Hiking to Mt. Lemmon Lookout Tower
Woo hoo, I moved my body today!
I'm sure my doctor would be horrified to know that I hiked 1.2 miles with 300 vertical feet of elevation gain today. To me, that's nothing. Well, normally, not nothing, anyway. Today - whew! Today it was plenty. I thought we'd head out for about .5 to .8 of a mile round trip. I didn't quite expect to double that :)
It was beautiful. Windy, cool, sunny, trees. Ash hiked all by himself. He ran pretty much the whole way down, and whined the whole way back up. I told him the "I think I can" train story. He seemed to like that, so we chugged up the hill (it was a down-and-back), "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can." And he did!
My tummy did okay. I kept a hand on it most of the way down. Down was harder than up. I was shaky, and could tell I was at altitude. I've been off the pain pills for a few days now, so it was just the Ibuprofen, which does seem to help. I was exhausted at the finish. I pretty much dozed almost the whole way home. I'm still tired!
For the rest of the pictures (and some incredible views of the Santa Catalina Mountains here in Tucson where Johnny and I do most of our running), check out our photo album. (UPDATE: I just realized that many runs on my wish list are visible in the scenic, view shots, including Cathedral Peak, Mt. Wrightson, Tanque Verde Ridge and Agua Caliente.)
It's been exciting these last few days. I've eaten pizza, cheesy breadsticks, chinese food (tofu with broccoli, an eggroll and fried rice!), specially made just-for-me cinnamon chocolate scones (thank you Kiera!!!), and I had cheese on my Subway sandwich today for the first time in over 18 months. Cheese on my sandwich! Will wonders never cease. I still have IHOP (country griddle cakes, here I come!), Starbucks maple oat scone, someplace like Applebee's for a giant hamburger and fries and a shake!, cake - real cake!, Carl's Jr. and Arby's on the list.
Of course, this has brought on major guilt. Eating fat! When I was skinny before, I did it unhealthfully. I would starve myself, eating only a bagel and a half-bowl of cereal each day. Every now and then, I couldn't resist a buttermilk donut. About once a month, I'd binge on Taco Bell chilitos. Of course, my weight would creep back up. I did this starting at about 13 years old, by eating cereal for dinner. By the time I was fiften, I was down to a half-bagel and a half-bowl of cereal each day and 118 pounds. By the time I met Johnny at 17, I was at about 125. My weight gain started then and rose up to 215 pounds six years later. I lost 30 pounds one winter, but gained back a few, so that when I became pregnant with Ash, I was at 195. I got up to 235 pounds at nine months, and lost my pregancy weight in a week. I spent two years at a stable 195 before I was diagnosed with gallbladder disease. I lost 70 pounds in 18 months (50 in six months, an additional 15 the next six months, and five the last six months), to reach 130 this summer, pre-surgery.
I've never maintained a healthy weight in a healthy way in my life.
I'm scared.
I'm not sure how!
I thought it'd be easy to go back to my "regularly scheduled programming" of low-fat and fat-free foods. Really, this last week, I've craved lower-fat versions of food stuffs. My body prefers the "lighter" versions of food. It just feels better. But then I walk into the restaurant and realize I can actually choose WHATEVER I WANT from the menu, and so I do. Which, of course, after 18 months of absolutely no fat, means I choose the unhealthiest items. (That pizza I mentioned earlier? With extra cheese.)
So I have a new habit to learn. A new groove to forge. A new challenge. Ooo, I like that - a challenge. Can I do it? That's how I got myself to do my first ultra. I wasn't sure I could. Okay, I like this. Can I do it? Can Angie maintain a healthy weight in a healthy way for the first time in her life???
Comments
Angie, if you can set your sites on an ultra, then do all the hard work of preparing for it, while suffering with that icky gall bladder, then I believe you can do this. It IS hard. I'm not gonna lie - but you've got the will and determination. You can do it!
A couple of things - this whole weight thing, the struggle with eating healthy, the ups and downs is something most women I know deal with. Some guys too. Think half portions of the bad stuff. Remember you don't ever have to deny yourself again - and with that thought comes the idea that you don't have to eat it today, because you will have the chance again and again. Start thinking of food as fuel for those fabulous runs - put premium in. And last, one of these times, pick up Ash and run for a quarter mile or so - just to remind you how it would feel if you put that weight back on how hard running would become.
You can do this - I know you can. After all, you are an Ultra Runner. They can do anything!
Posted by: backofpack | July 16, 2006 05:33 PM
You can do it Angie! I was excited for you as I was reading that you got to eat all these foods that you haven't eaten lately. I think it is alright to enjoy them for the next couple of weeks then learn a new routine of healthy eating. We'll all be behind you.
Posted by: Rob | July 16, 2006 05:48 PM
Congrats on being able to get out and enjoy the day. What beautiful views - I'm jealous you have that so close to home.
You seem very motivated and dedicated, so I'm sure you'll work out the diet. Hope to see you on the trails some day!
Posted by: Marshall | July 16, 2006 06:02 PM
Beautiful pics, looks like you had a great time. I'm sure the novelty of eating what you couldn't will wear off, and a little more fat in the diet might give you more energy towards the end of longer runs. I have a feeling maintaining a healthy weight will be easier this time for you with all the good habits you've picked up.
So it was you that ate all the scones?
Posted by: Mike | July 16, 2006 06:33 PM
Take it easy Angie! Beautiful pictures. Ash sure is a cutie!
I think once you're back to running you'll naturally crave the good-for-you stuff. But its only natural that you now want to have what you couldn't before your surgery. I know you can do it!
Hey...I may be in Tucson in Oct to visit my parents. Maybe we can go on a trail run?
Posted by: Sarah | July 16, 2006 07:22 PM
Many things in life are in moderation. Just like running has to be scheduled, and monitored, there is still freedom in it. Think of food as the same - monitored, but with freedom. Something else, though - I'm sure you know that you're overeating issues of the past were likely due to some deeper emotional issue - a cause. Think of where you're at in life, and whether or not that cause is a factor anymore, and how to use all that to focus on healthy eating now. I hope all that made sense - lots of thoughts crammed into a few sentences.
Posted by: Ginger Breadman | July 16, 2006 07:54 PM
Angie, Happy to see that you are able to start hiking. I'm sure you're doctor means well when you tells you to rest, but it looks to me that you are very relaxed.
Thanks for sharing the pictures. So many people think that Arizona is all about cactus and rattle snakes. They don't often get to see the beautiful mountain views.
Take it easy and get heal quickly.
Posted by: Phil | July 16, 2006 08:44 PM
What a beautiful hike. I'm glad you were able to get out there and enjoy it. I love the picture of Johnny and Ash sitting on top with Johnny's hand on Ash's shoulder.
About the healthy eating. You can do it and you know you can. You will when you're ready. Besides you've got ultras to run, you'll be eating well in no time.
Posted by: darrell | July 16, 2006 08:52 PM
I have been up and down with my weight all my life - at least until I started running. My weight has been really stable the last 2 years. I only need to lose the last 10 pounds then I'll be perfect.
I think you will probably go through an adjustment period where you enjoy eating what you couldn't for so long, but once you get back into training mode you will find that your diet has to follow if you want to meet your ultra goals. Don't make it a problem until it is one. Of course we will all be here sending you reminders if you go overboard ;-)
Posted by: Jack | July 17, 2006 02:51 AM
Awesome pics...Tucson is sooo beautiful. How lucky Ash is to have the two of you as parents.
I agree with all above, you're probably just going to enjoy the "forbidden foods" for a bit and then you'll be back on track. Ultra Chicks can do anything they set their minds to!! Have fun!!
Posted by: Lora | July 17, 2006 02:58 AM
The pictures are so beautiful. What a fun day for you and ash. Be careful not to cut out too much fat.
(FYI - I weighed 225 when my daughter was born)
Posted by: Susan | July 17, 2006 04:02 AM
Ang,
Sounds like you are getting back into the swing of things. The hike looked beautiful and sounded like a great time.
What I do with eating is allow myself one day where I can eat what I want, guilt free. It helps me throughout the week to tell myself that if I still want that cake, and Taco Bell and....that it can wait until Saturday.
Posted by: jkrunning | July 17, 2006 06:36 AM
Great day on trails!
I struggle with same issues same years (well, I AM older, ya know, so longer:)). Easy part one for me - I don't go out. Ever (pretty much). For lots of different reasons, but at the end eating unhealthy at a food joint is eliminated. Do you really need that unless you travel? It is simpler to prepare healthy food at home. Another way - have those left out on your list as a reward system, but seriously think what the rewards are for (and old deeds don't count). Share a portion with Ash - he doesn't eat (probably) the whole meal. Agree with Michelle - set a goal for a time in an ultra or other race this time and stick it on the fridge. I have my training schedule and my old fat picture on the fridge door. As well as my picture of the goal "me" at 117 (awhile back, but it's possible!)
BTW, I gave trail a kiss for ya. Really, got on my knees and kissed a trail:)
Posted by: olga | July 17, 2006 08:02 AM
My mom told me - she has had trouble with weight herself - in highschool she was very strict with her eating - probably too strict and a little under weight so when she went to college she went crazy and gained the Freshman 40! She learned her lesson and over the last 5 years has been able to maintain a healthy weight. She basically eats anything she wants, but in small portions. So, she doesn't feel deprived but instead...satisfied....Balance is the key to everything in life....with your vegetables, you need your burgers and with your water, your need your beer...see balanced. :-)
Personally, I am dog, so if it is in front of my face, I eat it...no matter what it is....pizza, bugs, dirt, sod, bananas, ice cubes....
Posted by: Timber - The Trail Running Lab | July 17, 2006 08:26 AM
Yay Ash! What a cutie.
YES! Angie can maintain a healthy weight in a healthy way for the first time in her life! Don't be worry about cravings and choices right now, that's natural after not being able to have them for so long. After what you have accomplished so far, you can do anything.
Posted by: Jennifer | July 17, 2006 09:22 AM
Angie I KNOW you can do it!! And you will do it :)
Those pictures are great. What a beautiful place to run!
Posted by: Jessica | July 17, 2006 11:44 AM
Mmm I'm getting hungry =) I'm sure once you start running again weight won't be a issue...the great thing about training for an marathon/ultra is you can pretty much eat anything you want, wait maybe that's how I managed to gain weight while training for Boston =)
Great pictures and nice hats..I need to get my son one of those! He look's like a pro going down those steps - future trail runner in training...very cute! Did you watch Run Lola Run yet - great film huh?
Posted by: Ryan | July 17, 2006 12:21 PM
Below is a link on eating habits that I caught on ABC's "Good Morning America" last week that I thought made a lot of sense. It might provide you with some helpful insights as you begin life with your "new body". Thankfully, my answers were pretty much "b's" so I will continue to eat and run moderately as that seems to work best for me. I can hardly wait for us to run together again! Let me know your thoughts.
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Diet/story?id=2188475&page=1
Posted by: Paki | July 17, 2006 12:37 PM
Gurl, eat whacha like. Just make sure you run it off. Problem solved. :-)
Posted by: Rafael | July 17, 2006 07:13 PM
beautiful scenery! and Ash is such a cutie-pie!
i understand it can be scary to have a "free ticket" to eat anything now that your "very sick gallbrader" is gone. sometimes i wish ice cream would make me violently sick, so i wouldn't eat so much of it. but when we run enough (and i'm sure you do if you're running ultras) that gets burnt off and we tend to (most of the time) pick up foods that are good running fuel.
good luck on your journey! a lot of people are rooting for you, you know?
Posted by: Nattie | July 17, 2006 09:10 PM
Moderation, girl! It's okay to eat the yummy stuff, but in small portions.
Posted by: Denise "Firefly" | July 17, 2006 09:11 PM
This is awesome! I am so glad you were able to get out there and move.
And you know you can maintain a healthy weight. Okay, maybe you don't know it right this second, but you know what's important to you and it's hard to get that at 200 lbs.
I think everyone who once was overweight and now achieves athletically needs to come out about it. And the fear that comes with it.
I think if I skip one run I will be back at 235 lbs pronto.
Way to get out there and move, woman! Stay strong!
Posted by: Renee | July 18, 2006 03:27 AM
I am sure it was a great feeling to get out and walk. Plus you were at a great place.
I too have struggled with my weight. It was creeping up the last few years even though I was running. But after getting into States last December I changed my diet and lost 10 pounds in six months. O.K., not near the weight that you lost. But it was a good feeling. I started eating better. I was even eating six meals a day. Small portions mind you, but it seemed to work. Went from 25.2% body fat to 17.1%. ( I have the luxury of working in imaging and we have a Dexa scanner that measures very accuratly.) Good luck. I have no answers on this subject as I have failed many times over the years. I do know, that if you do keep the weight down, you will feel better both mentally and physically. What a gret feeling. What a great blog!!!! Heal and be well!!!
tom
Posted by: tom riley | July 18, 2006 07:31 AM
It's scary to think about the weight coming back. I lost 75 lbs over about 2 years--and changed my whole lifestyle. I'll post something about that soon.
When I was sidelined in Jan and Feb, I was terrified about gaining weight. I just went back to my WeightWatchers program--which is really just healthy eating and portion control.
Like everyone said, just in moderation--but I do understand where you are coming from with the weight gain thoughts.
Posted by: Kim | July 18, 2006 03:23 PM
Those pictures are gorgeous! Hope you are back to running those trails soon!
Posted by: Elizabeth | July 19, 2006 05:12 AM
I'm glad you're out and about. I hope you're back to running soon. Take care of yourself.
Catra
Posted by: catra | July 21, 2006 08:57 AM