you know that feeling??!
you know that feeling you get, when you're right on the brink.
everything around you has been working up towards something, some certain time, some certain event, and its just about to happen and you're just kind of... giddy!!?
not the feeling of everything going right.
not the feeling of i've been waiting for this for so long and now its here...
not that feeling.
the feeling right before.
the feeling of time slowing down and speeding up, all at once. the feeling of hurry up and wait, hurry up and wait... hurry up and wait. the excitement and anxious nervous jitter you get because you know pretty soon, it'll be here, and you'll have to do whatever it is you've been waiting on, and oh my god.. its really real, isn't it?
thats the feeling i have. right now. i've been hit with it, smack, smack across the face.
this, this is what i've been getting ready for.
i don't know what these next few months are going to bring. i don't know what they'll be like, but i can feel the energy just brewing inside me. and i'm ready.
not ready for a race. not ready to train, to have a schedule, to get up every morning to swim or run or bike... (who are we kidding, i'll never wake up early to bike. screw that!)
i'm not that kind of ready.
i'm ready for my life. my life.
MINE.
i've been fighting it, now, for almost two years. trying to hold on to who i was, while growing into who i am. trying to maintain a lifestyle that i knew made me unhappy only to become frustrated with one i knew, know, makes me succeed.
and its been a battle. its been my battle. and its not over...
but its about to be.
that thing, that life i've been slowly getting ready for... its almost here.
do you know that feeling? the feeling of knowing everything is about to be RIGHT. not that everything is always going to be puppy dogs and roses, i'm not that naive, i'm not that stupid... but that everything is going to be right. because you're finally okay with it. okay with you. all of you.
and its not here, its not yet. but... almost.
do you know that feeling?
because i've gotta tell ya... its scary, and its exciting.
and its scary and its exciting... and i don't know if i can explain it more than that.
but thats what i'm feeling.
i'm right on the brink.
Comments
Okay, just so we're clear, are we talking about race prep, or your sanity?
Posted by: Iron Pol | January 24, 2007 4:02 PM
ahhh.. screw being clear!! you don't have to understand what i mean... *i* know what i mean. and thats good enough for me!
Posted by: aj | January 24, 2007 4:14 PM
I know that feeling SO well!
Posted by: Denise "Firefly" | January 24, 2007 4:47 PM
i'm confused... is this about a boy???
Posted by: Danny | January 24, 2007 5:36 PM
It sounds very exciting and scary at the same time. I look forward to hearing about it after reaching the other side of the brink.
Posted by: Laurie | January 24, 2007 6:39 PM
no, danny.. its not about a boy. its about knowing that the life i've been working towards is right around the corner. things are slowly falling into place and i can see it happening.... its not just about race prep, its not just about a boy, its not just about the people i've surrounded myself with, the new place i'll be living...
its all of it. its been a long time coming, and its not here yet, but... almost. i can see myself working towards being happy. with ALL aspects of my life.. something that hasn't happened in a while.
--- thats the brink.
thats the feeling.
Posted by: aj | January 24, 2007 7:42 PM
Well yay! That's a great feeling to have!
Posted by: Danielle in Iowa | January 24, 2007 7:53 PM
Honestly I have no idea but it sounds like quite a nice high. Enjoy!
Posted by: 21stCenturyMom | January 24, 2007 8:18 PM
I'm so happy for you. Remember this feeling. It's a special one.
Posted by: jkrunning | January 24, 2007 8:36 PM
I'm totally with you on this one...know that feeling very well...
Posted by: The Rover | January 24, 2007 11:12 PM
Wow. Awesome post! Hold onto that feeling. :-)
Posted by: Reece | January 25, 2007 4:26 AM
Just a small town girl, livin in a lonely world
She took the midnight train goin anywhere
Just a city boy,
born and raised in south detroit
He took the midnight train goin anywhere
Dont stop believin
Hold on to the feelin
Sorry A, just felt like belting out a little journey. I am SO happy that everything is falling into place and YOU are falling into your special part of the world. You deserve every ounce of happiness.
Love ya girl.
Posted by: Kim | January 25, 2007 7:29 AM
well that's awesome. (i always thought you were doing pretty well with the whole life thing... glad you're starting to feel that way too.)
(oh, and from your next post, sorry about army guy. let's hope the time goes by fast for both of you.)
Posted by: Danny | January 25, 2007 3:42 PM
great post. we all go through that. it's scary to take that step.
Posted by: Nytro | January 26, 2007 1:08 PM
Oh, you are so lucky...I'm still waiting for that moment, I need to figure out first what it is I want and then I can work toward setting things in motion...the toughest part is figuring it all out.
Posted by: Danielle in MN | January 26, 2007 3:48 PM
nicely said a.j. it's a nice feeling, isn't it.
Posted by: jeanne | January 28, 2007 9:45 PM