Six-month-old Niece Hospitalized

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It just keeps coming. Kendall, my niece, has RSV, and is on breathing treatments. The doctors think they'll be able to release her in 2 - 5 days - as soon as her breath stabilizes. RSV is very common among young children; however, it's not very common to be hospitalized. I am worried about her, but my sister reassured me this morning that she should be fine. My mother is attempting to coordinate the memorial service and funeral for my step-grandmother while taking care of my sister's son. Thankfully, other family members were able to step in to watch my sister's other two daughters (she has a total of four kids), while she and her husband stay at the hospital with Kendall.

I am having such major mood swings! I'll be happy and skipping along one moment, feeling like I can conquer the world, and then I'll be in tears, absolutely terrified that I won't be able to complete my race on Saturday. I haven't ran in almost a week. The cold has moved into my chest.

I keep telling myself that I can do it. Like Kim and Rae said, I'll adjust my fueling/hydrating to compensate for the hot temperatures and my cold. Like my running partner Paki said, I'll treat it as "just another run" and also as a way to heal from all this stress I'm feeling. I have to remove the pressure that I put on myself. Once again, I decided I could handle something, but didn't take into account, I don't know, just LIFE!

So then I think about how everything that's happening is just a part of life, and I think, "well, of course I can do the run on Saturday. It's all just life. The race is about living." I wanted to do this race as a physical expression of the emotional journey I've been through in the last year or so. Well, doing it under all this...LIFE...is par for the course!

Can you tell I'm panicking? I'm sure I'll be posting my fears every day until Friday, when we travel to Phoenix. This whole tapering thing threw my focus off, threw the "get this done" feeling off - it's not there anymore. That focus, that pressure, that "you WILL run 35 miles this week" is gone. Tapering screws with your head.

____
Update (about 5 minutes later)
So I'm reading other blogs, getting inspired again. Going for a run like this - 31 miles - is going to feel GOOD. I get to relax, focus on only feeling my body move. Be reminded of "the miracle you are" as "another ultra runner" Jeff posted to my blog once. (Jeff, if you are out there, I really like your comment, but you didn't have a blogger profile and I couldn't find out more about you. If you are reading this, thank you for your insight!) This race will be so nice - all I'll have to think about is the next five miles - the distance between the aid stations. I'll have support. I'll have water to toss over my head. I'll have the comraderie of other crazy ultra runners. I'll have plenty of food and water and Gatorade. I'll get to spend the entire day outside, listening to the birds, watching the sun move over the rocks and just appreciating being alive. OMG, that's it - it's not about whether or not I can finish the damn thing in 8 hours, it's about EXPERIENCING it - what a great adventure to be a part of!

10 Comments

DATE: 2:15 PM, January 31, 2006
I'm sending good thoughts to your niece and to you. I'm with you on the whole tapering process - it messes with your mind! Hang in there.


DATE: 7:24 PM, January 31, 2006
Such a great post. And yes, it is about the experience. Your writing is so inspiring - you've kind of made me want to consider ultras.I'm sending 'get well fast' vibes to your niece too.can't wait to read the race report =)

DATE: 7:44 PM, January 31, 2006
The only muscle you need to have going at 100% to complete an ultra is the heart. The rest of the body will follow. God will never give you more than you can handle.

DATE: 8:50 PM, January 31, 2006
It should read "God will never give you more than you (can't) handle.

DATE: 9:09 PM, January 31, 2006
Good luck! I too felt very emotional during taper-time- tapering is just as hard as the training in some ways- during training you just go run when you feel anxiety...! Good luck- you will rock. Jennifer

DATE: 9:34 PM, January 31, 2006
Sorry to hear about your niece. Everything will be fine come race day.


DATE: 10:01 AM, February 01, 2006
Sorry to hear about your niece. It's always upsetting when little children are sick, but your sister seems to handle it well.You'll be fine on the race. There's still time to get better. Just don't push the pace, and you'll be fine.

DATE: 10:25 AM, February 01, 2006
My daughter is Kendall too. You don't hear that name very often at all. I've only met 2 others...and one of those was a baby named after mine (she was moving away). I'll be thinking good thoughts for your little K.Although it's not as long of a distance...I went through the same thing when I tapered for my half marathon last Nov. Tapering does weird things to your mind. :) Know that what you are going through is NORMAL.You've trained so hard for this...and have come sooooo far...just go out and celebrate the day and the run and the process of getting there. You should be so proud of yourself!I know you are going to have a great day!

DATE: 5:46 PM, February 02, 2006
I hope your niece is already doing much better as I'm writing this. You can do this, you've done the training - now is the time to celebrate and enjoy every second! It will be over before you know it and you'll want to do it all over again. Savor every second!!! Drink often and don't try anything new!

I strictly recommend not to hold off until you earn enough money to order different goods! You should just get the home loans or just secured loan and feel free

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  • Yvonne: DATE: 7:24 PM, January 31, 2006 Such a great read more
  • Dirt Runner: DATE: 7:44 PM, January 31, 2006 The only muscle you read more
  • Dirt Runner: DATE: 8:50 PM, January 31, 2006 It should read "God read more
  • Jennifer: DATE: 9:09 PM, January 31, 2006 Good luck! I too read more
  • robtherunner: DATE: 9:34 PM, January 31, 2006 Sorry to hear about read more
  • Thomas: DATE: 10:01 AM, February 01, 2006 Sorry to hear read more
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  • Rae: DATE: 5:46 PM, February 02, 2006 I hope your niece read more

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This page contains a single entry by published on January 31, 2006 12:19 PM.

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