Tired is better than sore
This morning, Johnnny asked me how I was feeling. When I said, "tired," he responded, "well, that's better than feeling sore!" That's for sure. Yay, I'm healing!
I've worked two eight-hour days in a row, and was feeling well enough tonight to put away laundry, do the dishes, make dinner and then do dinner dishes. But I am really really tired now. In a good way.
I decided to see how I'd feel if I ate my "gallbladder diet" way today. My stomach and mid-section felt much better than on the days where I crammed myself full of fatty foods. What a nice result! Yesterday, I checked Arby's off the list, in addition to the shake (mmm, jamocha shake...). It was quite delicious, but I was ready to eat more healthfully today. I'm glad I am feeling that desire to eat healthfully. I was starting to get scared that I wouldn't.
Thanks for all your guys' support on my last post. It really means a lot to me to hear that other people have the same difficulty, fears, desires...and success! I'm very much looking forward to running again; I know that will help. Ginger Breadman brought up a point regarding emotional issues tied to eating issues. Before I was diagnosed with gallbladder disease, I was addicted to fatty foods. Food was my comfort, my friend. French fries never told me I was worthless. Ice cream existed to remind me of pleasure. Cheese gave me security - it would always be there, always make me happy, always put a smile on my face. I got unconditional love from yummy, fatty foods. In the last 18 months, I've learned how to give myself unconditional love. I've learned that I am worthy and valid and valuable. I've learned that I have so many more resources to help me live my life that are healthy (like ultrarunning!). I can feel the old habits and coping mechanisims trying to come back. My brain wants to slide back into those old grooves. Now, I have to make a concsious choice to not reach for the block of cheese or the bowl of ice cream or the french fries or the pizza. There won't be an uncontrollable pain radiating throughout my torso to tell me I made the wrong choice. There will only be my knowledge that I chose to eat something that, if I eat too much, can hurt me in a much more subtle, long-term way. Hurt my arteries. Make my body larger and more difficult to manuever on the trails. Make me more susceptible to illness. This means I have to build a new groove in my brain, new habits. Reinforce the grooves I built during gallbladder disease. Reinforce the knowledge I gained - I learned that fatty food does not offer me unconditional love; it only offers me poison and death (eating a lot of it in the long-term).
It's like a pendulum - first, I overate fatty foods. Then, with gallbladder disease, I under-ate fatty foods. Now it's time for me to learn how to moderately eat fatty foods.
On a sort-of different note, since my surgery, I have not wanted to drink my normal coffee in the morning. I used to drink a 20 oz. half-caf with fat-free half-and-half and peppermint Torani syrup every morning. I've tried a couple of times, but the caffeine doesn't feel good, and it bloats my tummy. I'm finding that I can actually function in the morning withOUT caffeine, wow. I'm still drinking a diet at lunch each day, and that gives a nice boost for the afternoon. Who knew, surgery = breaking addiction to caffeine...very strange....
Comments
That "best friend" type of thing food is also comes as other bad habits. I use the same description explaining mine...but am trying to cope with it as well (or without). Thanks for continuing ispiring and putting your honest soul out there.
Posted by: olga | July 18, 2006 06:53 PM
Angie, I'm so glad you felt like healthy stuff today, and felt better when you ate it. You are on your way.
I've noticed that when I quit eating something, in this case, cheese and ice cream, I lose my desire for it. I've had very little of either since surgery. Strange, huh? Plus, before surgery I had two really strange, intense cravings - black olives and veggie bacon on sourdough bread. We are talking intense - like after a run, I'd get in the car and start talking about getting home to have olives. I was going through a half a can a day. Haven't had either craving since surgery. How weird is that?
Posted by: backofpack | July 18, 2006 07:36 PM
"20 oz. half-caf with fat-free half-and-half and peppermint Torani syrup"
W-O-W. and thought i knew everything about coffee... sure it tastes great!
Posted by: Nattie | July 18, 2006 09:03 PM
Great news on the caffine. I booted caffine out of my diet 4 years ago and haven't looked back. Started sleeping better to boot.
Your ultra-running experiences posted on your blog are fantastic. Your weight loss (dispite the reason) coupled with your past running experiences are going to combine to make you an even better ultra-runner.
Take it a bit easy and heal soon.
Posted by: Phil | July 18, 2006 09:16 PM
I am SO glad that you choosing to go healthy. You will NOT regret it!
Posted by: Denise "Firefly" | July 18, 2006 10:24 PM
Food cravings are strange, aren't they? I am gradually losing my cravings for things I shouldn't have. Good luck angie...glad you are feeling so much better.
Posted by: susie | July 19, 2006 02:51 AM
I'm impressed. I've never been a coffee drinker myself, but I love my diet coke in the morning.
Posted by: jkrunning | July 19, 2006 03:49 AM
LOL I used to work at Arby's, those jamocha shakes are good!
Glad you are figuring out how to live healthfully and not rely on food to feel good about yourself!
Posted by: Elizabeth | July 19, 2006 05:10 AM
Wow, you are stonger than me!!! I can't live without caffine.
I too have been eating healthier the last six months. Yes, States was a big motivator. But really I have continued since. I feel better. It is a good thing. Even though I can eat anything after having my GB surg. I am trying to stay on the healthy side of the fence. I commend your honesty and hard work. Good luck!
tom
Posted by: tom riley | July 19, 2006 07:31 AM
I am also struggling with weight issues, although I do not appear overweight. A challenge that I have is to reduce the quantity of my meals. Unfortunately, most restaurants seem to serve gigantic portion sizes. One of my friends stated that his strategy was to ask for a box before he began eating. He would pack half his gargantuan meal for later!
Sounds like a good idea.
Another challenge is to not eat the ultra/marathoner's diet when I am not running the same weekly mileage as during the peak training periods. Metabolic activities are such that the body still craves for those quantitied. :-)
Ah, but I still love food. :-)
Posted by: Quizman | July 19, 2006 09:28 AM
I have no doubts that you will be able to continue your healthy lifestyle!
I would have a hard time giving up my coffee!
Posted by: Sarah | July 19, 2006 09:43 AM
wow. breaking your caffeine addiction is awesome! I still have coffee here and there but kicked my 6 can a day soda addiction about 6 weeks ago. good job!
Posted by: Jessica | July 19, 2006 09:59 AM
Wow, if I could kick the caffeine habit, I would be rich!!
It can be hard to eat right sometimes. Just remember that if you have a day of fat, fat, fat...it's not the end of the world. Tomorrow is a new day!
Posted by: Brad | July 19, 2006 10:05 AM
i am so happy to hear that you are healing, feeling better about food, and kicking the morning coffee. i did that, too. it's contagious! keep feeling better :)
Posted by: matt | July 19, 2006 10:50 AM
Kicking the caffeine habit is comparable to finishing those 50ks. Hat's off!
Posted by: Anne | July 19, 2006 11:18 AM
You are awesome, I always look forward to reading your post!
Posted by: Timber - The Trail Running Lab | July 19, 2006 11:56 AM
What a great post. I'm glad my comments about emotional issues made sense to you - I've had my share of eating issues, and when I took care of the emotional ones I got a lot better. It's great that you are putting it all in perspective. You have some amazing qualities - they'll take you along way without any food habits needed to make you feel better.
Posted by: Ginger Breadman | July 19, 2006 03:14 PM
Angie, you know what they say about bad habits, right? They don’t die or go away, they just go to sleep. Awakening them is so easy to do. I think once you get back to running, you’ll be fine.
Posted by: Rafael | July 19, 2006 03:33 PM
Now that's an unorthodox way to kick the caffeine habit. Whaddayaknow!
I'm just catching up so - congrats on getting the surgery and I'm so glad it went well and that you're on the mend. Looks like you really did the right thing. Yay Angie!
Posted by: Liv | July 19, 2006 06:36 PM
While I haven't made any major adjustments, running has made me a better eater. Instead of a Chicken Parm Hero or burger and fries for lunch, my body craves salads...
Congrats to you on making the healthy choice!
Posted by: Josh | July 20, 2006 01:47 AM
I didnt get the chance to have the restricted diet. but looking forward to create some really wild artistic healthy dishes. make that my new obsession. I pretend that I'm an exquisite chef and make this tiny little masterpiece. very healthy and rewarding. Im only 3 days post op, so Im kinda stuck on jello.....and the couch.
Posted by: brenda | July 21, 2006 11:55 AM