Little Miss Runner Pants

well its official. the FRG for Army Guy's battalion called me last night and he's coming home June 11th. its about time!

i haven't heard from him for a few months, and things between us have changed, but no matter what, i'm happy to hear he's heading home and that he's safe. 10th Mountain has gone through some really tough times this past year, they've lost a lot of guys and i know they're all so tired and just want to be back.

Army Guy recently came down on Drill Sergeant orders, so it looks like he'll be heading back to training pretty soon.

this time though... he'll be state side, so thats a bit of a relief!

anyway... i'm off to new york in a couple weeks, to welcome him home. many of you have sent well wishes and have been asking "whats the deal!!?!" so.. i just thought i'd spread the cheer!

Posted by a.maria at 07:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (9) | TrackBacks (0)

as much as i'd like to have someone in my life to toss around with, share my good times, workout, laugh, learn, and love with...

sometimes being single is all its cracked up to be.

because tonight i came home, stripped off my gross pottery clothes, turned on the tv and sat down at my desk to settle in for the night.

i'm watching today's episode of oprah, drinking orange juice outta the jug and very conciously not doing laundry.

tonight is bliss. and tomorrow.. i plan on doing it again!

weeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Posted by a.maria at 08:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (16) | TrackBacks (0)

since my SUPER FANTASTIC AND AMAZING duathlon, i've had a lot of people asking... "so... what's up next!?"

i didn't really have a for sure answer before, but after today's whoa. i think i'm getting better! bike ride, i can definitely say i've got my eye on my first.... "not century ride".

(um.. okay. so what do you call a century ride, if you don't actually plan on doing a century?! i think it needs a name. someone get on that, would ya!?)

next weekend the Johnson County Bike Club is sponsoring... hosting!!?! (i know nothing of this event, do i?!) their annual Lone Star Century.. ride. thing. out in Olathe Kansas.

obviously, as you would of course assume.. this would be my first. and i'm actually kind of mostly excited about it!

today, this morning, i joined KCM for a memorial day group ride and, although i think the rest of the group was holding back a little (read: lot), for my behalf.. i actually felt pretty good, and definitely know next weekend's 45 miles is something i can do.

the Lone Star has 4 distances to choose from... 25, 45, 72 or 100 miles and, although i have no idea how this whole thing will work... it should be good times!

so yeah... that's what's up next.

one week from today.

no. strike that. one week from yesterday.

huh. well... yeah.

whatever.

i'm not nervous... SEE!!!?!?!

i'll be totally fine!




and i actually MEAN that this time!

Posted by a.maria at 05:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

for those of you that don't know... Nytro, from Life Is NUTS! has FINALLY put up a race report from her Ogden Marathon.

she rocked the course, started out strong, and then fought through what sounds like considerable pain to finish her first full-mary. having had a similar experience with my first marathon, she has now earned the title of... my hero.

do yourself a favor and head on over. her race report is good times.. trust me. even b.spears would be proud!!!!!!!

Posted by a.maria at 06:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

i woke up this morning, kind of overly exhausted and of course...running late. i ran into my living room, searching frantically for my keys, when i stepped on and over two or three different pairs of shoes.

the heel of one, jabbing into the bottom of my foot, threw me off balance and when i went to land i sort of fell smack onto a pile of paper... photo quality, ink jet, ivory. some cardstock. a few rulers.

i fell, and then i just sort of sat there. staring around.

what even is all this sh*t!!!?! --

*sigh*
my place is a mess.

it took falling, literally, on top of it for me to realize but... my place is a mess!

with this past weekend's race activities, and the previous weekend's freelance project/parents being in town, i seem to have sort of um.. neglected to keep clean.

so today.. is my day off. i'm not training, not heading to the gym. i'm skipping the group ride out at the park and although i swore i'd go swimming tonight.. i'm just not.

I'M NOT!

because i've got to get a grip.

i don't know how everyone else does it. how any of you even keep sane. between work, and crossfit, doing enough laundry to have something clean to wear each week.. finding time for the pool, getting in a good run and then of course waking up to ride on the weekends....

i'm losing my mind! its all i can do to just stay awake long enough to eat!

i look around, at my friends with this life, and i'm completely in awe.

they all have lives. they have families. jobs that take far more time or effort than mine ever has, kids to feed, husbands, wives to take care of and most of the time... they're training more than ME!

i don't know how you, or they, do it.

so i'm taking the day off. i'm channeling the monica with in, and i'm going to clean. and arrange. i'm going to fold. hang. put away and throw out.

i'm going to just be.

and then when i'm done, i'm going to sit back, prop up my feet, and thank god i'm a newbie.

i'm not supposed to know how to do it all yet.

and just this one time!!?!

that's a good thing!

Posted by a.maria at 04:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBacks (0)

ARGH!!!!

i cannot.. not, not, NOT figure out how to work this damn thing.

a while back, christmas, actually, i got a Polar CS300 for my bike. and my run. and my swim... for me. basically.

it's got a cadence thing, a HRM.. the whole nine yards.

which, really.. is fantastic. its great. polar even has its own little personaltrainer.com site situation where you can upload all of your shtuff, and track and graph and the whole thing.

its great.

except the problem is!!?!?

it doesn't WORK!

i can't figure it out people. i. cannot. and its officially, today... driving me BONKERS!

i want nothing more than to understand HR training. and zones. and all of that. i really really do. but none of it will do me ANY GOOD if i can't figure out how this stupid thing works!

i'm begging. i'm pleading... does anyone. know anyone. that has any sort of idea how to work with this thing?

ANYONE!!?!

i'll be your best friend. i'll make you cookies. i'll do... whatever. i just want this thing to WORK!

Posted by a.maria at 12:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (9) | TrackBacks (0)

oookay. um. i don't look TOTALLY FREAKING AMAZING in spandex. i just wanna throw that out there. like many women of latina descent...

i am curvy.

so, to bring my stock back up, i'm ending the photo show with one of the after-race, after-shower, after-nap photos.

fair is only fair, ya know!?

with that said.. on to the show!

here we have some dude who belongs to Transition Chick, Transition Chick, me, and 4th Place Guy.

4th place as in..... "i had a really bad race today... i only came in 4th".

he's really speedy. so he sucks!

my first body marking experience. i was excited.

apparently... i was really excited.

and maybe enjoyed it a little too much. i dunno...!!?!

my very first race start photo! i'm um.... way out there in front! yeah! in the yellow! see!?!? yup. thats me!

coming into transition one with Trans Chick Friend.

again. really excited to be there. can you say NEWBIE much!? sheesh.

loop three, climbing up that first hill of DEATH!

see all those people i just passed!? i'm practically winning the thing!


i also really enjoy pig tails.

what can'ya do?!

second run.

still running on that second run. it now hurts.... bad.

coming into the finish. again... with the smile. I WAS JUST SO EXCITED!

i sort of look like one of those really cheesy catalog pictures of people that are running.. but they look so happy, you don't actually believe they're running.

except this time.. i really am running.

or at least trying to, anyway... !

booyah. my first multi-sport medal. that's 0% on the left, and biker chick on the right. they are numbuh one stunnuh's because they came out to cheer me on! (and, you know... the rest of the KCM club.

but whatever.

details.)

me and MU girl, well after the race is done, sort of just soaking up the bliss of the day.

aaaaaaaaaaand. as promised. an after-party stock-boosting pic, with me and Party Guy. who also happens to be 4th Place Guy's dad.....

and there ya have it folks. my first duathlon experience in photos.

ta-daaaah!

Posted by a.maria at 01:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (29) | TrackBacks (0)

alright. so. the duathlon.

lemme break it down for you in three simple words.

i.

kicked.

ass.

i kicked ass! i kicked the kind of ass that i didn't even know i HAD! (which. i'm not totally sure if that makes sense or not, but regardless....)

i pretty much ruled. i owned that course. owned in the way that a newbie, who was really just looking to finish with a reasonable time, owned.. but still!

OWNAGE!

here are the numbers.

and i know what you're thinking... thats a lot of numbers. i couldn't agree more. i haven't the foggiest what they all mean. or why there are so many columns.

but here's what happened....

the race starts out with a 2 mile run. all morning i'd been warned about the first run. "everyone goes out really hard. you want to run your own race. don't try and keep up. save some for the bike.."

you know.. the usual.

in my mind!? pffffffffft. "keep up". yeah right. like that's even a choice i have the power to make. i run one speed, and one speed only.

and thats just how it is.

well. ladies and gentlemen.

NOT! NO! MO'!

i don't know what happened. i don't know who i was channeling, or how i found them. i don't know if it was a fluke, some sort of time warp situation i experienced, or just the unveiling of my new found AWESOMENESS and total and complete DOMINATION of the run, but...

i ran a sub-9:00 mile on mile one. and i am damn. proud.

flabbergasted. shocked. appalled, even, to be sure... but damn. proud.

mile one came at 8:56. obviously, this is not something i experience all to often (read: ever.) so after my initial SWEET JESUS!!! i forced myself to slooooow down, i did have a bike to ride afterall, and apparently run one came in at... 19:55. a sub 10-pace.

HA! who'da man? WHO'da man!!?

after the run, was.. as you would expect... TRANSITION ONE!!!

my first transition.
it was kind of like...

GO! HURRY! what??! i don't know.. GO! HURRY! what?? i don't know... GO! HURRY!

you get the idea. i don't even really remember it.

that is, of course, until i actually had my bike, and was running to the little "you're allowed to hop on your bike here and ride now" area just outside of the corrals.

there. were people. everywhere.

i don't know how i didn't get run over. but!?
i didn't.
and so i was off.

the bike portion. well. lets be honest here folks.

I AM A BIKING MACHINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bet ya didn't see that coming, now did ya!!?! (*ahem* yeah. me either.)

i don't care how fast the fastest people were. i don't care how many people beat me, i don't care how often i got passed...

i ruled that bike course. i. me. this girl right here...

i passed people. i passed people like. it. was. my. job.

IT WAS AWESOME!

of course i also sort of would then immediately get passed by sometimes those same people. sometimes new ones.

but i cared not. i verbalized "on your left" so many times... i lost count!!!

the hills weren't as bad as i remembered them. i guess something about having 499 other people out there doing the exact same thing as me sort of got me over my whole "boo-suck" attitude and outside of omg. just three loops. omg, just three loops. you're almost there, you can do it. omg. just three loops it wasn't really all that bad.

a few things though, i think i should mention...

my hands went numb.

normally this is a toe thing. my toes go numb 75% of the time i ride, but never my hands. i mean... they. are. my. hands. wtf is that about?! but yeah. numb. they went numb.

also!? calf crampage. like total and complete cramping in both calves. sometime around loop 2.

did i let it stop me? did i allow such a thing to slow me down?

I. DID. NOT!

however by that third loop, about half way through, what did get my attention was...

this sort of...

um.

well.

left butt cheek situation.
that i just couldn't ignore.

it hurt. ooooh... it hurt. and my ass almost never hurts after a ride. 0% and i decided its because.. all this junk in my trunk that i'm "blessed" with.. has its uses.

power.

apparently though up until this point i have not tapped into said power, because HELLO! left butt cheek!

OUCH!

of course this came at the end of my bike.

i de-mounted, unclipped, and cursed my ass. we had serious cramping going on, and considering i now had 3 more miles to run.. well.

not good.

i don't really know, exactly, who's phenomenal idea it was to come up with this whole thing. but... biking. and then running?

well that combination can just kiss my... my... well. you know.

t'was near an impossibility. the second run just ruined me. i was getting passed by every single person i'd just smoked... "smoked"... on the bike.

and i was PISSED!

but there was nothing i could do about. my legs. would not. GO.

just... nope!

i think sometime after the first mile i started feeling a little better. i'd picked one chick and one dude with whom to compete... quietly. in my mind. and who, by the time it was all said and done?!

well. they had their way with me. but not until after a lot of cat and mouse!

but really.. i didn't care.

i'd wanted to finish this race in under 2 hours. i wasn't really sure i could. i wasn't really sure i wanted to try hard enough to find out. but in the end...

i did. and i was. and it. was. awesome.

run one pace = 9:58
bike pace = 16.72 (and just fyi. my normal pace, riding with the group? FOUR. TEEN. so.. you can understand my excitment now, eh!?)
run two pace = 10:35... again. much faster than. well.

ever.

like i said. my first duathon!? fantastic. really, truly, absolutely i do not know how it could have possible gone any better than that.

and for that, i am bubbling over with joy.

on another simply truly amazing and quite delightful note.. i'm wearing pants today.

pants, today, that i've never worn. because?

they've never fit.

way. wayyyy. WAY back in 2005, i found them. white house/black market. great, awesome, stripped pants. it was january, and i was feeling... optimistic.

but they just never worked.

on a whim, this morning, i tried them on.

they fit.

and they look good.

*sigh*

today is a good day. what can i say...

don't hate me cuz i'm beautiful, folks.

hate me...

CUZ I FREAKIN' RULE!!!

Posted by a.maria at 02:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (42) | TrackBacks (0)

unfortunately last night i was in no state to post my thoughts. i was nervous. scared. and really just utterly confused.

i'd gone to packet pick-up and parked next to the transition area and immediately started doubting the sanity of the situation.

metal rod bar corral situations. thats what they were, they were these metal bike holdy-uppy things, in rows, with letters on them.

just... all over.

and i mostly laughed. what in the hell are those!? how the hell is my bike supposed to..

i don't get it.

and i laughed.

there were people all over. really kind of just fit looking people. the kind of fit that makes you go whoa. i so don't belong in the same arena as these people. i can actually see their muscles.

i'm.... yeah. i'm dying. tomorrow. it's pretty much a given.

i was uh... well. intimidated. scared. petrified more like. really really unsure of what i was getting myself into.

in my head.. i've run the course. i've biked and run the entire thing. and i did it. in my head, i knew it was possible.

but then the lady started talking about the course.. pointing things off really, really like kind of really far away in the distance and suddenly... damn. thats really far away. we have to RUN that?!

@(#$%&!

i left packet pick up with the nervous giggles. i couldn't stop laughing. which was really the only thing keeping me from crying. i'm so f*cked.

i got home, poured out all my stuff for transition, called 0% and relayed my confusion.

she laughed.

and then slowly talked me through how everything works.

question number one was the metal rod corral... things. question number two, were these...

ummmm. whats with all the numbers? why three? why three numbers? and what's with the metal wire. wtf am i supposed to do with that... isn't that kinda pokey? that seems.. like. why would i want to wear that?

i don't get it

question number four, was this.

a race belt. thing.

truth be told.. i've always wanted one of these. all the "real" athletes seem to always have them and i dunno. they just seem cool. but when i got mine, and got home with it, and tried to put it together...

yeah, so... that doesn't seem right. aren't they supposed to lay flat?

*sigh*

crap.

my night kind of went from this...

i can do this!

to

i am not all that certain i can do this.

to

i'm so screwed.

so.. like i said. i was in no state to post.

today however is a different story. i raced this morning and... well.

for that play by play, you'll just have to check back later! cuz...i need a nap.

a really long one!

Posted by a.maria at 09:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (17) | TrackBacks (0)

i'm annoyed. with almost everyone around me right now. i can't stop crying at the most ridiculous things and there's a good chance i might just straight arm slap the next person i come into contact with.

just because.

i also can't stop eating salty foods... i crave a cake like substance but have as of yet somehow refrained. probably because instead i'm drinking copius amounts of coke. and i have one of those really painful "facial blemishes" coming in on my chin that's about the size of china.

i really love being a woman.

really.

Posted by a.maria at 07:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (13) | TrackBacks (0)

"so... how many people will there be at this race again, then!!?"

"ohhh, i dunno. about 500."

"five? FIVE hundred?......

oh."

..... " and so... do they all start at the same time!?!"

"nah. they'll go by age group"

"OH!! ok. so like.. there won't actually BE 500 people on the course at the same time then, right? "

"oh.. yeah there will. its pretty crowded. mm-hmm."

"oh, so.. right. okay."

............................................ sh*t.

i have my first race this weekend. my first not-just-running race.

a duathlon actually. a pretty popular first of the season-welcome to du/triathlon-lets get out there and have FUN!!!race.

my first.

my first race.

involving my bike.

my bike that i don't get a long with. who's chain likes to pop off at really the most inconvenient times. that i've taken in to be looked at numerous times, and gets fixed, so then something else goes wrong.

the one that wont shift when i want it to and doesn't like going from the big chain ring to the middle.

@#%$&*!

but i'm not worried. nahhhh. no big deal. i will most likely get lost on my run, get left behind at the transition area... which.

have i mentioned i've never even really practiced a for real transition? no? okay, well yeah. i haven't.

... and come in last. after the clean up crew has already gone.

*sigh*

i hope i don't die. i hope i don't crash into anyone. i hope i don't forget to take off my bike helmet when i go out for my second run. i hope i don't forget where my bike is in the transition area and run around like a crazy person looking for it.

i really REALLY hope i'm not last.

and i kinda hope this really big dead rock feeling i have in the pit of my stomach goes away soon. cuz its making me even more nervous.

not that i'm totally sure that's even possible, but all the same.

yup. race weekend.

so. this should be fun, right!?!

right.

Posted by a.maria at 07:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (20) | TrackBacks (0)

from out of nowhere.. my new obsession. i guess i never really got it before, because i didn't know what riding was really like.

not that i have even an inkling of any idea of what his kind of riding is like...

but still. i now have a bike. that i ride. uphill. almost always. and it hurts, and i'm slow, and i don't understand how everyone else goes so fast....

so when i see him. well.

now i get it.

damn!

and i was proud of having ridden to the park on my own yesterday!!! pffffffft.

(okay lets be real. i'm still really proud. i drove to mcDonalds, not wanting to cross 87th in rush hour, parked and rode the rest of the way to SMP by myself. yesterday. for the first time. ever.

i think i grew a couple inches just out of sheer pride.

i'm a newbie. its all about the small victories for me!!)

but really?

love it.

Posted by a.maria at 11:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBacks (0)

so.

i went to the pool yesterday.

i left work early to get some swim time in before crossfit. i've been really trying to figure out my head positioning situation and... honestly i just like to swim. regardless of the fact that i'm awful at it.. i like being in the water.

i got to the gym, changed clothes and headed to the pool area only to find one of the most gorgeous guys i've ever seen in the middle lane.

literally.. i laughed out loud.
of course! of course.. yes. there SHOULD be a really hot guy in the lane next to me... why wouldn't there be?!

i jumped in, situated my goggles/cap and checked out Hot Bod in the lane next to me. he was at the far end of the pool, taking a mini-breather.

sweet! i will wow and amaze him with my swimming skills! we will exchanged names, and digits and training techniques! it will be grand! and with that, i set off with him still standing at the end of the pool.

by the time i reached the far end (read: swam 25 yards) he was already half way back down the pool on his way towards me (read: swam 40+yards)....

HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! huh. sh*t. um. ooookay.

i turned around and swam the rest of my first lap.

and i needed a rest.

holy moly, dude swims fast. wow. but okay. thats okay -- maybe he's sprinting?
probably.

ha. i'm so sly....!

after another lap or two, tops, i assumed he'd rest....
then i'd rest.
and then no big deal.

i'd just swim with him. er... at the same time as him... and not stop until he did.

right.

*ahem*

yes, well. that was the plan.

for some reason it didn't quite turn out as i'd hoped.

normally i swim sets of 100. and thats new. i'm like dog tired. over and over... 100, rest. 100, rest. 100, rest. mister Hot Bod with the amazing stroke, long legs, strong arms and really well defined shoulders..

well.

i don't think he swims in sets.

becase he just. kept. going.

and so did i. i mean come on... if there's a dude involved, you better believe, i'll push to pain in order to save face.

unfortunately for me, pain, in the pool, comes at around 9 minutes of solid swimming.

i couldn't take it anymore. i was trying to go too fast and way too hard. i was swallowing gallons of water, my arms were burning, i was starting to get to that flailing point that comes with fatigue and i gave up. he won. i couldn't hang.

i needed rest.

i pulled up to the end of the pool, turned around to breathe and... he was of course right behind me.
he popped up, took a look at me.. i'm pretty sure he smirked, and took off again... for about 10 more minutes.

of swimming.

straight.

*sigh*

there were no exchanges to be had. finally after he left i got around to that whole concentration on form thing i'd set out to work on in the first place, made it to about 25 mintues of pool time and finally called it quits.

the steam room was calling my name and i was in desperate need the sweat box.

as i sat there, asking myself who i thought i was, trying to keep up with what was obviously michael phelps II in the making, i realized either way... i PR'd in a way that day.

and next time... well next time i'd come up with a new plan. it would be bigger and better and more thought out than the first.

and i'd catch him!


...or, not.
but it sure is fun to pretend!

Posted by a.maria at 09:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBacks (0)

ok, first.. a few things.

1.) i am scared out of my mind for triathlon
2.) there were no less than 30 guys this weekend that i had the pleasure of feeling up
3.) i really need to train more/eat better

this weekend was my first triathlon experience. ever. EVER! and it um... scared me. but it was loads of fun.

because i've never been to a triathlon, as a spectator or athlete, i figured this weekend's The Big O Triathlon would be a perfect opportunity to sort of see what it's all about. how it works, what transition areas are like... swim starts, swim finishes...

the whole thing.

and, because i am a shameless seeker of hot men, i wanted to experience triathlon from... start to finish.

namely?! body marking. and half-naked men.

ohhhhhh, yeah.

i arrived on scene at about 5:30am and got to work almost immediately. there were hoards of people, volunteers and athletes, and immediately i knew it was going to be a crazy day.

it's been raining in KC for about... i dunno. 9 years. so between cars getting stuck in the mud, lightning in the distance and the constant sort of pitter patter of rain -- it was a mad house. my job, along with quite a few others, was body marking, and despite the weather and time of day...we made the best of it.

ha. YEAH we did.

can i just say, for those of you that maybe don't know, or just don't realize... um. HA! triathletes.. those men?! are some DAMN fine specimens. it was quite literally candy for the eyes. and i may or may not have thoroughly enjoyed myself.

our job was to mark each arm, each quad, and the right calf of every athlete. which means i was repeatedly asking guys to lift their shirts, pull up their shorts, or drop their pants.

i'm sorry.. does a job get any better than that!? i believe the answer is NO.

after body marking was done it was time for the mass swim group start situation, and i planted myself along the beach to watch.

this? was a bad idea.

for some reason.. and i'm still not entirely sure why... i actually thought watching a mass swim start would.. i dunno. make me feel better. as if the sheer terror i felt while watching such a thing on tv would suddenly disappear... just by being there. in person.

i? was wrong.

when i looked at the swim course i didn't think it looked that bad. it was a down and back loop the long course junkies had to do twice and.. i dunno. it just didn't seem that bad. however by the time the lead guy was making his way around for his second loop and i realized the last guy was barely half way through his first, i knew i smelled trouble. the swimmers were barely moving. it was windy, there was a storm brewing in the distance and honestly.. they just looked so tired.

i turned to 0% Tall and Short and muttered something along the lines of ...".... i dunno if i really wanna do this anymore..."... and seriously started questioning my summer of triathlon.

being the fearless kids Tall and Short are, they assured me HEY!!! its no big deal! you'll be FINE!! and i quickly shot them a zip it, or i'll HURT you! look that they of course laughed at. (Tall and Short are 0%'s little cousins who, at the ages of 13 and 14, are already far more experience in this sport than am i.

yeah. that makes me feel alllllll warm and bubbly inside.)

at about the time the last of the swimmers were exiting the water the weather really started to take a turn for the worse and what started as a 15 minute Sprint-distance delay quickly became a cancellation of the day. by that time all of the long coursers were on the bike and my no big deal race day volunteering experience was suddenly turning into RUN! TAKE COVER! get REALLY REALLY WET and STAND IN THE RAIN FOR A FEW HOURS!

afterwards Tall ,Short, 0% and i had lunch, waited for 0% guy to get home, and sat around recounting the days events. the 0% family had one crazy story after another and although it was a fun day and i enjoyed myself, i definitely went home wondering how on earth i'm going to survive my first race.

race day, as i knew it would be, was one helluvan experience. i can't say i really feel all that ready to do one on my own, but.. i've finally got sort of an idea of how it all fits together and.. if nothing else....

there's always volunteering.

and body marking.

and really hot men.

(pffft. if that doesn't motivate me to get out there.. nothing will!)

Posted by a.maria at 12:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (25) | TrackBacks (0)

every once in a while, when i'm feeling very sentimental and self-reflective, i get the urge to read my old journals.

i've been keeping a journal of some sort now for about as long as i can remember. they were my outlet at a young age when, as an only child who moved around a lot, i didn't always have someone to talk to.

i was never very regular about it... usually i'd just write something silly, talking about the latest gossip drama, the boy i had a crush on, or the way my parents were absolutely RUINING my life!

it wasn't until college and my first taste of study abroad that i really started using a journal to get my thoughts out. to put ideas, dreams, frustrations and experiences down on paper. that first study abroad.. the summer after junior year, my summer spent in Mexico...

those three months changed my life. forever. in a way i don't think i'll ever quite be able to explain.

these days, when i'm feeling reflective, its that journal i read first. its those first weeks for not knowing what to expect, what i wanted, who i was and those last few weeks of having really come into my own that... i don't know. they speak to me. even now.

so last night, after an excruciatingly hard workout at crossfit, one i could not have done a few months ago... after coming home and reading that old stuff... it made me laugh.

for as on top of the world, i can do/be anyone/thing!, sort of bright and cheery and hopeful as i was, as much as i was feeling like.. i dunno... the world is my OYSTER!!!.. i don't think i ever thought i would be this.

of who i am now.

and it made me laugh.

so many of us, especially us, we work hard. everyday. we work and we train and we drive and yet we rarely achieve.

i mean we do achieve. but we rarely really TALK about it. we always talk about our goals. where we want to be. how much harder we should be/could be working. the weight we want to lose, the muscle we want to gain. those few seconds we'd like to shave off of our swim/run/biking pace.

and we talk about why. about our motivation. our inspiration. we talk. and we work. and then we talk some more about how we need to work.

and i think sometimes, the fact that we've achieved, ... we take it for granted, and it slips our minds.

so today, i'm just saying, take a second and brag.

BRAG! brag about yourself, about what you can do. where how what you were before and where how what you are now. be outwardly proud. demand attention. really praise yourself. screw how corny it sounds. if you never appreciate where you are, whats the point in trying to go further?

let your own accomplishments be what drive you to go harder, faster, longer.

and then when you're done turn back around, roll up your sleeves, lace up your shoes, and get back out there and do whatever it is that you've been doing, that's gotten you to where you are!!

Posted by a.maria at 09:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (16) | TrackBacks (0)

10 minutes ago i had a really good idea for a post.

something one of my co-workers said sparked something and i rushed right over here to my computer to get it all out and, now...

nuthin.

i've gone completely blank. in the time it took me to clear off my area, finish my conversation and get online... i lost it. i have no idea what i was going to say.

this morning i woke up and couldn't figure out what day of the week it was. i then got dressed before realizing i hadn't showered yet so had to undo it all, get wet, and start over again.

i have a feeling its going to be one of those kind of days.

either that or i really need a vacation.

one can never be sure.

Posted by a.maria at 07:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (9) | TrackBacks (0)