my funk.
i think there's someone in everyone's life who, every now and then, just has a way with words.
no matter what you do, no matter who you become, they have a way of saying just the right thing.
and it gets to you.
....bad.
in my case.. Texas Boy is that "who". and yesterday is that "when".
he and i have a... strange relationship... at best. but he's meant a lot to me in my life and, sometimes when i need to.. i just can't walk away.
unfortunately for me, after the race.. in the midst of our exchange... i let something he said, which he probably didn't mean, cut me pretty deep.
and it spiraled... probably a little bit out of control.
i wasn't expecting the response i got from all of you when i wrote yesterday's post.
you're overwhelmingly supportive, and it was heart-warming to feel the kind of support you all provide.
a lot of what you wrote is absolutely true, and i'm taking what you said to heart. because you're right.
i'm out there, and i'm doing it, and thats more than what a lot of people can say.
and...!!!?!
i suck.
i mean lets be honest i just really kinda do!!!
but i'm growing. and i'm learning. and 98% of the time.. it's not so bad.
hell.. mostly its just down right fun.
i wouldn't have half the hsyterical experiences that i've had, nor ANY blogging fodder, if i were out there, taking it all so seriously, trying to dominate the course and win the whole damn thing!
yesterday, for a few short hours... i just forgot.
but i promise to try and not do that again!
Comments
Much better but...
Please try really, really hard not to say "I suck". It's like water dripping on a snowman. It bores a destructive little hole that makes a little piece of that snowman break off. In our case (and I say "our" because I'm forever fighting the urge to say "I suck") it bores a little hole in our soul. We don't suck. We were maybe not born to be at the front of the pack but WE'RE OUT THERE DOING IT, DAMNIT! There is nothing about that that sucks. It's all good.
Posted by: 21stCenturyMom | July 9, 2007 11:01 PM
i meant the i suck in a laughable way. not in an offense "slow people suck" way, promise!
no holes in souls up in herre. fo'sho'
Posted by: aj | July 10, 2007 5:44 AM
You don't suck. Boys do! Sometimes ... most times, they just don't think. In the end it all comes down to the old can't live with them, can't live without them ...
Posted by: Anonymous | July 10, 2007 5:59 AM
No it's true, I am a boy, we suck.
Posted by: Nathan Powell | July 10, 2007 7:39 AM
You have to look at the postives in life... you crossed the finish line and did not have to take a ride in the ambulance. For anyone that equals a good race day. Plus even if you come in last, you at least did the event. That still makes you special and unique, in a good way, because while everyone else was being lazy you are racing and training. It can be hard at times but try not to let what other people say get you down. Us boys and girls can be mean to each other from time to time. And yes we both suck! Don't worry that one boy will come along one day and it will all work out perfectly. He is just not ready for you yet. So in the meantime keep enjoying life and doing what you want to do. And you had better keep racing!
Posted by: Al Durham | July 10, 2007 8:24 AM
I think the nature of this sport (in my very very limited experience) is that it consists of many ups and downs - to the point of being almost manic. Your so excited because you just went some outrageous speed down a really steep hill and didn't freak or fall then you're totally bummed because you had to crawl up the up hill ("you" being a general term meaning any given triathlete on any given day). That's what makes it so exciting and fun and addictive. And a little manic. But in a "learning more about myself" kind of way. Anyway, forgive yourself your funk and tell Texas boy to shut up or race and chalk it up to life on the tri course. (((hugs))).
Posted by: Larissa | July 10, 2007 8:26 AM
You don't suck. And just the fact that you are out there doing it is a huge thing. It's more than most people do.
Posted by: brookegoedecke@yahoo.com | July 10, 2007 8:41 AM
so, i'm super behind on my blog reading because of the non-existent internet access here in rural vermont...so i probably won't add anything new. but i just wanted to say that i too have zero athletic ability. really, zero. i was signed up for gymnastics as a kid because i was too weak to lift my shirt over my head. and i finished an ironman. not fast, mind you, but i did it. and so i KNOW you can do anything you put your mind to whether it be speed or distance or anything else--i know because, if i could do it, then surely anyone can.
Posted by: curly su | July 10, 2007 11:12 AM
Slow and steady aj. We all have our ups and downs, myself especially included. I've been feeling very mediocre lately and that tris were not my thing. Thinking of even not doing my 2nd tri ever. But I got through it and feel back on track, and i have confidence you will be too. This lifestyle sure requires lots of adjustment - both physically AND mentally!!
Posted by: Becca | July 10, 2007 11:47 AM
hi sweets, i have been wayyy behind on reading blogs lately and just got to reading yours. umm you dont suck. you can do unassisted pullups. I SAW YOUR VIDEO. you are awesome! :)
Posted by: Kim | July 10, 2007 12:44 PM
I think she's back on the tri bandwagon-yay!
p.s. Here, here, Curly Su!!!
Posted by: Andra Sue | July 10, 2007 1:07 PM
oh you can say you suck. i understand what you mean. you do need a new standard of comparison though.
just stop looking at the faster peeps and look at the slower ones! they suck worse!
:)
Posted by: jeanne | July 10, 2007 3:41 PM