emotional basket case.
i'm going to be an emotional wreck at the finish line.
i can feel it already.
i have all these emotions surrounding this race... and they're not at all similar to the last time i went through something like this.
... that's right.
not at ALL similar.
because two and a half, almost three years ago... the journey was about finding me.
THAT journey is summed up in probably the most important paragraph i've ever written.
".... at some point, in the middle of all this, i started to change. both mentally and physically. i looked in the mirror and there was this woman staring back at me. this woman that does it. she does it. not for her parents, not for her friends, she does it for herself. not to become someone she wants to be, but to BE someone she ALREADY IS...."
someone she ALREADY. IS.
.... and that someone is me.
not me, like obviously, me. but me, like... this person. THIS one. the one thats living RIGHT NOW.
and what that means...
... i don't know what that means.
i just know that these last few years, that person i was trying to get to... the person i searched 360° for, that i questioned everything for, and pushed towards and dug down deep for...
i found her.
and crossing that finish line is going to be the end of a period of time that has changed me forever.
----- * post edit.
(its the end AND the beginning of something that i can't talk about right now, but will come monday. i know its not "the end".. but.. in a way, it is the end.
of what?!
like i said. i'll tell ya monday.)
Comments
Sounds to me like you've already crossed the finish line.
Guess what?
You won!
Posted by: Andrea | June 11, 2008 1:33 PM
The finish line isn't the end...
Posted by: stronger | June 11, 2008 1:53 PM
You've certainly come a long long way! I stumbled across your blog about a year ago, but I went back to your very first post and started reading from there. And it's clear through your writing that you were searching for who you were back then! (Maybe that's why I can relate so well to what you've got to say!) But also, this finish line isn't the end! It's more like a moment to reflect. You're going to do awesome.
Posted by: aerorunnergirl | June 11, 2008 2:04 PM
You've certainly come a long long way! I stumbled across your blog about a year ago, but I went back to your very first post and started reading from there. And it's clear through your writing that you were searching for who you were back then! (Maybe that's why I can relate so well to what you've got to say!) But also, this finish line isn't the end! It's more like a moment to reflect. You're going to do awesome.
Posted by: aerorunnergirl | June 11, 2008 2:08 PM
what a journey my love. you are going to have a blast crossing the HIM finish line. you will laugh and cry and maybe even throw up. but you will do it, because you are a superstar.
Posted by: Kim | June 11, 2008 2:12 PM
Nope. This is only the beginning.... ;)
*ironman* :)
Posted by: Flatman | June 11, 2008 2:19 PM
Are you going to be Little Miss Tri Pants? :) Wait you already are.
Posted by: Bob | June 11, 2008 2:50 PM
When I read this in bloglines and couldn't see the update my thought was to come here and post 'or the beginning'. You beat me!
Welcome to the Awesome Zone
Posted by: 21stCenturyMom | June 11, 2008 3:07 PM
I love this post.. I usually lose it when I see the finish line.. or when I "know" i'll finish that race.. but sucks after you finish when you say... "what's next" thats the fun part :) good luck this weekend.. ya Ironwoman!
Posted by: Rattman | June 11, 2008 3:55 PM
Oh yay you. This post made me happy. Good luck this weekend.
Posted by: Victoria | June 11, 2008 4:22 PM
GOOD LUCK!!
Posted by: LBTEPA | June 11, 2008 5:09 PM
beautiful.
Posted by: jeanne | June 11, 2008 6:01 PM
You will ROCK this weekend. No worries! Just finish.
Posted by: Denise "Firefly" | June 11, 2008 7:31 PM
Good for you, AJ. You've clearly learned the lessons well. The work has already been done - that's why it's important to enjoy race day. That's the celebration.
Have a great one.
Posted by: Donald | June 11, 2008 10:21 PM
Good luck this weekend, I will be thinking about you and the amazing things you are accomplishing! Just go out there and have FUN and maybe give 'em a little hell along the way! ;)
Posted by: Sara | June 12, 2008 8:12 AM
Love this post. <3
Posted by: MissAllycat | June 12, 2008 11:24 AM
Lady, eat some french fries after you cross that finish line. You've never stopped inspiring me since back then. Go out there and DO IT.
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