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October 14, 2005
Panic
Nine days left until the big day. Just nine little days. This week has gone fantastically - I've put in my fastest training miles ever. My legs just want to GO when I head out to run. I'm finishing my runs tired, but not wiped out. I almost wish I could get out and run more, since it's felt so good lately. Last weekend, I was at a wedding where I told everyone I'd be running a marathon in two weeks. I was pumped. I was excited. I was Ready To Go.Yet today? Today I am panicking. Today I am wondering just what in the hell I have gotten myself into. I'm wondering what on earth ever made me think I could actually do this. I'm afraid that no one will come and watch. I'm afraid that I'll spend the whole course looking for my family on the sidelines, and I'll never see them. Mostly, I'm afraid that I'll hit 20 miles and be mentally exhausted and there will be no one around to tell me that it'll be OK, that I can do this, that I just need to get my ass in gear and run because there's only a freaking 10K and I can do a 10K in my sleep at this point.
I don't know what happened - maybe it's becuase it's a crappy cloudy day outside. Maybe it's because it's dark both when I get up in the morning and when I get home from work. Maybe it's because I've got about 400 other things that I'm sort of half stressed about (like, the fact that I'm moving two weeks after the marathon, for starters, and have to pack and move and I really really really hate moving and can't I just go to sleep and wake up in my new apartment and not have to actually do anything to get there), and this is just the icing on the cake.
Maybe it's because I haven't done any long runs in two weeks - I missed my long run last week due to the incredibly craptastic weather in Cleveland. I'm only doing 9 miles this weekend, and what if by next weekend I've forgotten how to run anything longer than that? What if no matter how carefully I eat, I still have a digestive rebellion on marathon day? What if it rains? Or snows? Or is 95 degrees outside? (The forecast is currently calling for a partly cloudy high if 58 with little to no wind, but you never know.)
I'm sure I'll be OK. I'm sure that, one way or another, I'll manage to haul my sorry ass from one end of the course to the other. I guess I'm just really, really tense about getting stuck out there alone in those last few lonely miles and having a total nervous breakdown because it HURTS and I'm TIRED and WHY AM I NOT DONE YET???
That won't happen, right? Right? In fact I will love every minute of this whole stupid thing and it'll be the best thing that ever happened to me.
Just, you know, humor me here.
Posted by Dawn at October 14, 2005 10:59 AM
Comments
You will do great! This whole nervousness/freak-out thing is par for the course I think. One tip I can give you: if you are worried about finding your family, pick very specific points on the course for them to stand and tell them which side to be on. Good luck! Can't wait to read your race report.
Posted by: Simba's Mom at October 14, 2005 12:04 PM
*twitch*
oh, i know this madness all too well. i feel for you, dawnie. ignore the random panic thoughs. focus on what you know is important, remember your training, and know that the work has been done. once you're on the taper, missing runs won't impact the outcome, so don't sweat the missed long run last weekend. you'll be fine!
Posted by: jeff at October 14, 2005 12:55 PM
You know I'll be there for ya, Dawn, whether I have a number on or not. :) You will be great! Have you read this month's Runner's World? Its full of all kinds of fun marathon goodness, go read it. You'll feel better. Trust me.
Posted by: Jon in Michigan at October 14, 2005 12:55 PM
You are going to do awesome ... take lots of deep breaths!
Posted by: ali at October 14, 2005 02:41 PM