Little Miss Runner Pants

"just call him. take a deep breath, let the air out, and just dial. it'll be fine"

"uuuuuuugh. i feel like i'm going to puke. i hate this. i don't think i can do this"

"yes you can. just.. do it. DO IT!"
"whoa chill. okay, okay. jeez."

"do you know what you're gunna say?"
"mmmm. mm-hmm."
"what?"
"nothing"

"oh my gawd. you wrote it down, didn't you"
"NO!"
"yes you did"
"did not. DID NOT DID NOT!"

*sigh*..."you're ridiculous"
"whatever.

i know.

today i might have topped out my super awesome smooth moves with the fellas.

cuz.... stellar

*sigh*

so i had to call a boy today. i had to call a boy who i met this weekend, who i exchanged numbers with, and haven't heard from since.

i know, right? but i HAD to. there was too much chemistry and witty banter and playful teasing not to and circumstances.. circumstances.. and i had to.

really.

but see the thing is... i hate calling boys. loathe. i suck at it. i get nervous and stutter. i forget words, forget names.. its just a bad, bad, really not pretty situation, and...

today was no different.

BG Man, as he's been named, is away on business in a time zone an hour ahead. so all week i've been preparing for 1:15pm Wednesday afternoon.

cuz i did the math. and i weighed my options.. and... 2:15 his time? he's gotta be busy at 2:15. who's not busy at 2:15? but make it 2:17 cuz... otherwise it might look like i was specifically waiting for a quarter after 2 and.. thats weird. or maybe i should call at "lunch" my time. like 12:30. but thats 1:30 his time and what if he takes a late lunch? he cannot answer. whatever happens, he cannot answer

and so it began.

once i'd figured out the timeframe.. i had to figure out the message.

"so, heyyy, hi..there. BG Man. whats up! ....with YOU."
ok yeah not that, thats terrible.. ummm....

"BG Man!!! hey! its A.Maria, how are you? i'm good, good... right, so..."
oh dear god i got nuthin.

oooh it was bad. there's a reason i don't do this.

but a few days later, many conference calls with friends and, i got it. oooh, and it was good. i was excited. tuesday in the shower, as i rehearsed (did she just say rehearsed? yup. she did. AND YOU ALL KNOW YOU'VE DONE IT!) i was feeling good. i was feeling confident, hell, i was feeling...

breezy.

i figured hey. its in the bag.

fast forward to today, 9:30 am and... the above conversation.

nerves. butterflies. sweating.. profusely. hands shaking a little...

"dear god woman, you're going to have a stroke. pull it together"
"............. bite me."

oh yeah! good times.

12:40... 12:45....12:52
i gotta pee

so i make my way to the bathroom, and, once again talk myself through exactly what's going to be said.

"hey Army Guy, its A. Maria.. so listen, i've been giving it some..."
omg. omgomgomg. i just said Army Guy. NO. sh*t. effer. BALLS. BG Man. BG Man. his name's BG Man. omg. omgomg. its a bad omen. i'm going to say the wrong name. oh god.

ooooooooh no.

have i made it quite clear i suck at this yet?
oy.

1:15 rolls around, i grab my danged piece of paper with his NAME written across the top, get a final pep-talk from K-State Guy and.. step outside to make the call.

i can do this. i don't want to do this. i can do this. i don't want to do this...

*ring* *ring*
don't pick up don't pick up
*ring* *ring*
i'll never ask for anything again ever. just don't pick up
*ring*... *hey this is BG Man, i cant get to my.....*
HALLELUJAH!!

(and i kid you not i think i almost passed out from the relief)

*beeeeeeeeeeep*
"hey BG Man, this is A.Maria. so listen, i've been giving is some thought and.."....

everything's going well. i recite my message. i'm feeling good. confident. when suddenly ..."from the other night and..."

SON OF A B*TCH!!! what am i doing? thats not on the script. THATS NOT ON THE SCRIPT. where'd you learn to read you half-wit.....end it now. MAYDAY MAYDAY...end it NOW. you stupid stupid woman. END IT!

*hyperventilating* *hyperventilating*

"to send this message now, press 1. to listen to your message, press 2, to re-record press 3.."

..............oh thank you Jesus. i love sprint.

many deep breathes. relax. calm down. all is not loss. lets do this thing.

i press 3.
record.
listen to the message.
mmmmm. no.
i press 3.
record.
listen to the message.
mmmmm. no.
i press 3.
record.
listen to the message
well now i'm starting to sound like some sort of social retard, wtf. this is not a good situaton A. come ON now, BREEZY!!!!! be breezy. heyyy. no big deal, just callin. aint no thang.

BE BREEZY.

at this point i'm so worked up, literally my 5th attempt went something like

"BG Man, its A. Mar--... so thinking. BREAKFAST!! owe.. dinner.. n-guh.."

*sigh*
i wanted to cry. clearly this was not a good idea. i'd been outside on the phone for a good 10 minutes. it started off so well and then..

crash. burn. casualties everywhere.

i press 3.
record.
"wha whaaaa wha whaaa wha wha.. wha??! wha whaaa whaa. wha-wha."
send.

i sat down on the curb. i crumpled up my piece of paper. i replayed the final, horrible version of my message in my head, laughed and

well....i dunno.
maybe he'll.... think it was cute?!

*sigh*
hope springs eternal my good people.

hope. springs. eternal.