Ebb and Flow
I'm ebbing right now, ebbing hard. I am fighting overwhelming emotions tooth and nail. My body is coiled tightly, ready to explode at the slightest touch. My stomach hurts, my head hurts.
I haven't been reading any blogs. I've been ignoring the general world, as much as possible, concentrating on making it through each day without simultaneously imploding and exploding all at once.
Surprisingly, I've managed to get out for two runs this week. One was a sunrise run with my "summer-morning" running partner, Paki, for about 2.5 easy miles. One was a by-myself sunset run at Sabino Canyon, focusing on feeling my body move, for about four miles. I have been so rigid, I needed to move. I stopped about 1.5 miles in to sit down on a rock in the middle of the creek, absorbing the water flowing, the wind breezing through my hair, the clouds floating in the sky.
I need patience to get through this, patience I don't have right now. I am too scared to be patient.
I decided last night that I need to be running. Above all else right now, I need to be running. Running is, as Nancy Toby would say, money in the bank. It's money in the bank of my self-esteem. Running reminds me that I am alive, that I can move, that I have choices. Running releases endorphins, giving me a desperately needed positive boost. Running reminds me that I am capable, confident. Running reminds me of how far I've come, emotionally and phsyically. Running is my meditation. I need to run.
Comments
DATE: 1:11 PM, March 30, 2006
Stop talking and get out there and run! ;-) Kidding. You've got it right. :)
Posted by: The Running Blogfather | April 2, 2006 01:07 PM
DATE: 1:30 PM, March 30, 2006
Put my signature on the last paragraph. Hold it tight. Breathe it in. I am thinking of you...
Posted by: olga | April 2, 2006 01:07 PM
DATE: 2:33 PM, March 30, 2006
And the nicest thing of all is that it's always there for you. Go running.
Posted by: Donald | April 2, 2006 01:07 PM
DATE: 2:40 PM, March 30, 2006
May whatever's causing all the internal turmoil be worked out soon and the good feelings flow as easily as your recent runs.
Posted by: Anne | April 2, 2006 01:07 PM
DATE: 3:06 PM, March 30, 2006
Keep the miles flowing Angie.
Posted by: backofpack | April 2, 2006 01:07 PM
DATE: 3:22 PM, March 30, 2006
Some people eat themselves into glazed-over comfort when they're feeling like you are. The fact that you are running through your problems shows that you know how to take care of yourself, and I'm sure that reflects on how well you cope with whatever is getting you down right now. Hope you push through it soon.
Posted by: Liv | April 2, 2006 01:07 PM
DATE: 4:34 PM, March 30, 2006
blogging a hug {{{{Angie}}}}Listen closely for the answers.
Posted by: Lora | April 2, 2006 01:07 PM
DATE: 7:01 PM, March 30, 2006
I feel you Angie (not literally Johnny). Well said post.
Posted by: Rob | April 2, 2006 01:07 PM
DATE: 8:01 PM, March 30, 2006
Well said. You put into words so nicely exactly what I am feeling. I pray that you will get thru and come out on the other side. as you said, life ebbs and flows. you'll be flowing again soon.
Posted by: jeanne | April 2, 2006 01:07 PM
DATE: 8:30 PM, March 30, 2006
glad you are able to run through whatever this trouble is.
Posted by: Elizabeth | April 2, 2006 01:07 PM
DATE: 12:15 AM, March 31, 2006
Running clears the head, loosens the heavy heart, repairs the soul. Hang in there!
Posted by: Jack | April 2, 2006 01:07 PM
DATE: 1:58 AM, March 31, 2006
i hope you are feeling much better soon and flowing once again. your honest words are always on the mark and inspirational.
Posted by: matt | April 2, 2006 01:07 PM
DATE: 5:49 AM, March 31, 2006
That was nice...thanks for sharing your innermost thoughts. Writing is also as therapeutic is running, so you are definitely taking positive steps to feeling better. You are awesome – don’t forget that ;)
Posted by: Paki | April 2, 2006 01:07 PM
DATE: 7:51 AM, March 31, 2006
your virtual hugs have helped me so much in the past few months, and I don't think I've told you that. now it's time for me to return the favor, so big (((hugs))) to you, angie.someone recently told me that whatever the trial was that I was going through, I needed to remember... it will not last. and that things happen for a reason. this too shall pass... hopefully swiftly in your case. :)
Posted by: mouse | April 2, 2006 01:07 PM
DATE: 8:29 AM, March 31, 2006
We all go through "unmotivated downer-time blues."I usually have to jolt myself out of these funks. What really helps me is to do something totally-reckless-and-un-BadBen-like (TRUBBL). My last TRUBBL act was to ride my commuter bike on a paved trail, at night, during a horrendous rain storm. (There was no lightning). I never felt so alive and invigorated. I treated myself to a nice hot bath afterward, and a cup of hot tea...(also very TRUBBL).It works for me, anyway. Virtual hugs and happy trails,Bad Ben
Posted by: Ben, aka BadBen | April 2, 2006 01:07 PM
DATE: 8:31 AM, March 31, 2006
Sending good thoughts your way and hoping that this passes soon. Run. It always helps the mood.
Posted by: DGC | April 2, 2006 01:07 PM
DATE: 9:16 AM, March 31, 2006
So sorry to hear about the pain... I understand how you feel about running... and am envious that you can still do it. Doctors still have me on rest... and it is driving me bananas... Reading posts like yours gives me hope though... Hang in there.
Posted by: Sarah Elaine | April 2, 2006 01:07 PM
DATE: 9:05 PM, March 31, 2006
I hope you're feeling better and less stressed soon! Keep running!
Posted by: Rae | April 2, 2006 01:07 PM
DATE: 11:15 PM, March 31, 2006
I hope you can get through whatever this is that going on. Hang in there and keep running.
Posted by: Darrell | April 2, 2006 01:07 PM
DATE: 8:09 PM, April 01, 2006
Having gone through a funk for November and December, all I can say is that you're completely right - sometimes you have to dig in and push. Easy times follow tough (and tough come back eventually), but it all comes out in the end.Hope things smooth out...
Posted by: Jank | April 2, 2006 01:07 PM
DATE: 2:25 AM, April 02, 2006
Running is a great reliever for many things, so keep at it whenever you need to, and hope it's all good now.
Posted by: psbowe | April 2, 2006 01:07 PM
I get the ebb...
I'm trying to move to the flowing part.
But your right. Running helps. Sounds like you're doing great on that front! Awesome job.
Posted by: Kim | April 2, 2006 10:32 PM