getting up the nerve
a few days, or maybe a week back, i read a post by a fellow blogger out there that sounded a lot like one of my own.
it was about self-sabotage. and all the ways in which its really REALLY easy to get yourself off the hook, because.. well. lets be honest.... i'll never be very good/fast anyway. right!?
self-sabotage is something i'm all too familiar with. be it in training (check), relationships (check check) or even my own struggle with weight-loss/dieting--- you name it, i'll find a way to make it not work.
whether this comes from some sort of twisted self-image, a weird fear of success, or one too many defense mechanisms thrown at a time... i'm not sure. but what i do know is...
its gotta stop.
yesterday, as i surfed the web, not at all on company time, i came across yet another Gym Jones gem, and it made me think.
ATTITUDE
The Only Meaningful Fundamental
BY MARK TWIGHT
...."The mind – no matter how troubled – must be open because conviction about the inevitability of a particular outcome affects the outcome."... .
for whatever reason, i felt as though i'd struck gold.
in a wave of omg, what if! what if! what if!, i realized maybe the only thing holding me back, is believing i can't move forward.
and it hit me like a ton of bricks.
a ton of really obvious, loudly annoucing that they're there, i can't believe i didn't SEE them before bricks, but..
bricks. none the less.
in crossfit, for once, this has never been a problem. i walked into that gym, saw what i wanted to do, strapped on some weight, and pulled/pushed/prodded until i finally got my desired result.
"i can" became "i will", and "i will" became "i do"... and all of a sudden (and by all of a sudden i mean "one year later") i was where i wanted to be.
pull-ups.. totally legit.
push-ups... on my toes.
24" box jumps, with no fear of the fall.
but for whatever reason... this hasn't translated to the rest of who i am.
reading Gym Jones' words, though, made me see the need for a change. so, in an attempt to overcome whatever fear of... whatever fear of whatever it is that i'm afraid of (...??!!?) today, i'm conjuring up the nerve to say...
I Can.
i can what?! has yet to be determined...
but i know it starts with the run, and this damned training plan, and my promise to you... to me... that i'm not going to half-ass this one too.
Talk – Action = Zero, so.. here's the plan:
Comments
Awesome, attitude is everything.
Posted by: Rob | July 28, 2007 8:45 PM
I love this post, thanks for sharing your struggle. I use to think being successful was a matter of talent and/or skill but I'm learning it's more of pushing past the doubts, fears, insecurities and the childhood lies we bring into our adult life. Being successful is a matter of DOING the work and to do the work the attitude has to be right.
I know from personal experience a no-can-do attitude = a no-do kind of life. : )
Posted by: Michelle | July 28, 2007 9:35 PM
Enjoy the process!
Posted by: Brent Buckner | July 29, 2007 1:55 PM
I've felt like absolute and complete doo-doo before all of my runs lately. But I've kept going, knowing that there is a runner inside of me somewhere. You're right, attitude is huge, so is just getting started because sometimes each day feels like you're starting over. You're not. You continuing down the path toward where you want to be. Looks like you put together a good plan!
Posted by: DREW | July 29, 2007 3:50 PM
awesome! i'm so impressed by your crossfit accomplishments. i don't know what a boxjump is but i'm DAMN sure i can't do one.
I see great things in your future. Great. Things.
Posted by: jeanne | July 29, 2007 3:52 PM
it seems as though you are on to something. i am rooting for you. maybe i'll even learn something from it!
Posted by: eddie | July 29, 2007 8:24 PM
i am so proud of your accomplishments in crossfit thus far and cant wait to hear more and more accomplishments in your life! so impressed with your pullups, pushups and box jumps...i know how hard they are, and you totally overcame them! you are gonna kick that half-marys ass!
Posted by: Kim | July 30, 2007 9:27 AM
I think we are all afraid of that "thing"...maybe it's the unknown (even though we've both run marathons so we KNOW we can do it), but it's that unknown of "what if we can't do it again?" or "what if we are worse off than the last time?" I'm right there with ya chica...I didn't run one single time last week....thanks for sharing!
Posted by: Amy | July 30, 2007 1:06 PM
Good bricks, girlie, good bricks. :-)
Posted by: Andra Sue | July 30, 2007 1:39 PM
i want to copy and paste your blog post and post it on mine because i must be you, or maybe you are me...
whichever.
we're twins.
eh, I will probably just link you/the post instead ;o)
Posted by: justjunebug | July 30, 2007 3:18 PM
Am I missing something? There aren't any rest days on that schedule! I'm all for attitude, but don't become a slave to your schedule, either.
Good luck, tri newbie!
Posted by: Donald | July 31, 2007 11:56 AM