Little Miss Runner Pants

ew. i think a gnat just flew up my nose.

gross.

*ahem*

ANYway.. i just spent a good 15 minutes writing a fantastic post about this morning's 5 mile run and... my internet crapped out on me.

awesome.

SO, because i no longer have the patience to get into any sort of detail, i'll just bullet point it for you...

... er. i'll dash mark it for you. cuz my shortcut keys aren't working either.

-- 5 mile run on post, 11am
-- my shins hurt in a way that haven't hurt in a LONG. TIME. this was not pleasing to me.
-- infact, i would go out on a limb and say this was down right torturous and quite uncomfortable and, if i had my say, i would definitely nominate myself for a shin transplant.
-- i ran into some super-secret-you're not allowed-part of post and there were a lot of boys in uniform driving past while i ran.
-- this made for a rather speed 2-4 mile run.
-- which then in turn made for a NOT speedy 5th mile run.

-- heh. whoops. i guess i need to work on my pacing, eh?!

-- overall time, 55:08.... 11 minute miles. taking into consideration this was my long run time at the END of marathon training last year, and i'm still at the BEGINNING, this year... i've decided progress has been made.
-- i sweat a lot. i need a new way to carry my ipod.

and..... thats all i've got for the day.

Posted by a.maria at 07:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (9) | TrackBacks (0)

a few days, or maybe a week back, i read a post by a fellow blogger out there that sounded a lot like one of my own.

it was about self-sabotage. and all the ways in which its really REALLY easy to get yourself off the hook, because.. well. lets be honest.... i'll never be very good/fast anyway. right!?

self-sabotage is something i'm all too familiar with. be it in training (check), relationships (check check) or even my own struggle with weight-loss/dieting--- you name it, i'll find a way to make it not work.

whether this comes from some sort of twisted self-image, a weird fear of success, or one too many defense mechanisms thrown at a time... i'm not sure. but what i do know is...

its gotta stop.

yesterday, as i surfed the web, not at all on company time, i came across yet another Gym Jones gem, and it made me think.

ATTITUDE
The Only Meaningful Fundamental

BY MARK TWIGHT
...."The mind – no matter how troubled – must be open because conviction about the inevitability of a particular outcome affects the outcome."... .

for whatever reason, i felt as though i'd struck gold.

in a wave of omg, what if! what if! what if!, i realized maybe the only thing holding me back, is believing i can't move forward.

and it hit me like a ton of bricks.
a ton of really obvious, loudly annoucing that they're there, i can't believe i didn't SEE them before bricks, but..

bricks. none the less.

in crossfit, for once, this has never been a problem. i walked into that gym, saw what i wanted to do, strapped on some weight, and pulled/pushed/prodded until i finally got my desired result.

"i can" became "i will", and "i will" became "i do"... and all of a sudden (and by all of a sudden i mean "one year later") i was where i wanted to be.

pull-ups.. totally legit.
push-ups... on my toes.
24" box jumps, with no fear of the fall.

but for whatever reason... this hasn't translated to the rest of who i am.

reading Gym Jones' words, though, made me see the need for a change. so, in an attempt to overcome whatever fear of... whatever fear of whatever it is that i'm afraid of (...??!!?) today, i'm conjuring up the nerve to say...

I Can.

i can what?! has yet to be determined...

but i know it starts with the run, and this damned training plan, and my promise to you... to me... that i'm not going to half-ass this one too.

Talk – Action = Zero, so.. here's the plan:

Posted by a.maria at 07:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBacks (0)

well.. its been ten days, and army guy has come and gone. it was an interesting week and a half, and i learned a lot. not just about him, not just about me.. but also about jumping into things maybe a little too quickly, and... how its probably somewhat sweet to be so naive, but.. probably in the long term, not for the best.

yesterday night, at about 5pm, army guy and i parted ways. we decided, rightfully so, that it'd probably be best to go at this in a "no strings attached" kind of way, and just see what happens as it all plays out.

at the best, most optimistic, we'll come back together to make a go of it again. at the worst, and more realistic, we'll be friends. either way, i'm glad he came. and, honestly... i'm glad he went.

10 days is a really long time!

but.. he's a terrific guy. superbly sweet, strong and handsome. truly the whole package for someone who's...

*ahem*

for someone who's probably a little less set in her ways!!

one thing i did find interesting though, and thought a lot about, especially on the latter part of today's run, was an observation he made...

in the middle of a bit of a rough patch last week i went out for a run. by the time i got back things had settled and i wasn't really sure what the argument had even been. army guy noticed as much.. i think throughout the week... and it dawned on him, and really on me, that i'm a person who's mood is a bit dependent on her... i dunno. health. exercise. whatever.

it really affects me. which is weird.. i never thought i'd ever be that kind of person. but it struck me today.. i kind of am.

the end of his trip was one helluva ride. having had to spend the past almost year worrying about his deployment, his life, what kind of conditions he's been in... it takes a toll. having him here was... super weird. and the ups and the downs, plus the knowledge of what he's been through...

emotionally, today, i've just felt drained.

as i went out for today's scheduled :30 easy run... i could feel myself all tensed up. somewhere around 3 minutes in i looked at my watch though, and realized wow. 3 minutes. thats all it took.. and i already feel like THIS...

my body had completely relaxed. i felt myself mellow out, i stopped worrying about what all had happened and i just enjoyed my run.

by the time i hit the halfway point i felt light again, and realized it was probably true.

i have become the person that needs to do. not to sit, and eat, and drink, and play.. but get out there and go, and push, and be.

and i thought to myself, ..THIS. this is how its supposed to be.

because my tuesday night runs are based on time and not distance, i didn't really know anything about my run except how long it took. by the time i got back i'd decided...

ok. it might be about feeling good, but i wanna know how fast i went!!!

for whatever reason i just felt strong out there today, so i pulled up google's pedometer map and found that my route was just under 3 miles.

i quickly did the math and realized...

2.937 miles
29:40 minutes
10:06 pace

i don't know what all that means, but there's definitely gotta be something said for that kind of a result...

not even i can argue with that!!

me and army guy. just before goodbye.

Posted by a.maria at 06:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (16) | TrackBacks (0)

i. have. THE BEST. readers.

you guys are amazing. i just got a quick little update from noames who informed me that she's already received about 2/3 of the money they need to meet their safe sex/anti-AIDS workshop budget!!

this just sounds like such an important event, and i love that the RBF and TRI'ers out there have rallied with such a quick response. it really goes to show what kind of people this group is made up of.

i'm all goofy smiles about it.

YOU. GUYS. RULE.

Posted by a.maria at 10:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

yesterday i made the mistake of impressing upon Army Guy the importance of my training schedule. after having skipped monday's jump rope-lunge-run series of hell at crossfit, last night i faced missing a half-mary training run as well.

and that is just not okay.

army guy, being of the "i only run when i have to" school of thought, really didn't see this as a problem. however, because apparently i really enjoy absolute misery, i made it very clear to him that yes. i could skip tuesday's scheduled run..

but ONLY if i made up for it today.

and then pushed today's run to tomorrow.

(.... or friday.)
either way though.. i was very clear. I. MUST. RUN.

this evening, however, we've got plans. the 0% family, a slew of KCM folks, Army Guy and i are all..... going to Platte County's Demolition DERBY! which means tonight... i shant be running.

Army Guy, also being of the "just wake up early and do it" school of thought, decided the only way around this little hang up was to... wake up early and do it.

apparently last night i wasn't thinking clearly because for Lord only knows what reason, i agreed to this charming little plan... and set my alarm for 5:20am. Army Guy promised to shove me out of bed when the alarm went off and... great. i was set.

this morning however... when 5:20am actually rolled around, and i slowly turned towards Army Guy to mumble "i don'wanna run"... he was already up. out of bed. risen and shined and proclaiming "HEY! time to wake up! you gotta RUN!"

.............i loathe army guy.

before i really even knew what was going on i was dressed, out the door, ipod in ear, heading out for my run. unfortunately however, my body was not really having it. what was supposed to be a :30 easy run sort of turned into this shuffling of feet, yawning, one-eyed-open, stumbling around walking situation that i decided had to count because its just not normal for me to be active that early in the morning and... 30 minutes is 30 minutes.

at least in week two of The Plan.

by the time i got home i was almost awake.

army guy, on the other hand, was dressed, having coffee and enjoying the morning out on the deck as i blew past, showered, and quickly changed for work. as i walked out of my bedroom, expecting to have to rush around to find breakfast, make lunch and drive to work for the day i found that he had packed me a lunch, poured me some juice, found my stash of zone bars and was ready to go.

now THIS i could get used to.

i wolfed down some food, handed army guy the keys, climbed in the passenger seat and went right back to sleep as he shuttled me to work, made sure i arrived on time, and promised to be back at 3 to pick me up.

i'm not really sure what i did to deserve such treatment.. but outside of it being a very early start to my day, it was sort of nice to be taken care of this morning... especially without even having to ask.

so.. hip-hip for soldiers, and waking up so. damn. early!

-----------
so its lunch time and i just pulled out my bag'o'food...

apparently, not only do soldiers get up early, but they eat a lot too. i've got a tupperware full of tuna with chopped up red and green peppers, 4 slices of bread for i guess.. two sandwiches. i've got several slices of tomato, some lettuce, both wrapped seperately, with two packs of string cheese, grapes and a nectarine.

good lord. that kid knows how to eat.

Posted by a.maria at 06:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (13) | TrackBacks (0)

oooh.

SEX!!!

now i'll bet that caught your attention!!!

unfortunately for all you pervs out there (which by my guess would be.... MANY!) this is not a post about my love life. or my sex life. or any other part of my life... (my mom reads my blog people. what exactly were you expecting!?!)

this post is... for a higher cause.

this morning, as i sat down for work and checked my email (because.. that is absolutely the first thing i do everyday. far more important than anything my BOSS would ever have me do. i mean please.) i had the pleasure of seeing Noames' address in my inbox.

Noames, of 26.2miles vs. naomi, for those of you that are unawares, is hands down one of the funniest bloggers out there, and because she moved to Africa many moons ago to pursue a career in journalism (my hero).... any email with her name on it gets top priority.

today's email was more than just a funny story though. today's email had a purpose, and it is that which i will share with you now, by.... basically copy/pasting what she sent me.

see?! i'm journalism material too! (oy.)

------------
ok actually, how about i summarize!? m'kay..

basically, noames has this friend, Marie-Suzanne, who after the umpteenth girl from her village got pregnant, decided something needed to be done. she's organized a safe sex/anti-AIDS workshop in her village and.. because its not my story to tell, i'll let Marie-Suzanne tell you about it in her own words...

which noames has translated from french because.. she's a genius.

My name is Marie-Suzanne Seck. I live in Mont Rolland, a village in
the Thies region. I am twenty years old.

I have found that the girls in my village are not very aware of AIDS
and early pregnancy. I want to do a workshop for this in August,
because all the young people are there for a festival. I am writing to
ask for help.

In my village, I know 15-year-old girls who have gotten pregnant. At
fifteen, you have many boygriends and you do not know which one got
you pregnant. If you say to one that it was him, he will say it wasn't
me. If you say to another, he'll say it wasn't me. And then you will
be obligated to raise the baby on your own. Sometimes the family
understands, sometimes they don't.

As for AIDS, I had the idea because we did an anti-AIDS workshop one
time in Mont Rolland for that, and I thought to myself that we should
organize many to help young people and speak to them about illnesses.

For the activities, I would like, first of all, that the young people
discuss together. Afterwards, I want to have two skits, one for AIDS,
one for youth pregancy. After that, we will pose questions, and if
someone gets it right, we will give them a present (for example, a
condom, or a ticket for a dance night that we are organizing that
night). We will also have some singers. I have asked a friend to
write two songs : one for AIDS, one for youth pregnancy.

The evening, I want to have a dance party for the young people to
encourage them to come. It will be free for everyone who came for the
day's activities. If someone else would like to come, they will have
to pay 500 CFA (about $1).

I have already reserved the hall and I have started to organize the
details. But I don't have enough money to do it all. I have compiled a
budget, and in all, the workshop and party will cost about $200. I
hope that you could help.

-----------

as you can see... a worthy cause. all they need is about $200 bucks. by my sitemeter i know my average daily visits hover around 185 - 200 people (depending on subject matter. yesterday's post... apparently not all that interesting! who knew.) so if like.. one in five of you donated $5 bucks... that'd be it. right there.

if you'd like to help...

naomi's requested that you use PayPal.... just go to your account, hit "send money", put in her email address

which is naomims AT gmail DOT com , type in your amount, click on for GOODS as opposed to the other options (otherwise paypal will take out something stupid like 12% of your donation) and... badaboom. your good samaritan act for the day is complete!!!

and really.. this is not a hard process. i just tested it out and.. its rather fool proof. so give it a whirl.

and for those of you that just REALLY REALLY want to know whats going on with *me*...

army guy and i drank last night.
today's run is going to hurt.
more to follow tomorrow...

NOW GO GIVE!

wha'cha waitin' for?

Posted by a.maria at 09:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

well. seems as though i've been tagged. which means i am going to put off the post i'd planned for today but will instead very shortly recap for you the weekend.

Army. Guy. Is. In. Town.

and i think crossfit is killing him. poor guy, thought he was here for some R&R... oh, how he was. so. wrong.

because i am chained to my regular routine, i told him he had to join me for my usual laundry list of activities. the only thing he's gotten out of so far was yesterday's 3 mile run.

when i asked about how fast he'd probably run 3 miles, he responded with... "comfortably!? probably 7 min. miles"..

HAAAAhahahahaha.

i then made the executive decision that there was no need for him to experience my snail like running abilities, so i let him cook me dinner while i 11 minute mile'd it for a while.

*sigh*.

lame.

anyway, yes its true, Army Guy is here. i know, i know... no pictures = did not happen. so.. i'm workin' on it.

in the mean time, as i said.. i've been TAGGED.

so. i am to list 5 female bloggers i routinely read.

and, in no particular order, they would be...

Tammy at No Try
Jeanne at Not Born
Nytro at Life is Nuts
Phoenix at Trial by Fire
and.... man. just get to choose one more.

Curly/Kim

(its my blog. i'll cheat if i want to!)

now that i've posted this, i'm not really sure if in the rules that means each of them now need to post 5 female bloggers, but... ya know. do what you will.

Posted by a.maria at 11:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

ever since i learned to go clipless.. i've been waiting for this day.

i knew it was going to happen. its inevitable, and everyone does it. its almost a rite of passage, but some how, until last night... i'd avoided it.

The Fall.

the completely ridiculous, i've been riding my bike now for several months, i'm actually quite capable of coming to a complete and full stop WHILE clipping out, i swear i'm not that new... fall.

thankfully yesterday.. it could've been worse.

i rode to the park pretty early, not knowing if i'd have the same misfortune of a 20 minute stop light (really. no honestly. a few weeks ago.. i was stuck. the sensors wouldn't pick up that i was needing a green light, and... i sat. for a good 20 minutes. not wanting to dart out across a majorly busy intersection at 5:30pm on a thursday.
it was really, really dumb.) as i'd had previously, so i gave myself the extra time.

and of course wound up arriving 30 minutes too soon.

as luck would have it, though, there was only one other person i knew in the parking lot.
because as i rode up...

and my bike slowed down...

and i experienced an extreme lapse of thought...

it happened.

roughly three feet away from the back of Massage Guy's car, a weird sensation came over me. my bike was not going forward. my legs were in a completely ackward position to clip out.. and i basically froze.

what seems like 15 or 20 seconds, but i'm sure was more like 2 or 3... i just hovered. i told myself... CLIP OUT!!! NOW!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!! UNCLIP!!!

but when i tried to move my foot.. the pedals were stuck. or seemingly stuck, and in an act of severe desperation, i unclipped the wrong foot.

NOOOOOOO! not the right foot. left. LEFT! UNCLIP THE LEFT!

my body was having none of it. knowing full well that i needed to lean right, so as to put my now unclipped foot on the ground, i of course...

leaned left.

and i knew i was done for.

"oh shit. oh shit. oh shit. oh shit" --- BAM!

i was down. my bike was on top of me and as i looked down to check for broken things.. oh great. NOW you're unclipped.

Massage Guy turns to me and just simply asks... "what are you doing?!"

well. massage guy. it seems as though i've FALLEN! as if that weren't perfectly clear. now stop laughing and help me up!... muttering under my breath.. muttering under my breath...

luckily for me... nothing was hurt. save a bit for my ego, i had no real scrapes to be concerned with, just a completely stupid situation to laugh at, and i was up and acting as though nothing had happened in no time.

either way though... i felt a little dumb.

but hey, that's nothing new right!?

right!

Posted by a.maria at 07:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (20) | TrackBacks (0)

so a few weeks ago, when i signed up for the boulder backroads half, i did a little searching online and found a training schedule i actually liked.

of course.. i didn't bookmark it to my computer or write down what site it was, but..

i did infact find one that i liked.

somewhere at home i printed it out and because i am a highly responsible runner in training, i've look at it enough to know that my weeks will look something like this:

sunday -- crossfit and long run
monday -- crossfit
tuesday -- swim (mayyyyyybe!) and relatively easy run
wednesday -- crossfit and runs with fartlek things in them.

which will be new to me, so i'm highly interested in how this is will play out.

thursday -- swim (mayyyybe!) and group ride (mayyyyybe!)
friday -- crossfit
saturday -- group ride

and then sunday i get to start all over again.

yesterday was week one of this fantastic little gem of a plan, and it called for a 30 minute recovery/easy run.

being that it was day one of The Plan, i'm not entirely sure what it is i was recovering from.. maybe monday's workokut?... but easy run it said, so easy run i did.

right off the bat, let me just say, that i've missed training for "the run".

as much as i love having a club to go out and ride/swim with, meet up at races, socialize and what have you... the run is still just mine. i haven't morphed into a lover of training partners on my run...

somewhat out of necessity. since.. there's no one to run with...

BUT! even if i had my choice, i do love the mental aspect of being out there on my own.

so. with an easy 30 minute run under my belt, and another on tap for this evening, i am happy to announce that the Boulder Backroads Half-mary Training...

HAS BEGUN!

huzza!

i have a feeling.. it's'a gunna be good!

Posted by a.maria at 10:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (15) | TrackBacks (0)

so i'm WAYYYYY late to get on this bandwagon.. i know. but..

WAITING is a %#&^$-ing fantastic movie.

and this statement ... "you know.. we should probably feel guilty. but she broke the cardinal rule... don't F#%$ with people that handle your food"..

could not BE more true.

for anyone out there that hasn't yet seen this movie, and has had the uh... pleasure.. of working in the restaurant business...

i highly suggest it.

it is good times.

Posted by a.maria at 11:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

i think there's someone in everyone's life who, every now and then, just has a way with words.

no matter what you do, no matter who you become, they have a way of saying just the right thing.

and it gets to you.

....bad.

in my case.. Texas Boy is that "who". and yesterday is that "when".

he and i have a... strange relationship... at best. but he's meant a lot to me in my life and, sometimes when i need to.. i just can't walk away.

unfortunately for me, after the race.. in the midst of our exchange... i let something he said, which he probably didn't mean, cut me pretty deep.

and it spiraled... probably a little bit out of control.

i wasn't expecting the response i got from all of you when i wrote yesterday's post.
you're overwhelmingly supportive, and it was heart-warming to feel the kind of support you all provide.

a lot of what you wrote is absolutely true, and i'm taking what you said to heart. because you're right.

i'm out there, and i'm doing it, and thats more than what a lot of people can say.

and...!!!?!
i suck.
i mean lets be honest i just really kinda do!!!

but i'm growing. and i'm learning. and 98% of the time.. it's not so bad.

hell.. mostly its just down right fun.
i wouldn't have half the hsyterical experiences that i've had, nor ANY blogging fodder, if i were out there, taking it all so seriously, trying to dominate the course and win the whole damn thing!

yesterday, for a few short hours... i just forgot.

but i promise to try and not do that again!

Posted by a.maria at 08:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (12) | TrackBacks (0)

so... about five hours ago, when i originally wrote this post... i actually didn't think i did too bad.

the swim took me something like 3 years to complete, the bike was exceptionally hilly, but i actually thought i did alright on the run.

and i know i'm new to tri. this is my second race. number TWO. so obviously i'm not going to go out there and win the thing.

but.. and again. this is probably just got something to do with being tired and having a mild headache, and having had to deal with a non-tri'er asking me why i'm proud of such a bad performance, but... can i just say..

that i'm really tired of being no good.

i mean... i SUCK at all three events in this sport. i am just bad.

and typically i can embrace that, ya know? i can laugh it off, and just enjoy the fact that i'm even out there, but lately..

i dunno, ya know? i'm just really sick of being so. slow.

i would give anything to be predisposed to anything sporty.
ever.
and thats just never going to happen for me.

i dunno. thats not the race report i wanted to go with, but.. having seen my results, and then reading what i wrote earlier..

it just felt fake.

i guess this i all i have to give today.

sorry.

Posted by a.maria at 10:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (27) | TrackBacks (0)

i so have a whole lotta nuthin to say lately.

my blogging has sorta sucked.

...i guess i kinda go in phases.

and currently, i'm in a nothing-to-say-phase.

probably because i've been traveling, meeting family, and generally being busy in every way shape and form that doesn't have to do with tri, that my blogging fodder has been somewhat non-existent.

however, i've got a 12 week boulder backroads plan that starts next week, so between this weekend's tri, and next weeks return to running.. i'm sure i'll have something to say here soon.

i mean this is me we're talking about there.

i can't stay quiet for that long.. can i?!

Posted by a.maria at 07:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)