i can't wait to see what goodies come in the bag!

and, word on the street is... our shirt is our bib number and our entry into the race. so everyone on race day will be wearing the same shirt. we'll be a sea of ... should be a pretty cool event. i'm excited, not gunna lie.

anyway, for those of you in the austin area, or traveling down to do the race... lemme know if you want to arrange a meet-up! before or after the event!

shoot me a note in the comments. happy friday everyone. (omg who's stoked for a fantastic weekend?!

umm.. that'd be ME!)

asher is by far, my favorite running partner ever.

i've been dodging a good 8 mile run for a few days now, and this morning, as i lolly-gagged around the house some MORE, i started telling myself i could put it off again. this afternoon. i'll definitely do it this afternoon.

well, i knew that wasn't true.

and so did he.

when i walked into the living room and we made eye contact.. i knew. he knew.
it was time to go running with my dog.

asher and i love the greenbelt. i've mentioned it on the blog before, but.. its true. each time we go, we get a little further in, explore a little more, but today...
he earned his keep.

i kept pushing us this morning to go a bit farther in. even when i didn't know the way i'd turn to him and cheer us on... come on asher, i wanna go for an hour straight! and he was more than game. but at one point i looked around and realized...

aw, shit! i don't know where i am!!

and asher knew... his master was lost.

i got a little freaked out... (the middle of the woods, completely turned around, with strange tents and empty sleeping bags popping up?! um, no. get me outta there FAST!)

i turned to him, asked him if he could take us back home and... that he did.

a few times i questioned his choice of which trail to take. he'd want me to go right.. and i'd feel like nah, man.. i think its this way instead...

but a few moments later we'd hit a bridge or the trail would dead end and i'd have to admit sorry buddy. you were right.

eventually i learned from him.. TRUST! just trust he knows the way. and before i knew it, we were back to the main drag and we both ran it on in from there.

its funny, the way we run down there... if we're blazing new trails, he wants me to take the lead. but once we turn to come back, or if we're headed down a way he's been before... he'd rather be in front, leading the way.

i know everyone probably says the same thing.. but we've got a special bond. there's no need to worry about him when he jets ahead, or when he lags behind... he knows me. and he doesn't like being too far away..

so we just run. usually in a single line, sometimes side by side, but always together, in one form or another.

he's my best running pal ever. and i wouldn't have it any other way!

but i think by saying this is a huge sigh of relief, you might all get the point.

today... at 9am... i interviewed for, nailed, and landed... A JOB!

a "real" job. in my field. doing design (flash animation to be specific) for a what looks to be pretty great company.

and. i. am. thrilled.

i'm thrilled and scared and nervous all at the same time. but mostly i'm just relieved.

i'm sure feelings of can i really do this? what if i fail and they hate me?! will come to rise as the start day nears, but right now..

relief.

sweet and pure relief.

for all the reasons you might think of why.

i needed this. and i knew when it had to... it would come. and i just can't tell you how glad i am!

glad, and oh so ready and in the mood for one helluva great run! tonight's 8 miles are just gunna fly by!!!

harden the f*ck up, bitches. and go get your OWN!

(also while your at it, go give blonde biker boy some comment love. he never.. as in EVER.. updates his blog, but he's doing IM Louisville this weekend so go cheer him on!)

(and yes. its like the livestrong band. but my wrists are TINY and it looks stupid around my elbow, so... ankle it is.

also i desperately need to shave. but just ignore that for now, yes!?)

for those of you worried about me and my lack-of-friendships down here in austin...

well...

let me just say...

ask, and apparently... you shall receive, because saturday night, y'all?!?! was too much fun.

a last minute call from a (cute) boy, to join him and his (cute) friends, to see a band he actually had never heard of, but that i LOVE!!?!!

um.. YES PLEASE! and gimme more.

first of all... i totally sort of have a thing for this guy. (shhh. don't tell.)
second of all he and his friends are hysterical. and attractive to boot.
third of all there was a lot of drinking involved.

and last but not least...

DAMN I'VE MISSED GOING OUT LIKE THAT!! its been entirely too long since i had some alcoholic beverages, danced with some cute boys, and walked down the street barefoot cuz my feet hurt, i'm drunk, and i just don't give a damn!

*sigh*

good times.

so i guess last week, i just spoke too soon. because as it turns out..

i guess i DO have some friends in this town.

who knew?!?!

i need some friggin FRIENDS up in here!

i still only really know a couple handfuls of people here in town, and... because of match.com... most of them are kinda random dudes.

and while that's fun and all...

i need some peeps to just hang OUT with. i mean come on!!! where you at!!?!

(yup. that's all i got. nothing more to say for now, thanks.)

i don't know when i'm going to finally listen to all the little bells and whistles and alarms going off all around me in the face of what i think to be a totally perfect guy.

whoa, wait a sec. what's that thing flapping in my face bugging the shit out of me?!!?... a RED FLAG!!?!

nah. no way.. that can't be it.

i mean, seriously. what is WRONG with me?!?!

more or less from the beginning with this one, i had my doubts.

he took my sarcasm literally, he got his feelings hurt when i made a joke, and he questioned my need to be so healthy all the time.

but i let it go. we're just getting to learn each other. it'll be fine. blaming our all too often arguments on the fact that we liked each other so much.

......... because THAT makes sense?!?!

what the feck?

but i thought he was THE ONE!

(or ok. i never thought he was THE one. but he was maybe.. one of the ones that was going to lead me to THE ONE. )

he was cute. and tall. and had curly hair.

he was a sweet guy (but maybe a little too sweet for me. turns out i really need a guy with a little spunk), and he made me laugh..

i always fall for the ones that make me laugh..

and he liked me. so why shouldn't i like him back?!

... turns out, anymore... that's just not enough for me.

i deserve more than that.

and while, yeah, it took me a while to finally realize that this time around.. the point is, i DO.

and hopefully next time, when that red flag starts waving.. i'll sit up, take notice, and trust my instincts for once!

not my first pick. or second.

third.

... fourth..

but.

its a job.

and while in the past i haven't, maybe necessarily, been the best at it (because honestly i've just never really cared.

that's bad, right?!

but the truth...)

i've decided its probably what i need for right now. right this VERY second.

so... what is it!!?!

its this...

.. except.. replace keri with me, the yellow dress with some khaki, the pie with some tacos, chips, salsa and 'rita or two, and..

well... you get the general idea.

.... you know, its funny down here.
since i moved, i can see a distinct change in the way that i am. or that i'm becoming. and getting this job today.. my reaction to it, the thought process leading up to it..

i can sort of see myself changing down here.

as most of you know.. i tend to worry a lot.

and analyze. over-think. obsess even.

i get all wrapped up in the what-ifs and the but's and the omg what am i gunna do!? what will i do.. what have i DONE!!?!?!

and its exhausting a bit. i mean.. it just plain tires me out.

but moving down here.. i made a conscious decision (one i never actually thought i'd try and follow thru with).. to just let go.

see what happens.

go out on a limb, try something new... hell, go BROKE for a while, and figure it all out.

and its... i dunno.

its sort of working.

i had a pretty good life in KC, don't get me wrong.

i had a job that paid me far and above what i should have been paid.. i had phenomenal friends who taught me things and showed me things that shaped me and who i am right now.. i laughed, a lot, and i trained and it was fun, ya know...

mostly.

but.. deep deep down.. it wasn't where i was supposed to be.
and i knew that.

so i moved.

i sold my furniture, i quit my job, i packed my car, grabbed my dog and said to hell with it.

lets go south!!!

... and i never had a reason why.

its all anyone's asked me since i got here. shit, its all anyone asked before i left.

"why texas? why now? ---- why leave?!"

.. and i never had a reason why.

"because i just know. and i WANT to." and for some people that wasn't enough. i don't think it ever will be. but for me..

it was. and it is.

but i still sort of secretly wondered... no shit, AJ. WHY!!?!

and i think, driving back from that ever-so-austin restaurant at the edge of town.. it finally hit me.

i have more to grow.

in kansas city i knew everything there was to know about who i am. i learned more than, i feel like, the average person does, training for my first big race. and then i went on.. i made life decisions, changed my nutrition, changed my body, changed my mind. i signed up to tri, and then again, and then again but longer this time...

and while yes, there were new things to know...

to a certain degree... i was who i was going to be.

there was nothing pushing me to change. evolve. question. struggle. i'd used and learned and soaked up everything there was available to me, and while it was a pretty okay kinda life...

i still have more to grow.

and something inside me knew that, and told me to come here.

come here and relax.
enjoy. LIVE. struggle. fight. question, doubt, hurt, laugh, cry, want, need, work, explore, learn, love...

grow.

so while yeah.. its a waitressing gig. and no, its not what i was looking for..

and nope. i'm not sure if it'll be enough to get me through. i have no idea where i'll go from here, or how, or when.

something about being here tells me...

its all gunna be okay. it will work itself out. i have faith in that.

and learning THAT, i do believe... is what i'm doing here.

... i love that she's still rockin' the sunglasses.

nice.

like this.....

so.

i woke up this morning at 4:30am so that i could accidentally arrive at the pool to swim with T3 a half hour earlier than i needed to.... i.e. 5:10am.

suck.

but then around 5:40am, everyone started to arrive, we quickly hit the pool and i was suddenly in the middle of training with about 20 other T3'ers, and i knew i was gunna hurt.

it was go-go-go from the beginning, and while i was relatively certain, at one point, while swimming 400 with paddles on, that my shoulders might disengage from the rest of my body and just float away...

i knew i was, by joining T3 and having the guts to show up to the equivalent of Masters Swim this morning... starting a new phase of my tri-life.

one where i work, push, train harder than i ever have before in my LIFE, all the while enjoying every damn minute of it.

i have to say i'm really looking forward to the next few months as i get into the groove of training with this club, hopefully making a few new friends (believe it or not, when i'm new... i'm quiet.

me? shy? quiet? mousey!?!

but it's true. i need to learn to speak up here soon.) and maybe even possibly dropping a few extra pounds and leaning up this ole body of mine!!

after the swim, though... i was wrecked. i haven't done 2700 yards, more or less straight through, since more or less my half iron... and while i didn't really feel bad while swimming.. as soon as i got out of the water and into my car it hit me.

i need sleep. N-O-W.

i went straight to the grocery store to pick up some sustenance, and then straight home... straight to bed.

and. had. the. weird.est. dream.

i wont go into details for you, because its completely absurd, but i will say that i was in China, and the KU Basketball team was playing for the US Olympics... and it was very very early in the morning... around 3 or 4am... and i was at a grocery store...

and the entire team walked in. in their warm-ups. and i was friends with all of them.

?!

we made some small talk, one of them called their girlfriends (apparently i will go into a bit of detail with you...) and the last thing i remember...

is that literally, the me in my dream...

walked down the back of the grocery aisle and yelled out to Darnell Jackson

"hey hey, hold on!!! i gotta go get me some lil debbies!!"

..... and then i woke up.

whuuuuuuut!?!?!

random.

.... i'm IN!!!

officially. i turned my paper work in today.

and then i spent more or less the next two hours wondering what in the HELL i was thinking?!!?

spin tonight kicked my ass to kingdom come and back and it was not enjoyable. for a good 15 minutes my cadence was at about 40 rpm while i had a little conversation with myself about whether or not i was going to actually puke, or if i just really really wanted to.

it was a toss up, really. so for the remaining 20 or so minutes of class, everytime the coach told us to "now shift into the big chain ring" i muttered something along the lines of "fuuuuuuck. you." and shifted one easier, spinning my damn legs off.

i don't think i've ever, in my LIFE, sweat as much as i did today.

i at least know i've never gotten off my bike to a dripping with sweat wet diaper pad in my shorts, but..

tonight was um.. yeah.

i felt as though i'd peed myself. so that was nice....

have i mentioned how much i'm looking forward to training with T3!!?!

WEEEE!!! this'll be fun.

...if it doesn't kill me first.

@)($#*$&# --- i am not a happy camper right now. dammit.

and i'm on my way to the pool so i have to make this snappy. ARGH. i don't do snappy! i do long and winded!!!

anyway..

basically the highlights are..

i met a boy.
i like him.
he came down for the weekend and we had a fantastic time.
so now i really like him.
he lives in dallas.
he's not a triathlete.
i have a race coming up in EIGHT. FOCKING. WEEKS.
i have little to very very little time right now to be wasting, "wasting", my weekends away while cuddling on the couch with some hot guy -- i need to be TRAINING.
but, shockingly enough, i'm willing to do that, which sort of says a lot about how i feel about this guy.

except this guy doesn't get that. he doesn't. get it. he's not a runner. he doesn't ride a bike. he doesn't train.. he's NOT a triathlete. and i don't think he understands.

so my interest in our relationship is being questioned because i "talk about little else" and have to "retool my schedule every time he wants to see me".

so how do i answer his question of "are you sure you have time in your life for me right now" when the answer is..

"of course!!! i just have to fit you in between my early morning ride, my afternoon swim, and my long runs!"

i mean....

UGH!

this would all be much easier if i didn't like him so damned much.

and DAMMIT. i just put my suit on but now i have to go pee. i HATE when i do that!

GAHHHhhhh.

i love the athletes. knowing how they've put their entire life.. mind body and spirit, into their sport. waking up everyday and making a decision to go again. go harder. faster. dig deeper...

for years. they do it for YEARS.

i love how motivating it is to watch these absolutely amazing athletes.

i love that phelps keeps holding on for a solid gold finish.

and i love that i'm so excited to get into the pool and get on my bike and get out for a run this week...

tomorrow's workout is gunna be goo-ood.

i had a really good weekend with a really great boy and everything was rainbows and butterflies and i woke up this morning just in a BAD. MOOD.

and i don't know why, but it sucks.

so there.

hmpf.