Little Miss Runner Pants

nothing in my life goes smoothly.

nothing.

ever.

something always happens. something good, something stupid, something silly, it's no matter. something always happens.

and my first car buying experience is no different.

the day started off pretty well. after some in-the-mirror pep talks (i live alone. i am my own support system. don't judge me!) i hopped in my Car. Of. Death. and got on my way. the dealership was, if i read the map correctly, just a mere 10-15 minutes away and i thought.. hey! no problem!

half an hour later i was making my third U-Turn in nowheres-ville seriously contemplating going home because what in the @^$! where IS this place?! HELLOOOOO!!! its a car dealership. its not as though it should be hard to find!!?!?

at that i decided to stop at the gas station to ask for directions. as i was about to pull into the lot i noticed this itsy bitsy little sign in front of this, um... very small house-turned-office situation with a bunch of cars in the parking lot next to it.

omg. its right here. i'm an idiot....

immediately i saw my car. Nissan Pathfinder. 2001. it was calling my name. i composed myself, held my head high, walked into the.... office-thing... and said, with my best grown up voice, "HI!!! i'd like to test drive one of your cars!"

the guy on the phone smiled, said "Seller Guy will be right with you", and i had to keep myself from jumping up and down like a little girl. i was doing it! step one was complete! and i didn't mess it up!

success!!!!

Seller Guy turned out to be a pretty nice guy and after going over the car with me, i asked once again if i could test drive the car.

"sure, no problem" -- and he hopped right in.

ohhhh bugger bugger. he wasn't supposed to be coming with me!!?!? NOW what do i do?!

after explaining to him that i'd be much more comfortable NOT being watched while i drive (my Car. Of. Death is a manual. New Car is an automatic. i felt weird enough as it was) we worked out that i could take the car for a few hours he just made sure that i understood the Dealership Plate was magnetic, so if i stopped in to McDonalds or some such place, i'd just need to take the plate in with me because they needed it back.

who the hell goes to mcDonalds on a test drive?! uhhh, yeah. got it. no problem.

and away i went.

0% girl and guy live about 25 minutes from the dealership and being that they do know what the hell they're doing when it comes to buying a car, i planned on swinging by their place, having 0% guy take a look, and just get another pair of eyes on the thing before making my decision.

its a nice car. nice. black leather interior, its got a moon roof, temperature and compass... seat warmers!, 6-disc CD changer... for me?! its bliss (i'm easily pleased), and i was glad to hear the 0%'s gave their approval.
at the same time, though... i just wasn't sure. i didn't know if i was really driving my next new car.

i felt like i needed a sign.

as i drove back to the dealership, thinking it over in my mind, i heard this... weird... metal banging sound.

what the?!!--

i looked in my rear view mirror and just as i looked up, the license plate... the one Seller Guy told me to make sure i didn't lose...

it up and FLEW off of my car, into traffic, along I-435.

a major highway.

ohhhhhh f**************************************uck.

and i burst into laughter. high, pitchy, nervous laughter.

this cannot be happening. this cannot be happening. this cannot be happening.

the car behind me swerved out of the way of the plate, it hit the ground, bounced around, and every car behind me then seemed to drive, just.. right over it.

O. M. G.

i was in such a state of shock and hysteria i wasn't sure exactly what i should do. go back and get it? leave it? show up without it? act like i didn't know? tell them what happened? maybe Seller Guy will come back with me and we'll get it? maybe... omg what if they charge me for it? what if they wont deal with me because i lost their plate!? omg what am i gunna do.

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO.

hys. teria.

i called 0% chick, laughing, uncontrollably, and explained my situation. there was a turn around point between the highways that, if i wanted, i could probably go back... park.. and then. you know..

dart out in the middle of major highway traffic, grab the license plate, get back in my car and pray it all works out.

0% chick, between laughter, agreed ... "well, you could. people die doing things like that, but..."

YES THANK YOU! very well aware! not making me feel better!

"... you probably don't want to show up without it so... "

well fantastic. now i really have no choice DO i?!

we hung up the phone, i got off at the next exit, turned back around, and went to hunt for my rogue plate.

this is not going to end well. this is not going to end well. how do i get into these kinds of situations? this is not going to end well.

and i couldn't stop laughing. somewhere along the way i decided well. there's my sign. this thing's obviously perfect for me. i've been driving not 2 hours and adventure number one is WELL on its way...

finally i got to my turn around place. i pulled off I-435 South and drove into the median thing, facing I-435 North.

right. so now i'll just... go find my plate.

right.

i got out of my car, pulled my coat around me, and made my way.

i had no idea how far down it would be. it was muddy, the grass was tall, i was dodging one huge muddy puddle after another... oh yes, there. look. isn't that nice. a dead skunk!

and i think i'll just step OVER that....

it was....

well.

ridiculous really. there is no other word to be used. ridiculous.

eventually, i saw my plate. it was laying there. in the middle lane, looking very.... flat.

so now its a waiting game. on-coming cars going at least 75mph. no big deal. WHOAAA truck. okay. right. just run out, dodge cars, don't trip...

and grab the plate. run, grab, run. i can do this.

i waited until it seemed like there were no cars coming. mostly. and.... off i went. RUN RUN RUN, bend down, pick up, turn around, RUN RUN RUN.

ha! sweet. and i didn't die.

as i made my way back to my car i noticed a big blue minivan parked next to it. huh. what's this? is she checking out my car? what is she doing?

i slowly, carefully made my way back. laughing all the way, just sort of shaking my head at my crazy life when i finally came up to the car.

the lady, now in her minivan, rolled down the window...

"hi. are you alright?"
"me?! ohh, yeah. um. ha ha ha. laughter. yeah, i'm just test driving this car. the license plate flew off the back, see, and i just thought i should go get it, so... "

she looked at me. judging my sanity i assumed, and then, deciding i was telling the truth, kind of laughed, and "ha! ohhhh, okay. well thats good. yeah... i was just driving along and i saw you kind of bundled up walking along that highway and i thought you were drunk, so... "

"HA! oh.. um. no. i'm not drunk. i promise! ha. no.. um. i'm just... you know... test driving this car."

"well alright. good luck."

and off she went.

*sigh*

drunk. of course. why wouldn't i be?

amazingly, i made it back in one piece. i talked to Seller Guy, we haggled, i won, and what seemed like an eternity and several signed forms later... i was done.

driving home, in my very own new car.

it was one helluva day, and i? was one happy chica.



the highway i darted across... down closer to the bridge. it was a bit of a hike. (in heels no less.)





the plate. bent, flattened, but firmly in my possession!