simply saying that any postive communicaiton helps out. So try not to be frustrated becasue you want to do more to help out. Simply try to send a letter every month or so, maybe a care package also. Get some people at work involved to help with the costs too. I think there are actually web sites that help out with what you can send and can not send.
Posted by: Al Durham | July 11, 2006 09:18 AM
I second the card and the cookies. And that it doesn't have to be anything profound. Just that you cared and that your sad. I used to send my brother goofy clippings from the comic strips. Not sure why. Just did. I thought it might make him laugh. And that's all that matters.
You'll know what to say.
PS Love the new blog. I still can't figure out blogger but Jeff has graciously let me use some of his script (if that's what it's called) and i'm still working on that. Maybe I'll make the jump on my one year anniversary!
Posted by: Amy | July 11, 2006 02:07 PM
I have to agree. A card or a simple letter. Homemade cookies if you feel up to it. Just the expression of care & concern will help... knowing there are people here at home thinking of him and his friends.
on another note... I like the new look/blog... what prompted you to switch?
Posted by: makita | July 14, 2006 10:32 PM