onepinkfuzzy

I ran today at lunch with Paki. It felt great. It was a good, therapeutic run. I got to talk about some of the emotional things going on in my life, while keeping my body moving - this is important for me, because PTSD causes me to immobilize when I get scared. In other words, I freeze. You've heard of fight or flight, right? Well, the more accurate phrase should be fight, flight or freeze - the three reactions every animal has to fear. So, when I deal with emotional stress, I want to freeze. Immobilize. Stop all movement. Abort, abort! So today, instead of stopping, I kept running. This drained me. My legs got shaky. I had to walk for parts to regain enough strength to keep running. But I kept running. Thank you, Paki, for listening. (Yes, she reads this blog. Even though she doesn't comment. Hint, hint. ;))

Ash did better this week at school. He is enjoying it more, and did not cry for us this week, although he does tell his teachers at lunchtime that he is sad and misses his daddy. His teachers are impressed with his grasp and expression of emotions. He tells them he is nervous, and that he bites his fingernails when he's nervous. He tells them when he is sad and why, or when he is scared and why (such as circle time - he says it scares him because he doesn't know it or understand it). I'm so proud of him! But he is also very strong-willed. He won't participate in certain activities, and I like how his teachers handle it: give him a choice. He chooses which thing to do (often opting for an activity the class is not doing, such as drawing during circle time). Ash told us that he doesn't listen to his teachers (no surprise there - he doesn't listen to us!). But he's also said that he has fun, too. I think he just needs to get used to it. Once he knows and understands what to expect, he'll love it.

I'm still getting used to it. I have difficulty letting him go, letting someone other than family watch him. I'm scared. But I just keep running.

Johnny is pretty sure he's going to do the Old Pueblo 50 mile racetomorrow. It's about an hour south of town. Ash and I are going to stay home. We'll have fun just chillin. Go to the playground. Relax. Maybe watch Shark Tales and bake cookies. Do art.