I ran yesterday, but that's it for the week. It's been fairly warm here this past week, and when the outside temperatures get above 85 the air conditioning at work goes on the fritz. It's been above 80 inside, which is really miserable when you're wearing jeans and long sleeves. I start getting crampy towards the end of the day, which does not lend itself to running. I'm also usually tired and hungry ... I've tried having a small snack and drinking some water when I get home but then I just start feeling crappy. It's kind of weird - I feel awesome in the mornings, and like crap in the afternoon/evenings. I'm pretty sure it's related to work, because I don't feel as crappy at night on the weekends.
I was going to run this morning, but I just felt kind of weird. Nothing worrisome, just odd enough that I decided eating some more and not running would be a better idea. I am trying to not be too disappointed in myself for the little amount of exercise I've been doing. I'd wanted to be one of those women that runs 25-40 miles per week up until the very end. And I keep finding other RBF'ers that managed to run a lot more (and a lot faster, in some cases) when they were early pregnant, which makes me feel kind of bad. But none of those blogs I've found mention having had to drop below 20 mpw and needing Clomid to get pregnant so I guess I can't expect my pregnancy to mimic any of theirs.
I'm in kind of a weird place right now though, where it's hard to "enjoy" my pregnancy, despite wanting it for so long. Or maybe it's because of that. My mom was talking about coming up at the end of next month and she started talking about helping paint what will become the nursery and asking if I'd thought about decorating. Um, no? I'm only 8 weeks - I doubt the Engineer and I will do any decorating until maybe 6 or 7 months. But I'm having a hard time looking too far forward, afraid of getting my hopes too high. Having the ultrasound and seeing the heartbeat on Tuesday was very reassuring, but I'm still being/feeling cautious.
And that's kind of a weird thing for me. I'm always looking forward, and not enjoying the stage I'm in. Last year for example, I spent the spring looking forward to marathon training and trying to qualify for Boston. Then over the summer, I got bored of the marathon and started looking forward to conception and pregnancy. This past fall, winter and spring, I was looking forward to pregnancy (although there wasn't much to enjoy about the long, drawn-out conception process, so can't blame me there). But now ... you'd think I'd be looking forward to the baby and being a parent. But other than a dream here and there, I'm just in limbo land. Too nervous to enjoy where I am, and too nervous to look forward. And what's really stupid is I have no reason to be this way - nothing about my health/family history indicates I have reason to be worried.
