Okay, haven't had much time to blog; I'm trying to catch up with y'all! I missed this week's C2U post with all the craziness. I know at least three of you are relying on those posts - thanks for letting me know! I'll be back after the holidays.
My company holiday party was fun last Tuesday and Ash's birthday party was a chaotic blast of fun on Saturday. I've just about finished all my Christmas baking, shopping and wrapping, and I've got lists and lists written in preparation for my vacation with Ash. We're leaving Thursday morning and will be back Christmas Eve, in time for Ash to have dinner with his dad's side of family. Christmas day, he and I will head up to my family's gathering in Mesa, and then it's back to work for me the next day.
I've gotten some running and some spinning classes in, although not nearly as much as I wanted. I'm not going stress about it during the holidays; I'll wait until after Christmas to hammer down.
Long-time readers of my blog are familiar with my past and my hard-won mental/emotional stability that I am currently enjoying. Like all people, I struggle with insecurity on a regular basis; normally I can manage my insecurities rather well. But with the stress of the holidays, I lost it last week. I totally fell back into old grooves of feeling like I needed to be different, need to be better, to be good enough to be loved by someone. I started worrying about the future, and what little words of fear dropped into a disagreement might mean in the long run. I really sort of turned things from a molehill into a mountain, thinking the world was ending. But with the support of friends, time spent journaling, a good session with my therapist, and the abiding affection of particular person who insists he wouldn't have me any other way than just myself - insecurities and all - I am feeling better. I am slowly pulling myself back into the present, focusing on the present moment, where I am right now, and not worrying about the significance of a raised eyebrow and what that might mean 6 months from now. It's still too easy for me to get sucked into overanalyzation and worry, but I'm working on it. I think my vacation with Ash will be good space and time for me to ground myself, pull myself back in and remind myself of what's most important in my life.
I forgot! Last night I went to a fanTAStic concert - KT Tunstall, Indigo Girls, Brandi Carlile and Ingrid Michaelson. It was amazing. Such great voices, beautiful songs. I totally fell in love with Ingrid Michaelson :)
Happy Holidays to everyone!
Look how far you've come Angie - you had a melt down and recovered quite rapidly! Way to go! You know, I don't think you'll ever lose the melt downs - none of us do - it's how you manage the aftermath that counts and it sounds like you are getting a handle on it. Have a great weekend!
I totally agree with the first commenter...we all have those meltdowns so please don't feel like you are alone in that! (((HUGS))) I wish you could stay one day longer and run with us on the 26th. Darn.
Hi,
Have a wonderfull christmas holidays, try to relax a bit... and don't worry about the C2U training, you sent us the schedule so we are good. we know what to do.
Read from you after the holidays, enjoy and have good runs, i am sure i will (together with my husband, i hope i can keep up!!!). Take care of yourself.
and nobody's alone with self-fears:) thankfully, we all have friends. we are here!
As one of those longtime readers, I congratulate you on getting through another rough patch. Looming vacations have a way of helping, don't they.
Angie .. this is a tough time of the year for most of us. You're a strong woman and will pull through.
Glad to hear the struggle was short lived and you made it through without too much damage. It's always great to have a strong support system. Sounds like you have one.
Glad that things are settling down. Enjoy the holidays! : )
You know, it sounds like everyone has those hang ups/self doubts/ meltdowns etc. (not me but all your other commenters....JUST KIDDING! I am the Queen of meltdowns...) The big thing I see is that you recognize and re-direct. BRAVO. The holidays just bring it out, I swear. Lot of stress and togetherness, blah blah blah. Hang in there!! We're all with ya!
Glad to her your vacation is going well. Take care of yourself!
PS...I LOVE KT Tunstall - she is the best!