onepinkfuzzy

Let me give some background.

First, Ash has been staying at home with his daddy for the last two years. Johnny wanted to be a stay-at-home dad, so we took turns. I stayed at home the first year; Johnny took on full-time duties, coincidentally, on Feb. 23, 2004 - exactly two years (to the day!) prior to Ash's First Day of School. Surprisingly, I think I am taking it harder than Johnny - even though he is more affected than I am!

Second, a comment was made that my mom did the same thing, and I turned out fine. See, that's the problem. My mom did do the same thing; I did not turn out fine. I won't go into what happened, but I still deal with symptoms of PTSD. So, this whole experience has been a little frightening for me!

Okay, now on to the details. He woke up at 4:30 that morning, and was exhausted. No amount of cajoling could get him back into his bed. The day started with fit-throwing and loud screams. I chose to go into work late, so I could be present for his first day. Other than that, we did not make a big deal about it. After taking forever to get ready, we took him to school. Once we got there, he was uncharacteristically quiet. But he quickly ran out to the playground and hopped into a "police car." Johnny and I spent some time with the teacher, getting to know her a little better. We let Ash know that Daddy would be back to pick him up after lunch, and then we left. At that point in time, Ash was too involved with putting gas into his police car to want to kiss us good-bye!

I went to work and was biting my fingernails the whole morning. Everyone knew that this was a big day. I was a little teary-eyed throughout the morning, and kept reminding myself of why we chose this preschool - parents were encouraged to stop by all the time (and required to put in volunteer hours), we met and liked the staff and the way they treated and interacted with the children. I reminded myself that it would be good for Ash to get social interaction beyond his Dad and I. At 1:30, Johnny hadn't called me, and I was anxious to find out how it went. Johnny answered the phone quietly; Ash was asleep in his car seat! (He never sleeps during the day anymore.)

Johnny told me in hushed tones that after a difficult morning, Ash finally started crying for his mama and daddy at 11:45. His teacher picked him up to soothe him, and Ash just cried himself to sleep on her shoulder. (This from the child who kicks when you pick him up - even for love - and who hates to sleep. And who also has only twice in his life been so scared that he fell asleep to remove himself from the situation (both times on a rowboat - the motor really freaked him out.)) His teacher held him in her arms until Johnny came to pick him up at 1 p.m. Ash stayed asleep through the teacher and Johnny's discussion, Johnny putting him in his carseat and then driving home. Ash ended up sleeping all the way until 2:15. Wow.

Needless to say, I was heartbroken. He was so terrified, he cried himself to sleep in his teacher's arms. He refused to do storytime or circle time; apparently, he put his hands on his hips and said, "I don't want to do circle time. I don't want to do story time. Only my daddy reads me stories." He drew instead. He was also complaining that the kids on the playground were pushing him, although his teacher said she didn't see that happening.

When I got home, I chose to treat it as though it was just another day. I asked Ash the same question I always ask, "So what did you do today?" He told me, "Oh, I just went to school and played. We played on the playground. I pulled a gate into my head and it hurt, but it's all better now. The kids pushed me and I pulled a gate into my head, but I'm all better now." (He did pull a gate into his head; he's slightly bruised. But as he said, he's all better now :) )

After Ash went to bed, Johnny and I discussed the day. Johnny said that Ash told him - out of the blue; like me, Johnny was attempting to keep it cool - "I like my new school, Daddy. I got really sad because I missed you a lot, and I cried on my teacher's shoulder, and I was sad. I missed you," to which Johnny replied, "I missed you too. I was sad and I cried too." They hugged, and went back to playing.